Metalsucks, Shut the Fuck Up


by David McEric

The shamelessly slimy Metalsucks claim to have received an “open letter” from The Anti-NSBM Working Group, asking Hells Headbangers Records “to cease releasing and distributing Nazi propaganda,” a spurious claim at best, and a needlessly high-handed position against a family business with no ties to Nazism, racism, or any specific intolerance of any kind, past running a label and distro full of acts that advocate mass murder and devil worship like any good metal band should. The alleged group who wrote the letter doesn’t have much of an online identity, but Metalsucks does, and since they were the ones who posted this clickbait tripe in the first place, this open letter is directed at them.

Hey Dicks (aka Matt Goldberg and Ben Umanov),

I guess another month has gone by where your precious clickbait business isn’t reliably keeping you in ironic sweaters, so now, magically, you’ve got yet another axe to grind! It seems your embarrassing attempts to defame Destroyer 666 didn’t make you rethink your tactics, at least not until the dust had settled. Yes, I realize this is how you make your living, and that your business model is just another variation on moronic clickbait headlines, but now you’ve needlessly put another entity’s livelihood at risk to line your pockets. Regardless of the reasons why, that’s pretty sleazy. And hypocritical. And self-serving. I don’t think for a moment that anything I or anyone who agrees with this letter has to say would ever shame you or make you question your methods. If pride and honor mattered one iota, you wouldn’t gleefully slander bands and their labels, much less have a website called Metalsucks at all. No, you are clearly greedy and insincere pieces of shit, so instead of trying to talk you out of all that, I’d like you to promptly do the following:

  • Shut the fuck up, immediately, about everything metal, from this day forward. Close down this abortion of a website and shove your opinions up your asses, or each others’ asses if you like. Most people in metal are more open-minded that you claim, and we respect your choices.
  • Purge your brains of the idea that you have ever cared about this genre past what it could do for you. You don’t, you haven’t, and you won’t, so just surrender the pretense and at least reclaim a little dignity.
  • Get real jobs. You managed to stretch this tenuous little cottage industry further than you ever imagined, but keep in mind it didn’t come from being a legitimate music journalism outlet, nor did it come from your pathetic bid to be a parody site in the interim. No, it came from muckraking, slander, and unwarranted attacks. That’s what they used to call, “yellow journalism”, boychiks, though since you generate no actual journalistic content, you get off on a technicality. Keep in mind that while this approach is serving you marginally well right now, Trump will probably not get a second term, everyone will forget about Charlottesville, and suddenly nobody will want to hear your gossipy bullshit. Your dot-com bubble will burst like one of the many zits on your backs, and then where will you be? I just want to see you guys land ok, ideally from about 40 stories up.
  • Retract everything you ever said regarding the character, politics, or motivations of any band you’ve attacked on your site. Then apologize. Then kill yourselves. I would respect you both very much if you could find it in yourselves to seek this degree of redemption. I would attend your funerals and say nice things about you, albeit in a Nyogthaeblisz shirt, which is currently available at Hells Headbangers Records.

In conclusion, I don’t expect you’ll take a single directive, serious or facetious, from this letter, and I don’t care if you do. This is about discussing who you are, and why you are scum and enemies of metal. That reminds me, I have an additional request for anyone reading this:

  • Do not click on any links attached to Metalsucks! This is how they make their money and justify their petty business model. Even if you want to know what they’re saying, just don’t do it. It’s nothing relevant or legitimate, and the only way to put these shitheads out of business is to boycott them, the same way we’d boycott any other business. It’s easy, just don’t click.

Thanks for reading, and if you are a false, please stop trying to entry, ok? Cheers.

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40 thoughts on “Metalsucks, Shut the Fuck Up”

  1. kek says:

    > Do not click

    Use archive.is if you must.

  2. nn says:

    Adblock.

  3. oaisdfhklqjsdhf says:

    remember you always loose in the end, rednecks.

    1. you're gay says:

      Loose like Matt ‘n’ Ben’s anal sphincters or loose like their ethics?

    2. Grammar Nazi says:

      Loose?

    3. Yet another random asshole says:

      Says the guy who can’t spell

  4. Nom de plume says:

    But how did it get to this?

