Basic Training for Aspiring Hessians

Article by Salomon Schicklgruber

Underneath you will find indications aimed at aspiring hessians with little to no consistent training habits physical or mental. As such, they are aimed at a first transition into a new mode of living and thinking. What we propose here should not be taken as definitive physical training paradigm, but a calculated guideline.

This is a plan that should constitute only the first month of structured, progressive training of someone just starting out with real training and not just casual “working out.” However, is the basic aims are not reached, it indicates that training has not been taken with the seriousness it requires for it to effect change or that the initial level of the trainee is was so low that more time is needed.

Basic Physical Training

First of all, the beginner should be acquainted, in theory, with the following:

  • The proper way to jog.
  • The proper way to sprint.
  • How to fully stretch the upper and lower body.
  • How to perform proper push-ups. Correct posture, movement, flexion, etc.
  • How to perform proper chin-ups. Palms facing you and close together, which is the initially easier version for most people.

Having done the proper research, here are some exercises to be performed daily, not missing a single day:

  • Jog one mile in under 10 minutes.
  • Perform 2 maximum speed sprints of 25 meters, and 2 of 50 meters (the running track is marked in meters), taking no more than 8 minutes to finish all 4 sprints.
  • Full body stretch. This should take you at least 15 minutes.

Also having done research, you must alternate a day of push-ups with a day of chin-ups, and concentrate fully on these crucial, individual exercises each day, without missing a day:

  • Day 1: 4 sets of 3 slow push-ups, where the downward movement takes 2-3 full seconds, and the upward movement is fast.
  • Day 2: 4 sets of 3 negative chin-ups. In truth, these would be called “chin-downs” or “let-downs,” I suppose, since they are started on the higher position with the arms flexed and the head above the bar. From that point, you must allow yourself to slowly descend to the position with arms extended, taking 2-3 full seconds.

In total, a complete physical routine of this sort, including the daily exercises and the alternated strength exercises, should take you no more than 45 minutes.

This stage is completed when the following basic goals are reached:

  1. Being able to run a mile in under 8 minutes.
  2. Being able to perform 10 proper push-ups at normal pace and perfect consistent posture.
  3. Being able to perform 2 proper pull-ups in full movement starting in the lower position with arms extended.

Basic Mental Training

Every day, for take 10 minutes of your time to sit down and relax. during the first few minutes, breath deeply and try to stop thinking about anything, allowing the sound and sight of your surrounding environment to fill your mind. Then, proceed to focus on your breath exclusively, breathing in and out deeply.

Purchase and read Nietzsche’s Thus Spake Zarathustra, a section at a time, convincing yourself to stop knee-jerk criticism and prejudice, and to simply allow yourself to experience the literature. Note your insights, misgivings, or any other thoughts on a notebook set apart for this activity.

This stage is completed when the following basic goals are reached:

  1. Being able to sit relaxedly focusing your mind on your breath alone for 15 minutes undisturbed, unmoving.
  2. Having finished Nietzsche’s Thus Spake Zarathustra, and having written down at least 10 original, constructive insights of your own in your notebook.

Basic Musical Experience

Learn to strum and pick the guitar, learning to maintain tempo with your foot.

Study the musical concepts of melody, phrase and motif.

Learn to play power chords and practice making simple “phrases” out of them.

Obsessively train to perform tremolo-picking like a beast, or die in dishonor.

This stage is completed when the following basic goals are reached:

  1. You can kind of play Mayhem’s Deathcrush on the electric or acoustic guitar by following the original recording.
  2. Write 7 different simple melody/motif-based riffs that are related, and which satisfy you. Then, arrange them so that they sound good in the following structure: [1][2][1][3][4][3][5][6][5][7].

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21 thoughts on “Basic Training for Aspiring Hessians”

  1. Ali Baba says:

    “Basic training for fatties”

    At least you made me feel better about myself. I can go 60 push ups and 10 pull ups but my body is nothing impressive.

