Real Sex with SJWs Contest Winners

Death Metal Underground finally has crowned a winner of our Real Sex with Social Justice Warriors Short Story Contest. GGALLIN1776’s morbid visions of bloody leftist degeneracy have been pounded into our staffs’ brains like a pistol butt cracking open a teenage thug’s skull:

I might just jump in on this one Herr Maarat, the odds being greater if one of those DMU shirts are added into the pot.
I’ve dated a couple of these retards because lets face it, they love being abused in bed & I’m a sadist. Whenever they would open their mouths about sjw shit I would publicly humiliate them to the point of tears/suicidal action. One was a cutter the other just 100% batshit. Ever see a girl put a loaded Glock 23 in her mouth on skype because you made fun of her over claiming to be 25 sexes/knowing multiple people that had both cocks & working uteruses? I have! It was actually pretty hot, dear goat wtf is wrong with me.

I MIGHT still have the pictures(can i post them here legally?) of Glock bitch doing the following, BUT there was one time we were on skype & I told her that I wanted some of her blood so she went & grabbed a vial then proceeded to rip the inside of her mouth open with her teeth. She would spit the blood into the vial & then then the rest drip all over GIANT tits (that she said she wanted gone because she thought she should be a guy). I think her blood play went on for about 30 mins & I made her late to work for the sake of self destruction. She later sent the vial of blood to me along with a burzum shirt. One day i smelled this horribly putrid scent, turns out vials of blood rupture in summer heat. The coagulation was disgusting, imagine a giat scab forming about 1/2″ thick inside of a jar.the spit mixed in didn’t help the fact. That whole thing just makes me thing of “Whore” by Nattefrost.

Another one that i sadly can’t provide pics of was just fucking pig shit insane, miles beyond glock mouth. I knew it was going to be trouble when I fucked her a few hours after meeting & she says “i love you”. Turns out she was cheating on ger gf with me & she asked for a ride to her house. I said gtfo of here, walk. Living in the ghetto ov ghettos at the time she starts crying saying she’ll get raped/killed. I said good, i hope so.
She started hitting herself & screaming so what else does a guy do in that situation but fuck the psycho. Turns out she liked getting brutalized & having cigarettes put out on her ghastly sag bag tits.
Later after my landlord was murdered with a sledge by her boyfriend & the new owners refused to clean up the stench, i refused to pay rent.they were going to evict me so I moved in with frau gross tits for $100/mo. Would’ve been a better choice being homeless. She constantly had screaming delusions of falling into hell & landing in a pile of dead babies. Talk about being mortified when that happens in public & you have to explain to your cop buddy that you’re only using the bitch for money/a place to stay.
I used to piss her off on purpose to get a violent reaction, she would grab my 3D cell maglite & bash herself in the head screaming “IS THIS WHAT YOU WANT? DO YOU LIKE THIS?” til she blacked out from the blows. Once she came to she would start all over again. I remember one time, she spazzed & jumped on her fathers back, biting his nasty bald scalp.
Another funny one was talking to a cousin on myspace & twat face walks in the room & starts accusing me of cheating. I tell her to go kill herself, it’s my goddamn cousin. So he goes out on the back porch which is about 50ft up & jumps. About 30 mins later i hear crying & whimpering outside. I go look but couldn’t see anything because it was dark out. I go grab the maglite to look around & sure enough it stupid bitch lying on the ground looking like that chalk outline in the “do not cross slayer” undisputed attitude shirt. Fn hilarious. I called for an ambulance& the stupid faggots tried saying that i threw her off the porch trying to kill her even though they literally showed up weekly at that house to deal with a psychotic episode emanating from either her or her father.

In the end I got sick of it & took off (ending up homeless for a year while trying to get back in my feet) during one her her most extreme spaz outs. She grabbed about 3 months worth of my heart medication (klonadine) along with all my pain meds & swallowed it all. 12hrs later her ex prostitute mother (she still did it occasionally even in her 50s) shows up & finds her on the ground twitching & foaming at the mouth. Whore was in a coma. Naturally they blame me & the cops were looking for me but not only did they not find me, it came out that the neighbor knew what she did. Apparently she also shot her dad’s heroin because it was in her system when the ER dr called me to find out what happened. It wasnt the first time i saw her in a coma but it was the most entertaining.
Speaking of I did have to watch her get her stomach pumped more than once. Not a pretty sight.