    1. In 1994, it was apparent that death metal was slowing down just as black metal was getting popular, but by the following year, it was clear that black metal was slowing down as well. By 1996, “Stormblast” was out and all the kiddies came surging into the genre with the same thoughtless middle-class desperation with which they attached themselves to other trends. This created a great financial opportunity to put keyboards and howl-vocals on mediocre metal and rock and re-sell it as black metal. In the meantime, a new thing called the “funderground” formed where idiots pretended they were fighting back against this commercialism by listening to old punk riffs repeated with worse production and faster drums, black metal vocals. This was a double-barrelled shotgun pointed at metal: the goofy, vapid and effete mainstream black metal versus the three-chord droning nothing-music of the funderground. Both worked to lower standards. At that point, the record labels do what they always do, which is to start making “innovations” that are really deviations to the mean. So we got rock-metal, punk-metal and emo-metal, and eventually the latter took over as a new generation of clueless millennials fled the ruins of punk rock. At this point, metal has not existed for over two decades, but idiots keep insisting it does, while a few lone voices like DMU champion the good stuff that is neither pantywaist nor funderground, because we know that metal will return after spending a generation in the mainstream or otherwise incubating outside of the strict genre. We are mostly waiting for it to become unpopular again so all the idiots, glad-handers, scenesters, hipsters, poseurs and middle class gaping mouthed teenagers leave so that they no longer exert a market force that rewards moronic music and punishes ballsy or intelligent music.

      1. phrasal phrasey phrase phrasey phrase phrase says:

        metal is dead

        fashwave and gimmicky meme-EDM is a false prophet

        Rock Against Communism revival now

        1. Reduced Without Any Effort says:

          punk sucks

        2. S.C. says:

          Cause RAC only produces quality right?

          1. Reduced Without Any Effort says:

            dipshit imageboard fascists gotta rp to something

        3. you're gay says:

          speaking of Fashwave, the Xurious bandcamp no longer exists…

      2. Rainer Weikusat says:

        rock-metal, punk-metal and emo-metal, […] funderground

        Hmm … can’t we have some Emu-metal, too?

        https://www.google.co.uk/imgres?imgurl=https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/f/fc/Emu-wild.jpg/1200px-Emu-wild.jpg&imgrefurl=https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emu&h=800&w=1200&tbnid=kgdxKA6cFbX5BM:&tbnh=133&tbnw=200&usg=__PDJZnOgRPazn38soTektfad9YT0=&vet=10ahUKEwiVvKSF2fTVAhViC8AKHTpHBjUQ_B0IsAEwEw..i&docid=dbZsK2JtE0lpuM&itg=1&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwiVvKSF2fTVAhViC8AKHTpHBjUQ_B0IsAEwEw&ei=A06hWdWuL-KWgAa6jpmoAw#h=800&imgdii=kgdxKA6cFbX5BM:&tbnh=133&tbnw=200&vet=10ahUKEwiVvKSF2fTVAhViC8AKHTpHBjUQ_B0IsAEwEw..i&w=1200

        1. Rainer Weikusat says:

          Should go here: I met a live incarnation of the “modern day Burzum fan” photo which featured here a while ago yesterday. That was some lady with wide-meshed fishnets, a red plastic mini skirt, a heavily painted face and Beherit t-shirt. I assume she picked that because the colour of the logo matched that of her skirt as the idea that she’d ever spent any time listening to that (or anything else except her own and her couple of like-minded friends screeching) seemed far-fetched[*].

          Ms Plastic-Beherit also tried to start a brawl in front of the stage a couple of times by suddenly jumping at someone from behind and trying to hurt him but the hardcore idiots where greatly outnumbered and thus, found themselves without the space necessary for throwing their weight around effectively. Thankfully, nobody tried to rip my arm off to take it with him this time (took a month until I could move it again without pain), so the only unpleasant event (except being stuck in Ealing Broadway until 3am because GWR had chosen to cancel all trains on short aka no notice) was a “friendly bantering” would-be giant hammering his elbow into my back in a fit of ‘enthusiasm'[**].

          There’s another show in Sheffield this evening and people in the vicinity might want to check it out. Blasphemer and Live Burial are certainly worth it. Ngnn could be described as “[blackened] cockless cock-rock” but for some reason, almost every concert bill includes at least one musical dud.

          [*] From what I remember, the underground wasn’t more intelligent in earlier times, at least not on average. Just the number of people who like to be regarded as women for exclusively political reasons was lower.

          [**] I’m a peaceful person who tries to get along with (almost) everyone but methodically disassembling one of these “wonder men” into their constituents part in a public place might be of great, educational usefulness.

          1. You encountered a true plastic person. Live and let live is good, until the other is simply blight, and then it is time to send them to Mexico.

