Introducing the Stevens Method of Packing Flake Pipe Tobacco

Stevens Method of Packing Flake Pipe Tobacco: we start with a pipe, flake, and battered tin of the working smoker.

Reputable sources tell me that the best way to get popular on the social media and catalog search engine driven internet is to be a dumpster fire of a human who wails about problems and attracts drama. This post tries the opposite: an easy solution to a long-term problem.

Not many pipe smokers attempt flake tobacco, which is reputed to be difficult, and in the sense that challenges are only overcome with technique, this is true. It is harder to light, harder to fill the pipe with, and even looks more like a confection than something you would smoke.

However, flake pipe tobacco delivers perhaps the most flavor of any of the cuts since by nature it burns cool and therefore delivers more of the roasting steam that brings more taste to the smoker. Since it smolders automatically, it provides a slow, cool smoke with little effort.

The OG pipe smokers probably breath-smoked because they were working smokers, even if just thinking before the fire in some Connecticut colonial ale house. You did not want to be huffing, puffing, sucking, drawing, or otherwise distracted by pipe activity from the flavor and delicious nicotine.

(We can dispense with the internet myth of “smoking for the flavor” in the same way we laugh at reading Penthouse “for the interviews.” If you did not want nicotine, you would smoke chamomille or chicory or something. The pipe is the whole experience, including nicotine, flavor, and fire.)

Many of the old school blends were compressed as ropes or curly cut, or plugs or flakes, with the latter in each pair being the sliced version of the former. This crushes the little cells in the leaf and lets deleterious compounds evaporate off while providing a dense, cool-smoking form.

In those days, pipe smoking was not an internet fetish or fashion statement, but the way ordinary people smoked because hand-rolled cigarettes were expensive and messy. Your regular smoker picked up a tin or plug every few days and carried it around with him, loading a pipe before the job.

This smoker probably would not recognize our modern culture of “having a smoke.” The archaic smoker through the modern wanted to enjoy the pipe while doing something else, so stuck the pipe in the mouth, lit it, and breathed with it while building the implements of civilization.

For those of us having to resurrect the near-past through research and archaeology, flakes seem daunting. In my experience, this comes from the tendency of compressed tobacco to uncompress when lit, slowly obstructing the airway and causing a hot, wet pipe that requires manic sucking to keep burning.

You can see why people avoid flakes.

However, never fear… The Stevens Method® is here! In this method, as in the usual guides to flake smoking, one starts by folding the flake widthwise or along its shortest side, making it into a thin double layer of flake.

Stevens Method of Packing Flake Pipe Tobacco: first fold the flake widthwise or horizontally.

However, at this point, The Stevens Method® diverges from the usual recommendation, which is to fold the flake lengthwise or vertically into a four-layer flake. Instead, you fold the flake only two-thirds of the way down, leaving one third at only double thickness.

Stevens Method of Packing Flake Pipe Tobacco: now fold the flake lengthwise or vertically but only two-thirds of the way down.

At that point, you prepare the flake by rolling it into a wad, squeezing it to compress it even further, twisting it to open up the threads of the flake to flame, and then slide it into the pipe with the thin side (final third) facing down. Lightly tamp the top so random tendrils do not rise over the rim.

That final third of the wad, by virtue of being thinner, gives the flake room to expand at the point where it is most likely to clog the pipe, namely after it has burned down into the final third of the bowl where it is closest to the drawhole and therefore most prone to clogging.

To light this, insert pipe in mouth — always a good first step — and let natural capillary pressure draw in air through the pipe, then light the center of the top of the wad. Once that is glowing, you can do a followup light to get the edges, but generally the flame travels outward naturally.

Stevens Method of Packing Flake Pipe Tobacco: now compress this wad, twist it, then slide it into the pipe with the thin side down.

Again, it makes sense to breath-smoke this pipe. Stick it in the mouth, make the seal, and breathe naturally. You will find yourself letting in new air through the nose every seven seconds or so, causing a small spurt of smoke from the top of the pipe like in old Christmas movies.

A good flake fill — we use the term “pack,” but this implies cramming tobacco into a pipe like a serial killer loading dead prostitutes into his trunk hurriedly before the law arrives — will provide over an hour of flavorful, easy smoke.

This contradicts what most of us are taught about flakes, namely that you should tear them to little bits and stuff them into the pipe, but that method produces the same problem as the ready rubbed flake expands, since the compression has joined together multiple leaves in those little threads.

Nothing says that you have to smoke Irish Flake, either. Although slightly wimpier than the version from a decade ago, this flake still packs a punch. You might try some of the soft, easy flakes like Newminster #400 to get the hang of this, since they are easy and sweet.

It is unlikely that your author here can provide the type of dumpster fire that will make this go “viral” (like AIDS) on an internet of apathetic, over-statured, bloated, inattentive, and self-pitying sweaty basement meat suit people, but maybe you will enjoy a bowl or two with The Stevens Method®.

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97 thoughts on “Introducing the Stevens Method of Packing Flake Pipe Tobacco”

  1. Did you try the ghey Metallicker cigars?

    1. Sinister does not get enough airtime here. We get a lot of sodomy, drugs, alcohol, Satan, liberalism, fisting, necrophilia, necropedophilia, coprophagia, negritude, Judaism, Chuck died from AIDS, and so on, but who is talking about the greatest career spread starting with “Cross the Styx”? U fagets

      1. Mohammad says:

        Regularly tell people you’re gay and love fisting corpses and they will assume—per hip, ironic logic—that you’re actually straight and don’t enjoy corpse-fisting. Ha-ha! Then you can continue sodomizing buried, formerly burly John Does to your heart’s content while your wife cries herself to sleep.

        1. Aisha says:

          I don’t want to seem like a shallow person who picks on appearances, but metal needs more big burly sweaty men and fewer of these squeaky voice short hair IT Crowd nerds telling us all about their favorite deathcore when they don’t even own a single Suffocation album.

          1. You mean the TikTok metal nerds? They love anything with squeals.

  2. Balls deep says:

    You gotta put some weed or crack in there to complete the picture or else it’s like non-alcoholic beer (pointless).

    1. Sante Kimes says:

      Or just burn down the house and head to Los Angeles with thirty thou in cash and a .22

    2. Non-alcoholic beer fan says:

      People drink to make society easier to accept. Ban alcohol.

      1. Either that or use the feedback loop: make alcohol and drugs legal and as cheap as possible, and then if everyone is drunk we have to admit that something went wrong.

  3. tiny midget says:

    Who is better?

    Metallica vs. Megadeth

    Testament vs. Exodus

    Xentrix vs. Vio-lence

    Hallows Eve vs. Grinder

    1. More bass says:

      None, throw away and resist everything called thrash metal (aka boomer metal) as if it was power metal and listen to death metal instead… even trendy shit like Cannibal Corpse is better for you.

      1. Speed metal was really post-Boomer, but the Boomer labels latched onto the term “thrash metal” after Hit Parade or Seventeen or one of those magazines used it. At this point, I try to acknowledge all the great stuff from that era but most of it does not make it into rotation, and all the newer bands rehashing that style have not really made an impression other than “oh Gods I hate speed metal.”

      2. Hexagonal Parasite says:

        Boomer metal? Throwing the likes of 80s Slayer, Destruction, Coroner and so on in the same demeaning category as, say, Manowar or Judas Priest is nonsense.

        1. We should remember that Manowar and Judas Priest are actually good, as were Motorhead, Iron Maiden, Angel Witch, Budgie, and a bunch of other bands despite being Boomers (The Day of the Pillow Dawns; Gas the Fucking Normies).

          The problem with NWOBHM is that it mixed rock garbage like Deep Purple and Led Zeppelin into its proto-metal, and was headed toward being the Big Compromise — democracy, rock, blues, McDs, Christianity, communism — that people always head toward. By nature, humans prefer equal mediocrity to exceptional topography.

          Motorhead, Judas Priest, and Iron Maiden helped pulled metal out of its slump into stupor. Unfortunately, Iron Maiden then found a way to make candy metal with The Number of the Beast and since that time have regressed back into Procul Harum and The Eagles territory.

          1. Kirk Johnson says:

            After a long shitty day I come home to listen to music, in this case mostly death metal to unwind/escape reality… especially the insane politics and philosophies of humans because that’s what metal is mostly designed to do. What gets me is that I can’t enjoy the music without Brett popping up in my head with his reactionary wingnut writings ad infinitum whenever I’m simply looking for a band recommendation.

            So while I consume plain escapism Brett insists paradoxically like a blood-sucking tick that metal must be associated with his politics or else the universe is going to explode. This almost makes me appreciate your average blue-pilled normie, because although the current world system is like a matrix designed to keep most people asleep, it’s not totally insane/extreme like Brett-ism or the Christian conspiracy theorists from Bitchute whose ideas really make a sane person wanna hang themself.

            I found out over the years that underground cults really are even more absurd in their thinking than the mainstream. Like going from sociopath to psychopath. So for all you aficionados, let’s say you want to enjoy Immortal, who’s lyrical themes deal with things like “Grimness, Winter, War, Winterdemons, Blashyrkh, Dark fantasy, Mysticism” – STOP! You absolutely can’t take it for what it is! You have to change these themes into “Democracy, Amerika, Eugenics, Communism bad, Environmentalism, Platonism and Pipe smoking” The Brett Stevens Way(™), and then you’re good to go! I’m so done with this site.

            1. The black metal genre is larger than Immortal alone.

              It makes sense to track things to their roots.

              If this is a burden, it’s usually denial. The bourgeois mentality (me first, everyone else pays, someone else cleans up) is first and foremost about denying problems so that the mental sleep can continue.

              1. Homedawg says:

                Another way to apply “The Brett Stevens Way” is instead of probing your woman with your Johnson, you shove a copy of Brett Steven’s “Nihilism” up her ass and say “isn’t that romantic?”.

                1. Ass Eater says:

                  Yeah, this site sucks. It asks too much of me. I’m going to back to Wikipedia and Metal Archives. Or maybe Metalsucks and Decibel. Screw that, I’ll just read Rolling Stone. Suck on that you superannuated adolescents.

              2. Kirk Johnson says:

                Look dorkface, my point is that you’re over-thinking the fuck out of a cartoonish subculture that has grown ass men wearing face-paint and larping in the woods – even actual hardcore metalheads that collect every demo tape and wear a ton of patches are annoyed by that autistic shit you do. The music is good, but isn’t so magical that it is splitting the red sea here. It’s not Jesus walking on water or the seven days of creation if it were true – it’s fucking entertainment at the end of the day.

                It’s like with Batman when they made him all serious and philosophical in the modern adaptations when it’s just a guy in a furry suit. Suck a fucking dog with your cataloging, we have metal-archives and that’s enough.

                1. cartoonish subculture

                  If you start with that as your assumption, you can only further belittle it.

                2. Hung up hun bun says:

                  And which culture is it that produces grown ass men who spend their time engaging in discussions which they know are futile about something they can’t take seriously

                  1. “Take seriously” is another false dilemma presented by hipsters. I think you got raped by an uncle and then a hipster who resembled your uncle brainwashed you. Smart people take everything seriously but have levity. That is too complex for the hipster, which like the shitlib, lives in a binary category world created by fears. What did your uncle’s penis taste like? Usually the answer is your aunt, but sometimes the answer is your cousin.

                    1. Metalhead says:

                      You completely missed my point probably because all you’re able to do is make stupid jokes about people you think you hate

                  2. Walter says:

                    The same culture that produces people who care way too much about what other “grown ass men” are doing when they claim they’re too cool to care.

                3. Anal sponge says:

                  Freedom of speech… that’s why we fought the Hitlers, so that Bratts can say what they want no matter how ridiculous… for now at least…

                  Furthest right? Careful what you wish for…

                  1. Boogeyman says:

                    Is Hitler under your bed right now?

            2. A Rabid Arabica Rabbit says:

              I’m not a fan of politics and pipe smoking in my metal reviews either, but sometimes you just have to gobble down a writer’s personality quirks and extra-metal hobbies in order to find the stuff that’s useful to you. At least when the competition is as scarce as in metal journalism. I mean, most popular reviewers just litter their texts with synonyms for the word good (and whatever other tricks they use to tiptoe around the fact that they can’t process half of what’s actually in a song) and call it a day.

            3. Click me says:

              There is no way anyone here fits the fictional eugenic bill (unless you’re trolls who are bored at work). Skinny/fat rejects with a fake PhD at philosophy makes you cousins with the woke movement, however unlike that group you caricatures actually think you wouldn’t be the first thrown into a gulag or gas chamber when freedom of speech ends.

              Metal-archives is indeed enough, because metal reviews are lame – just listen to the album if you like the cover art and make up your own mind about it. Metal is about thinking for yourself, and not getting breast fed by a basement dweller hiding behind a fake name.

              1. Metal is about thinking for yourself

                The easy answers contingent is here. “Thinking for yourself” means “do whatever you want,” a perpetual crowd-pleaser. Is there some reason you are playing to the crowd?

                Metal is about power, and power requires reality, while retreating into solipsism diminishes that power.

        2. I hate cilantro says:

          Boomer metal can be defined as anything that isn’t extreme metal. The type of person that sticks to the “classics” and doesn’t acknowledge (the superiority of) death/black metal is a goddamn boomer in my book.

          Slayer is not thrash/speed, it’s proto-death, so they get a pass from me.

          1. This is a respectable opinion but cilantro is good if prepared correctly. I have switched mostly to dry herbs however for subtler flavors.

          2. Warkvlt is High IQ Music says:

            I despise speed metal & boomer trash as much as the next guy, but I’d rather listen to “normie shit” like Motörhead & Kill Em All over 99% of modern “tek-def”, brutal slam gore lyrics nonsense or antifascist bedroom Burzum clones (Wolves in the Turd Room), etc.

            1. No doubt, but that is mostly because tek-def, deathcore, antifa/emo “metal,” and bedroom black metal are so bad. This is like saying that you would rather listen to a toilet flush eternally than be forced to hear a loop of a 400-lb C. diff patient expelling fourteen servings of gumbo and thirty cheeseburgers in digested form.

            2. All Nuggets Are Equal In the Eyes of Jewsus says:

              Is Motorhead really normie shit? It is the upper bound of what normies can tolerate, like Slayer. To them it’s all noisy music because there is not someone singing. Normies respond to vocals, can’t see past the keyboards, and guitar is sort of a jangly banging to them. Riff is unknown territory. Normies also buy low-fat salad dressing and think they are now on a meaningful weight reduction diet. They are also fond of purchasing exercise clothing and gear so that it will magically force them to exercise. They also believe in a religion where if you say the magic words, you go to heaven. In other words, they are simpletons engaged in superstition and idol worship, especially through their “science.” I heard COVID-19 was going to have killed most of us by now but instead all I see are fast cancers and myocarditis.

              1. To the Gory End says:

                Cancers sure are popping up everywhere, aren’t they?

        3. I heard them say says:

          “Meh, it’s all just music inspired by campy horror movies.”

    2. Dunno, but I would pick Metallica and Testament from this list.

  4. ok, but what’s the best way to shove a pipe in somebody’s ass?

    1. 1. Coconut oil on anus
      2. Deep rectal relaxation
      3. Enema and meatloaf
      4. Unzip
      5. Shove hardened pipe in ass

      1. Morbid Plumber says:

        That’s not how you lay pipe.

  5. Crionics says:

    How does one smoke a pipe in an urban setting and not look like a pretentious faggot in this day and age?

    1. curio says:

      Leave urban setting and have explosive diarrhea on the homeless and random addicts. Commit random crimes as a farewell.

    2. Hobgoblin says:

      Who cares

    3. Stop giving a shit and you look like a relaxed person enjoying a pipe. Do not wear a beret or one of those flat Irish caps. Do not wear a fedora. Do not look around to see if anyone has noticed. Enjoy the pipe while the world burns.

    4. Cynical says:

      Based on the coworkers I’ve got who smoke pipes, the answer is “be old”. When you’ve got a gray beard, you can smoke however you like and won’t look pretentious.

      1. This seems ridiculous to me. At the pipe shop and various outside places, you see lots of younger people enjoying pipes. But to do that, you have to avoid fetishizing it, which means you need a pipe and regular tobacco, not some fancy-ass setup.

        1. R. Finkelstein, AssD says:

          Thank you for including that hyphen. It’s upsetting when people write “ass setups” and “ass cars” and “ass planets” when the main characteristic of these setups, cars and planets are not at all related to asses. Call me autistic, but properly referring to ass is important.

          1. R. Finkelstein, AssD says:

            And of course I fucked up the grammar. I can no longer show myself at the annual ass doctor conference at Johns Hopkins. Tell my horse that I love her.

        2. Only cowards don't smoke crack says:

          You sure those aren’t crack pipes?

  6. Sniff says:

    What’s that phenotype called, mostly seen in people from the British Isles, with very narrow rows of teeth? Often the face as a whole is also narrow – cheeks, nose, mouth. In profile, the nose is usually the most protruding feature, while the chin is short and sunken. Examples include Eric Idle and Paul McCartney. It seems unique to that part of the world.

