Metallica Removes Problematic Language From Master of Puppets

Amid rising calls for racial justice in the wake of the George Floyd death at the hands of police, terms like “master” have fallen out of favor due to their associations with slavery and feudalism. Consequently, industry leaders like GitHub and the Houston Association of Realtors are discontinuing use of these terms.

Seeking to break ground in this new era much as it did with speed metal and file sharing, heavy metal legend Metallica announced today that it will be re-issuing its third album, Master of Puppets, with the problematic language removed.

“We care about all Metallica fans, regardless of race, creed, color, sex, gender, ethnicity, religion, or shoe size,” said guitarist-vocalist James Hetfield. “In recognition of that Metallica will be changing the difficult name of our album, formerly Master of Puppets, to Manager of Equals, so that people know where we stand on this divisive and powerful issue.”

A DMN (Death Metal News Network) reporter witnessed workers removing copies of that Metallica album at her local Wal-mart, presumably to replace them later with a repress. According to inside sources within the Metallica camp, the band departed to Dreamvoid Studios on Friday morning with the intention of re-recording vocals containing the album title, corresponding song title, or other use of language that has fallen into disfavor.

The same source passed along a lyrical fragment, which DMN can verify is written in Hetfield’s customary handwriting, which updates this chorus from the album:

Master of Puppets I’m pulling your strings
Twisting your mind and smashing your dreams
Blinded by me, you can’t see a thing
Just call my name, ’cause I’ll hear you scream

The new lyrics will be:

Manager of Equals I’m cutting your hours
Shattering your 401(k) and burning your dreams
Caught in a meeting, you can’t do a thing
Just file your TPS reports so I hear you scream

According to longtime Metallica press relations manager Nigel Duncan, the new lyrics reflect “the changing social texture of an era in which we all belong to the system, and the system always wins.” He continued: “In the 1980s, you could drop out and go your own way. Now, we all need healthcare and retirement funds, so the only rebellion happens at the water cooler, and the band wanted the lyrics to reflect this new postmodern dystopia.”

The band plans to revisit other lyrics to look for instances of racism, sexism, privilege, and ableism. Sources familiar with the upcoming Metallica tour said that the band has removed its familiar references to moshing, partying, and being healthy from its dialogue with the crowd, focusing instead on social justice topics and hair dye.

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145 thoughts on “Metallica Removes Problematic Language From Master of Puppets

  1. Mark says:

    Well my Metallica catalog is going down the loo.

    1. Following Metallica after …And Justice For All. Or maybe it all started with “One,” or “Fade to Black.” Who knows.

      1. Cynical says:

        I’ll step up to defend “Fade to Black”, to an extent. Not the band’s finest moment, or even the finest on that album, but it was an honest attempt at a “Beyond the Realms of Death”-style epic. Notice how, unlike the band’s future ballads, there’s actual continuity between the various parts; it wasn’t until “Welcome Home (Sanitarium)” that we saw it degenerate into “now I’m calm NOW I’M ANGRY” nonsense.

        The real “oh shit, this band is going to fall apart some time soon, aren’t they?” song on Ride the Lightning is “Escape”. Holy fuck, that’s a turd.

        1. “Escape” was redone by Sepultura with “Inner Self.” Still a slightly boring trudge song, but it worked in its placement on the album. Between all that smashing, we need something chanty.

          I tend to agree on “Fade to Black,” but I see it as a feedback loop with the audience. The people listening may not have known what was going on, but they thought the idea of ballady songs was great. Especially when metal dudes brought their girlfriends in tight jeans.

          1. Thewaters says:

            Or boyfriends….

          2. Cynical says:

            I always considered “Inner Serf” (this was originally a typo, but I’m keeping it) to be an attempted tribute to the downstrummed Celtic Frost songs, particularly “Circle of the Tyrants” and “Dawn of Meggido”. It’s not terribly imaginative, but it’s got that same weird chromaticism that gives the Celtic Frost songs such a menacing feel; it’s very much a bridge to Obituary’s “Cause of Death”. “Escape” is built like a Motley Crue song, complete with pentatonic singalong chorus.

