Fruit McBullshit: Or How I Learned to Stop Hating Aromatics and Love the Bomb

Sometimes it makes sense to mix up a bit of the most unprocessed tobacco out there with a pleasant aromatic, producing a mixture labeled “Fruit McBullshit” on the jars here which is equal parts Savinelli Armonia and a blend of Cotton Boll Twist and Black Twist Sliced.

What on Earth would possess someone to concoct such an unholy mix? For starters, Armonia despite being not very popular represents perhaps the best of the aromatic genre: lots of tobacco flavor, a mixture of toppings, pleasant to smoke, and not too goopy.

Most aromatics are like soft drinks. You take a cheap ingredient, add sugar and flavorings, then ship it out the door for a massive markup. Your average aromatic consists of pile Burley, sugared Cavendish made from pile Burley, a touch of steamed young (i.e. cheap) pile Virginia, and sugary “goop” soaking it.

The goop shows us some alchemy by industry. The younger tobaccos save money on curing and aging, so they are the cheapest options for a blender. Add a dessicant, flavorings, sugar, and a humectant, and the leaf sucks in those flavors, gets sticky, and emits a strong scent and flavor alien to tobacco.

Like your average person seems to fear food that has not been blasted and flavored into an unnatural product, casual smokers like tobacco that leaves the room smelling good, will not clobber them with nicotine, and burns like the dickens because of the sugar to make it “easy” to smoke.

For those of us who are not sucking, gulping, drawing, slurping, panting, and gasping on our pipes this method ends terribly. Most aromatics are hard to smoke, if you smoke a pipe like a pipe; they are easier if you smoke it like a cigarette, taking big draws and then holding it for a few seconds.

Armonia delivers a topping that mixes chocolate, flowers, fruit, and liquor for a generalized perfume that integrates well with the woody and prairie scents of burning tobacco. Under the hood, this blend swaps dark fired Kentucky Burley for Latakia in the “English formula.”

The Virginias lead the flavor, with the dark fired Kentucky Burley providing strength and warmth while the Orientals give it a piquant taste. This results in something that by itself is quite a pleasant smoke with mild-to-medium nicotine, but us darker smokers prefer something with more kick.

When you mix in a barely-cured Burley like Cotton Boll Twist, the flavor gains Faustian dimensions as the light fruity topping battles with a surly demon with a faint vegetal flavor, but throwing in some Black Twist Sliced slows the burning and gives it a rich molasses undertone.

Aromatics will probably always both have a bad reputation and account for most tobacco sales as they do today. Rather than scream at the misinformed tastes of the masses, it makes sense to find an example of the finest of that genre, and point out where it could go to make it a top-notch smoke.

Tags: , , , ,

88 thoughts on “Fruit McBullshit: Or How I Learned to Stop Hating Aromatics and Love the Bomb”

  1. Okay fucker

    How do you ship blacks back to Africa?

    Why do you hate cannibal corpse and cannabis corpse why?

    Do you have a problem with me?

    Why are you so in hating cannibal corpse but not gangster rap

    And what do you think of rap metal why you do light on that crap?

    Know any Hawaiian Filipino gangster rap death metal bands?

    Don’t you realize you can’t stop interracial dating

    Are you seriously gonna stop multiculturalism how you got the balls?

    1. How do you ship blacks back to Africa?

      Reparations-with-Repatriation. Basically, admit that slavery was stupid, apartheid was stupid, and diversity is flat-out fucken retarded, so anyone who is not a WASP gets on a boat.

      Especially the Irish.

      Why do you hate cannibal corpse and cannabis corpse why?

      I think they are mediocre music. Suffocation is what Cannibal Corpse wanted to be, and I would rather reach for Dead Infection despite the wall-of-flatulent-sound production anyday over Cannabis Corpse.

      Do you have a problem with me?

      Not that I know of. I hear tales of necessary symbolic acts and think I admire those quite a bit.

      Why are you so in hating cannibal corpse but not gangster rap

      And what do you think of rap metal why you do light on that crap?

      Gangster rap is out of my world; my only comment there is that I think African-American music did better with stuff like Parliament, Ornette Coleman, and Robert Johnson than it is going to with what will be seen as a Jewish-homosexual Hollywood cash-in or something like that. Gangster rap has no hope in it; Coleman was nothing but hope and beauty.

