Sadistic Metal Reviews (July 14, 2023)

We live in an inauthentic era because we have no reference points in common except mass culture, therefore most of what we do consists of throwing a dozen aesthetics in a blender, coming up with a unique combination, and using it as the basis for our careers, health of the genre be damned.

Some call this postmodernism, but that was really about the idea that there was no longer a single perspective that defined objective reality, more of a need to capture things from all angles and see it into the sum total and how that worked out as an aesthetic.

After all, this is what we do as humans: we gather a bunch of data, try to find the “sweet spot,” and then within that framework look for what might make life less bleakly irrelevant and discoordinated for a few palliative moments of pleasure before the droning and crashing of the herd takes over again.

In this “psotmodern” time, very little makes sense… and even less is worth keeping around. “The sky is blue” will always be true, for some definitions of sky, is, and blue; however, that is a partial truth, and the full story is that the sky changes color but is not consistently green like most living grass.

Psotmodernists find a green sky and proclaim that it is grass, or that grass is undefinable so we should send the whales to Mars and wallow in pacifism and egodrama. They see some dead grass or spray-painted grass and conclude that grass is also sky, so nothing matters except love and, er… well… idk lol.


Brujeria – Esto Es Brujeria: sing-song chanting over basic grindcore and hardcore riffs with lots of rhythm work to try to build intensity, this band is doomed by its relationship to songs for children and advertising jingles, but at least keeps melodic coherence between the riffs and makes verse-chorus songs that hold together without too much pretense, even though this results in essentially boring Pantera-style aggressive vocals boring post-hardcore rock.

Smokeheads – All In: basically smarmy Coldplay/Oasis style lounge rock with a touch of the Barenaked Ladies on the expansive chorus, designed in the pop format with distortion on what the keyboards would normally play but now on guitars so they can claim to be “progressive metal” (drink Soylent and update your Pinephone here) despite being neither progressive nor metal.

Porta – Nigra Weltende: this band adopted the aesthetics from Blizzard Beast and Panzerfaust but then wrap them around the same chanty stuff that is driven by vocals and shifting almost formless riffs in the background which, despite deviations from verse chorus form, rarely gets far enough away or makes enough sense between its parts to come across as anything but an atmosphere of dysfunction.

Dehiscence – Colony: where some bands suffer from every instrumentalist doing their own thing, this band sounds like a late-1990s movie where a group of characters go through an experience together but are basically cardboard cut-outs to represent the many colors and flavors of Benetton so instead you get a chorus effect with each character displaying its quirk in unison, resulting in a bunch of storming noise with a clear narrative and agenda but no entertainment or artistic value.

Deaf Angel – Heartsick: this sounds like church music or country music sung over guitar noodling, most of which is modern metal style speed metal bluff riffs which are both formless and in their nu-metal inspired rhythm, so predictable they make an experienced listener want to tune in to the loose engine belt of the car next door, but the band put most of their effort into the vocals, making for what will be a great alt-country act when they get into the right genre.

James and the Cold Gun – James and the Cold Gun: the problem with alternative rock was that it dressed up 1980s radio rock as some kind of punk and hard rock aesthetic but in doing so calmed it down and made it more emo, adding a bit more riff-driven activity like 1970s AOR but not enough to remain interesting, and this hybrid of Nirvana, Stone Temple Pilots, and Soundgarden is easily listened to and professionally (i.e. books from the bookstop “songwriting for experts” section) written, but hard to care about because like most rock, it is repetitive and droning, but like alternative rock, it is a recombination of greater things that went before into a new fake anti-fake aesthetic.

Last Dying – Emptiness: one forgets how much bands like Gojira simply recycled black metal technique in alternative rock, but this band inspired by such acts sounds more like a late 1990s Burzum clone without vocals that adds in the soaring Kyuss style sonic sprawl as a basis for lead guitar, but ultimately it backs away from what makes metal into its own genre, which is the interplay of riffs as we see from Black Sabbath through Burzum.

Majesties – Vast Reaches Unclaimed: wow, people are fooled by this, proving the Dunning-Kruger Effect to not only be right but suggest that it should be the basis for future eugenics, maybe terminating everyone under 115 IQ points so humanity can finally move on, but this album is like Sacramentum and Unanimated for people who are still coloring in superheroes in newsprint comic books, basically melodic hard rock given a death metal aesthetic update without any of it sticking, creating aggro-Muzak for hairy defecations.

AcidBrain – The Lust Murders: did nu-metal take over deathgrind? well, they are near ancestors… so yes; here you get lots of bouncy Pantera-style verses that are right on the edge of Korn or the Deftones and include the rap-style version of chanty speed metal vocals, then some death metal riffs for the chorus, so basically this has more in common with Slipknot than Carcass and this makes me really glad that this sentence is about to end and I can delete this shit off my hard drive.