          3. Jr says:

            Sounds like forced censorship too me

          4. Curt Buehler says:

            So stupid

        2. Naivical says:

          Yes, “Escape” is awful, but “Sanitarium” is great. Sure, the chorus is tedious, but you can’t dismiss the beautiful development of the rest of the song.

    2. Nathaniel J. Palmieri says:

      Is this a fucking joke????

    3. Syd Sam says:

      Sad when a bunch of rebellious kick-ass metal heads morph into a bunch of corporate bootlickers. Bunch of phonies. Luckily I’ve known this for a long time. Idiots.

    4. Chris cox says:

      Metallica’s new name officially is PosertallicA. James Hetfield and company are scared to death of political incorrectness. It is clear to me and fellow former Metallica fans that lyrical context is no longer important in metallica’s music. Master of puppet’s is a song about heroin and cocaine addiction NOT America’s past misconstrued property ownership rights (man owns man) aka slavery. Manager of equals is beyond retarded!

      James Hetfield guitar/vocals/lyrics has officially lost his mind.

      Metallica’s true fans ARE going to Abaddon ship!

      I was going to create an account with blackened records and re-invest in master of puppet’s 3disc album on CD and buy more merchandise, but due to this event, I have permanently changed my mind.

      As of now Metallica will be forever known as PosertallicA and fall into obscurity.

      1. Reality says:

        You realize Hetfield is a crazed Trump supporter and this entire article is satire, right?

  2. maelstrrom says:

    That’s what happens when you don’t kill posers

    1. Jon Chavez says:

      What are you kidding me that’s fucking lame,

      1. HLM says:

        poser spotted

  3. Chad A Bell says:

    People can’t please everyone. In trying to please some people others are going to be pissed off. In using to please one sentence of society they are going to alienate the true fans.

  4. Alex says:

    Just great. There they go and sell out yet again! Stand your ground and keep the song as it is. I mean it just got votes as their best song of all time, and now they gonna go and change the lyrics just because some people got their little feelings hurt?? This is BS and I’m sooo done being a Metallica fan!!!

    1. Honey says:

      I mean, how is it not ABSOLUTELY OBVIOUS to you that this is satire. I’m 99% sure Metallica would appreciate y’all dumping your albums if you’re this fucking stupid.

    2. Mike says:

      This is a joke isn’t it? If not they are pussies. It has to be a joke. Obviously the master of this song is drugs.

    3. Adam says:

      Totally agree, stand for what the song is talking about and not crater. No integrity. Soon they will be kneeling saying how sorry they are for something they didn’t do. Bunch of crap

      1. Lmao it’s satire calm down

  5. Steve says:

    I will no longer listen to metallica..they went down hill when they released the black album,but this has gone too far

    1. Mike Jones says:

      This article is a joke moron

  6. Juan A Diaz says:

    Ha this is so funny, something the satire The Onion will write!

  7. Spaniard says:

    Mr. Stevens, you are a daft one. I see what you did here. Clever and well played. Kudos

  8. KC says:

    Shit I almost fell for it

  9. Humberto Covarrubias says:

    This is a joke right!

  10. Bob says:

    Stupidest shit i ever heard

    1. Christopher White says:

      I will never again steal any metalica music any more. Its not cool enough to steal. Lol

  11. Josh Ballenger says:

    Good job following the deep call metallica!! Way to let them step all over the 1st ammendment!! I will no longer select their music to listen on line! Will not support them anymore!!

    1. Tod Howard says:

      Do you know what satire means by any chance

  12. Rob Judy says:

    This is bullshit. What happened to the days of fighting against censorship??? If this story is true, that means my favorite band since 1982 is totally a fake band. How in the world does Metallica or any thrash/metal band bow dow to this nonsense??? Absolutely blows my mind. I really hope this is not true. If it us true, then Metallica will lose a life long fan….

  13. Nicholas Sheck says:

    No longer a fan..been a fan my whole life. I am 40. Fuck them. Wtf would you do that for? The lyric isnt even relevant to what is happening….ashholes

    1. Kayla Dixon says:

      This isnt true people

  14. JR says:

    Yeah great…and maybe Bodycount can have the song “Cop Killer” pulled from its album…

  15. Nowonmai says:

    If you haven’t figured out that this is an obvious joke, maybe rethink that career as a rocket scientist.

