Real Sex with Social Justice Warriors Short Story Contest

Death Metal Underground has not run a contest in quite some time; since we found our slogan: “Sodomize the Weak” from Blood‘s O Agios Pethane. Our staff collectively feels it is time for another round. Social justice warriors, antifascists, and communists have been annoying the heavy metal world lately. We have decided to counter back with a short story contest.

This one is inspired by a certain classic pay cable package channel’s late night television program. Death Metal Underground wants you to explore sex with pink-haired, pixie-cutted pinko pussy hat wearers. Share with us your experiences and findings with emphasis on the unusual and the bizarre. They do not have to be real but please approach this particular species’ usually non-reproductive habits from an anthropological perspective. If there are grains of truth to the shark-fucking, then all the better. Strap on your pith helmets, unsheath your machetes to slash through the gnarled muff, and let’s penetrate deep into the heart of the blue states.

    Here are the rules:

  1. Your story must be between 500-5,000 words and involve social justice warriors, reds, pinkos, queers, liberals, or Democrats in compromising unusual and bizarre situations. Do your research. The more interesting and graphic the mating habits, the better. All the more so if it involves those who have been antagonizing and trying to censor metal, e.g. a crust fund alleged groupie ogress signal booster, a promiscuous busty UC Berkeley coed turned communist calling in bomb scares, and an effeminate balding semitic scaremonger with a fondness for small dogs.
  2. You must submit your story as a comment to this article by 11:59 PM Eastern Standard Time on Monday, April 17, 2017. Your story must be your own work: fictional, factual, or heavily embellished. If you’re using actual SJWs and your satirical story is fictional and not outrageous (i.e. one that’s not going to win), please use thinly veiled stand-ins. Remember your goal is to entertain and enlighten us!
  3. The winner gets a free record of our choice; two if the winning story involves a social justice warrior Death Metal Underground has previously reported on or a cheap stand-in thereof. Leave a real email address with your story so we may send you your potential prize; no address, no prize.

Contest extended through Friday the 21st 11:59 PM. A few people contacted me saying they needed time to work on the morbid details of leftist degeneracy.

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28 thoughts on “Real Sex with Social Justice Warriors Short Story Contest”

  1. Scrotal Impairment says:

    Why invent a story about something you can experience first hand at the local fagparade?

    Are you hoping someone will send a video?

  2. ccccccringe says:

    Daniel just really, really wants to know what it’s like to have sex.

  3. old DLA > nü-DMU says:

    Plot twist: they all have dicks.

    1. Scrotal Impairment says:

      It would be weird if they didnt.

  4. Pe4ce 'lovin guy says:

    Danny, this is just outright fucking degenerate!

  5. GGALLIN1776 says:

    I might just jump in on this one Herr Maarat, the odds being greater if one of those DMU shirts are added into the pot.
    I’ve dated a couple of these retards because lets face it, they love being abused in bed & I’m a sadist. Whenever they would open their mouths about sjw shit I would publicly humiliate them to the point of tears/suicidal action. One was a cutter the other just 100% batshit. Ever see a girl put a loaded Glock 23 in her mouth on skype because you made fun of her over claiming to be 25 sexes/knowing multiple people that had both cocks & working uteruses? I have! It was actually pretty hot, dear goat wtf is wrong with me.

    I MIGHT still have the pictures(can i post them here legally?) of Glock bitch doing the following, BUT there was one time we were on skype & I told her that I wanted some of her blood so she went & grabbed a vial then proceeded to rip the inside of her mouth open with her teeth. She would spit the blood into the vial & then then the rest drip all over GIANT tits (that she said she wanted gone because she thought she should be a guy). I think her blood play went on for about 30 mins & I made her late to work for the sake of self destruction. She later sent the vial of blood to me along with a burzum shirt. One day i smelled this horribly putrid scent, turns out vials of blood rupture in summer heat. The coagulation was disgusting, imagine a giat scab forming about 1/2″ thick inside of a jar.the spit mixed in didn’t help the fact. That whole thing just makes me thing of “Whore” by Nattefrost.