The Devil’s Trade – Vidèkek vannak idebenn: post-metal was just a lazy way of importing normal vocal-driven pentatonic-minor shifting pop into metal while maintaining some of the cachet of cool that comes with music that is actually outside the consumer chump bubble, throwing in heavy riffs like sitcoms show characters drinking Jack Daniels to demonstrate they are upset or making floral arrangements to demonstrate contentment, making this only slightly less manipulative than a Costco upsell coupon flyer.

Exiled Hope – Apocrypha: lots of effort went into the instrumentals here, but they serve as backdrop to the darkened lounge vocals, and mostly focus on old heavy metal tropes mixed with Disney music, resulting in a listening experience of constant distraction which never assembles into the type of clarity necessary for conflict to exist, instead just goes on and on with some kind of personal expression drama that is better confined to places where vanilla cucumber lattes are sold.

Cassetta – Swallow the Sun: metalcore is either NYDC doing nu-metal or emo doing melodic metal, and this comes to us from the former approach, which has potential to be good grindcore but instead goes for the vocal driven approach based around bouncy syncopated not cadenced rhythms, and as a result it is all “bounce bounce wait bounce” and has little listening durability for anyone but the congenitally moronic who will hear it in the echoes of their capaciously void souls.

Lords of Salem – Summoned Them From Their Graves: industrial vocals, both gritty and clean, over basic hard rock riffs played more like Helmet might have with internal rhythmic offsets, but ultimately, just a groove and two riffs that deliver vocals, making this both not terrible and not particularly interesting, much like how one can drive through California and think how entertaining it is that people pay to live there.

The Rite – The Astral Gloom: they probably pitch this as some kind of black metal but really it is doom metal from the heavy metal school with black metal vocals, somewhere between The Obsessed and Goatlord, maybe a nod to Necronomicon and older Gehenna, which is not bad but not different enough from the rest to seek out, and not varied enough from basic guitar practice to want to keep listening to, even if nothing is particularly egregious among its parts.

Punebre – Ang Nasa Dako Paroon: this has more in common with thrash (“crossover thrash” to Millennials) and might be compared to Ratos de Porao if mixed with something a bit more ominous like Technocracy era Corrosion of Conformity, using lots of good solid punk drumming and hybrid metal-punk riffs in short direct songs that focus on verse/chorus with a couple breaks and transitions but some efficient layering.

Voyager – Fearless In Love: this sounds like Coldplay and later REM decided to break up their expansive emotional rock with occasional Morgion and Gojira riffs but never quite made it stick together, so it sounds like a metal band trying to cover a normie rock track with some hipster on vocals, making for something that is about as progressive as the soundtrack to a Nickelodeon movie and about as metal as peaches singing “Tonight, Tonight” through a Boss HM-2.

Up For Corruption – “Hate”: this single mixes in some speed metal with its chunky alternative rock that has some metal aesthetics, but underneath you get the same old focus on singing relatively obvious melodies without much development, leading to utter boredom that even a bit of foot-tapping cannot quench, which seems an unfortunate use of the talents on display here.

Deadly Carnage – Endless Blue: we used to get really stoned and alternate between Godflesh and Enya, which is about what this sounds like, lots of normie singing with occasional guitar riffs between the folk-style strumming, but this will not save it because these are formless shoegaze riffs with no particular relation to each other, so you end up with atmosphere in search of a purpose while lost in a sea of its own egodrama, might be good for Sci-Fi or LMN soundtracks.

Mercenary – Soundtrack For The End Times: power metal sounds like all Millennial music, basically remixing the aesthetic of the past because pacifists who flatter each other in order to keep matriarchal-bureaucratic order cannot tolerate conflict, which means that you end up with very similar themes “clashing” through the use of technique despite the composition not catching up, at which point the alternating high-pitched squeaky male vocals and death vocals duke it out in this alternative rock and speed metal hybrid.

Sonic Tides – Six Sided Square – 6th: hipsters merged with nerds once it became clear that hipsters were sad losers who needed to play up their autistic ineptitude and maudlin victimhood in order to make themselves seem interesting, and they produced music that mixed alternative rock, emo hardcore, jazz fusion, big normie rock like Oasis, and bad 1960s protest music because they are all commies, and this wailing boring rock is no exception.

Nervosa – “Endless Ambition”: straight up wacky packages speed metal with a slightly dark transitional riff or two thrown in, this band plays on the chanting, foot-tapping side of speed metal that is gratifying perhaps to unstable homeless children but just seems tedious to the rest of us since it is about as musically interest as clapping while standing in front of one of those cool natural gas generators that you really should get for your suburban tract home during hurricane season.