  16. cryogenik1 says:

    April 1st was back on April 1st yall.

  17. Trevor Wilson says:

    What about Body count and Cop Killer o that’s Right all cops are bad . SMH

  18. Mike says:

    Has to be a joke,just like present day metallica,they died with burton

    1. Christopher White says:

      Maybe we just eliminate the band screwdriver completely

  19. I personally think it’s dumb and embarrassing. Metal bands have always done things they want to their way. Music is freedom of expression. If you don’t like what rap music says, you don’t have to listen to it. Same as any other genre. Now metal bands can only use lyrics and subject matter only approved by the people. Bands have always made music they love. Going back through music history, Ray Charles and many other greats went against the grain and made the music they wanted regardless of what anybody thought. Are Rap bands going to change their lyrics and subject matter for all the people they talk down on. I think every band from every genre can make the music any way they want. Freedom of expression for all. If don’t like the music or lyrics don’t listen or buy the music.

  20. Steven says:

    Lol @ the fucking retards who believe this

    1. Kayla Dixon says:


    2. Sandra Short says:

      I couldn’t agree with you more!!!

  21. Billy says:

    Pretty sure this is satire

  22. FUCK THE NAZIS says:

    This is bullshit I’ve listened to metallica since killem all master of puppets is a song about drug addiction nothing else these NAZI BASTERDS have gone to far now fuck them al

  23. Jim says:

    Well these comments just reinforce the dumbass, humorless metalhead stereotype with gusto. Between people falling for it and the tired ” sellout” dogma, I’m glad I grew beyond adolescent scene loyalty and learned to just appreciate music. Sad.

    1. Doctor S. says:

      They ARE sellouts. NOT because their music got softer, but because over the last 15 years they became business moguls milking a logo and brand. They aren’t musicians anymore. So many James Hetfield fanboys think they know him and look up to him as a father figure, but have no idea that he has a whole secret face as being a freemason. Yes, Hetfield is one of them, like his best pal Sammy Hagar and others.

  24. CJay says:

    …Next up Skrewdriver will reissue “Voice of Britain” & “White Rider”

  25. donnie P barber says:

    If you feel that the lyrics are so awful then donate all of your past profits and future royalties from that album to something good instead of trying to sell a RIP off. I don’t think any BLM leadership have even listened to the entire album much less purchased any of you work. Own your work! Verbage is important but it is also illusive. When 1000,000 people hear them there is also that many interpretations. You have done incredible things but to do this is denying the gift you gave others. And they gave you love and money for it. If it were truly a racist rant I would understand but it to me is about an oppressor and that is anything or anyone! Why do you think your fans bought into it?

  26. Dickhead says:

    Get the fuck outa here !!!!! I didnt realize you were a bunch of sell out bitches. I assure you none of your real fans were offended. By changing the album name you officially suck. The older albums made Metallica rich and famous.
    By changing the album name your turning your back on who you really are.

  27. Paul says:

    More dumbasses are the ones thinking this is true..they are the real puppets…….

  28. Andrew Lee Clark says:

    I pray this is a joke. If not these sell outs will be ruining my favorite album of there’s.

  29. Honey says:

    WOW! Y’ALL THIS IS SATIRE. The author did a fabulous job of exposing white male fragility.

  30. Tyler B. says:

    I think it’s weird after all these years but honestly Master of Puppets is a song about drug addicition but it’s whatever.

  31. Kevin Moody says:

    This is juat rediculous its a song nothing racist about i really wish people would quit makeing thins about everything its not when is the last time you heard master of puppets and thought about slavery get the fuck outta here if matallica does this there a fucking joke n not worthy of listening to anymore

  32. Buttmunch says:

    I was wondering what fake news was.

  33. Disorderly says:

    Y’all are stupid as all hell if you think this is real lmaooo

  34. John Montgomery says:

    I have been a Metallica fan 30+ years, if this is true I just lost all respect for them.

