Taco Bell – Steak Nachos Box (2018)

We live in a modern wasteland. Crafted as a disposable society, our civilization consists of business and government, with culture and organic activities nearly entirely excluded. As those who wander this outland of foreign and alien values and behaviors, staying on top of fast food is essential.

Normally, when I write here about Taco Bell, it is in praise of one of their recent acts of wizardry. This company will, as in the movie Demolition Man, someday dominate all other restaurants simply because they are intelligent. They deliver good value to a range of customers.

Most of all, they do it with relatively few ingredients. Your average Taco Bell makes twenty-five menu items out of tortillas, taco shells, lettuce, ground beef, steak, chicken, refried beans, tomatoes, guacamole, two types of cheese, and rice.

This creative menu splits to accommodate different groups. The healthy minded buy the power bowls, the classic Tex-Mex fans go for the burritos and tacos, and the middle-of-the-road fast food audience like their quesadillas, Mexican pizzas, and nachos.

Recently Taco Bell added another item to their nacho menu, which consists of at least three items at any time. The Steak Nachos Box promises to be a meaty surprise. Unfortunately, it is instead the type of gustatory nightmare that Taco Bell’s critics claim its food usually is.

The box is a flimsy single-layer cardboard fold-out with no latch, and into it are placed wax paper and ingredients. The latter consist mostly of chips, beans, sour cream, and tomatoes, with some of the steak-like substance lining the edges and covered in the melted orange stuff we call cheese #2.

If you were expecting a meaty treat, you are out of luck. Instead, you are going to munch on a lot of chips, wade through an odd mixture of cheese and sour cream with tomatoes, and hunt around for some meat which proves to be both less than desired for your $5 and somewhat dry.

In addition, the refried beans in this meal appeared to be quite old, having formed a compacted lump which had been unceremoniously dumped on top of the nacho chips. Taco Bell normally makes few missteps, but this abomination of an expensive fast food option is one of them.

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20 thoughts on “Taco Bell – Steak Nachos Box (2018)”

  1. Scheisse says:

    “klopfte man an die gräber und fragte die toten, ob sie wieder aufstehen wollten; sie würden mit den köpfen schütteln”

    1. neutronhammer says:

      biste du wirklich deustcher?

      1. No. This is a Schopenhauer quote from the Atrocity album but no one commented on it. Does anyone know any book where I can find it?

        1. bombastus says:

          Schopenhauer, Die Welt als Wille und Vorstellung, 1819
          (mehrfach ergänzt, seit 1844 in zwei Bänden). Zweiter Band. Ergänzungen zum vierten Buch. Kapitel 41. Über den Tod und sein Verhältnis zur Unzerstörbarkeit unsers Wesens an sich

  2. TB Wizardry says:

    When in doubt, always grab a Double decker. I classic that never needs to be revitalized because it is forever perfect.

  3. Psychic Psych Toad says:

    I read this in Gerald Brofloski’s voice when he does the Applebees Yelp review.

  4. Brock Dorsey says:

    Cheesy gordita crunch or GTFO

  5. What!? says:

    “Normally, when I write here about Taco Bell, it is in praise of one of their recent acts of wizardry. This company will, as in the movie Demolition Man, someday dominate all other restaurants simply because they are intelligent.”

    I thought it was Pizza Hut!?

  6. Paco Shell says:

    I read “power bowls” as “power bowels” at first, which wouldn`t be too surprising of an outcome for Mexican (inspired) food.

  7. LostInTheANUS says:

    Judging by this article is Reviewbrah going to join the DMU writing staff soon?

  8. Chris says:

    It’s pretty tasty after a couple of big hits off the Mac bong.

  9. heinous anus says:

    I would sooner eat Tulio’s sopa de macaco than eat at Taco Bell. His monkey meat at least looked pretty clean compared to the grade F monkey meat at Taco Bell, which is made from the filthy Mexican circus monkeys that couldn’t stop jerking off during the act. Good thing that Taco Bell meal comes with a diabetes inducing amount of soda because you will need the fluids when that inevitable river of diarrhea arrives.

  10. canadaspaceman says:

    Yes, avoid taco bell. The quality is a gamble at each location anyways. Nevermind the cheap meat they use, but how do you know if the employees care to do a good job and serve you clean food?
    That nacho photo though is influencing me to buy all the ingredients, pile up high a ton of grated cheese over the chips on a cookie sheet, baking my own giant nacho platter… can’t forget the sliced jalapeno peppers. black olives, and salsa.
    Safer, healthier, less expensive,and bigger portions, to always to cook at home, than to buy fast food.

    Chicanochrist – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UIVpmHNrDLg

  11. Belluminati ANUS Fire says:

    Next: best hemorrhoid creams.

    1. Disciple of Hesus says:

      No creams, man, pain builds character, you comprende?

      1. Flying Kites says:

        My hemorrhoids went away after several sessions of fasting. Long walks help too.

        1. Disciple of Hesus says:

          “Long walks”

          May I suggest biking too? And rolling in sand, be sure to get that sand really in your crack.

  12. Nespithe, Todessehnsucht, Soulside Journey says:

    Abhorrence has a new track: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E0gM9ynms8Y

    It’s crappy and sounds nothing like their former selves or Amorphis.

  13. Shemale Tyranny says:

    I read this article then went out and got one yesterday afternoon. The quality was actually decent but my asshole hasn’t been right since.

    1. Flying Kites says:

      You gotta chew those corn chips really well.

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