AmongRuins – Land of the Black Sun: adding post-metal influences to bog standard melodic death metal does not make it more interesting, just makes it more adrift between the far-off storms of its influences, and this band has more in common with the late hardcore emo bands melded with alternative rock than it does with death metal, and the utter refusal to come up with anything less than symmetrical and standard pop progressions makes this an excruciating listen.

Mental Cruelty – Zwielicht: at least this band stays true to the Dimmu Borgir second album aesthetic, albeit with subtler keyboards, but it is the usual circus music, based around the vocals with guitars performing very similar riffs in the background in a verse-chorus format with a few “epic” interruptions that serve as aesthetic transition but add nothing to melodic development, resulting in a very complex static take on what should be continuous much like the approach of organized religion.

Spectral Wound – A Diabolic Thirst: if you crave the form of black metal, this band touches on every trope at least twice, but these songs really have no direction, being set up with oppositional riff pairs to get to a kind of culmination that includes both in a compromise like a committee might do, allowing them to keep kicking the aesthetic of 1998 down the road without getting controversial.

Laster – Andermans Mijne: supposedly avant-garde metal, this is merely modern metal that uses melody and groove, but in its defense, at least keeps rhythms in a metal sense of continuous, energetic forward motion although song development is so circular that it is hard to want to repeat listen to this hybrid of Gehenna, Supuration, and Voivod that uses all the right techniques at roughly the right time but basically integrates conscious, deliberate quirks into simple rock songs with mostly formless riffs.

Restless Spirit – Afterimage: who let the normies in? this is basically smarmy radio rock with a Bryan Adams style sentimentality that mixes in a few doom metal riffs and slowed punk dirges to try to give itself character, but really, the songs are based around the crooning, and that is not all that distinctive or interesting, so you end up with lots of fuss where aesthetic is used to conceal just how basic and familiar all of this alternative rock stuff is at heart, which means why bother listening.

Gridlink – Coronet Juniper: this band continues its solid front of riffs that work together and gesture at some meaning, but on this album, the material has been simplified, more punk-style open riffs have emerged, and the fascination with “post-metal” topics like space, whales, and Spongebob Squarepants make it seem like an album for Redditors and other people who want surface irony and — because they are NPCs, since hipsters are the worst bourgeois-bots and have no internal dialogue, personality, or attachment — an absolute blank slate within upon which they can project, which makes me want to nod at this one and move on from what is basically a technical war metal and metalcore hybrid.

Calico Jack – Isla de la Muerte: the type of people drawn to Reddit over the past decade have for the most part been people smart enough to be local Linux legends or experts in hipsterdom, but are essentially weak soulless normies clamoring for attention to their pasty and sweaty little nerd lives which are lived only as a substitute for having personality or purpose, and this Disney music with a few nu-metal riffs is great for nerd-hipsters who like sea shanties but pointless for anyone who is actually alive.

Vorst – Burn the Priest: the MBAs call it “blackened heavy metal” but really this is just a Venom/WASP hybrid that uses well-established riffs to make simple verse-chorus songs that allow an emphasis on vocals, which means that this goes nowhere as far as the transcendent or illuminating experience of art, but might keep you busy chanting along with the Hollywood Satanic rantings of the lyrics, although if you look too deeply you will simply fall asleep.

Deteriorot – The Rebirth: people like plodding death metal, something Deteriorot achieve with layered riffs balanced against each other but never really leading anywhere else, so you fall into the heavy cadence and get losts in the staggered variations, but then not much of anything happens, so you sort of wallow and then the song comes to an end, which is sad because this band has potential and this album is their best to date.

Lipoma – Odes to Suffering: some releases sound like guitar practice, and this album seems to consist of basic rushing deathgrind riffs paired up with meandering melodic expositions on four-note themes, but since these do not relate to each other in any sense other than iterative recombination, the effect is like listening to a really basic riff pattern interrupted by someone who just got told “no ‘Stairway'” lighting up a room with fingerwork on a simple melodic idea unrelated to the riffs.

Black Pestilence – Hail the Flesh: basic punk ‘n roll mixed with some aesthetics from black metal, this band makes really simple songs that emphasize catchy vocals but use riffs that hammer out themes that are old because they are obvious from the starting point of a whole interval after a half one, meaning that you are basically listening to a fourth-generation distillation of stuff that bored your grandparents but hey, shiny new aesthetic.