  35. Alfred Kapotis says:

    I dont believe it at all. Master of puppet lyrics represent a cocaine habit where the drug is speaking to its user how is that associated with racism?
    Its not!

  36. Kavin Pauley says:

    Now things have went to fare if you keep bowing down to people that don’t have a live to be gained with and cry’s over any little thing they can what does that teach them nothing life is life deal with it and shut the hell up it’s not all rainbows and unicorns grow up Metallic I’ve loved you from the 80 been there from the start don’t let people make you do something because they got there feelings hurt this is the real world if they want to cry let them cry

  37. Down with whitey says:

    They should kill themselves for being white! It’s their fault for being white and white people should know better and rewrite the dictionary so as to avoid offending ANYONE, except for other white people of course. You may offend them, they are worthless.

  38. Sawyer Albert says:

    Don’t change it, who cares its not racist people are taking this way out of hand

  39. Douglas Turbo says:

    Author, author
    Author of satire I’m swinging at things
    Trying to hit and smashing nothing
    Blinded by bad takes i can’t see a thing
    Don’t know my name but you’ll hear me scream
    Laughter? Laughter?

  40. Jolene M Cota says:

    This is absolutely absurd, if was a musician and I had to change my lyrics on an album that has been out for 20 years… I would hands down say kiss my ass. This has gone way too far!!

  41. Garren Smith Music (BMI) says:

    This has to be a joke. I know James a d Lars. Not happening.

  42. G says:

    lol TPS reports

  43. Me Dammit says:

    Metallica has finally fucked themselves off with this stunt. If this is even in fact the truth and not a stupid joke. Since when did these entertainers and bands and actors and actresses all become politicians and political icons? Dick to the talent that you have because your political careers are weak. Too many drugs, way too many drugs. ALL LIVES MATTER!!!!

  44. William purcella says:

    Get fucking real. What a motherfuckin joke.
    I’m in a bad nightmare and can’t wake up..
    No Oneever thought this was a racist line and if they did they are fucking idiots.

    Maybe should change the title ONE to TWO so nobody feels left out.
    Fade to black cam now be fade to blue.
    Harvester of sorrow should be manufacturer of joy because harvester may be construed as a slave term.
    What the fuck is this world coming to

  45. PJB says:

    I am a Metallica legacy member. Absolutely sickened. Sell outs.

  46. :) says:

    Lmaooooo this is hilarious

  47. CURTIS DANIELS says:

    This is fuckingstupid…all these assholes running around vandalizing shit and getting offended over dumb shit…I would be embarrased and ashamed to be one of those buttfuckers..ever think that shit was fine the way it was? So now I guess I have to give up my black friends so I can be a racist fucking cracker? Fuckyou

  48. Frank Arminio says:

    Never stop listening to master of puppets.. I think that’s crazy they better not change the name.

  49. Dusty says:

    I always have thought they were fake sell outs. If this is true,it just proves my point. How weak do you have to be to change your lirics that have been out for 20+ years,when they have nothing to even do with racism? Ive lost what respect I did have for them.

  50. Amy Cat says:

    What kind of bullcrap wormhole did we enter in 2020? This has got to be a joke! The point of the song, at least for me has always been about feeling put down and repressed. Yes “master” invokes negative feelings, but that’s kinda the point. They aren’t saying “I’m your master!” They are just saying “I feel I have a master.” We’ve all been there at some point. I really hope this is a joke or at worst a cash grab. Come on boys, you’re better than this!

  51. Balas says:

    I just may throw all my Metallica stuff out. For real they are changing the song. Are they removing the word “master” from the dictionary and all written forms of it?

  52. JD88 says:

    So many comments thinking this is real lol. This is a joke article yall.

    Btw look up Master of puppets reactioon YouTube and look how many black people are reacting to the song and liking it.

  53. Jamie Goff says:

    Why , why. Why, such sensitive people even Metallica’s will is bent to their sensitivity

  54. Rick Lukesdatkil says:

    I like the new version betters. They should freshen up more of their songs. Kinda getting stale anyway the old way.