There were witnessess to all these events that can confirm their validity.

For educating us about the coagulating sanguine fixations of communist pigs, how they jump and bite like small monkeys, and bash themselves in the head with a three D-cell battery Maglite flashlight, GGALLIN1776 wins one of The Best Underground Metal Albums of 2016Kshatriya‘s Vsque ad Sidera Vsque ad Inferos on CD-R!

In second place by default was Captain Steakumm’s vivid description of Maci Malory’s poultry play:

I was always opening for American black metal bands back in the day in the 2000s when USBM was strong prior to the bands turning on themselves in vicious bitch slap fights over heroin money as they did drugs. There was this one merch girl Maci Malory who was always friendly to bands. Everyone with long hair and leather jacket who walked by her booth got smirking smile from her. She was not pretty. Most of the bigger bands and old school legends always ignore her. She didn’t used to be that big in the body like babushka who drink but her face always resembled a paler version of one of those African tribal masks you see at zoo. Terrible human face like bull with ring.

Maci constantly tried to come on to touring bands, sneaking way backstage, cozy up to them on the old sofas, lean on them, as they zone out with drugs and drinking after playing set. I heard stories about how she would have her handd wander across musicians unexpectedly, always ending up under shirt or down pants. Maci was commonly referred to by bands passing through town as what blacks call a chickenhead.

When my band was the local opener for a major corpse-painted, not-so-classic USBM band, the bands were back stage drinking after the show. I was eating greasy cold chicken fingers from earlier in the evening. Maci tried to snug to to the Nivana lookalike guitarist of headliner who had one too many reefer smokes. He shoved her away onto guy on the other side of the couch, got up, and walked off outside to smoke cigarette. Maci landed on my lap. The chicken fingers fell out of the styrofoam container onto the couch. She looked up and said “Hey!”

My eyes were glazed over with beer goggles of many shots of vodka in from outside in my black Adidas brand sport jacket. I saw distinctive Afro tribal mask looking face as nonthreatening for the first time when squinted. Why not I figure? Free food and free action.

I bent my head up and kiss her. My mouth was full of hard metal like I was kissing the villain Jaws from James Bond film The Spy Who Loved Me. Meanwhile, Maci’s hands were slipping into my loose-fitting early 2000s Levis jean waistband. Her cold, clammy fingers reached down to my flaccid penis, causing it to retract into my body like when swimming in an ice-cold pond back in old country.

Wanting to get hard again, I copped a feel of Maci’s breasts. I could see the piercing through her black shirt. Her misshapen udders sort of did a good trick for my penis. My penis emerged forth from my fleshy groin. She was undoing my fly by this point and pulling my dad jeans and white briefs down.

Maci’s cavernous metal-laced mouth engulfed my ruddy, uncut member. I continued eating my cold meal as I grew erect in her mouth. She was hungry for cock and I was hungry for chicken. As I chewed the fried flesh, she licked me up, scraping me with her teeth. It almost put me over the edge but I held on. I wanted to finish my chicken fingers before ejaculation as it was free food.

I closed my eyes and leaned back. Maci was stroking me and licking and sucking on my sack of testicles. It felt so good. I barked “Finish balls! Lick my ass bitch!”

“I am no bitch!” I smashed her face deep into my butt, suffocating her with my hairy ass cheeks. She enjoyed this and moaned. Suddenly she thrust her tongue onto my sphincter. She lapped at it licking it circularly, moving tongue back and forth as my sphincter quivered. Felt good man!

Her hand grasped my rod and started stroking it using foreskin. Her mouth returned to balls. She then put a finger into my mouth. I licked it. She pulled it out and twirled her finger into my quivering sphincter up to one knuckle. She went in gently.

“Wow” I thought! She is great at this. Maci must have what Jerry Seinfeld referred to as the man hands though. It felt thick. Almost as thick as dick. I am not gay but enjoy sitting on faces with tongue action. Eat up all you girls reading this!

Her mouth bobbed up and down over my penis as her finger went deeper. Eating chicken with ketchup for dinner had left my rectum well-oiled for this. She went ever so deep touching prostate. I shouted at her “Here I cum!”

