The Hessian Introduction to MMA’s Most Barbaric Moments

MMA is now a mainstream sport consisting of highly paid athletes, large organizations, specialized doctors and strict rules governing all aspects of the sport. During the sport’s formative years, this was not the case as fighters didn’t fully comprehend the rules, the pay was minimal and the risks weren’t fully understood, creating situations that were wild and uncontrolled. This lead to some fights that had a feral quality that has mostly been lost in the sport barring a few exceptions. Here are some fights that showcase the brutality of the sport.

Joe Son vs Keith Hackney:
The inventor of “Jo Son Do”, a fictitious martial art created by an actor known for his short role in Austin Powers and then infamously for gang raping and torturing a 19 year old girl. All this was culminated by him killing his cell mate when he was finally caught two decades later. While Keith Hackney had no idea who Joe Son was at the time, he would succeed where the American Government had failed. He punished the deviant with brutal loaded punches straight to the groin (legal at the time and Son wore a cup) while being held in a sloppy guillotine before finishing him off with a painful hand choke. Joe Son is an extremely sadistic man but when put in a cage without any weapons and a well prepared adversary, he folded as it is easier to assault an unsuspecting victims than to defeat an adversary who is prepared to retaliate.

Tank Abbott vs everyone:
Tank was the opposite of the Hollywood approved martial artist. Instead of the chiseled,respectful,soft spoken man who only fought to defend those who couldn’t defend themselves. Tank had a beer belly, thought highly of himself, fought regularly on the streets for fun and would make fun of his opponents while viciously knocking them out. Dubbed a “pitfighter” for some unknown reason, Tank was both a well respected wrestler and a savvy boxer who surrounded himself with excellent fighters. Though his physique was forged through excessive drinking, he possessed incredible athleticism that translated well into his horrifying ability to leave his opponents laying on the floor motionless and stiff. At first glance his fights look like a drunk man stumbling all over the place and who through sheer luck lands the one punch that put his adversary to sleep. In reality Abbott’s style epitomizes the Western martial art tradition as he merges his wrestling and boxing into one fluid agressive style fit for real combat that foregoes the stiff formality of the East in favour of practicality and effectiveness. Tank was also known for his incredible durability as evidenced by how he would shrug off losses by proceeding to party while the winners would often spend the night at the hospital or breathing through an oxygen mask. Tank was the hessian spirit embodied in a fighter.

The prize for winning was going to jail Tank Abbott on his street fighting career.

Gary Goodridge vs Paul Herrera:
Gary “Big Daddy” Goodridge didn’t possess any extensive accolades in the realm of combat sports but was considered one of the world’s best arm wrestlers. He began his fighting career against a well regarded wrestler in Paul Herrera. The inexperienced arm wrestler entered the cage donning a gi and a fourth degree black belt in the art of “Kuk Sool Won” despite never practicing the art. He had obtained the honorific title by dominating an experienced “Kuk Sool Won” practitioner who had hoped to compete in the UFC showing how most Eastern martial arts consist mainly of larping. One thing Goodridge had was a good entourage who were able to come up with a plan after seeing Herrera practice the same fireman’s carry multiple times. Big Daddy would lean back, trap Herrera in a crucifix hold and apply a wrist lock in theory to counter the technique. In reality Goodridge dropped vicious elbows from the crucifix in a fight that he should have lost against a very dangerous fighter. The unpredictability and brutality is what made both metal and early MMA such a powerful experience.

Soccer Mum vs Professional fighter:
Like metal, as soon as MMA finally found popularity and its savagery distilled for grand consumerism. This attracted people who could never grasp its true essence and where in metal this often lead to financial success and adulation by the equally clueless, in MMA this would lead to humiliating defeats and life changing injuries. An out of shape mother and non-athlete learnt this the hard way.

Ben Rothwell vs random fat guy
One of the biggest freakshow fights in the history of combat sports pitted two young men of the same age both trying their hand at MMA. One was a serious athlete and the other an overfed child who thought that this was Pro Wrestling. This is what leftists want for the future of men instead of being strong and confident like Ben Rothwell.

Mark Kerr vs Moti Horenstein:
Moti was a former Israeli commander and Krav Maga expert who looked like Jean Claude Van Damme and spoke like a true gentleman. Moti was the ideal that society held of the ultimate martial artist. His first brutal loss by the skull crushing headbutts of old man/wrestler Mark Coleman would be like the movie hero’s defeat before the final redemption arc. His following fight was against the “Smashing Machine” Mark Kerr who was an even bigger, stronger wrestler in his prime with a more refined skill set. This wasn’t a straight to video martial arts movie but an actual fight and Kerr easily disposed of Horenstein leaving him in a bloody mess. Combat doesn’t conform to expectations but to reality.

Fallon Fox vs Ashlee Evans-Smith:

An athletic man decides to fight women after having taken hormones that increase bone density despite making the individual more feminine. Fallon Fox was flapping around in a fit of rage, begging the UFC to sign him after defeating a bunch of fighters unaware of his condition on the regional level and did so in the name of transgender rights while leaving these women with permanent scars and severe concussions. Evans-Smith was a decent fighter with a good wrestling pedigree. Initially troubled by the difference in strength, she would then muster her skills to methodically break down Fox into irrelevance.