  55. Mike R says:

    This is just stupid. If Metallica is actually doing this then in my opinion you guys should just hang it up. Or become a pop band. Heavy metal does not back down for offending someone. No one i have ever known has considered any of your music to be racist. Don’t ruin your history . Please do not become lame’s like liberal america is .

  56. Edia says:

    As I was reading this I’m at a Metallica cover band named Blacked out of Chicago and they were playing Master of Puppets. Stupid reason to redo the song. As a disc jockey said on Liquid Metal Fuck Racism.

  57. Limpd69 says:

    I’m ashamed of Metallica for not standing up against the system and not standing up for the freedom of expression. Music is an art an expression and to change for the fear of offending people. Didn’t Metallica stand up against people downloading music why don’t they stand up for their own music and say hell no I’m not going to rewrite my song and put in some lame ass lyric that makes no sense at all.. they used to be the leaders of metal now they are followers of the system I will never listen or go to a Metallica concert anymore.

  58. Craig Jackson says:

    That’s just total bs!!!! Saw them at Joe Louis arena in 86 warming up for Ozzy but they blew him away!! Have been a die hard fan ever a way kinda get what they’re trying to do. But that’s just fking pathetic!!!!!!! Changing the CORE of what made them who they are to coddle and give into pc bullshit is just a total disgrace!!!! Have seen them like 13 times, never again!! Fucking sell outs!!!!

  59. Chris cox says:

    This is it,fellow Metallica fans. This band is officially terrified of political correctness! Master of puppet’s is officially ruined/destroyed/kaput….a dead album! Now I think we can all call Metallica legitimately MEselloutica. I was getting ready to create an account with their website to buy some merch, now I never will!

    This is band revisionist history at it’s very worst!

  60. Demented D says:

    “Involuntary workers, Hebrews born to serve…”

  61. Ray Jaginst DaMasheen says:

    This is a joke. Right?
    Metallica worried about being politically correct?
    Since when? God I hope not anyway… I’d hate to think they’d cowardly follow like sheep with a lame propaganda trend designed to keep racism alive and in the forefront.


    Why change something that isn’t broken, or is it now societies expectations, Just like corona control, maybe there’s more than meets the eye, leave it as is, seriously work lyrics suck.

  63. Chris says:

    Lol. It’s this the Onion? What a dumb story. The me lyrics are not even funny.
    I’m going to need you to come in on Sunday and fix that.

  64. Jacob visser says:

    Have ya all lost your flippin minds!
    Like really!

  65. Greasewitherpoon says:

    I almost fell for this, but the lyrics would make no sense and well everyone already owns the album. Changing it would be pointless in the long run.

  66. Ewelina says:


  67. Glenn Cunningham says:

    The comments on here are more funnier than the obvious satire post.
    Whoa some people are thick.

  68. Josh says:

    Hope this is a joke.

  69. Bwhahaaha says:

    Oh my God the idiots that think this is real!!!

  70. Robert Placencia says:

    Master of Puppets will always be Master of Puppets.

  71. Nathan Metric says:

    The fact that a bunch of people (me included) had some anxiety that this wasn’t fake news demonstrates precisely Brett’s point. Right now, we are expecting Metallica, Slayer, Anthrax, etc any minute now to make some public statement about their allegiance of black lives matter or something like that. That is how little hope we have in the famous and wealthy.

  72. Adam Bauman says:

    Hilarious! I love how many people are taking it seriously. They obviously dont know Metallica very well.

  73. Bill says:

    The song has nothing to do with race it is a song regarding the dangers of drug addiction

  74. Tom Roe says:

    I really thought this was a joke. Are you frickin kidding me! That song has nothing to do with race,Its about addiction to drugs. More than likely coke or crank. The drug or addiction is the MASTER in this song. No need to alter this song James. Metallica fans know what it’s about.
    Bad Ass song. Dont screw it up.
    By the way try playing the guitar in this song.Wow is that not hard trying to keep that speed.Almost impossible.