    1. whatever is dead says:

      mine is and i don’t do anything. there’s ubermensch genes for you, slave!

  2. ΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩ says:

    Nice one. Looking forward to the intermediate or advanced article, especially the mental training part.

  3. Neodomus says:

    Starting with Zarathustra is problematic. Its emphasis on aesthetics makes it hard to understand if you don’t know what Nietzsche is about. Also it makes more sense to read first the books where he refutes previous philosophy and the sickness of the herd, and then embark with a clean outlook on the affirming path to the Ubermensch that is Zarathustra. Beyond Good and Evil, Twilight of the Idols, Antichrist… Any of those are good introductions.

    1. S.S. says:

      Wrong, and wrong again!

      I read Thus Spake Zarathustra at 19, at 25 and at 31, and in each instance something transpired in accordance to my understanding at that age.

      This is an esoteric work, written with a pseudo-religious tone for that effect, so that it may encapsulate the spirit of Nietzsche, and so that it may be apprehended at different levels of understanding.

      No, The Antichrist is not a good “introduction,” as many a beginner, and even intermediate, thinkers are prone to read it “autistically”.

      Readers and beginners should not be stopped from taking Thus Spake Zarathustra as a mystical-philosophical work intended to be captured consciously and unconsciously, and to excite the senses in twisted ways that will later connect to their more concious philosophical and experiential learnings.

      1. Serves me right for replying to a LARP/Autismo thread says:

        I can tell you really like the book so sorry for hurting your feelings.

        Ok, so, if you re-read a deep book at times where you have deeply changed, you will learn different things. Also, if you’re an autist you will read complex books autistically. No shit, sherlock. Look, Nietzsche said it himself: He writes for the very few. Whether or not you’re one of them is what will matter and not the order of reading, and certainly not that bullshit about the pseudo-religious, the mystical-philosopical and the excitement of the senses in twisted ways (rofl)

        Just read them all.

      2. Jim N says:

        Genealogy of Morals and The Gay Science (lol gay) are the best overall intros to the writings of Green Bay Packer hall of fame linebacker Nietschke ;)

    2. Flying Kites says:

      Start with Zarathustra and then only read Tragedy after that because no one actually gives a fuck about philosophy. After reading Tragedy learn Greek and Latin and then read the Classicals. All of them. Because no one gives a fuck about philosophy.

  4. Coolest Monkey In The Jungle says:

    It’s important to add that smoking may not be compatible with these activities (sorry, Brett)

    In fact, the easiest things to do first are give up on several habits/activities. It will make what the author propose a lot easier.

    1. Give up (((alcohol))). It weakens you. Bars are for pussies. Teetotallers aren’t “boring”. The drunks are boring ones, doing the same as every other moron.

    2. Give up smoking. No explanation needed here. Plus it’s a waste of money, talking of which..

    3. Don’t blow your money on crap. If you must buy things, buy good quality, well made, PHYSICAL objects. “Downloads” are not real – don’t pay for them.

    4. Limit “screen time” to one hour a day. If your job involves looking at a screen all day, quit and get a different job.

    5. Adopt the correct diet for you. The proposed basic plan the author sets out in this article will not be effective if you don’t consider your diet. Think – putting the wrong fuel in your engine will kill your car.

    6. Learn some basic goddamn social skills. Look people in the eye in conversation, be attentive when they speak, speak clearly and thoughtfully. But do not compromise when you are right. Be confident. Many adults act out like children (think: LGBTQ+ parades) because they know there are no “real” men left to uphold any standards. Prove them wrong.

    1. Kekkonen says:

      The last one is impossible for those of the autistic disposition. These self-help type endeavours always end up being silly, I can get this info from a typical self-help book, what is specifically hessian about all this? There should be some advice about practical sodomy and the like.

      Why is there a pentagram on the Indonesian flag?

      Thank you for your help.

      1. D.A.R.G. says:

        This is not about self-help, but about what you can accomplish. But, please do find those self-help books that propose reading Nietzsche to a beginner and tell him about playing black metal guitar and writing riffs as a goal now.