      Rap-metal, nu-metal, and to some degree groove metal and funk metal are combining two things. It’s like crossing an F150 with a Nissan station wagon. Technically both are music, but they are going in different directions. The same feeling you get when you hear a techno version of the national anthem, a country cover of old Metallica, or a folk cover of Beethoven.

      Don’t you realize you can’t stop interracial dating

      Are you seriously gonna stop multiculturalism how you got the balls?

      It has already failed and is a dead man walking like the former Soviet Union. As usual, the “idealistic” (individualistic; narcissistic; egotistic; solipsistic; altruistic; pacifistic) collectivized pluralism has run itself off the rails. Old story, very sad. Many such cases.

      1. whitey killa says:

        >so anyone who is not a WASP gets on a boat

        anyone who is not a native american you mean, split the country into 500 tiny tribal states afterwards

        1. curio says:

          500 tiny tribal states of low IQ alcoholics that will rape and kill each other into oblivion without creating anything of value.

          1. And then settlers will arive, and the low IQ alcoholics will attack them and lose…

        2. Amerinds = Mongolians. BOATS!

          1. Gary Niger says:

            But look on the brightside at least they’re not making “retro-thrash-revival” speed metal…

            Or… are they?

            *Then* we have a problem.

            1. Cynical says:

              No, they lack the IQ for even that — they’re doing Blackbraid instead.

              1. Vijay Prolapse says:

                Yeah well, John “Amerind” Romero who made this site’s favorite game franchise (Doom) is smarter than any of you pretenders who only comment online and produce nothing noteworthy. And as if these tribes are such a majority to get your vag up in a knot anyway… I’d be more worried about the blacks everywhere that never seem to die out.

                And now that I mention it, what the hell is it with doom being promoted here anyway for having a couple of slayer riffs? There are way better games/OST’s out there. Metal riffs aren’t even that great most of the time, it’s a combination of structure, engineering, ambience and timing that makes a good metal song. “Catchy metal” songs are just pop music.

                1. Jeffery Lee Guillory says:

                  It seems you have a lot of envy or resentment for people writing here. Maybe this explains the obsession? Obsessions can be wonderful, magical things but they can also lead to dead hooker blood flowing out of your garage at six in the morning.

                2. Christian Holocaust says:

                  “I’d be more worried about the blacks everywhere that never seem to die out.” I’m an internet racist and this comment worries me. Boats to Africa is humane, but your language reeks of a desire to genocide a population that got gangfucked by history and possibly genetics.

                3. Romero was part of a team, and the other part of the team did the technically impressive stuff. However, Doom is one of those nodal points in history because it was really the first game to nail side-scrolling and therefore get a 3D effect; of course, Descent one-upped it later, but these were early days for people figuring out graphics technology (even though much of this had been invented before, e.g. Stellar 7).

            2. Good point. Retro-thrash is nostalgia for a time never experienced by the musicians or audience because it was a time of relative clarity compared to the muddle of neurotic mental feces that is the present.

              1. retro thrash > black metal says:

                and everyone of you liberal pussies knows it.

                1. The Left is the bourgeois. Once one understands this… it becomes clear why they prefer retro-thrash and emo-black to trve black metal.

        3. Fuck like a beast says:

          Speaking of that, WASP is actually the only good “glam” band. At least the first album, which is a fucking banger for what it is.

          1. Ronnie James Dio-Christianity says:

            It is a smashing album. But we could say the same thing about the first Motley Crue too. “Shout at the Devil” is what glam should have been, if it were not gayer than AIDS and more pious than catholicism.

          2. I agree WASP is one of the good glam bands. Does Queensryche count? Some of the early glam material was quite creative.

      2. Warkvlt is High IQ Music says:

        African American music did better with funk until MC Hammer killed Rick James for no reason with his sub-literate idiocy that makes even ghetto nigs turn to Ted Nugent & Justin Bieber.

        1. African-American music peaked with Ornette Coleman, then shat the bed, sort of like how rock music now is all this mishmash hybrid mashup drivel that focuses so much on sweet spots it lacks contrast, therefore context, therefore meaning.