  75. Ken Mullen says:

    Your all stupid. OUR COUNTRY WAS BUILT ON A FEW SIMPLE MORALES.. WE CAN ALL HAVE GUNS IF WE CHOOSE AND WE ALL HAVE THE FREEDOM OF SPEECH… IF WE LET PEOPLE RULE US ON WHETHER OR NOT WE CAN SAY A PERSON IS “FAT” BECAUSE IT HURTS FEELINGS…THEN THIS COUNTRY IS GOING TO HELL IN A HAND BASKET.. METALLICA MADE A BAD ASS ALBUM NAMED “MASTER OF PUPPETS” SOME YEARS AGO. NOBODY HAD A PROBLEM WITH IT …. UNTIL THAT FAT FUCKER WHO WON HIS LITTLE LAWSUIT THAT MAKES US REFER TO HIM AS “challenged by desire to get off the couch and do something like ….move around” decided to take “offense” to an album title im sure was around years before his conception and got everyones panties in a bunch because they are soo fucking brainwashed they cant tell you a damn thing that makes any sense more then “there are no winners or losers we are all equal….. But Only If you live the way we say is the right way to live..and follow our rules” ……and the saddest damn thimg about it all is the majority has fallen right into their trap and agrees with it. ” AND JUSTICE FOR ALL BITCHES”

  76. Mike says:

    This is hilarious. The article is funny but the absolute rage from the people who actually believe this is priceless. Apparently I’ve been giving people too much credit. No wonder why there is so many scammers out there. Some people just believe anything. Thanks for the laughs.

  77. So… They’ll go up in arms over that Napster bullshit,when they think they’re losing money, but they will change their entire art form, if they think they’re gonna lose money? Fuckin pussies!!!

  78. Pussies¡!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  79. Chris says:

    Metallica just lost a fan of over 30 years.

  80. Kostas magkas says:

    Is this some kind of a joke….???
    I hope they are not going to tuin one of the best metal albums of all time

  81. Jim Scheall says:

    Metallica has ALWAYS been my favorite band, even during the “Band formerly known as Metallica ” years ( Load Reload)…The fans just voted Master of Puppets their best song and they go and ruin it. I’ll be a fan no more.

  82. Staygoldism says:

    Stupid article but the comments are gold. The sensitive fans ready to trash their collections in a heartbeat, lol.

  83. DblDeez2000 says:

    If anyone is ok with the change of Master of Puppets. To Manage of Equals is out of their mind. Master of Puppets is their greatest Album and Song. Cliff Burton is turning in he grace right now. It was tbe last Album he recorded with Metallica. People are to sensative and need ro relax and being to sensative. Grow up people and find something else to bitch about.

  84. Daniel Rodriguez says:

    Is this for real? I hope not. If so I’ve lost all respect for Metallica. They made their name by going against the grain and not caring about opinions of others. If they do this, total sell out. What a shame.

  85. Metalliraider says:

    I can’t believe there are fucking morons out there who actually think this is for real!! fucking retards!!

  86. Frank says:

    Hotta be fake news. I dont buy it. If u t is true, I wont buy it

  87. Tony Eyzaguirre says:

    It’s a joke people.

  88. Jimmy says:

    This would be too funny if it was real; I doubt Metallica would persue the rumors of being a combat 18 band like anthrax with seasoning the obese or licking with black metal sucks or whatever that song is titled. Either way creepy someone took the time to use Metallica in the vein of korrozia metalla. Or slayer in green room played at the far right skin head concert in the movie.


    This sucks, political correctnes sucks,media mass manipulation sucks,blm sucks,antifa sucks, if metallica do this, it sucks too.

  90. Lee Kemmerling says:

    Wow!..just Wow!
    I cant believe the world has been blindsided with all of these divisive things going on. ALL lines are erased to accommodate feelings. Zero individualism can occur now for fear of what may be construed as “offensive” Peoples minds go to alot of dark places and the way I grew up, you handled your own issues and learned how to deal and manage yourself and others and respect each other while doing it! Maybe my perception is different because I don’t operate with hate in my heart but my God people! Society didn’t coddle me and I’m not angry or hateful for anything or anyone. Just saying

  91. Felisha S says:

    This is rediculous! I’ve been a Metallica fan my whole life but this is too much why change what’s already done just change whatever new music you make . I love old metallica but if they change what I love I’m not
    listening to them any more .