“No yet!” Maci said. Maci had more for me. And squeezed dick hard. Could not cum. Maci was bitch. More blowing came. I leaned back and let her do only thing she good at other than whine and being cunt bitch.

Maci pulled finger out of ass. I saw it was not human finger but chicken finger! Fucked by animal! Chicken finger was black and oily like someone burnt it too hard. She took a bite and made eww face. She swallowed it. She ate shitty chicken finger! “Back to ass!” I say.

She go back to work on my ass and penis. Went so deep. I did not know woman could go that deep in ass with finger. Especially big Ukrainian ass. She massage prostrate. Shitty chicken finger eater touching me to push me off of cliff! “I cumming!”

She pulled back and I came like porno star Peter North. She continued finger rubbing prostate, causing me to shoot out tons of cum. I had never seen cum that thin and coconut milk like before. Most of it went into her mouth but some went on her shirt. Looked cool like how Bill Clinton must have seen Monica Lewinsky in 1997.

With her finger deep in ass, I took off tracksuit. She saw my Graveland – Thousand Swords shirt from No Colours with Graveland in helmet. So cool man. Still have that. Sweet design. “Oh my God! You’re a racist! I gave you a rim job!”

“Guess what bitch? Hitler was right…!”

“Fuck you fascist!” She tried to destroy my prostrate killing me by going deeper. But due to great reflexes from football on the street in Kiev, I anticipated this. I pulled back.

“Except for Slavs!” screamed out as I farted hard. That fart was huge vodka wet fart. All over her man finger still deep inside me. She pulled it out crying.

I could not believe eyes. I have seen lots of things since SSSR fell but this was the most strange. Maci did not have a middle finger. Maci Mallory had a long appendage thing. It looked like snow crab leg covered in shit. I have been finger-fucked by snow crab lady! All bumpy and slick with oily brown goop like Indian curry. Indian would eat crap that looked like that. Indian with brown skin not red skin Indian. I ran away to bathroom. I had to shit bad.

Later I came back ten minutes later to take peak. Maci was giggling sitting on sofa in new band shirt from headliner. Maci was eating cold chicken finger and full of giggles. She was leaning on guitar tech guy. Snow crab leg was hidden. She would work way through four guys that night I was told by friend. I sped out of to home to shower off. Needed to get STD test. Check if asshole still works and shit smooth. Maci got real fat since. Rob Darken still cool. King of Flowing Black Metal. The end.

Yes, Rob Darken is still cool, unlike your violated ass Captain Steakumm. Since earning second place still makes you a loser and you were late, you get a free digital download of Forest of HarambeUnder the Sign of Harambe.

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40 thoughts on “Real Sex with SJWs Contest Winners”

  1. There are so many good lines in these:

    “She was hungry for cock and I was hungry for chicken.”

    “She constantly had screaming delusions of falling into hell & landing in a pile of dead babies.”

  2. GGALLIN1776 says:

    A childhood dream come true, my name & words grace the DMU. I will tell this story of greatness to my imaginary grandchildren someday.

    Here’s a pic of 3D cell bitch after booze & antipsychotics brought on a screaming dead baby fit. Looks like a truck hit the cunt, right? This happened alot.

    I don’t think I still have the video of me waking her up by squirting her in the face with her own tit milk after I made her have an abortion (yes she paid for it, her cunt not mine). My hd with all the goodies crashed so who knows.

    As for glock bitch, well she might read this site so let me do some face hiding when I get around to it. Too many litigious hoes out there.

    1. Horst Fuchs says:


      1. GGALLIN1776 says:

        The moral of the story is that your suffering may one day pay off in the form of a free cd.

        Bonus laughs….
        Towards the end of me talking to 3D cell I ended up being homeless for a while, I would call her & have her come to my camaro to get laid. I would end with saying “how does it feel to know that you’re fucking a bum?” After that I called bum fucker.
        I mean whats worse, being homeless or being a bum fucker? Probably being a bum fucker.

        1. Rectal Thermometryst says:

          You shouldn’t have used ‘camaro’ as the car in that tale, it betrays your trolldom.

          1. GGALLIN1776 says:


            I’m not sure how I could leave a beauty like this out of a story:

        2. Seth says:

          Nothing wrong with being a hobosexual.

          1. GGALLIN1776 says:

            I wish I thought of that term in 2007!

