Euronymous: Black Metal’s First Hipster

Many of the pariahs seen infesting contemporary American black metal – communism, narcissism, an illusion of extremism – can be traced back to one man: Euroynmous of Mayhem.

Euronymous is often misidentified as “the godfather of black metal” but truthfully that title belongs to another man: Quorthon. Quorthon pioneered a plethora of black metal techniques and aesthetics in Bathory long before Euronymous became erroneously credited for them. But now, thanks to the information age and it’s absolute freedom of information flow, most of who and what Euroynmous claimed to be can be successfully debunked. And with an expanded scope on some mirroring cultural factors, the truth becomes obvious:

Euroynmous was not the godfather of black metal; Euronymous was the godfather of black metal hipsterdom.

Let us deconstruct some of the pieces of this red pill revelation:

I) The Hipster Privilege

Much like the d-bags living in the expensive hipster neighborhoods of San Francisco and Brooklyn, Euronymous’s wealthy parents were funding his lifestyle. It was his parents who were funding his record shop, which is how we can explain him owning a shop in his early 20’s as well as why it closed down immediately when news of Varg‘s church burning hit the papers. It was they who owned the country house where Dead famously committed suicide. And like the out of touch parents of most spoiled rich kids; Euronymous’s parents were completely oblivious to the “Prince of Satan” character he was masquerading as.

Similarly, many of today’s flavor-of-the-week hipster black metal bands of Brooklyn (such as Krallice and Liturgy) are equally comprised of at least one entitled, out of touch, narcissistic little boy living off of mommy and daddy’s money. Hunter Hunt Hendrix has likely not been funding his $2,000 a month Bushwick apartment or his $50,000 per semester Columbia degree from Liturgy’s album sales; nope, we can infer with all likeliness that it was mommy and daddy’s money that was funding this bohemian lifestyle.

It should now become clear how both H cubed and Euronymous were able to advance themselves as some kind of innovative counter culture superstar – be it through a Wikipeadia-quality manifesto or a made up gang of devil worshipers – it all came down to mommy and daddy’s pockets. Advertising costs money. Promotion costs money. Tours cost money. But when your parents are paying, it all comes so much easier.

II) The Socialist Shadow

As noted by several musicians from the Norwegian circle, Euronymous was constantly trying to police bands and musicians of the black metal scene. Euronymous was also openly communist. Does this sound familiar?

Yep: Euronymous was Antifa.

Watch any Norwegian black metal or Mayhem documentary from the last decade and you’ll see many of those who were close to the dork lord cast great hatred on him. Even the questionable Lords of Chaos book took notice of the absolute lack of empathy felt for him after his death; even by other members of Mayhem! Euronymous was such a piece of shit that he was missed by virtually nobody that knew him.

The reason for the Norweigion black metal movement’s utter rejection of its centerpiece was Euronymous’s attempts to impose a communist agenda on a group that, both as a whole and in it’s individual parts, was conservative. Hellhammer was a white nationalist. Varg flirted with Nazism. But Euronymous was red to the bone. He forced his rules on everyone. You had to wear corpse paint. You had to be satanist. You had to play your fictional character at all times. In Euronymous’s socialist dystopia, he was dictator. That didn’t work out so well for him.

History is repeating itself. The American black metal scene is under the communist suppression of Antifa, the majority of which are, frankly, hipsters. Spoiled, entitled hipsters that are feeling neglected by capitalism are therefore trying to impose a collectivist dystopia on a movement of conservatives. The result will inevitably be the same… just as hipster Euronymous was destroyed by conservative retribution in the form of a blade, the American Antifa movement is doomed to a swift execution at the hands of conservatism. Perhaps 23,000 stab wounds will do the trick?

III) The Beta Male

The most obvious feature of a hipster is weakness. Most hipster men are pompous and arrogant but will cower in the face of confrontation. They want to pretend that they matter, that they’re intelligent, that they’re cultured, but realistically it’s all a front to mask the afraid, emasculated, insecure pile of failures that composes the core of their being.