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27 thoughts on “The Hessian Introduction to MMA’s Most Barbaric Moments”

  1. Creed Braddock says:

    It doesn’t get much manlier than this-

    1. horny baby says:

      I knew exactly what this was before clicking it. But I’m always glad to watch it again.

    2. Frye was on a lot of painkillers during that time.

      1. horny baby says:

        that’s because this fight was 4 months after shamrock shredded his leg (and still lost). any way being on painkillers doesn’t offer an advantage during a fight since they retard motor functions and adrenaline is a better pain suppressant than any rx drugs. so don’t disrespect frye or i will use your urethra as my pencil shsrpener.

  2. RDS says:

    The fact there were no weight classes is the craziest part of early MMA

  3. \m/@ says:

    Tank Abbott wrestled in high school and college but that was the extent of his “mma training”. he could also bench 600 lbs. he really didnt train at all, he just enjoyed fighting at anyplace and anywhere. thats why if any of his opponents could make it past 2 minutes with him he would get winded and would lose. He was also the first person to wear MMA gloves in UFC. either way he’s a true warrior, and the fact that didnt do roids, take supplements, or make any sort of fuss about who he should fight or money and was ready to throw down at a moments notice says something. Of course, even in his prime if he were to step into the heavyweight division of UFC today, he would get trashed. unless it was Brock Lesnar, who i really believe he could KO “in 10 seconds”. BTW heres another one of Keith Hackney’s fights that deserves a spot on this list:

    1. you do realize that Abbott trained regularly with his team that brought up a young Tito Ortiz.

      1. \m/@ says:

        im sure they did wresting drills together. Tito was from the same town and college wrestler too. but if Abbott diligently trained he wouldnt have had such weak cardio. He was fat too. Thats not the body and style of a full time MMA fighter. Tito got on the roids and grew a huge skull, but he also was in great shape and mastered the ground game and cardio/ physical conditioning. Abbott did not, he just like to fight like he would on the street and drink and thats why he lost alot especially at the end. Now he looks like a skeleton after having a liver transplant.

        1. He went more than 20 minutes with Oleg Taktarov and walked out fine.

  4. Breit says:

    God damn Severn’s packing some heat in those briefs swoooon

  5. Cynical says:

    Travis Fulton vs. Jeremy Bullock is a glaring omission from this list.

    1. I can’t believe I forgot that one, Fulton’s interview about that fight is hilarious too.

  6. Johnny_cab says:

    UFC 1 is still an amazing thing to watch. Like the gentlemen above said, no weight classes, add to it a number of fighting styles, a ring that basically fell apart, fighters pulling multiple matches in short time frames, practically no restrictions on what you could do in a fight…

    I think it was Roy Gracie that kicked out a bunch of his opponent’s teeth within seconds of the first match.

    1. *Royce Gracie was incapable of head kicks, he won the tournament with his submission acumen. You are thinking of Gerard Gordeau who kicked the sumo wrestler in the teeth.

  7. chicks are for fags says:

    The Hessian Lifestyle (TM) is to drink as much cum as possible without passing out or dying from AIDS – takes a real man to do that.

  8. Psychic Psych Toad says:

    Lol this article is for noobs… Coleman vs Severn is the opening pic???

    1. this article is literally an introduction to some brutal fights. Not going to start with some obscure shoot boxing or vale tudo. Yes that Coleman vs Severn.

  9. canadaspaceman says:

    I am very satisfied you mentioned Tank Abbot.
    Very inspiring to even the most average of metalheads and skinheads,
    that all you need is a lot of heart and guts, but luck too, if it lasted too long.
    love all these sexy ads that keep appearing on the site in the past months !
    Too bad, not much is of interest to me, but i click them anyways sometimes to see what is there. You never know.

    1. TUSHI 2020 says:

      Let’s talk about something slightly less brain damage inducing, like Amerikan politics. I think its already clear who DMU is officially supporting.

      CyberAIDS is real.

      1. antigay says:

        shut up faggot

  10. LostInTheANUS says:

    Thanks Nikki now I have more manly material to jerk my meat to.

  11. goober says:

    This is a cool article, thanks. I am glad that someone posted Don Frye vs. Takayama, absolutely insane brawl. You could have easily featured highlights from Wanderlei Silva’s career, or Rampage Jackson’s, or Fedor’s, or Cro Cop’s, or Mark Hunt’s. Pride Fighting Championship is truly missed by any fighting fan worth their salt!

    To the author: I know this is a more recent example, but how about Robbie Lawler vs Rory Macdonald? Lawler always seemed like an old school mma guy in the modern era.

    1. goober again says:

      CORRECTION: wrong link posted in my last comment. this is the proper link.

      1. That second Lawler vs Macdonald fight fucked up Rory’s life forever. Complete insanity from both men.

  12. It was real -- in his head says:

    “Though his physique was forged through excessive drinking, he possessed incredible athleticism”


  13. Goose from Top Gun says:

    Git the fuck out of here with this dudebro shit. Next thing there will be wrestling articles on here.

    1. there have been on the sport of wrestling.

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