        Then again, the audience will be divided into two groups:
        – those who act and use the simple instructions to create discipline and become stronger in mind and body.
        – those who talk and talk more, while remaining losers and dilettantes who feel entitled.

        Regarding the seemingly light (even for beginners) suggested training. I noticed the trash talking of people in the comments, especially the guy claiming he can do “60 push ups and 10 pull ups,” while “not being in good shape”: I’ve seen this kind of “tough” dilettantes. Once made to do the exercises properly, as suggested in this document (perfect form/posture, with several counted seconds for one repetition, etc.), they are unable to do 10 push-ups, and they will not reach 5 pull-ups easily. A hint apart from that is this: if you actually do 60 correct push-ups, and your body is in balance, you should be doing upwards of 20 pull-ups, but pull-ups, in contrast to push-ups, are harder to fake (for yourself and for others).

  5. NWN War Metal Tranny Rapist says:

    Lift weights and own firearms! Never cut off your penis and testicles! Protect your butt hole and say no to transgenderism!

  6. whatever is dead says:

    it’s not for everybody, but the feldenkrais method is great for being more effective with the body and mind.

  7. Shemale9000 says:

    Good lord guys, I hope you all aren’t so unfit that you can’t do any of these. Probably 90% of the extreme metal audience are fat neckbeards, don’t be like that, go get on a legit weightlifting regimen. Body weight workouts are near useless. OHP, squat, bench, deadlift.

    1. D.A.R.G. says:

      Body weight workouts are near useless.

      Conceited ignoramus

      Calisthenics, or bodyweight exercises, originated thousands of years ago in ancient Greece and have been a major component of fitness in athletics, military, law enforcement, and daily fitness for home workouts without equipment.

      Actually fit and functional warriors
      https://www.military.com/military-fitness/workouts/avoid-gym-by-using-calisthenics

      1. Jeff says:

        He’s not wrong btw. The quickest way for a beginner to put on mass and build strength is to eat tons and train the core compound movements. Body weight exercises require far too much dedication and creativity and they still won’t mimic the sheer stimuli of progressive weight lifting. Have newbies buy Rippetoe’s Starting Strength, let them watch expert oly lifters and informative/inspirational channels like Alan Thrall and Clarence Kennedy and they’ll be set.

        1. D.A.R.G. says:

          The quickest way for a beginner to put on mass and build strength is to eat tons and train the core compound movements.

          Sure, but I doubt, given the context, the article is about “the quickest way to put on mass and build strength.”

          Body weight exercises require far too much dedication and creativity

          Precisely.

        2. Exfoliation says:

          Starting Strength can be found with a quick search, it isn’t enough info to fill a book, 531 and Operation Werewolf’s Reaver are also superior programs, lifting weights is retardedly easy, nothing complicated, the dedication is hard.

          1. Jeff says:

            5/3/1 is advanced programming involving percentages and the rest. Beginners will just need adequate time under tension to develop motor patterns so either 3×5 or 5×5 should work well for at least the first 6-10 months of training.

            It’s common fallacy advocated by those unaware that lifting will make you look like Jay Cutler, reduce flexibility, etc. There are so many benefits to explosive compound lifting, be it improving bone density, regulating blood pressure, elevating metabolism, and just feeling like a overall strong physical unit…beginners should just pick a sensible program serious about exercises, volume & intensity, diet and recovery, and dedicate time to it.

            1. sarcastro says:

              Pushups are useless. Once you can do 50 you’re not building muscle, it’s just sarcoplasmic hypertrophy.

              Running is also a waste of time. Do you know any runners? I do and they are constantly nursing injuries. Get a bike, if that’s your thing.

              As Jeff said, 5×5 is a fantastic program for newbies.
              https://www.bodybuilding.com/content/is-stronglifts-5×5-the-right-training-program-for-you.html

              1. whatever is dead says:

                swimming, hiking, drumming and hard labor work pretty well.

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