    Another one that i sadly can’t provide pics of was just fucking pig shit insane, miles beyond glock mouth. I knew it was going to be trouble when I fucked her a few hours after meeting & she says “i love you”. Turns out she was cheating on ger gf with me & she asked for a ride to her house. I said gtfo of here, walk. Living in the ghetto ov ghettos at the time she starts crying saying she’ll get raped/killed. I said good, i hope so.
    She started hitting herself & screaming so what else does a guy do in that situation but fuck the psycho. Turns out she liked getting brutalized & having cigarettes put out on her ghastly sag bag tits.
    Later after my landlord was murdered with a sledge by her boyfriend & the new owners refused to clean up the stench, i refused to pay rent.they were going to evict me so I moved in with frau gross tits for $100/mo. Would’ve been a better choice being homeless. She constantly had screaming delusions of falling into hell & landing in a pile of dead babies. Talk about being mortified when that happens in public & you have to explain to your cop buddy that you’re only using the bitch for money/a place to stay.
    I used to piss her off on purpose to get a violent reaction, she would grab my 3D cell maglite & bash herself in the head screaming “IS THIS WHAT YOU WANT? DO YOU LIKE THIS?” til she blacked out from the blows. Once she came to she would start all over again. I remember one time, she spazzed & jumped on her fathers back, biting his nasty bald scalp.
    Another funny one was talking to a cousin on myspace & twat face walks in the room & starts accusing me of cheating. I tell her to go kill herself, it’s my goddamn cousin. So he goes out on the back porch which is about 50ft up & jumps. About 30 mins later i hear crying & whimpering outside. I go look but couldn’t see anything because it was dark out. I go grab the maglite to look around & sure enough it stupid bitch lying on the ground looking like that chalk outline in the “do not cross slayer” undisputed attitude shirt. Fn hilarious. I called for an ambulance& the stupid faggots tried saying that i threw her off the porch trying to kill her even though they literally showed up weekly at that house to deal with a psychotic episode emanating from either her or her father.

    In the end I got sick of it & took off (ending up homeless for a year while trying to get back in my feet) during one her her most extreme spaz outs. She grabbed about 3 months worth of my heart medication (klonadine) along with all my pain meds & swallowed it all. 12hrs later her ex prostitute mother (she still did it occasionally even in her 50s) shows up & finds her on the ground twitching & foaming at the mouth. Whore was in a coma. Naturally they blame me & the cops were looking for me but not only did they not find me, it came out that the neighbor knew what she did. Apparently she also shot her dad’s heroin because it was in her system when the ER dr called me to find out what happened. It wasnt the first time i saw her in a coma but it was the most entertaining.
    Speaking of I did have to watch her get her stomach pumped more than once. Not a pretty sight.

    There were witnessess to all these events that can confirm their validity.

    1. GGALLIN1776 says:

      Oh & about the pics, if it’s legal let me know & I’ll try to find some to share.

      1. Pe4ce 'lovin guy says:


      2. Incestual Ballerism says:

        Yes, it is legal to share those, you are permitted to.

    2. ccccccringe says:

      So did you come here from Kim Kelly’s metal and disabled crowd?

      1. Forced Euthanasia says:

        As readers of this good Christian Death Metal site, we have a duty to ease their suffering.

      2. GGALLIN1776 says:

        I came to rape the disabled with crowbars then light them on fire. Burn grim quim on a pile of burning gimps.

  6. cornrose says:

    Pathological morons should observe ggallin1776s posts and step away from the apparatus.

  7. Reduced Without Any Effort says:

    every time I think this site’s descent into weird autismal mediocrity can’t get any more pathetic daniel manages to prove me wrong

    1. old DLA > nü-DMU says:

      Indeed. This shit sucks.

    2. Rainer Weikusat says:

      Reducing all people to (largely hypothetical) sex lifes and all social and cultural activities to nothing but brainlessy dancing around that in lieu of anything meaningful is the legacy of the 20th century, starting with Nietzsche’s forebodings that something was about to get badly out of order, heralded by Freud’s cocaine-fuelled speculations about »the hidden, real motivations of people« throughtout invention of effective contraceptives in the middle of the century and terminating in 1990s hedonism as ersatz-ideoloy for the post-historical world.