    2. Black people in the JUSA are not lovin it anyway, as the BLM riots showed us, so we might as well try something else. Better that than getting so frustrated that you kill a bunch of hookers and stash the corpses in the attic.

      1. Cynical says:

        I mean, the BLM rioters had a good point — white policing of black neighborhoods has been an unmitigated disaster. Diversity fails everywhere.

        1. This is true. If I were Black, I would not want to see a White, Hispanic, or Asian police officer pulling me over.

    3. Warkvlt is High IQ Music says:

      How do you ship blacks back to Africa?

      With ships.

      Why do you hate cannibal corpse and cannabis corpse why?

      I don’t really hate CC, I think they are a try-hard version of Suffocation (as others have pointed out) with “gory lyrics” only acting as a shock value gimmick. To be fair, once they kicked out the loser vocalist from Six Feet Under (forget his name) their music improved somewhat. In fact, they are one of the few bands who keeps getting “better” over the years instead of regressing… that’s not saying much because they started so low, but it’s rare enough to point out.

      Cannabis Corpse I never listened to and sounds like man children boomers trying to be edgy.

      Why are you so in hating cannibal corpse but not gangster rap

      Some gangsta rap is actually virile despite being moronic. 50 Cent’s Heat, Rick Ross’ Mafia Music (the remix where they diss 50, not the original) & most DMX are okay muzak. 99% of slam brutal goregrind bands masturbait to gangsta rap anyway, and deathcore is – again, as others have pointed out (Bitterman) – the epitome of w1gg3r “music”.

      And what do you think of rap metal why you do light on that crap?

      I kinda liked the Kanye track where he raps on Dunkelheit, if that counts as rap metal.

      Know any Hawaiian Filipino gangster rap death metal bands?

      Try and hook up with Erik D of Watain, we all know he likes all things flip ;)

      Don’t you realize you can’t stop interracial dating

      obviously? interracial appeared at the same time as racism, ie before there was even a term for the concept. Doesn’t mean everyone has to support it nor does it have to be shoved down everyone’s throat 24/7.

      Where there is multiracialism there will always be race mixing. The problem is with (((who))) is promoting it nonstop, and more importantly with the fact that you can’t criticize it without getting cancelled.

      Are you seriously gonna stop multiculturalism how you got the balls?

      I don’t really think it’s possible, some form of multiculturalism is inevitable + it’s basically the byproduct of Imperialism, and since the West/USA/old-Britain are still clinging to the Imperialistic dreams like the Dutch East India Company is still relevant it’s not going away anytime soon.

      Btw, you forgot the most important questions :

      How many members of Gorgoroth are heterosexual and/or have children? Was the victim of Infernus’ gross negligent rape a biological female or one of his bandmates? Does Erik Danielson still wear diapers on stage? What is Deicide without Hoffman & Asheim? Why are all satanists incels and/or suiciders? Which ones beside Sacramentum produced good music?

      0. His sister thus both. The Wild Hunt for Pampers. Cringecore. Feature not bug like reverse nuns. Maybe Nödtveidt did one or two good tracks on the debut (debatable) also Antaeus maybe… maybe.

      1. Psychiatric Help 5c says:

        No one asked you

        1. Fidgety Niggardly Nuggets says:

          No one asked any of us. AND YET WE ARE HERE.

        2. Botorious N.I.G. says:

          Someone gotta fix this motherfucker on the double time down low, bitch.

          1. John Denofa says:

            What % of people left in “Western Civilization” Do you think are sane? LOL everything over but the cryin.

            1. No, but we are getting ready for Regime Change and loss of most people. “Loss” is relative.

      2. Schopenhauer was right: inside every White person is a weak voice that wants to crawl back down the evolutionary ladder and be a hominid. Christianity and liberalism just turn up the volume on that. Everyone hates anyone who rises above the herd.

    4. iBeez says:

      We wuz kangz

      1. East New Orleans Antifa Local #242 says:

        We wuz Vikangz

  2. kenneth pinyan says:

    But the question is does “The Bomb” stimulate the prostate properly if inserted?

    1. The best thing about jars of tobacco is that they fit quite handily in the rectal cavity. If you leave them in there long enough, it counts as “cellaring.”

