He tightened a napkin roll.
Death Metal Underground finally has crowned a winner of our Real Sex with Social Justice Warriors Short Story Contest. GGALLIN1776’s morbid visions of bloody leftist degeneracy have been pounded into our staffs’ brains like a pistol butt cracking open a teenage thug’s skull:
Earlier this year, independent music distribution platform Bandcamp claimed that many stoner rock bands are in fact doom metal. This is a common logical fallacy based around associating the pace and instrumental tone of the music with actual musical content. The stoner “doom” trend of bands that started in the late 90s and early 2000s and has continued non-stop right up until the present almost twenty years later was one of the earliest hipster attempts to assimilate heavy metal before the waves of speed, death, and now black metal aesthetics rehashed into pop rock for the safe space generation.
German antifascist communists booted American metalcore band Woe from the lineups of some shows on their current tour due to Woe opening for Inquisition a few times. Woe are one of your standard, screamo random post-hardcore bands pretending to be “US Black Metal” when in reality they are still metalcore. Moreover, Woe being social justice warriors from Brooklyn, New York played several benefit shows for antifa in the US. Now Woe themselves are throwing a fit about leftist crybabies preventing them from playing shows on Facebook as the communist scum decided that since Woe do not march in gay pride parades, probably do not fuck the gaping open wounds of mutilated transvestites, and do not mind opening for bands that once sort of played a simplified form of black metal that Woe occasionally play on Spotify when wanting something heavier to relieve the stress of their service jobs, Woe must be shot with hollow point bullets in the back of the head.
Death Metal Underground has not run a contest in quite some time; since we found our slogan: “Sodomize the Weak” from Blood‘s O Agios Pethane. Our staff collectively feels it is time for another round. Social justice warriors, antifascists, and communists have been annoying the heavy metal world lately. We have decided to counter back with a short story contest.
Death Metal Underground’s staff makes great personal sacrifice to ensure that we degrade the unworthy, the inferior, and the charming. We show no mercy and will defile your corpse.
Youtube vlogger Metal Blast pointed out the ridiculous of David Anthony’s preposterous claim that “Metal Has Unaddressed Nazi Problem” on hipster socialist realism media website The A.V. Club. Metal Blast notes that while Craig Pillard of Disma made anti-Semitic statements in the past himself, David Anthony preposterous slamming Disma and every other metal band he holds politically incorrect to the socialist creed as Nazis is just as preposterous as Tipper Gore’s Parents Music Resource Center in the 80s and Jack Thompson claiming that the violence of Doom and Grand Theft Auto in the 90s led to school shootings.
Profanatica and Cianide are playing the 2017 iteration of the Destroying Texas festival along with a bunch of shitty scenester bands like Black Witchery. Check them out if you live nearby; Profanatica are still great live despite the last album, The Curling Flame of Blasphemy, being a turd. Tickets are available from EventBrite.
Sepultura‘s Morbid Visions is my favorite thirty year old album. Released in Brazil on November 10th, 1986, Morbid Visions saw Sepultura slither past the primitive Hellhammer, Celtic Frost, and Sodom worship of their initial Bestial Devastation extended play (included as a bonus on almost all CD versions of Morbid Visions) and into ultraviolent, progressive but still primitive, death and black metal.