    2. canadaspaceman says:

      Now you have us curious about 3D cell bitch and what her front looks like!

      1. GGALLIN1776 says:

        She may or may not look like the predator, the odds for “may” are very high.

      2. GGALLIN1776 says:

        Here ya go…like I said, predator. Chic in the background ended up doing porn, getting hooked on heroin & now she’s a Jehovah or something silly like that.

        1. canadaspaceman says:

          I apologize for even asking. You have my sympathy… wait.. no, you don’t get any !
          You let that insane Joker-face touch you ? a porno mag and your hand would have been better!

          1. GGALLIN1776 says:

            I don’t have any pics of the bedroom anymore but on the wall by the bed there was a bunch of porn that got switched around every so often. I stared at the wall during sex ALOT….ok always. If I tried putting porn on the computer, I was cheating on her with the computer.

            There was one time when I put up a pic of Catherine Zeta Jones, she comes in & says “I KNOW YOU’RE FUCKING THAT BITCH”


            She proceeds to grab the pic, tear it up & spit on it then says “I’M GONNA KILL HER!”.

            But yes, you are right. Porn sans joker face bitch would’ve been a much better idea. Her next victim listened almost exclusively to Mike Patton garbage, he deserved whateverrrr he got. Part of which was his best friend fucking her when he wasn’t home lol.

          2. GGALLIN1776 says:

            While we’re at it, here’s her father:

            He would get high & put on that Einstein mask then sing “over the mountain” by ozzy or “brother can you spare a dime”.

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  4. Pe4ce 'lovin guy says:

    Somebody… please… kill Maraat.

    1. Syphilis says:

      If you want something done right, you gotta do it yourself.

      1. Pe4ce 'lovin guy says:

        Hiring a hitman.

        1. I never recovered from Angra's split says:

          These guys cost a lot (I mean those who won’t botch the job nor give your name away), you’re really sure you’d want to put that much money on him ?

  5. ooogh says:

    Daniel and GG are definitely faggots that love each other

    1. GGALLIN1776 says:

      Is “ooogh” the noise you make when your father (dressed as harambe) comes in your room at night to violate you?

      You may have won the contest with that story.

      1. This nibba gets worked harder than the faggy smarks on wrasslin’ forums

        1. GGALLIN1776 says:

          You forgot our wedding anniversary, enjoy the couch.

      2. This nibba gets worked harder than the faggy smarks on wrasslin’ forums

  6. Altarboys of Madness says:

    Just wanna point out: there were 2 entrants to this contest.
    They won 1st and 2nd place.

    1. Both those entrants efforts kicked ass though. Could you lick as much ass? I don’t know. You didn’t try so the world will never know.

      1. I mean kiss as much ass. That was a bone-headed but appropriate typo.

        1. Well I meant kick but I just read about the very inappropriate use of a chicken finger so my brain is malfunctioning as I ate chicken salad for lunch.

          1. Jerry Hauppa says:

            Holy shit, can’t you edit your posts? You’re the goddamned editor hahaha

            1. canadaspaceman says:

              1) maybe he’s drunk
              2) maybe he’s lazy today to retrieve it to fix typographical errors
              3) maybe he doesn’t give a shit that much right now and this was the easiest way
              4) he likes turtles

              1. canadaspaceman says:

                5) I forgot the reason why most people make mistakes – lack of sleep

              2. GGALLIN1776 says:


    2. GGALLIN1776 says:

      Why didn’t you enter alterboy?

      1. Altarboys of Madness says:

        Because I’m not a liar who craves awestruck adulation from internet wankers.

        1. Altarboys of Madness says:

          or a low-class degenerate.

        2. GGALLIN1776 says:

          Everything I said was true, if you don’t believe it that’s fine. I’ll hook you up with 3D bitch if you want, shes on okcupid.
          And you most certainly are a low class degenerate. If you were high class, you’d be posting on forbes or swanky living monthly.

  7. Brett says:

    “Finish balls!”
    “Maci was bitch.”

    I would’ve given him first place for these alone.

  8. Goat Egg says:

    I masturbated (again) to both these stories.

    1. GGALLIN1776 says:

      There should be a poll on here to see the exact number that did likewise.

  9. Astronaut Bread says:

    That second one was fucking hilarious. Two crab legs up!

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