  92. Rob says:

    This is hilarious!! “You’re caught in a meeting and can’t do a thing”? Lol

  93. Nuclear Whore says:

    “The crosses are too offensive! There should be space for all religions!”

  94. Nuclear Whore says:

    “And Metallica logo is too white, made with marble that represents the oppressive Western European civilization!”

  95. the left is the truth, says:

    This is literally not a real story and Brett should be killed for this

  96. bloodypulp says:

    m i n d

    b l o w n

  97. Jesus says:

    Somebody slap metallica. For changing song lyrics, please. This is pc over board.

  98. Doug says:


  99. metal4@darkworld says:

    This is obviously satire and not true. I’ve been a Metallica fan since 1983, well, except for Load, Re-Load, St. Anger, etc, but they have tried to go back to their roots recently and I can appreciate that. If anyone knows Metallica, they know then that the band does whatever the fuck they want to to and they don’t care if everyone likes it or not or if upsets people. They would never change the title of this song or its lyrics 1) from something that’s close to their hearts such as addiction and 2) never modify a song title or lyrics/subject matter to appease the general public. They are freaking millionaires, why would they need to? If you know Metallica, then you know this article is satire, a joke……

  100. That's Mr A. Hole to you! says:

    Some of the comments here are hilarious,
    Read the item in full and not just the headline.
    The album cover should also be a giveaway.
    At least some get it.
    Right. I’m off to a meeting I’ll probably never get out of. Even if they just cut my wage!

    1. Slashdot users used to joke that “and I actually read the article!”

      Social media encourages people to read headlines only, and since most news is the same corporate pablum and egalitarian propaganda, there’s not really a point reading farther in most articles.

      So now we are more informed, and simultaneously less informed, than every before in human history. Pwogweth!

  101. Tony Zueck says:

    The Master of puppets track on this album is about drug use…& the album cover with all of the white crosses is about all of the soldiers in the military in some shape or form..look at the song..Desposable Heroes..Awesome song indeed..if the crosses are too white for all of the wimpy ass Snowflakes..saying its dumb asses need to go get a life!!!!!!

  102. Tony Zueck says:

    The Master of puppets track on this album is about drug use…& the album cover with all of the white crosses is about all of the soldiers in the military in some shape or form..look at the song..Desposable Heroes..Awesome song indeed..if the crosses are too white for all of the wimpy ass Snowflakes..saying its dumb asses need to go get a life!!!!!!

  103. Doctor S. says:

    Not a chance :)
    Metallica fans are both extremely devoted and naive. Their faith is more precious to them than the gods they worship. Do not touch that sacred shrine, or we will burn the temple to the ground! The band, being the cynical two-faced cunts they are, are obviously aware of this, or else they would have remixed And Justice For All instead of slightly remastering it.

  104. Al-Shaytan-Al-Akbar says:

    Hmm, while being a non-WASP monkey-brain east slav, I actually immediately understood this is a joke. The album title and the new chorus lyrics are great!
    Still, a “manager” is something too hierarchical. Something more AGILE should be chosen. Like, “Scrum Master”? Nope, too racist. “Servant Leader”? Not, still a racist connotation. “Facilitator”!

    1. “Facilitator of Developers” sounds like something Obliveon would write…

  105. Doctor S. says:

    You think you know James Hetfield? Think again. James Hetfield is a freemason. This masonic publication proves it (page 7):

    This is really what he means when he talks about his “higher power” helping him battle alcoholism.

    Blue pill or red pill?

    1. pp. 6-7:

      Marin No. 191

      When most people think of our fraternity, they don’t make a connection to rock music. Starting later this year, however, the two will be synonymous in San Rafael. Marin Lodge No. 191 is donating a 1,900-square-foot commercial space in its downtown historic building to the Marin History Museum for a gallery that celebrates the history of rock and roll in the Bay Area. Marin Rocks will honor luminaries such as the Doobie Brothers, Sammy Hagar, Jefferson Airplane, Journey, and the Grateful Dead.

