We’re hiring!


DMU has grown over the past year from a retro-site keeping the old writings alive to a vital source for information on the new underground metal that hasn’t sold out or otherwise lowered quality.

At this point, it’s time to push to the next stage.

This would involve taking on the “big” sites that publish label press releases as news and write fawning reviews that praise musical gibberish as “innovation.” But to reach that level, DMU has to become a more general-purpose news source.

To that end, I’m reaching out to you, the audience. We need a new editor. This editor would do the following:

  • Post daily news stories on all relevant events.
  • Write reviews on new death metal and black metal releases.
  • Edit texts submitted by writers including myself.

This takes about four hours a day minimum and so it is a paid position. Qualifications are an ability to write and edit grammatically-sound and interesting text and to produce the volume of stories needed to bring in this new level of audience. Apply within.

I have somewhat served in this role, but with multiple writing obligations, I no longer can do so.

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13 thoughts on “We’re hiring!”


    I’m definitely in.

    This site needs a writer with charisma and old school knowledge.

  2. tiny hobbit says:

    how many strokes does it take you to reach orgasm?
    it is scientifically noted that black metallers last the longest with 567 strokes. death metallers are at the opposite end with only 66 strokes which is why chicks usually flee from death metal dudes to the power metal dudes, although they average an okayish 239 strokes. second place belongs to heavy metallers with a respectable 428 strokes. granted, the chuga chuga and palm mute strokes lead to a faster yet less pleasurable ending as opposed to the tremolo stroke which is more controlled and open to multiple more transcendental sensations. deep fingering in the bottom end of the perineum is to be avoided if the count of strokes is to be of any scientific purpose.

  3. Gutterboy says:

    Maybe it’s time to shut off the site Stevens. Go tend your family and on to better things. The best versions of the Anus are at webarchive.org anyway which makes this version unnecessary. Metal is dead and you are burnt out. Time to put it to rest.



    1. Anyone who bothers to type a message such as the above bears a long-standing grudge of some kind. That will not lead to a happy life or mental health.

  4. Johannes Climaxus says:

    I suggest Spinoza Ray “Vijay” Prozak.

    Say, whatever happened to that guy?

    1. hypocrite says:

      He died and was born again.

    2. Meek says:

      He is hiding in a cave somewhere in afghanistan waiting to make his return.

      My anus is already clenched, just incase.

  5. hypocrite says:

    Interesting that the DMU is looking to increase its coverage, although I think the above job description is a bit disingenuous. What about the constant sodomy enforcement/supervision? Having the necessarily realistic outlook that comes with being involved with a site like this? Wisdom? Troll repellant?

    Mr. Stevens: What writing obligations are you referring to? I know you write for Amerika.org, but is that it? Are you writing a (the) book on death metal? Man love? Give us a song.

    1. I write erotica focused on homosexual, transsexual and trans-species unions of 2-7 entities, usually in historical settings.

      1. hypocrite says:

        I was already familiar with this aspect of your ‘writer’ persona.

        How about addressing the first part of my post? The way it was written, initial article made it seem like you were attempting to attract the same assholes who operate the daily sludge pumps that you so despise…

        “Yeah man, I’m a journalism major, I’m totally into black metal and I have a lot of free time.”

        1. The way it was written, initial article made it seem like you were attempting to attract the same assholes who operate the daily sludge pumps that you so despiseā€¦

          We always walk a fine line here between balancing our brand and disappearing into obsolescence.

          I find commentators here tend to take on only a handful of viewpoints:

          1. You should stay true, and be obscure, because me and my friends already know about this. [HIPSTER WARNING]
          2. You should stop staying in the past, and be open to newer bands, because they’re all great. [crypto-MAINSTREAMER WARNING]
          3. You should just stay in the past, because everything now is shit. [REPUBLICAN CUCK WARNING]

          The cuckpublicans want us to be a nostalgia site and to ignore what’s currently going on, where if anything the historical error of this site was not offering constant commentary SO THAT it could shape the direction in which metal was going. We have power here and we should use it for qualitative improvement.

          The people who want us to stay obscure are basically frenemies, although most of them don’t know it. They would rather than few have the same experience they do, which neuters what is being written by guaranteeing it stay in the dark. That doesn’t bother them; to them, this site is their slave and should do what they want, even though these people are the LEAST likely to send support (money, dongs, time).

          Then there are the “metal is so cool” people who want to accept everything and have it all be interesting so they can re-live the experience of black metal in the 1990s or NWOBHM in the late 1970s or proto-underground in the mid-1980s. They want to have an experience JUST LIKE THAT, and so they project themselves onto the current crop of bands that aren’t outright commercial or hipster excretion but at the same time are also not all that good. They don’t care about effect because their goal is solipsistic like the rest.

          Metal is a community. Like an empire, it must be governed. If good people don’t do it, bad people will. Participate or suicide.

          1. 4th Type says:

            Some of us are glad to be reading anything honest. I invite people to check out DMU articles pretty often because I know that they’ll be immediately turned off if they don’t have the guts and wits to attempt an understanding of your writing. Meanwhile, I am interested in learning of bands otherwise doomed to obscurity (Pale Existence) and bands that are just now putting out their first albums and not sucking ass at it (Disentomb, Scalpel).

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