  3. thomasw says:

    Although I am inclined to enjoy delicious dark fired kentucky without an aromatic added, it is smashing to read some pipe tobacco/smoking-related content here recently!

    1. I found a jar of C&D Virginia Flake the other day. If you have not seen this one, it is a dry broken flake of pressed orange and bright Virginias. Basically pure sugar and acid but very good with some age on it. I mix it with straight TS-12 Dark Fired Cured in a 1:2 ratio and it is quite an enjoyable smoke.

  4. Cynical says:

    Demoncy Black Star Gnosis

    Black Star Gnosis is finally here!

  5. Ron Jeremy says:

    Brett, have you read any of Neal Stephenson or Paolo Bacigalupi, like Cryptonomicon or the Windup Girl?

    1. I have not. I tried Neal Stephenson but he irritated me even more than Phillip K Dick, whose books I can never seem to finish. Yet CS Lewis is not a problem.

      1. Ron Jeremy says:

        What book did you try? Most people start with Snow Crash, which is much more ‘wacky’ than his other books, and so isn’t a vety accurate representation of him. I prefer his other books which deal with environmentalism and historical science.

        1. It has been years, but everything I have read from the guy except one short essay bugged me sideways. Same way with David Foster Wallace, Ayn Rand, Barbara Kingsolver, and other modern plastic trash.

      2. Warkvlt is High IQ Music says:

        Electric Sheep is better than Blade Runner though.

        1. Crionics says:

          Three Stigmatas, you noobs.

        2. Probably. Movies are a different medium and require different approaches. The movie is pretty untouchable and massive significant, although the followup was forgettable garbage for millennials.

      3. Would rather fuck says:

        PKD has a knack for the surreal which he did best with A Scanner Darkly. But at some point I decided that his characters lack sufficient depth for me to probably ever bother again.

        1. Crionics says:

          This is like expecting coherence from Robert Persig after what he went through. Which admittedly he achieved more often than not but use your brain judiciously and take what you get and can relate to. It’s far more than you’ll probably ever do in your life.

          1. My war says:

            Lol OK dude. U have a point about stigmata tho that one is trippy

            1. Porcine Air Biscuit of Christ says:

              Pirsig lost his kid to a “diversity event.” This’ll break anyone’s brain.

        2. Gnarly says:

          his characters lack sufficient depth

          True. Dick just isn’t very good at writing people. Which is a pretty glaring weakness when his writing advocates the human as opposed to the mechanical. A thinker more than a poet, I suppose (although it seems he’s trying very hard to be poetic).

          1. …sort of like Ayn Rand (Alisa Rosenbaum) or George Orwell (Eric Arthur Blair).

        3. Essentially. He is hard sci-fi written as soft sci-fi: basically about the concepts, but acted out through lost people.

          1. Sex mad says:

            Well put. I got the hard sci fi out of my system a long time ago. Rather read the ravings of some horny and/or twisted and/or disillusioned Frenchman. Or good horror.

            1. John Famalaro says:

              The harder stuff all involved physics and was usually too speculative. The soft sci-fi usually devolved into adventure or fantasy. There were a few good ones in the middle like Bradbury, Crichton, Heinlein, and Dick who got the formula just right.

              1. Train of thot says:

                My favorite is probably vonnegut far as that sort of thing goes. But yeah pkd was excellent at what he did.

                1. Arthur Leigh Allen says:

                  Are we gonna include cyberpunk like John Brunner and William Gibson?

                  1. The devil isn't red says:

                    I would

                    1. Satan is a Republican says:

                      What about Le Guinn and Shelley?

                    2. blasphemy fallen angel of doom im high af says:

                      i dont see why not dear

                    3. Homosexuals Against Apple Products (HAAP) says:

                      What about Jules Verne, goddamnit?

                    4. Hot for hypotheticals says:

                      Yes a thousand times yes, shit even Voltaire cranked out some soft sci fi

                    5. Voltaire should have been exiled to Mexico.

                    6. yeth metal says:

                      For coining the phrase “no worries”?

                  2. Pure Holla-caust says:

                    Gibson has some good concepts, but unfortunately his ‘hardboiled’ prose is chore to get through. I get it, someone made a cup of coffee. I don’t a tedious page-long tangent explaining how the back of the package has an ad for Mexican tractors or some other random shit.