Mass Punishment – “God Less America”: lots of bouncy riffs, quick interruptions, and ranting vocals in the hardcore style over basic groove riffs with the elegance of Pantera meeting Slipknot, this band essentially snowballs everything that succeeded in commercial metal for the past twenty years and has made a more insipid version that does nothing wrong but does not do enough in an organized enough fashion to make for interesting listening.

Carnosus – Visions of Infinihility: basic melodic death metal mixed in with occasional deathcore but mostly just verse-chorus driven by chanted and whispered vocals, with fill riffs taking the place of potentially more interesting material that could expand on this, making us wonder why people like such boring music or if anyone is even paying attention instead of just throwing on something new-sounding while they browse TikTok and Wayfair.

Excarnated Entity – Mass Grave Horizon: if you wanted a slower, less organized, and more melodic version of Revenge, look no further, but the weakness of this band is that they start out with a riff they like, then invent placeholders until they can repeat it, and throw in variations and abrupt stops as a way to distract from this fundamental plodding nature, resulting in music that would be excellent to sleep to except that it has no spirit or organizing principle so is the musical equivalent of a car alarm while your neighbor defecates on the front lawn after eating too much Taco Bell and drinking Modelo Especial until he hit blackout drunk again for the fourth time this week.

Quiet Man – The Starving Lesson: ok so “sludge” is just basic doom metal riffs played with punk rhythms and post-metal vocals designed to distract from the fact that NOTHING HAPPENS IN EACH SONG but if you call it drone maybe the stupid kids will fail to notice and you can hype this crap into a career in sound production or maybe selling tshirts for a band that writes actually evocative riffs, but like all things from the postmodern era, it resonates with the echo of hollowness like drunk driving just to pass the time.

Fossilization – Leprous Daylight: we are the mimic men of the new world, those who come along now and try to recreate the past without knowing what motivated its actors or animated its spirit, trying to introduce shocking music into a world where everything is pure aesthetics emulating some ideal or recombination of them, and in this we get lawn-mowing dirge riffs mixed with fast charging attacks on stability that have undertones of melody, but nothing relates to each other enough to say anything, much less hold together.

Ceremony of Darkness – The Lesser Key: if you cannot stupefy yourself by drinking carpet cleaner and ramming your head into the wall, this band might do it, since they balance bouncing heavy metal riffs against teenpop levels of drama in melodic doom riffs for the convenience of clever vocals which restate the greatest hits of alternative rock and edgy goth industrial, trying to makeup-camouflage the complete lack of direction in this band like a mental patient lost in a museum of famous delusions.

The Way of Purity – The Order of The Deep Roots: decent noisy power pop with female vocals, this band manages to keep verse-chorus loops interesting with adroit turnarounds and melodic interrelation between the parts, but other than that it is like most pop, you turn the tap and something pours out which uses the same half-dozen color notes around a triad and then riffs on that, which is fun for awhile but the mind tends to wander like Joe Biden in a Walmart full of anime girls.

Crown Solace – Animus: power metal with modern metal breaks under a falsetto vocal, this music is bog standard down to the vocal melodies, so you end up with something people listen to for its freaky characteristics not its substance, making me think even more than the low-T trace admixture participation award generations have no basis for understanding metal and probably are too ruined to make it in any meaningful form, only aping the past with more narcissism and ironism injected.

Exmortus – Necrophony: this album really does not belong on a death metal site because it is essentially Fates Warning styled melodic heavy metal with a focus on lead riffing mixed with some galloping speed metal riffs that would do Dissection and Exodus proud, nothing really you have not heard before but executed with an ear for musicality and interest despite being B-level, which makes it good for pleasant background listening but not really focal and, other than the vocals, 100% unrelated to death metal.

My Lament – The Season Came Undone: if you want 1980s goth/industrial back but with hard rock guitars in the background, this band at least stays true to aesthetic and develops songs, so it probably has some potential despite really not being relevant to metal listeners despite having metal aesthetics filtering in, and on the plus side adds to 1980s gothic some of the raging sound that it needed for its aggressive melancholy to be taken seriously, but really this is hard rock plus EBM with gothic vocals.

Pacrona – Sun God: Nordic bands have been exploring this style recently which takes modern metal back from the bounce and vocal-driven chant-heavy rhythms and instead focuses on the basics of guitar melody in riff, with vocals taking more of an industrial role in the background, leading to some interesting patterns; there is too much heavy metal revivalism here and not enough cohesion, but this is more interesting than all but one percent of the review queue.

Dying Fetus – Make Them Beg For Death: the secret to this music is the predominance of horse-riding rhythms, like a horse at a mellow trot going through a pasture as its rider sways from side to side as the whiskey filters through his liver, then a squirrel runs out and the horse panics and suddenly drunk guy is holding on for dear life but — check this — he is still in the pasture, so the horse slows down and the whole thing repeats in this deathcore band with ultra-simplistic riffs and tek-def lead rhythm guitar touches; this is not death metal, but a parody of it designed for people to be able to listen to nu-metal without admitting that this is what they are doing, despite all the Suffocation riff lifts.


29I have told you now before it happens, so that when it does happen you will believe.
30I will not say much more to you, for the prince of this world is coming. He has no hold over me, 31 but he comes so that the world may learn that I love the Father and do exactly what my Father has commanded me.
John 14:29-31

The bourgeois mentality has always been solipsistic. The goal is to stop thinking about anything you do not want to think about, like the dark sides of life, and instead to suppress them with happy thoughts about how everything will turn out fine because we have “solutions.”

This leads to a predomination of clutter because of things undone because they involve dark thoughts as well as illusions pursued, one after another in a kaleidoscopic merry-go-round, to distract the self from the dark sense of emptiness and irrelevance caused by denial of life.

We have filled our lives with garbage and the irrelevant in order to fill the void of the irrelevant, when really the time-honored solutions — culture, myths, legends, demons, natural order, sprites, kings, spirits, wraiths, honor, pride, heritage, and tribalism — provide the meaning we need.

In our scientific search for objective truth, we found that not only was it not very clear, but it might not exist. Like esoteric entangled particles, we attract that which is relevant to us, and it varies with the individual. Some are born to be kings, some to be slaves, especially wage-slaves with iPhones.

Now we are drowning in a sea of objects that as Marie Kondo might put it, do not “spark joy.” They are obligations to others, obligations to illusions, obligations to precedent, and most of all, time-fillers to keep us from seeing the vast emptiness expanding toward us from below.

This leads to certain neurotic modern habits like Swedish Death Cleaning, which is not as much fun as Swedish death metal:

Swedish death cleaning is a well-known concept in Swedish and Scandinavian culture, where you work on eliminating unnecessary items from your home, so loved ones won’t be burdened with the task after you pass.

The thorough organizing method involves editing everything from furniture and clothing to the ever-growing piles of documents that’s been difficult to control over time.

However, death like night is required for life like day, because with the compression of our time into a finite state, we are forced to choose between one thing or another. A person with infinite life might be found dozing at the center of a dusty mound of gadgets, books, toys, papers, and empty tins of Spam.

Sometimes, one wants to take the Kondo-Döstädning approach to the record collection. Toss out the mediocre, leave the good, and learn from that. Even more: exist in a state of beauty, even if the glimmering moments of possibility and power are fading into the darkness.

Even more, one wonders what life would be like if we pursued the best life as Plato encourages, and by doing so, dropped everything which was not relevant to the process of adapting, maturing, thriving, and discovering the universe through the intuition within ourselves?

When I look at the record collection, some things stand out. Early Slayer, Massacra, and Sepultura will always bring a resonant sound of clarity and potential to whatever space surrounds me, just like Ildjarn is perfect for rainy days and Suffocation for long road trips.

How well does the review queue stack up? One does not ask that it replicates these things, or even that it is as eternal as they are, only that it takes the same approach: discovering life through exploration of spirit, as all good art does, uniting reality and soul by linking creativity and analysis.

Most music veers off into psotmodernism instead. This is music about being in a band, or being of a genre, or even just being cool at the local hipster pub so that when you swill a nine-dollar IPA, you can be sure that people know you as the NPC with the cool band, not just any NPC.

Metal inspires people because it lets us take all the dark of the world and sculpt it into something that could be if not Light and Utopia, at the very least natural and real, therefore empowering, and therefore full of potential.

A brief moment should be observed for Hoek’s Death Metal Pizza:

Under the same name, the food truck opened within the food trailer park at 1606 East 6th Street earlier this month.

Presumably, the same menu of simple pizza slices and pies will be available — cheese, pepperoni, or a combination of the two — as well as the same fondness for metal music. When the brick-and-mortar existed, the food truck had been used for events.

We live, breathe, and even eat by metal music. Some die by it. I know all you Republicans and the antiwar hippies will not like this one, but it is interesting, so we should check out the Volodymyr Zelenskyy Death2Russia playlist:

Asked what music he favors, Zelensky said: “I like AC/DC and Ukrainian music. Of course, I like Ukrainian music a lot because Ukrainian, that’s native language. That’s why you understand not only music, you understand words and etc.”

The 45-year-old former comedian-turned-president sheepishly admitted that while he did not “understand all the words” in AC/DC’s songs, he liked “the energy” in the Australian rock band’s hits.

Even native speakers have trouble figuring out what either of the AC/DC vocalists were singing. Perhaps it is good music for escapism in between drone attacks, minefield injuries, cluster munition fireworks, and artillery barrages.

Music draws us to it, which in an esoteric sense everything in life does, but this takes on a new dimension when we consider the power of choosing what music to put on, instead of letting the MP3 player cycle to the next album:

Under the great algorithm in the sky, our choices are shaped and directed by artificial intelligence and mathematical calculation. This is particularly true with music today, as platforms, playlists and channels push derivations of each other, as if part of a single musical family tree. That’s in stark contrast to the more human ‘90s approach that did not have these tools.

My collection provides a tangible and tactile reminder of this more analog time — even in a digital format — when purchases were driven more from word-of-mouth, life experiences, cover art and sometimes simply throwing a dart and seeing where it landed. The result was music I pulled toward me, not that was pushed on me. With the pull comes a closer connection and greater meaning, enriching a listening session with more soul than the algorithm can ever provide.

Fungible music fills our players now. We never listen deeply because the flood is too much, so instead we pick up on surface traits and listen with half an ear as we work, work out, watch television, troll and shitpost social media, shop, flirt, and bury our dead.

In other news, the National Library of Norway has a black metal exhibit designed to try yet again to figure out what it all meant:

Norwegian black metal explores the dark side of human beings and nature, and is thoroughly uncomfortable. If you dare to approach the discomfort, it may have something to offer each and every one of us.

Today, the unique sound of Norwegian black metal is famous all over the world. From its humble beginnings in childhood bedrooms all over rural towns of Norway, as a voice of opposition to safety and establishment, black metal has grown into a worldwide, close-knit counterculture.

Black metal embraced the darkness instead of trying to manage it, deny it, or destroy it. It embraced the beast in humankind, the link between love and murder, and the need for natural selection to thin the herd. It is everything society feared, so they turned it into a product with post-metal.

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80 thoughts on “Sadistic Metal Reviews (July 14, 2023)”

  1. Fecalization says:

    Good news is I’ve never heard of any of them except Dying Fetus.

    1. That was part of the beginning of the end. Mortician, Cannibal Corpse, Dying Fetus, Dimmu Borgir. The march of the morons.

    2. The Sick Must Die says:

      The point is to write about how shite they are now before all the tools buy them

  2. Gnarly says:

    “Bad Vibes”?

    That logo looks like it’s from a black metal joke band that has intentionally picked the least threatening “mean” name they could think of.

    Pretty funny, I admit.

    1. Rex Heuermann says:

      Just listen to these bands. They are all goofy comedic kiddie music for soy-slurping goytards.

      1. Gnarly says:

        You lost me somewhere in the alt-right lingo, but I’m sure you’re correct.

        1. Cronjob says:

          At least he didn’t call them peasants.

          1. real hot takes says:

            not in so many words

            1. Fagetti says:

              NPCs are slaves by nature. It’s biology. They can’t help that they have shit DNA.

              1. Under about 125 IQ points, people just want normal lives: okay-ish jobs, decent marriages, some friends, hobbies, maybe kids, and a few treats now and then like some watery beer or soy cheeseburgers. These are the people who drank Bud Light and thought it was great until the bad transgender man scared them off. They usually suffer through low quality in everything but rationalize it and are generally oblivious (i.e. short and localized attention span) anyway so they do not really notice, even if progressive metal fans would find it intolerable.

              2. Will to cower says:

                And here you are at their mercy

                1. Leap Into Life says:

                  We call that “democracy.”

                  1. Creep into strife says:

                    I call it feeling sorry for yourself

          2. Ted Bundy Had a Bunny says:

            But he wouldn’t be wrong to do so…

  3. Cosmic Prolapse says:

    Death metal already “embraced darkness” before black metal(TM) became a thing. What really separated the two is that there was a need for more atmosphere and melody in the already established death metal framework.

    1. Rex Heuermann says:

      Death metal still warned us off of the decay coming. Black metal accepted that it was here.

      1. Fistful of Ass says:

        There is and was no “decay coming” – it’s an overly melodramatic (typical of this site) description of what is ultimately just fucking rock music.

        Everything always sucked since the beginning of time – there are no “good old days” – you life and you die, and that’s it. Death and black metal were merely part of the evolution of music, like with Black Sabbath the heavy guitar was invented because it had to be regardless of life conditions.

        1. Questionable Presence says:

          Even to someone who believes that “everything always sucked,” there’s still better and worse. Decay is a real thing. So is getting your shit together.

          1. actual metalhead says:

            man you’re so like wise and perceptive keep it up

            1. Ted Bundy Had a Bunny says:

              Did you just come from Reddit or something? Life is real out there, and what you are preaching here are just lame defenses of your own inactivity. Man up, toss the Apple watch, quit watching anime, lift some weights, touch grass, and get your head real.

              1. The “everything was always shit” people are like the Christians who tell us that this is a fallen world and therefore Satan always wins. They just want an excuse not to exert themselves.

              2. Jordan Pederasten says:

                And don’t forget to wash your penis.

                1. Only Cheese Is True says:

                  No, I need my symbiotic relationship with the yeast, motherfucker.

              3. Stranger says:

                Shut up you fucking moron

        2. How sad life must be for you! There are never any achievements, never any high points. Everyone and everything has always been mediocre. Nothing ever came from thinking differently and striving, or at least that is the story you tell yourself as you sit on yet another barstool with a watery hipster IPA in a life where everything is mediocre and nothing is inspired.

          1. wicked cool says:

            this is what you tell yourself about other people

        3. Deadbeat Gen X Slacker says:

          I remember when the grass was greener, sky was bluer and the PLAGUE was BLACKER. Just trust me, MAAAAN!

          1. Things were never better or worse. Everything is always the same.

            1. 8+ billion corpses says:

              Its just that now there is more of it.

              1. That is one way to view it. The problems have never changed, only the percentage of what we encounter that is ruined.

        4. This Guy says:

          Yeah, man, it’s like, y’know, whatever.

          1. What do you think of love?
            “I don’t know – I love sodomy.”

      2. Death metal like punk warned us of the hollowness of everything (apologies to TS Elliott). Black metal was postmodern, rejected the idea that most people could be saved, and accepted that only a few real humans remain in a sea of NPCs.

        1. J says:

          Can you give an example how black metal did that? Is it in a lyric?

          1. Ass Connoisseur says:

            Smirking hipsters don’t realize that the pantgeon of blackkk metal were all this way. Guess he’s just a carpet bitch.

        2. R-Dawg says:

          Neither of these things are anything more than genres of music. Imagine making metal your personality and you can’t even write a riff to save your life.

          1. Satyr crater says:

            Imagine being this petty

          2. Tim Bradford says:

            Surely this is not a bitter member of some sad band that has received the probing penis of the sadistic metal reviews straight in its avocado and coconut oil-soaked rectum. Try mixing the two, it is the best for bareback especially with strangers in rest area toilets near nuclear energy facilities.

          3. Thornspawn says:

            You want to be real metal man, get out and support local metal! Go see that B- third-rate black metal clone with speed metal riffs and punk riffs mixed in with Bathory and Darkthrone rips so you can get yisself a tshirt, maybe buy a CD, buy some beers, pay for parking, and then you too can be a real metal man! Everyone else is a poseur. Where is my mascara?!

  4. Cronjob says:

    Mate, Deteriorot’s In Ancient Beliefs is a minor classic from the old school. Even The Faithless was a respectable effort. If the new one is as underwhelming as you make it out, I seriously doubt it’s besting those two. Cheers.

    1. Ted Bundy Had a Bunny says:

      To my ears, this band has always been missing something. It is like a death metal band, but someone took out one of the essential structural components, so you get “shadow songs” that are like silhouettes of a good death metal band somewhere writing nonshitty music.

      1. mr nobody says:

        essential structural components like stuff you dig right

        1. Ted Bundy Had a Bunny says:

          Art is objective. Some has more structure than others. Trying to distill this to personal preference is the mark of the hipster. Are you a hipster?

          1. I do not believe in the terms “objective” and “subjective” because there is too much overlap, relativity, and confusion in the tokenization process. Art is what it is, but it is esoteric: some see more. Others want Bud Light or a Big Mac in kvlty blakk metal form so they can brag to their friends about how cool they are. This is what individualism looks like.

          2. Stranger says:

            I am pretty fucking rad and cheesy fake fucks like you can suck my dick

            1. Hipster Detector says:


              1. Stranger says:

                You’re just an inverted “hipster” which is a cringe af way to call someone shallow

                1. Hipster Sodomizer says:

                  That sounds cool to your fellow hipsters, but hipsters make their identity out of being cool, but Hipster Detectors see that as a path to being a useless person and so make their identity elsewhere. LATFH

                  1. I basically hate people but says:

                    I hope one day you free your mind

                    1. I Love ASS says:

                      Free your mind and your ass will follow. Or free your ass, and your mind may follow.

                    2. Starchild says:

                      It will

          3. DMU Can’t riff says:

            Art is objective? Care to show me a geometric proof for that claim?

            Dumbass hessian.

