USA Deports Evil Invaders

Funderground Belgian speed metal band Evil Invaders were deported from the United States according to their Funbook page for not having the appropriate work visas to play a metal festival in Milwaukee. Evil Invaders were not being paid to play the festival. The festival organizers were only covering Evil Invaders plane tickets and transportation cost for the band and their equipment. Since the festival organizers were still charging for tickets and making money, Evil Invaders needed an appropriate work visa, which they did not have, thus they were deported.

Death Metal Underground supports the deportation of all Evil Invaders to the United States. Our staff hopes that President Trump will deport all mediocre speed metal bands and others here illegally to leach off the country’s wealth and power. Mediocre European speed metal bands do all three, especially when booked to play beer metal festivals where the audience will be wasting their resources to hear idiots imitate better bands from the past much as primitive tribesmen built runways to reenact World War II cargo plane landings, drunken LARPers wear recreated uniforms to pretend they are fighting past wars, and neck-bearded Renaissance Faire carnies strap on armor to pretend that “Historical Martial Arts” were real despite their early modern period manuals being as realistic a description of medieval combat as chivalric Arthurian romances were of the dark ages.

Decades old metal rehashed into bar rock for drink tickets is yet another cargo cult like enterprise by those unable to compete with both the still living past greats commercially and the best of the present underground artistically. Metallica and Darkthrone can still sell rehashed and phoned-in new albums due to the strength of their past work and brand loyalty from dedicated fans; Rehash metal bands like Evil Invaders cannot count on such nostalgia; they are the metal version of Elvis impersonators and Beatles cover bands only Evil Invaders actually pretend to be novel as Sodom, Kreator, and Destruction are still around and still touring regularly.

Evil Invaders do not aim to create profound metal music, rather they just want to appeal to our base senses as metal heads rather than communicate other, greater musical ideals. This is what Schopenhauer termed the charming and for Schopenhauer, the charming was no different from pornography as it did not want to render universal truths in a form comprehensible to human perception. Evil Invader’s music is no different from a video of a pile of puppies playing with a ball or a topless busty woman fondling her breasts. Evil Invaders aim to party as Busty Sluts 10 aims to stimulate male genitalia. Both are artistically worthless and worthy of all scorn.

Death Metal Underground not only supports Evil Invaders’ deportation but supports the deportation of all forms of rehash metal and all mediocre speed metal bands. Even the American ones. Donald Trump and the United States Congress should offer Anthrax, Testament, and Mordred free one-way helicopter and cargo plane tickets. If the government can build roads and bridges to nowhere to increase popular support as it has been doing since FDR’s New Deal in the 1930s, the government can offer helicopter rides to nowhere too. Anthrax and Evil Invaders would be able to play together with a giant beach ball similar to the cover of Stomp 442 in the middle of the Atlantic. Funderground fun in the sun!

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5 thoughts on “USA Deports Evil Invaders”

  1. parasite says:

    I have a feeling the deportation story was a cover up for the REAL STORY.

    Joe Anus got a pee-pee slapping by the US customs when they searched his bag and saw his shit,cheap imitation of the Bat’leth. In the worst english possible, Anus tried to explain that it was for his stage performance but the officer wasn’t havin’ it. In front of all the arriving bands and roadies for the festival, customs snapped his knight stick with taped-on tin foil blades over one knee and sent em fuckin’ packing.

  2. GGALLIN1776 says:

    The true reason was the stink. The Michael Jackson thriller lookalike on the left probably hasn’t bathed since ’89.

    Or the second from left faggot climaxing during the TSA rape down could also be suspect.

  3. canadaspaceman says:

    somebody remake this song as Fuck the TSA – The Exploited “Fuck The U.S.A.”, Troops of Tomorrow

    Destruction – Fuck the U.S.A. (The Exploited cover)

    PS. I like a lot about the USA, I am not anti-US, and used to consider moving there many times, until I realized the corrupt legal system and ape-oid problem;
    Shame, that the the USA does not have a healthcare plan to actual workers/citizens that deserve it.
    Up here, supposedly many illegals abuse our system, and that is why decent white folk wait all day and night for an injured/ sick child to be seen , cuz these foreign pieces of shit are first so the hospitals are not seen as racist.

  4. Dr. David Szisz says:

    Build that wall!!!

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