                    1. In Pattern Recognition, at least the details are relevant and evocative for the most part. The Peripheral was as you describe.

                2. Edgar Rice Burroughs and H.G. Wells need a mention here too.

    2. id says:

      Books are for women. Men prefer sights and sounds.

      1. Some women have written some excellent books, but novelization is sort of the ultimate autism.

        1. Profit.Idiocy.Self.Sacrifice says:

          Seems like just another way to wring as much profits out of a (dying) franchise as possible.

        2. Nip it in the bud says:

          Ultimate frisbee shows that when things get real, you do need some sort of referee and not just rely on “sportsmanship.”

          1. Authority is abused.

            Authority is also necessary.

            Normies: it’s a paradox!

            Relativist: it is a matter of degree, and relative to the speaker, since knowledge is esoteric and civilizations are different.

            Normies: waow that’s so many words.

            1. Listen up says:

              The first few installments of Civilization were pretty good, and definitely groundbreaking, but I’m not very into the last one. There are other things to do, like beatboxing.

              1. David Ick says:

                Was that when lizardmen ruled the world?

      2. curio says:

        I want to be locked in a tower with electric guitars and endless blank manuscripts, YT connection for music and a mountain of books on history, philosophy and ancient literature. I want my gardens full of freshly impaled degenerates and bureaucrats to feed the earth and keep people away.

        1. It will take a thousand years just to analyze all of the letters in LGBT+.

  6. Crow says:

    Didn’t figure you for a fruity pipe-smoker.

      1. I wanna bang Nikki laurenzo and savanna sellers and I love Eurasian pussy so fuck you Brett

        Don’t you think mixed babies are hot Brett

        Don’t you think mixed blacks are better than blacks?
        What the hell your problem with mixed folks?

        Don’t you have mixed friends?

        Me and Kimberly Huestis are gonna have some babies and I’m gonna fuck her forever so there’s shit outta luck nothing you can do about it

        Whoever gets me in bed with Kimberly Huestis gets one thousand in EBT credits cash to spend

        If you look like her
        Are half Asian
        Half white
        No kids

        Are Serbian
        Are Taiwanese
        Are Hawaiian
        Are Japanese

        Call 916_488_8453
        Call 916_418_4776

        Peace out

        Support black and Asian lovemaking that hit hard huh Brett you dry white coochie hehehe

        Why is wasp pussy so dry like Laura Palos’s dry pussy hehe anyway?


        I love Taiwan Hawaiian Japanese pussy so fuck you Brett stevens

        1. Don’t you think mixed blacks are better than blacks?

          Better… better? At what?

          You mean in some Christian-Communist sense of universal morality?

          Surely you know that I am a nihilist and those are:

          A nihilist declines to believe in the consensual hallucination that there is an absolute, universal, and objective shared space of facts, morals, values, truths, and communications.

          I support Black Supremacy. If one is Black, only Blacks will do, and Blacks are the master race who should rule the world.

          But I also support someone pushing all past and present members of Korn into a giant microwave, adding oregano with tomatoes and basil, and putting them on high for forty minutes to see if what results looks and tastes like lasagna.

        2. Crow says:

          >Eurasian pussy

          I read once of a study where men rated pictures of women of all different races. Eurasian women had the highest collective score, so in a sense were rated the most attractive. However, when considering only the ratings of Asian men, the Eurasian women were rated the second most attractive. They rated Asian women #1. There was an analogous result when restricting to the ratings of white participants, Eurasians were again rated the second most attractive with whites rating their own race the most attractive. Something to think about.

          1. Europeans always want to be the other because being European is high stress.

            1. High seriosity topic says:

              Idk, having to constantly “save face” seems pretty stressful, especially if there’s many millions of similar faces.

              1. Gen X Realist says:

                Most of these faces can be covered by a pillow with gentle but firm pressure for four minutes. This prevents a lot of problems.

                1. The Day of the Pillow is coming for Boomers.

                2. Ascending to higher levels of reality and other Kurt Cobainisms says:

                  Pillows seem inefficient.

                  1. Pillows are great as long as the staff are too addled to notice petechiae.

Comments are closed.

Classic reviews: