Bölzer Preview Hipster Christmas Carol


Black/death ‘n’ roll band Bolzer premiered a track that sounds like the pretentious hipster occult version of the Beach Boys from their upcoming debut LP, Hero.  Their prior EPs had a few creative riffs in boring, meandering , and more boring alt rock songs. Rather than increasing the amount of actually meaningful musical content or improving their songwriting skills, Bolzer have tailored themselves to target the hipsters consuming the idiot safe-space pseudo-metal promulgated by Profound Lore, Vice, and MetalSucks. Will the bearded, flannel cutoff short short wearers be grossly offended by the runes tattooed onto Bolzer’s beer bellies?

Today, Iron Bonehead Productions sets November 25th as the international release date for Bölzer’s massively anticipated debut album, Hero. Hailing from Switzerland, Bölzer are one of the most unique entities the metal underground has birthed in years. For one, Bölzer are proudly and resolutely a duo, using the barest essentials of voice, guitar, and drums and yet creating one of the densest, most world-eating sounds around. For another, the duo have wisely and patiently parceled out their recordings, with a lone nine songs to date across three records – 2012’s Roman Acupuncture demo, 2013’s Iron Bonehead-released Aura EP, and 2014’s Soma EP – judiciously chronicling the band’s evolution into one of the most critically acclaimed metal bands in recent memory. And yet, “critical acclaim” has never been a part of Bölzer’s agenda: their commitment is to their art alone, but it just so happens that word-of-mouth built organically (and feverishly), especially on the strength of their devastating, soul-draining live performances, where they can recreate every aspect of their records in the flesh.

And at long last, flesh is given to a full-length album, and it bears the characteristically idiosyncratic title Hero. Here, in many ways, Bölzer break from their past. Rich ‘n’ resonant clean vocals often take center stage, lending an alternately mournful/majestic quality to the duo’s earth-juddering bulldoze. Likewise, the production across Hero is categorically cleaner than their grime-coated EPs, which dynamically enhances the spiraling melodicism that explodes into being here. Suitably, the songwriting itself takes on dazzling new contours, wending ‘n’ winding with even more fluidity – and certainly more daring – than the band’s epic-yet-effortless EPs. And yet, for however seemingly radical these developments are – ultimately, they shouldn’t be that “radical” in the hands of capable and sincere artisans – it all sounds like Bölzer, both what they were, what they can be, and most especially, what they currently are. Every aesthetic suggestion, every subtle nuance, every thing left unsaid in the past: here on Hero, it’s all harnessed into a molten maelstrom that’s ever more unique (and alien) because it’s unshackled itself from expectation. It is, in a word, heroic. But what is the meaning of Hero? Discover for yourself, plunge into that maelstrom, and let Bölzer be your guide. The first path to enlightenment can be heard HERE, at Iron Bonehead’s Soundcloud, with the track “I am III.” Cover and tracklisting are as follows:


Tracklisting for Bölzer’s Hero

1. Urdr
2. The Archer
3. Hero
4. Phosphor
5. Decima
6. I Am III
7. Spiritual Athleticism
8. Chlorophyllia
9. Atropos

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21 thoughts on “Bölzer Preview Hipster Christmas Carol”

    1. Rainer Weikusat says:

      Do you have to say awful things like that?

  1. 2Pacalyptic Raids says:

    Sounds like a Mastodon cover band.

    1. C.M. says:

      More like the rape abortion of Deathspell Omega and Nirvana.

      1. Nirvana had more riffs than this.

  2. C.M. says:

    Burnman, Lightning Bolt, Pig Destroyer, Iron Lung… being a guitarist-and-drummer-only band hasn’t been novel since like 2001.

    Do the guys who write these press releases mainly work in gay pulp erotica?

  3. Marc Defranco says:

    Eh not really into this but the demo and first ep are some of the best in recent years. They have great riffs and a good speed to them with a pretty unique sound. I don’t hear any alt rock in them and as far as Bölzer targeting a more widespread crowd that’s just idiotic to say. They have turned down major label deals to continue to work with labels like Iron Bonehead. If hipster shits pick up on the band it’s not the band’s fault just like hipsters picking up on Darkthrone or Burzum.

    1. Robert says:

      Hipster detected.

      1. canadaspaceman says:

        hipster you say!? … YES… maybe all DEFRANCO’s are hipsters!
        want proof ?
        DeFranco Family: Heartbeat, Its A Lovebeat https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I3Iw2qYtN8A
        is Marc related to Dave Defranco ?
        you know, from the topless Alison Brie & drunk Dave Franco show in ”thefappening” ?

        nsfw http://sluthate.com/viewtopic.php?f=2&t=31866

        1. Marc Defranco says:

          You got me I’m rich man hehe

      2. Tyler Drainville says:

        Is the average age of this website’s users somewhere in the 45-50 range?

        1. Rainer Weikusat says:

          Probably 33⅓-45.

  4. Tastee freezes says:

    Fuck that album description is hideous, what utter fucking nonsense.

  5. Roland says:

    I can’t remember reading a review as awful and self indulgent as that!

  6. 2Pacalyptic Raids says:

    The band linked this review on their falsebook page. I guess you guys, uh, – what’s the word – ‘triggered’ them?

  7. JP says:

    Shitty review. The song is great and Bolzer delivers.
    Pretentious album description aside, Bolzer is a force to be reckoned with.

    1. C.M. says:

      This song is just a long-form grunge tune. Less metal than the Ramones.

    2. POOP SUIT RIOT says:

      You’re an idiot and Bolzer sucks shit.

  8. Can you survive the blitzkrieg says:

    This sounds like Mastodon, the guitars are ponderous and whiny and seem to be shouting a hipster male on male mating call every time they do a faux heavy stoner doom twang of the lower available note, if this was played in a bar setting hipster guys would queerly look around the room while flaring their nostrils and unconciously pushing out their buttocks for maximum attraction every time the Mastodon big note was hit. The clean vocals are no doubt for the peak hash high as two modern stoner metal post hipsters convene in a Vulcan like trance with eyes closed in serious concentration as they rub their penises together in a soft understanding way with both hands respectively held behind their backs. no rough sword fights of the brainless Manowar type here, as metal has moved past violence, Bolzer urges the audience to hum in ecstasy as soft penis heads stimulate deep conversations about negro trans rights for abortions, then urges intelligent retreat at first feel of hard crude stupid penisuscle beneath the glans, which is just the wise form of male clitoris, in the future all men will have giant flaccid clits and Bolzer shall lead the way

  9. farawayfromthesun says:

    Utter garbage for the faux nu-male neck beard 2010s ironic power violence fan,..fucking non threatening pseudo occult wrapped in a death metal image ,to make soccer moms feel safe,enjoying anti racist esoteric wolf hook hymns as they drive their smart car to pick up her adopted African children at the free mumia bakesale and micro aggression workshop..fuck off… would be more than satisfying to see these types dragged by the legs into the town square,where they will publicly have a sharpened frozen turd slowly shoved into their throat

  10. necroid says:

    Bölzer is so much better better than 99% of the bullshit the sweatpant-clad man-children that read this site listen to. Insult them if you must, tryhards, but you know that they’re more than you’ll ever amount to.

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