      3. Nom de plume says:

        Thanks for that explanation.
        Albeit in a different context, but this reminds me of LARM and how prophetically it was written that “Make no mistake of it, you are but feasting on the dead.”

    2. Rainer Weikusat says:

      The best lack all conviction, while the worst/ Are full of passionate intensity

  5. Rainer Weikusat says:

    Much shorter open letter:

    Dear overbored ones!

    In a so-called ‘democracy’ (you might have heard the term somewhere), there’s a proper procedure for shutting public activities you really detest, namely, get them outlawed. Please work on this. This would be political. What you’re doing right now is nothing but harrasment. And this makes it hard to believe you’re “the good guys”.

  6. Sigurd says:

    This is blackmail. I really hope they don’t let these pussies intimidate them. Nobody in antifa works or buys from hellsheadbangers so who why would it matter if people who don’t buy from them are boycotting them? Only real issue is that these marxists call a business and threaten bodily harm or also arson. They want hellsheadbangers to stop selling werewolf records music? Werewolf and HHR are partners you fucking twats. This ruined my day. Many times I order from them multiple times a week. Fuck metalsucks. Boycott metalsucks. WTF kind of name is metalsucks anyway. What kind of metalhead can take them serious? PC minded weak pussies.

  7. Ry says:

    Signed and deliver, Shut the fuck up metal sucks.

  8. Cheese says:

    I know exactly who’s doing this doxxing/open letter shit and he’s about to get royally fucked.

    1. phrasal phrasey phrase phrasey phrase phrase says:

      details?

  9. flow says:

    The desire to silence somebody is so “metal”.

  10. Chad says:

    Landser, Freikorps, and Odium

    best most uplifting nonmetal stuff in a truly broken time

    throw in some Johnny Rebel at the end because we live in the worst possible time and my ancestors were CONFEDERATE

    1. phrasal phrasey phrase phrasey phrase phrase says:

      Better snatch up any albums by these guys you’re missing while it’s still legal

  11. The Spoiler says:

    Wow that was fucking perfect! Can’t stop laughing, yet it is so spot on I shouldn’t even be laughing.

  12. Johnny cab says:

    Remember when Hoest from Taake walked out onto a stage in Germany with a swastika painted on his chest? Remember when two millenial Jews fronting a shitrag ‘zine’ called Metalsucks decided to sponsor his first American tour. SHOAH ME THE MONEY.

    1. Yuzerneigm says:

      Typical

  13. matters says:

    Everyone reading this should at least buy from any reputable underground record distro, for example Hells Headbangers or Moribund Cult to name a few, at least once a month. even if its a single CD or a patch. Also, just as this article states, don’t click on any link to metal sucks even to leave well-deserved hateful comments.

    1. Also wrestle poseurs to the ground and then sodomize them. They love that, but hate the mess on their vintage jean jackets.

  14. josef H says:

    never liked metalsucks anyway and it’s clear from their name that they are ‘metal’ only ironically. same as blabbermouth and similar mainstream ‘metal’ journos

    1. ‘metal’ only ironically

      Hipsters. Scenesters. Poseurs. Impostors. Sycophants. Salesmen. Power bottoms. Useful idiots.

      Perhaps, verily, indeed.

  15. Cledun says:

    Wow, two Jews are slimey and constantly attack anyone who doesn’t lick their toes as “racist”?

    Colour me surprised!

    I make a point of spending a shitload of money on every entity they attack.

  16. someone says:

    I’d like to see a similar piece on this: https://pastebin.com/qVAhnADS

    1. Matt Harvey and Decibel should shut the fuck up too.

      1. someone says:

        Agreed. The way that some people posit that they may be wrong on any given matter and so are open-minded and willing to hear an argument for anything EXCEPT for fascism and racism, as those are completely invalid from the getgo because muh feelz simply reeks of insecurity and pathology. That or they just happen to be so hopelessly indoctrinated.

        Granted, he could just be playing the game (i.e. if he doesn’t keep harping about how awful and illegitimate those viewpoints are then he’ll be labeled and dismissed by the crowd that he’s addressing, who have a hard-on for doing such since it makes things easier and feeds the narrative of them being an underground resistance to an evil society to make up for their own boring and useless lives, blah blah), yet it seems to be in earnest.

  17. Barf Blower McGurniky says:

    People who define themselves as being really concerned for colored folk all the time shouldn’t be around metal. The faggot child fucking Jew that runs Metal Sucks is very wrong in his approach and I hope a masked person shoots his knees out then ties him up and cuts his face off. Leave him alive of course.

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