      “It’s sort of ironic that a Masonic lodge is helping to celebrate music that back in the 1960s represented a break with tradition and the ‘old guard,’” says Junior Deacon Stephen Williams. “It’s unusual, but it’s also a great way to let people learn more about who we are and what we do.”

      Junior Warden Patrick Banta read about plans for a Marin Rocks gallery last year, and the organizers’ difficulty finding a location. Marin Lodge offered theirs. And while the museum is leasing the space from the Hall Association, the lodge has made a pledge to the museum for an annual gift to cover the lease payments.“Our building has several storefronts on the main street of San Rafael,” Banta says. “We met with the hall of fame [organizers] and offered them one of the spaces for free. We’re also talking with them about using our auditorium for concerts. It’s good for the community, and it’s also good for the fraternity.”

      While the details are still being worked out (the museum’s opening date is scheduled for September 2009), Banta says that several major rock stars have already come by to check out the building.“

      In January, James Hetfield from Metallica came to our office and started asking questions about some of the [Masonic] symbols on the walls,” Banta recalls. “He then rolled up his sleeve to show me one of his tattoos. It was the all-seeing eye.”

      1. Doctor S. says:

        Many things make a lot sense now, don’t they?

        Ever wondered why James Hetfield wanted to take Ghost on tour? Surprise, surprise, Tobias Forge is also a “brother”!

  106. Joe says:

    I didn’t realize how stupid the average Metallica fan is.

  107. go listen to pearl jam says:

    you are all mask-wearing losers

    1. HLM says:

      very insightful and heartwarming comment, love it!

  108. Daniel Rowland says:

    Disappointed to see them fall in line with the easily offended sheep. Used to love this band but I have lost all respect for them. I hope this is some kind of joke.

  109. Jason says:

    Come on all you dumb shits this is a joke

  110. Bob says:

    Oh my fucking gay! Are you seriously going to do this Hatfield? Can you sell out any more then tgis? Your so full of shit let’s see who can sell more soul you or Alice Cooper. Everyone know master of puppets was never written with any of this in mind. Slavery bullshit. Well I hope you finally get what you Ok have always wanted.No one stealing any more of you’re now OH so fucking lame “cereal jingle ” music(?). You go DK with your good buddy Alice. You two would have enough cash to buy two shows to DJ. For a while at think that changing lyrics written how years ago will satisfy anyone right now? that’s not going to help shit. What a lame

  111. Solid Honky says:

    Clearly a joke but on some real shit, when does this kind of end? The Cleveland Indians and the Washington Redskins are changing their team names, the make up company L’oreal is removing products that contain the word “whitening”, like what the fuck is going on? I’m not racist but this is getting way outta hand. When did people get so soft and easily offended? If you don’t like something, don’t fuck with it. Quit being a bunch whiny pussies and to the CEO’s of these teams and companies, grab your balls, flip these douche bags the finger and tell them to eat a dick if they don’t like it.

  112. Altarboys of Madness says:

    Dear Metallica — you are dead to me. OMG I just saw this and I am PISSED.

    I just dug out my old CDs of Kill ‘Em All and MASTER of Puppets, I lay them out on the sidewalk and smashed em to bits with a hammer. Then I kicked the shards into the gutter, FUCK the environment on this one. I had an old vinyl of Ride the Lightening. just cracked it into 4 pieces, one for each of you pussies.

    You made great music for like 10 years, 5 albums, and then went hard rock in ’92 or whatever. I stood by the old albums.

    NOW, you are fucken crumbling under the pressure of teenagers?! Of hysterical looney tunes 25 year old boxed wine cat ladies?! It was YOU who sang “Independence limited, freeeedom of choice is words that they will bend”. Back then, you weren’t afraid to resist, but now you’re afraid of your wealth and comfortable celebrity lifestyle.


    What’s next? “Kill ’em All (with Kindness)”?
    “Kill ’em All but not Blacks?
    …And Social Justice for All?

    Then Slayer will do “Show A lot of Mercy”.


  113. ROCK N ROL says:


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