            1. John List says:

              A geometric proof? Way to front-load your gish gallop, you retard. “Here, let me narrowly define what I will accept, and that way, I can reject whatever you say.” The proof is in the history: some art rises above the rest over time for a reason. That reason is that it has function for helping people think about reality. Your deathcore band will NOT be remembered for history and you WILL die alone in a sea of writhing maggots feasting on your voluminous feces.

        2. Iggy Igger says:

          Every choice you make may be personal, but some people have brain wrinkles and inner narratives so idk just eat the marshmallow and be happy.

          1. California Hello says:

            My narrative is up your ass sweetie

            1. Master of Sodomy says:

              The road of excess leads to the palace of wisdom.

              1. #1 MAGA Christian Nationalist says:

                The world needs ditch diggers too!

                1. Kill All The White People says:

                  The world does not need the white people disease, democracy plus Christianity, which has overpopulated the Earth, committed ecocide, and made everyone insane.

            2. Fister of Christians says:

              Humanity, so full of words, so bereft of communication

              1. Jungle Boobs says:

                That’s not what I read between the lines

                1. Kill All The White People says:

                  Interpreting symbols broadly can make you schizoid. Look for coherence and wisdom (knowledge of reality and its patterns). Anything else is the “common” which means the usual insanity, selfishness, stupidity, and laziness (impulse to convenience). Also, you shall give praise to Satan, for he has won.

                  1. Too shy to rap says:

                    Well you’re not wrong

    2. Bullshit Detector says:

      Bro, that’s not true at all. This band has always eaten ass. Don’t let the FMP types fool you into thinking that just because it was mediocre in the old days it is magically really important. There were lots of shitty bands, but back then they did not top the charts.

      1. Cronjob says:

        What’s an FMP-type? I have a dog-eared booklet in a cracked jewelcase from when In Ancient Beliefs came out. Loved it then and love it now. Not saying it was some revolutionary album, but it had a distinctly epic melodic sensibility, like a Disciples Of Mockery infused with some color.

        1. Deep Colon 9 says:

          At least you are consistent in your love of shitty music.

        2. Old Disassociated Metalhead says:

          Do you not recall the FMP forums, which before NWN (rip) were the epicenter of hipster trash elite black metal rarity collectors? They always “discovered” these hilarious old bands which were basically inept and boring demos recorded in a Porta-Potty underneath I-80 while paying tribute to other shitty forgotten bands that the rest of us were glad to leave in the past.

          1. Guidochrist says:

            They had some dope ass italodisco recs.

  5. Probably A Retard says:

    Should I still off myself in the name of eugenics, if I mostly agree with what you write but still can’t help but enjoy “atmospheric black metal” and believe that there is a way to do it “right” (i.e. without veering (too much) into full on hipster post-rock?)

    1. There is no rule that says there cannot be decent atmospheric black metal, but the challenge is keeping metal (through-composed riff dialogue) while adding atmosphere. Most of the time, they come down on one side or another. Someone should make a Summoning version of Skepticism.

    2. Cynical says:

      This site has always championed Burzum, Sort Vokter, and Ildjarn, so obviously atmospheric black metal is viewed as a totem to aspire to in these parts.

      1. Leisha Hamilton says:

        We cannot forget the masters Von, the second Immortal album, the third Darkthrone, and maybe some of the more frisson-of-touching-eternity moments from Slayer! But most of these enemanozzles just want to listen to more shoegaze with discordant howling.

  6. DMU can’t riff says:

    “Black metal embraced the darkness instead of trying to manage it, deny it, or destroy it. It embraced the beast in humankind, the link between love and murder, and the need for natural selection to thin the herd. It is everything society feared, so they turned it into a product with post-metal.”


    “I’m mad that my band sucks and doesn’t achieve the existential dread of titans like neurosis”

    Real musicians don’t write about music.

    1. David says:

      Sure thing dude

    2. No shit says:

      Brett’s not a musician

      1. Prince Abdul Rahman says:

        We have previously established that he is a gay mulattinoid retard midget.

  7. Dubtranny says:

    I can’t believe how much shitty metal gets produced.

    1. It is a late stage industry. It has basically become a jobs program for labels, promoters, distributors, copywriters, illustrators, hipsters, and so on. Consequently, it is not interested in quality because the goal is to hype something for three months and then have it disappear forever. The fungible nature of streaming music made this even worse.

    2. The Hoo says:

      That’s just music generally now that we have the internet. The good stuff still rises to the top like it always has. Yes partially thanks to dudes like Brett.

      1. There is just an awful lot of it, which makes it hard to keep track of, both the new stuff and the nostalgia/funderground bands.

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