Euronymous was the same. To quote Varg “Euronymous wanted to appear extreme. But he wasn’t extreme.” It was Dead who mutilated his body in the public forum. It was Varg who started the church burnings. It was Faust who first killed in cold blood.

But Euronymous, desperate to be the alpha male but empty of the courage and confidence to do so, was forced into building his entire being on the creation of falsehoods. He claimed he was the leader of a mafia. He claimed he consumed the brains of a corpse. He claimed he had murdered a foreign journalist.

Fortunately, in this case, history has remembered the truth. Varg Vikernes was the alpha male of the Norwegion black metal movement. He exposed Euronymous as a beta pussy and a fraud. The scene caught on. Varg was a man of action. Varg made good on his word.

In a decisive confrontation, it was decided once and for all who would be the true alpha male. Varg, benefiting from the biological advantages of natural selection, survived the altercation. Euronymous did not.

Conclusion: The Cold Dead Truth

It’s time to put the Euronymous legend to rest. He wasn’t an innovative guitarist. He wasn’t a black metal icon. He was a douchey rich communist hipster just like those scumbags we collectively loath as a society. He wasn’t dark, he wasn’t evil, he was a pussy who took credit for the actions of those around him. He had a fucking waxed hipster mustache and wore fucking belly shirts for Christ’s sake. This is the reality. This is the truth in all it’s coldness. There is no hiding from it!

The metal world we knew is dead. It’s no longer possible to conjure the black metal spirit of the 90’s. To romanticize the days of apolitical concerts, mystical auras, and celebrity musicians is to waste your existence. We are in a different world now. A world that is woke. A world that is ruthless.

Your metal idols were flawed. They were a lie. Most were of no use to their societies. It’s time for our metal heroes to die, for their corpses to be burned and their ashes scattered. The sadistic light of judgment has reigned down, and it’s called the truth. This is our new existence. There is no turning back!

As Pazuzu would say, “Euronymous sucks cocks in hell.” He deserved to die like a communist dog.

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67 thoughts on “Euronymous: Black Metal’s First Hipster”

  1. Faust didn’t kill in cold blood and all musicians in Sweden and Norway got commie-made instruments, rehearsal spaces, and studio time subsidized (Hipster privilege). The confrontation between Varg and Euronymous wasn’t “superior genes”, just an earlier form of “kids in trip pants” syndrome. Black metal should have stayed dead when Sort Vokter was released and Fenriz went silent after Neptune Towers, but now we have $10 Ildjarn USB keys and corpse paint fashion shows. The “truth” is that, despite ideology (flaws), Mayhem/Euronymous wasn’t even that good but created some good tracks on De Mysteriis. Leagues better than “says cool things and WOKE” guy who rips off Incantation in a “money” band when not releasing kosher reissues of old albums for more money (what that dude did with the Infester album). It’s only about the music though!

    1. Marc Defranco says:

      Hmm if you’re referring to Dead Congregation at the end there I’m not sure why. They’re making some of the more quality dm in recent times and I’m all for reissues of hard to obtain expensive albums.

  2. Enaal says:

    com farg? da da dah

    da wuh?

  3. I post here irregularly, but always forget my name. says:

    Not to sound too much like a crackpot, but… SNORRE WROTE DMDS (and continues to ghostwrite the bulk of Mayhem’s material).

    1. Yep. Snorre invented the Norwegian style of guitar riffing and Snorre drove Varg to Euronymous’s apartment.

      1. Syphilis says:

        Snorre and Dead were the bands greatest assets really. I doubt the bands direction would be any different with Euronymous still living.

  4. innocent bystander says:

    “The reason for the Norweigion black metal movement’s utter rejection of its centerpiece was Euronymous’s attempts to impose a communist agenda on a group that, both as a whole and in it’s individual parts, was conservative”.

    Elaborate please, it seems like you are making things up. To my knowledge, Varg is the only person from that group who has ever maintained a conservative stance.

    1. Hellhammer is openly racist, Emperor wasn’t fond of homosexuals, and Darkthrone wanted to send the world back to the dark ages and still write songs about the hordes of “lesser men”.

      1. Hayduke says:

        It is appropriate that Hellhammer is WN, as he is the least White member of the Inner Circle.

      2. Cynical says:

        Don’t forget, Samoth’s signature had a swastika in it in the old days.

        1. I didn’t know that but I am not surprised.

      3. innocent bystander says:

        Hellhammer has retracted the few statements he ever made. Same with Darkthrone. That leaves Varg, so it’s a pretty thin basis for the claim.

        1. Who cares what they said to appease the liberal media? Hellhammer hasn’t retracted jack and Necrobutcher played under a swastika battle flag for years with no problems. Darkthrone still writes lyrics about the untermenschen. Varg just doesn’t care what the mainstream media thinks of him.

    2. Brock Dorsey says:

      Nativism, a conservative policy, is the foundation of Norwegian black metal.


      In the Nightside Eclipse- Norwegian/European Nationalism
      Vikingligr Veldi- Norwegian/European Nationalism
      A Blaze in the Northern Sky- Norwegian/European Nationalism
      Dark Medieval Times- Norwegian/European Nationalism

      1. Syphilis says:

        European Nationalism?

        Is that like Asian, or African Nationalism? Antarctican Nationalism, anyone?

  5. Robespierre says:

    The true “alpha” here is the State, who sentenced Varg to 21 years. Mercifully paroled after 14…

    The State continues to assert its dominance over him in France, with his hate crime conviction in 2014.

    Varg is obviously the type of beta who craves behavioral correction once in a while — he challenges the alpha, gets slapped, then settles down again…

  6. Syphilis says:

    NO FUN

    You gotta admire his elitism, no matter how stupid it might have been at times. He was also right about certain details, in retrospect.

    1. He was. He was also right about what death metal was becoming and Scott Burns.

    2. GGALLIN1776 says:

      Add “NO INTERNET” to that.

      The more I look that I think about it, the more I realize that it has ruined everything & made everyone miserable. Are people more happy once they take their “red pill”? No, they become stupid to a new degree & infinitely more miserable/unfulfilled. A powerful tool misused that quickened the singularity.

      Idiots being given powerful information that had neither the inclination nor intelligence to find it before is dangerous. Now you have retards running around with one side of their head shaved claiming to know everything when they can’t figure out that they were fed lies. Regardless of how weak the individual, a stampede can’t be managed.

      It killed all the mysticism & magic, nothing is hidden anymore. No more shadows.

      1. Syphilis says:

        Perhaps there is not enough misery. Perhaps the time of global nuclear war is yet to come, over half a decade of promises, yet no side has actually delivered.

  7. Rainer Weikusat says:

    Your idea of my “metal idols” is completely flawed (in fact, I don’t have any idols, I leave this to people with a fan personality) and even a modicum amount of research enables contradicting this. For something really well-known, A Blaze in the Northern Sky is “eternally dedicated to the King of Black/Death Metal underground; namely Euronymous!”. You’ll also easily find very postive statements about him from other people. I posted links to these in the past. It’s also a bit idiotic to blame Asareth for his parents, especially considering that Vikernes was very likely an upper middle-class guy himself, cf his statements about money never being a concern for him, and spent some 20 years in an establishment were the state would house and feed him.

    A bit figurately spoken, that’s liberation from all fo your lies, not only those you happen to disapprove of.

    1. Brock Dorsey says:

      It appears I overestimated the impact of decades of necrophilizing the Mayhem story through various books, magazines, Youtube documentaries, ect. Here’s some examples:

      Lords of Chaos, pg. 129

      Snorre is asked if he regrets Euronymous’s murder happening. He replies “I don’t have a bad conscience. Maybe I would feel that if I met his parents. But I haven’t met them, so I don’t think about it. I don’t have any sleepless nights or anything. I regret coming here [to jail] a bit, though.”

      pg. 130

      The author interviews Hellhammer about Euronymous’s death.

      Author: “You don’t seem so upset about this yourself.”
      Hellhammer: “I’m not”
      Author: Weren’t you close to Euronymous?”
      Hellhammer: “…the fact that he was a communist offended me.”

      pg. 131

      The author notes “What is striking about members of the Scandinavian Black Metal circles in general is how little they cared about the lives or deaths of one another… When [Euronymous] died violently two years later, his own bandmates speak of the killing with a tone of indifference more suited to a court stenographer”

      So yes, while I’m sure there were some in the inner circle who were upset over his passing, there was an overtly negative disposition towards Euronymous from most of the scene. I mean, fuck, 3/4 of the DMDS lineup were completely apathetic to his violent murder.

      1. Rainer Weikusat says:

        2/4 of the bad Mayhem imitation which finally recorded these tracks as an album were Varg Vikernes and Snorre Ruch. There are much more positive statements about Asareth, eg,

        The Enslaved guys have also been making generally positive statements about him, specifically also that they were influenced by the guitar player Oystein Asareth. “Lord of Chaos” is an odd source to quote, cf

        I dare say the vast majority of all the statements made in this book are either misinterpretations; taken out of context; misunderstandings; malicious lies made by enemies; a result of ignorance; extreme exaggerations; and/or third-hand information at best. This includes the statements attributed to me!

        This is also interesting as it presents a rather different Euronymous (in 1987):
        [NB: Whoever cares for this, make a copy. It may disappear some time. I did]

        It’s also wrong to focus on post-1991 events wrt Mayhem. For all practical purposes, the band ceased to exist after the 1990 attempt at a European tour[*]. This was also noted by Vikernes in one of his recent videos: He encountered Euronymous in person in 1991. By that time, the bass player was living elsewhere with his girl-friend, Hellhammer was in Oslo “to fuck sluts” (Asareth) and the remainder of Mayhem was Ohlin who generally stayed in his room unless Asareth was away or there was a chance on getting some food. No band rehearsals or anything like that were happening.

        This means the only option to listen to the music of Mayhem is one of the three existing bootlegs (“Live in Leipzig”, “Live in Zeist”, “Dawn of the Black Hearts”). I’ve bought the first some time last year immediately after I discovered it and have been listening to it every Friday night since (and plan to continue to do so). I will not (and won’t ever) pay any attention to the so-called Mayhem album as that’s half of the band plus a bunch of (reluctant, cf session musicians. If someone is to be crowned as “first black metal hipster”, I suggest Attila Csihar instead. While some people like his vocal delivery, to me, this is all (cheap) showmanship and no substance.

        Another interesting source:

        NB: Not suitable for people who rank everything relative to some pretty conventional fiction of “manliness” (but then, nothing of this is :-).

  8. As much as I dislike Varg and his satanic ways, I’m glad he rid us of this pinko scum.

  9. Snake says:

    More click bait from Guest Contributor. For this weeks content, let’s trash a dead person’s memory of how he was a poser and not black metal enough. I have Burzum in my collection but Varg is sociopath. DMUs glorification of racist, nationalists is tired.

    1. Rainer Weikusat says:

      I took it mostly as “US knee-jerk ranting upon encountering the word communist somewhere” (and based on the usual non-understanding of that). This is all old news plus some very dubious speculations. And it omits quite a bit: Eg, Bathory was the band which got a record deal because the guy who ran the label was Quorthon’s father. Asareth founded various record labels to release the music of Mayhem and other bands he considered worthwile. He’s notorious for constantly being in business difficulties because of inability to make ends meet, up to the point of Vikernes accusing him of misappropriating “Burzum money” to subsidize his oversized record store. Had Euronymous parents been funding all of that, this shouldn’t have been necessary.

      And this is obviously only half of the story: The fictional ‘dark prince’ didn’t come into being until after Mayhem imploded because of the disastrous ‘European tour’ in 1990 and Ohlin committed suicide. There’s a distinctive character change visible in Asareth interview from before and after this attempt which was certainly hugely traumatic. As I wrote in the past “Dead committed suicide. But don’t worry, I’ve taken pictures of it!” [paraphrase] (after meticolously cleaning up the place and creating a neat arrangment of tools and corpse), doesn’t exactly come accross as someone still in posession of his senses. Rather the opposite.

      There’s also no reason to assume that Asareth was ever actively communist, certainly not during the final phase of his life. That’s an ideology centered around creating an utopian society on earth for the benefit of mankind.
      That’s rather not so ‘black metal’.

      1. Syphilis says:

        Most of his idea(l)s were perplexing to say the least. He despised the funderground at the time, yet wanted to become a famous Satanic Black Metal Superstar (kinda like Quorthon was). Guess his death kinda achieved this status.

      2. Brock Dorsey says:

        I appreciate the challenges you’re presenting here but it’s common knowledge Euronymous was active in communism.

        Slayer Magazine Interview: Euronymous ” I’m active in the most extreme communist party here (Albania inspirations)”

        “Once upon a Time in Nowrway” from 10:15 on members of his “inner circle” speak of his activism in communist parties, his mailing of records to communist countries, and his communist influences. Starting at about 11:09 they speak about him being an active member of Norway’s communist party

        I’m not implying he had mastered the ideology, but his involvement was far from passive or “entry level” as suggested elsewhere in this discussion.

  10. Exfoliation says:

    And yet De Mysteriis Dom Sathanas is still great.

  11. aol instant messenger says:

    Euronymous was a confused kid clinging to whatever ideology had the most “danger”/countercultural currency. That describes 99% of metal innovators, by the way. Destroy idols, preserve art.

  12. 1534 says:

    Despite the author stating this being the “information age”, he/she still doesn’t know how to use apostrophes and the difference between “its” and “it’s”. I am fairly certain that both Quorthorn and Euronymous knew the proper usage.



  13. Matt Risnes says:

    Please fire Maraat and make this guy the head writer.

    1. Funny, the writing style screams Maraat.

      1. Matt Risnes says:

        Funny, he doesn’t write Druish.

  14. KKKopKKKilla says:

    The guy who wrote it is a total fag. Euro was a revolutioner of black metal. Compared him to modern day hipsters is fucking idiotic (however, this site publish only idiotic opinions).

  15. moe says:

    I liked it

  16. gorewhore says:

    how many words does it take to say


  17. GGALLIN1776 says:

    “A world that is woke”

    Are you Katy Perry?

  18. ass eater says:

    You’re a fucking dumbass.

  19. I post here irregularly, but always forget my name. says:

    I don’t mean for this to come across as an insult, but a lot of the DMU writers sans Stevens remind me of a less ADHD, less meme-y Sargeant D.



  20. Cornrose says:

    The fact that most folks in this scene and most folks who wanna-be in this scene ever refer to the scenesters as their silly little pseudonyms still gets me all gooey. Isn’t it so cute?

    1. Syphilis says:

      You should get that checked.

  21. Will to Barbarism says:

    Kraftwerk – Trans Europe Express

  22. Zorak says:

    “Most hipster men are pompous and arrogant but will cower in the face of confrontation.”

    Details of all the fights the author and, well, anyone on this site has been in, please.



    2. Morrigan is an Ableist Tranny says:

      Found the hipster.

  23. Progress is Cancer says:

    Though DMU always had this academic approach to their writing, the absolute lack of sources on essays like this, makes these texts seem baseless with so many dubious statements.

    It gets worse considering that information like the one provided by Rainer contradicts some core aspects of it.

    1. ponchos says:

      Sources sources sources
      “creditable sources”
      almost always bullshit anyway considering many people would consider the NY Times a “reliable source”

    2. Brock Dorsey says:

      I had anonymous sources.

      1. Flaunting my Snapple says:

        I’ve had Euronymous sorcerers.

  24. "Snorre" indeed says:

    Euronymous’ so-called “communism” was merely entry-level, indiscriminate pro-dictator edginess. He stated in interviews that he only advocated for governments that caused the most human suffering and destruction, whichever form they took. You know what that reminds me of? That old ANUS article talking about how great dictators are, including communist ones.

    I doubt Euronymous knew or cared about the finer points of Gramscian economics — he was just another grim longhair with another stunted adolescent “scorched earth” power fantasy like many of his peers, only of a (seemingly) slightly different stripe. That such a mentality taken to its end resulted in an acrimonious, somewhat blood-soaked fracture of the community he hailed from is greater testament to that community’s self-important arrogance and myopia than the might of anyone involved, even if some of those guys did lift. “We’re the chosen ones, born to rule by genes and divinity! But actually, of those people only me and my inner circle really count, not those OTHER cagey wannabe-tyrant heshers. Hey, wait a minute…”

    You’re right about one thing, though: Hunter Hunt-Hendrix is a rich bastard. A quick trip on Google will reveal that his grandfather is Texas oil tycoon H.L. Hunt, and that his parents are behind some successful marriage therapy program and are buddies with Oprah. Hilarious. Be that as it may, even Hunter’s most drug-addled writings are no more pretentious than Varg’s “here are all the computer models corresponding to every race on Earth” screeds, or Herr Prozak’s “vaudeville catalog of caricature charades” word salad.

    1. Necronomeconomist says:

      Here, the boy Euronymous appears not himself communist, but sees communism as accelerating our suicide — so it’s great:

      “We have studied so much politics/theory/economy (Marx, Engels, Lenin, Stalin , Mao, Hoxha) that we know that the world will sooner or later become communistic. Its the marketing economy and capitalisms ideas that will be forced forward sooner or later. Maybe in 30 years, maybe in 300 years. The problem is that communism is fucking good for the people, it’s total freedom. Thats why we never wish that it happens. The world can go to hell. We want back the old Stalinist dictatorship, there its was gray, misery and evil. THE BERLIN WALL SHALL RISE AGAIN!!”

  25. Belano says:

    I really like DMU. But, sometimes, some statements in certain articles are based on ideology rather than on evidence (something quite ironic if we think that variouos contributors and commenters think of themselves as realists.) This article is one of those. I hadn’t read something this revisionist as this since the false idea that Venom didn’t influence subsequent groups, such as Slayer or Bathory.

    1. "Snorre" indeed says:

      Cue 10 years later: “Black Sabbath were actually overpraised butt rockers who ripped off Grand Funk Railroad and weren’t actually indispensable to the heavy metal genre, and Ozzy and Iommi were cucked Christian-humanist traitors who secretly died of AIDS.”

      1. Syphilis says:

        The most humanistic goal would be a swift and complete removal of humanity from existence. Does this mean that the majority of black metal is in fact extremely humanistic?

      2. Rainer Weikusat says:

        Black Sabbath were actually overpraised butt rockers who ripped off Grand Funk Railroad

        Yes. And Steve Bannon doesn’t exist, that’s just Hillary Clinton in an extremely clever disguise!

  26. 1534 says:

    It is kind of cute and partially sad to see how the author of this article just found this out now. Here’s a hint to all you nazis: Mayhem was started by an antifa, an anarchist, and a communist that opposed fascism. Varg only got into the mix because they were liberal enough (and he didn’t express at that time how murderously radical his ideology was)to allow him his political views. It’s cute to see these fake e-nazis who want to act like toughguys, but only on the internet, when they friend former and current members of Mayhem and start rambling off about Vaterland ideology (but from places like Boston), thinking they are going to impress them and then they get shut the fuck down when the former and current members denounce their far-right bullshit and/or outright make fun of them for being fucking clowns.

    This info has all been around for decades and even Varg himself wrote about these topics while in fucking prison for murdering Euronymous.

    However, let’s call out heavy metal for what it eventually became: it’s a genre where the majority of the fans nowadays are broken little video game nerds that grew up, but are still socially awkward, so they search out a niche within a counter-culture, with the internet enabling a huge number of them to reinvent themselves as the tough guy neo-nazis they could never be in real life.

    1. Asshole says:

      This guy can get gassed for sure. You also missed the part where Snorre wrote all the songs and majority of the lyrics on their best/most famous work. Try harder next time.

      1. Snorre invented the Norwegian style of riffing according to everyone too.

        1. Rainer Weikusat says:

          Most of what ended up on the 1994 album was already part of the Mayhem live set in 1990. Some quotes from the Slayer #10 interview with Dead:

          Tell me about your new LP “De Mysteriis Dom Sathanas”. When will it be out? Any old MAYHEM songs on it?

          Good question… I wish I knew when! It’s planned to contain 8 tracks and to be released on D.S.P. as anti Mosh 003.

          Tell me something about your lyrics… What does the contents explain?

          So far, I’ve written the lyrics to all the songs after “Deathcrush”: “Funeral Fog”, “Freezing Moon”, “Buried by Time and Dust” and “Pagan Fears”.

          Further, just checking the Wikipedia source links (that’s difficult, ain’t it) brings up the following:

          I haven’t written music for MAYHEM, I gave Euronymous some riffs that he could use for his music before I joined MAYHEM so some of the riffs on “De Mysteriis…” are mine or created by me. I also did a lot with the lyrics on that album because there were four or five lyrics that were complete when Dead died and the rest was just notes and sketches for lyrics, so I went through the material and I wrote proper lyrics from that material.”


          It’s also pretty well-known that the lyrics to “Life Eternal” were part of Ohlin’s suicide note.

          That’s not “Snorre writing the lyrics” but “Snorre working with Dead’s notes to create the missing lyrics” for less than half of the tracks on the album (should be 2, actually).


          A lot of the ideas were his [E], but the music wasn’t entirely his own. It was also mine and Necrobutcher’s. Plus Blackthorne wrote some riffs for ‘De Mysteriis Dom Sathanas’ as well.

  27. MC SlipKombz says:

    Mayhem kind of sucks and Attila is an extremely terrible vocalist. Best things were De Mysteriis demo tracks with Dead (musically, not just because of Dead) and the rehearsal of the title track (because Attila doesn’t ruin it with Darkwing Duck impressions). I actually want Lance to write another braindance article since that music was more interesting than the recent metal stuff here. Metal in general has entered a stage of being its own SMR, tough to write about in length. Or Brett Stevens movie reviews (short lived but good).

  28. Exfoliation says:

    I only wish he were alive so we could see the Euronymous Tries Fried Chicken and a 40 For The First Time in Compton video on Vice Noisy where a black nerd with hipster glasses and a Bathory shirt takes him on a rap landmark tour that ends at some famous chicken spot. It ends with Euronymous looking at the chicken in trepidation before biting, the soundtrack playing Mayhem comes to a halt with a record scratch as his eyes widen and mouth slowly turns upward into a grin, NWA starts playing and Euronymous gives a high five to the black nerd who says “that’s what it’s all about man, bring it in” , they bro hug as young black children play around a fire hydrant on the fadeout.

  29. Fenriz says:


  30. asdf says:

    “constantly trying to police bands and musicians of the black metal scene.”

    Oh, the irony.

  31. fuck_norgay says:

    Duh… Everything said above is not a mystery as Norwegian satanic goat terrorist trv kvlt blackened “black metal” has been a den of faggotry and hipsterism since its inception. After all, its cornerstones at the time were a bunch of teenagers and manchildren LARPing as unaccomplished, savage, scummy, shit-eating, hut-dwelling viking subhumans, while dreaming about taking the atheist, hipster paradise that is Norway back to the times where Vikangz did nothing but chimp out all day long in that frozen wasteland.

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