      Who would want to discard the greatest achievment of the boomybabers?

    3. Spectral Non-confidant says:

      I see ur Demilich ref there.

  8. Authenticforsale says:

    More stupid and pointless articles,so Daniel can feel important ejaculatimg his inner quiet into the ether

  9. Necronomeconomist says:

    I just completed the Vajrasattva ngondro—the preliminary practice of meditating on Vajrasattva and reciting 111,111 long mantras. My experience with the Vajrasattva ngondro has been all over the map. There were lots of times that I struggled with it; not connecting in the same way I did with the 35 Buddhas ngondro.

    Then there were times that I was almost inseparable from the practice, going to sleep reciting mantra, waking up reciting mantra; whatever it took to turn my mind again and again, because the awareness of suffering was so acute that I had absolutely no focus otherwise. It was as if my life depended on it.

    The deeper I understood my situation in samsara, the easier it was to practice.

    Those days were, strangely enough, great blessings. A steady assault of afflictions didn’t allow me the luxury of complaisance and I found I was able to use the experience to push me deeper into refuge and purification. As you’d expect, the deeper I understood my situation in samsara, the easier it was to practice. 

    Currently listening to:
    Iron Maiden “Genghis Khan” Killers

  10. Roger says:


  11. Roger says:


    1. GGALLIN1776 says:

      Then take some oxypowder.

      1. His balls, Your chin says:

        and then shit on this guy’s face while he masturbates into a plastic cup

        1. GGALLIN1776 says:

          Why would you want someone to shit in your face?

  12. GGALLIN1776 says:

    Well I had my electroshock scrotum clamps on a timer to remind me to see if I won but they went off & I see an extension announced.

    This act of leniency brings great sadness upon my soul, Herr Maarat.

    I’m gonna head back to watching nekromantik part 2 for a study in why cremation is the way to go. Knowing my luck some triggly puff faggot would harvest my corpse & call it “domination”.

  13. Captain Steakumm says:

    I was always opening for American black metal bands back in the day in the 2000s when USBM was strong prior to the bands turning on themselves in vicious bitch slap fights over heroin money as they did drugs. There was this one merch girl Maci Malory who was always friendly to bands. Everyone with long hair and leather jacket who walked by her booth got smirking smile from her. She was not pretty. Most of the bigger bands and old school legends always ignore her. She didn’t used to be that big in the body like babushka who drink but her face always resembled a paler version of one of those African tribal masks you see at zoo. Terrible human face like bull with ring.

    Maci constantly tried to come on to touring bands, sneaking way backstage, cozy up to them on the old sofas, lean on them, as they zone out with drugs and drinking after playing set. I heard stories about how she would have her handd wander across musicians unexpectedly, always ending up under shirt or down pants. Maci was commonly referred to by bands passing through town as what blacks call a chickenhead.

    When my band was the local opener for a major corpse-painted, not-so-classic USBM band, the bands were back stage drinking after the show. I was eating greasy cold chicken fingers from earlier in the evening. Maci tried to snug to to the Nivana lookalike guitarist of headliner who had one too many reefer smokes. He shoved her away onto guy on the other side of the couch, got up, and walked off outside to smoke cigarette. Maci landed on my lap. The chicken fingers fell out of the styrofoam container onto the couch. She looked up and said “Hey!”

    My eyes were glazed over with beer goggles of many shots of vodka in from outside in my black Adidas brand sport jacket. I saw distinctive Afro tribal mask looking face as nonthreatening for the first time when squinted. Why not I figure? Free food and free action.

    I bent my head up and kiss her. My mouth was full of hard metal like I was kissing the villain Jaws from James Bond film The Spy Who Loved Me. Meanwhile, Maci’s hands were slipping into my loose-fitting early 2000s Levis jean waistband. Her cold, clammy fingers reached down to my flaccid penis, causing it to retract into my body like when swimming in an ice-cold pond back in old country.

