Pipe smokers are the rebels of the 2010s


Take your TARDIS back to the hazy 1960s. A buttoned-up Dale Carnegie America has encountered the new rebels: like the beatniks, but simplified, the hippies shock society by systematically violating its standards. They smoke marijuana, have promiscuous sex, listen to loud protest music, and live in squalor, much like the Bohemians of the 1900s that the beatniks were imitating.

Now spin the dial forward to 2015. Television lauds the hippies, who are now old and grey and telling us how we should think. Rock music is used in every commercial, played in every grocery store, and government agrees with the protest lyrics — as do the large, buttoned-up corporations. Promiscuous sex is the norm and marijuana is legal in many states and tolerated with a wink and a nod in others. How do you rebel against the rebellion?

One way is to smoke a pipe, which violates the taboo of our current social pretense of “health” and moral “goodness”:

Interestingly enough, a side-effect has arisen as marijuana becomes more prominent at Stanford. As support for it rises, that for tobacco seems to be waning and a prejudice rapidly forming against it. Recently the Faculty Senate postponed voting on an all-campus smoking ban (tobacco only, recall), that would in essence push all forms of tobacco smoke to the other side of Campus Drive. The only spaces allowed for smoking would be designated outdoor areas and, interestingly enough, faculty/staff residential areas. Slight hypocrisy aside, the ban was designed to be a preventative measure against any sort of respiratory problems resulting from potential second-hand smoke.

The radicals are now in charge and have become old and boring. Anyone singing their song is just bleating. But they have their taboos, too. They fear tobacco and alcohol, masculinity and strong warlike music such as heavy metal. If you think humanity should have a future, you owe it to yourself and the rest of us to rebel against this new generation of buttoned-up nannies and their attempts to control us.

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7 thoughts on “Pipe smokers are the rebels of the 2010s”

  1. Jodash Phoenix says:

    I couldn’t agree more. Obviously, ganja is great and all, but is becoming rather common. Just like smoking was when I took it up 30 years ago. Now that most of my contemporaries have long since quit, I do rather like being the outcast who’s not doing his health any favors.

  2. Meek Metalhead says:

    The only times I have seen someone smoking a pipe, its usually some old man. I doubt this will ever change. The notion that inhaling smoke is “healthy”, even if its weed grown on free range manure is hilarious.

  3. hhhhhh says:

    Purchasing a product is not a rebellious act. This is faggotry.

    1. Meek Metalhead says:

      Just like weed, theres always the option to grown your own tobacco.

    2. arbie says:

      Yup. Commodity fetishism neckbeard edition. Cringe

    3. Heckler & Kock says:

      Dude, I put my leather jacket through the dryer 20 times to get that distressed look. You’re telling me I financed a Harley for nothing? I’m the cool uncle goddamnit!

  4. Reactionary Reasons says:

    We’ve upped our standards – so up yours too!


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