The leading representative of Swedish industry around the world, Ikea, sells furniture of styles from a dozen nations. It has a housewares section, a full-service cafeteria, a donut shop and a grocery store. You can pick up electric lights, tools, houseplants and home decor there.
But conspicuously absent are the most important items from Sweden in recent memory: Swedish death metal and black metal.
To counter this, a group of surly curmudgeon metalheads have begun a write-in campaign to Ikea to demand the inclusion of Swedish metal. You can participate by writing to Ikea with a letter like the following:
From: Incorrigible Metalhead <email@example.com>
To: IKEA High Command <UScustomercare259@ikea.com>
Subject: Please Include Swedish Metal In Ikea Stores!
To Whom It May Concern,
As a long-time Ikea shopper who appreciates the wide range of Swedish products and cultural icons on sale in Ikea, I noticed the glaring omission of one of the greatest outpourings of Swedish greatness of all time, namely Swedish death metal and black metal bands.
These works, which can be sold on CD and vinyl, represent the cultural influence of Sweden for the betterment of all humanity by overcoming humanity and embracing our role as those who strive for excellence against the entropy and despair of modern existence.
Please consider stocking works by the following Swedish artists: Bathory, Carnage, Dismember, Unleashed, Therion, Entombed, At The Gates, Merciless, Hypocrisy, The Abyss, Candlemass, Eucharist, Carbonized, Dissection, Sacramentum, Seance and Unanimated.
You can find a full list of classic Swedish metal bands here: https://www.deathmetal.org/metal/map/#sweden
Thank you for your attention to this important matter.
One of the world’s 400 million metalheads
With large corporate entities, letters such as these are counted and when they reach a crucial threshold, the committees and study groups consider action. Let our voices be heard! For the greater glory of metal, and Sweden, this could be the start of an epic change which ends our aimless wandering in one of the inevitable stops on the train ride of life, and breathes new life into the world’s understanding of Swedish culture!
Maybe they will even include the Dismember leggings.