    Wanting to get hard again, I copped a feel of Maci’s breasts. I could see the piercing through her black shirt. Her misshapen udders sort of did a good trick for my penis. My penis emerged forth from my fleshy groin. She was undoing my fly by this point and pulling my dad jeans and white briefs down.

    Maci’s cavernous metal-laced mouth engulfed my ruddy, uncut member. I continued eating my cold meal as I grew erect in her mouth. She was hungry for cock and I was hungry for chicken. As I chewed the fried flesh, she licked me up, scraping me with her teeth. It almost put me over the edge but I held on. I wanted to finish my chicken fingers before ejaculation as it was free food.

    I closed my eyes and leaned back. Maci was stroking me and licking and sucking on my sack of testicles. It felt so good. I barked “Finish balls! Lick my ass bitch!”

    “I am no bitch!” I smashed her face deep into my butt, suffocating her with my hairy ass cheeks. She enjoyed this and moaned. Suddenly she thrust her tongue onto my sphincter. She lapped at it licking it circularly, moving tongue back and forth as my sphincter quivered. Felt good man!

    Her hand grasped my rod and started stroking it using foreskin. Her mouth returned to balls. She then put a finger into my mouth. I licked it. She pulled it out and twirled her finger into my quivering sphincter up to one knuckle. She went in gently.

    “Wow” I thought! She is great at this. Maci must have what Jerry Seinfeld referred to as the man hands though. It felt thick. Almost as thick as dick. I am not gay but enjoy sitting on faces with tongue action. Eat up all you girls reading this!

    Her mouth bobbed up and down over my penis as her finger went deeper. Eating chicken with ketchup for dinner had left my rectum well-oiled for this. She went ever so deep touching prostate. I shouted at her “Here I cum!”

    “No yet!” Maci said. Maci had more for me. And squeezed dick hard. Could not cum. Maci was bitch. More blowing came. I leaned back and let her do only thing she good at other than whine and being cunt bitch.

    Maci pulled finger out of ass. I saw it was not human finger but chicken finger! Fucked by animal! Chicken finger was black and oily like someone burnt it too hard. She took a bite and made eww face. She swallowed it. She ate shitty chicken finger! “Back to ass!” I say.

    She go back to work on my ass and penis. Went so deep. I did not know woman could go that deep in ass with finger. Especially big Ukrainian ass. She massage prostrate. Shitty chicken finger eater touching me to push me off of cliff! “I cumming!”

    She pulled back and I came like porno star Peter North. She continued finger rubbing prostate, causing me to shoot out tons of cum. I had never seen cum that thin and coconut milk like before. Most of it went into her mouth but some went on her shirt. Looked cool like how Bill Clinton must have seen Monica Lewinsky in 1997.

    With her finger deep in ass, I took off tracksuit. She saw my Graveland – Thousand Swords shirt from No Colours with Graveland in helmet. So cool man. Still have that. Sweet design. “Oh my God! You’re a racist! I gave you a rim job!”

    “Guess what bitch? Hitler was right…!”

    “Fuck you fascist!” She tried to destroy my prostrate killing me by going deeper. But due to great reflexes from football on the street in Kiev, I anticipated this. I pulled back.

    “Except for Slavs!” screamed out as I farted hard. That fart was huge vodka wet fart. All over her man finger still deep inside me. She pulled it out crying.

    I could not believe eyes. I have seen lots of things since SSSR fell but this was the most strange. Maci did not have a middle finger. Maci Mallory had a long appendage thing. It looked like snow crab leg covered in shit. I have been finger-fucked by snow crab lady! All bumpy and slick with oily brown goop like Indian curry. Indian would eat crap that looked like that. Indian with brown skin not red skin Indian. I ran away to bathroom. I had to shit bad.

    Later I came back ten minutes later to take peak. Maci was giggling sitting on sofa in new band shirt from headliner. Maci was eating cold chicken finger and full of giggles. She was leaning on guitar tech guy. Snow crab leg was hidden. She would work way through four guys that night I was told by friend. I sped out of to home to shower off. Needed to get STD test. Check if asshole still works and shit smooth. Maci got real fat since. Rob Darken still cool. King of Flowing Black Metal. The end.

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