    1. They are part-Lamprey, a consequence of having ancestors who lived on the Thames.

      1. bestial destroyers of fukk says:

        The Original Innsmouth look

        1. I wonder where the tentacles come in however.

  7. Retrograde ejaculator, impregnate with urine says:

    Honestly. These days all I need is Finnish Abhorrence’s self titled EP, the sporadic Overkill song and my all time most listened to album: Diabolical Summoning. Everything else seems added on except for perhaps the occasional spin at some industrial metal like Tristwood and Bloodstar. Found smoking enjoyable but also it’s a war of attrition on my wallet, not to mention health and scent! Ah the memories of going out on a smoke break during the cold while feeling like on a Darkthrone album cover…

    1. Diabolical Summoning has its moments but we must cross the Styx.

      1. Retrograde ejaculator, impregnate with urine says:

        Love the title track, sincerely one of the best metal bands ever imo. Their first three and several songs from later in their career are just what the doctor ordered.

  8. Doug says:

    Good to see, they do not receive enough praise. And if “Hate” was their sellout then it’s by far the best sellout in history!

    1. Hate was amazing but gets a lot of resentment for being one of the first to use volume wars production. Still, it was in some ways the album that everyone wished Cannibal Corpse or Suffocation would have made, with touches of melody offsetting the pounding battle sodomy percussive blasts.

    2. Retrograde ejaculator, impregnate with urine says:

      If there is an album that gets death metal right it’s Diabolical Summoning. No gimmicks, no plagiarism, tight musicianship; absolutely radical stuff. Someone could name a million albums, but if they miss any of Sinister’s first three I can’t say we’ll agree much on music related matters.

  9. curio says:

    Brett, what’s your opinion on KK Null?

    1. I guess our reviews went away with the Evilmusic site, but long story short: I enjoy his early works quite a bit, with Ultimate Materiel III being the most impressive.

      1. Freiheit says:

        And some Zeni Geva.

  10. Wanna know says:

    Brett, what do you think of Tiny Dancer by Elton John? Catchiest pop song ever?

  11. Hexagonal Parasite says:

    Bit of a random topic that I was curious to get your thoughts on. The process of “digesting” music is one that I find rather fascinating, yet a frustrating one. For any album I decide to devote attention to, I typically need to take it one or two tracks at a time. That is to say that I’ll listen to just those first few tracks multiple times until they are registered in my mind, and then move on to the others. Such is often necessary for developing a sufficient understanding of the composition and performance to actually *feel* something from it, I think. Attempting to listen to an entire album at once the first time around is often futile, unless the intention is for a mere sample of sorts. Though these statements may ooze pretense, the rewards of a lengthier process can be immense.

    Of course, the length of the process varies depending on the nature of the music. Something like “Nespithe” or “To the Depths, In Degradation” represent more of a challenge to conscious understanding, whereas I can get the feel of an Iron Maiden song fairly quickly. That being said, it’s impossible to devote such effort to *everything*. You must pick and choose, as it were.

    Ultimately, this all boils down to the endless quest an individual may embark upon in search of music that truly speaks to them, for any variety of reasons. So, how do you personally determine what is worth the time and the effort, and subsequently “digest” it?

    1. dead friends says:

      Yeah it takes time for a whole album to sink in but whether or not I put on something I’ve never heard before and sit through the whole thing or just get a few songs in for the time being depends on the mood I’m in, the people I’m with, the drugs I’m on, et cetera. As for determining its “worth” I’m either into it or I’m not.

      1. Gary Heidnik says:

        You have to visualize it as a dark hole in the floor of a basement. You go within and there is water. Standing in the water, you see the lid close above you. Now you are in the dark with no sensation except fear. Above you, something lands on the plywood lid with a heavy thud. A switch clicks, and you realize that it is a radio, playing music at top volume to drown out the screams. While you wait for death, you hear the music more clearly than you have heard anything else in your life, and then you realize that a new being is growing within you.

    2. Good question. My answer is in the listening itself. To listen consciously is oddly to be unconscious, but to be paying attention. This is sort of like meditation: the ego needs the ego to shut up so that it can listen to the id, and in doing so, formulate something useful in the ego. Iron Maiden compositions are both relatively simple and extremely well-integrated, meaning that they use repeated patterns in different locations, which gives them both a sense of mystery and familiarity. In my experience, conscious understanding comes after appreciation which in turn requires familiarity, so unless you are assessing as a reviewer or agent, you probably just want to listen with your mind aware but not formally directed toward conclusions.

      1. Lukah Chang says:

        The guitar teacher I had in high school was a literal fag but a good guy. He always said that you had to hear the music first enough to be able to reconstruct it, sing it or play it, and then you could figure out what it meant, but first you had to feel what it moved about you. He got his degree from jazz shredder fag central (UNT) but he knew good music when he heard it in any culture. I dont think he will die from aids but he is going to get knifed by a Thai prostitute some night.

        1. Danny Wu says:

          This Thai prostitute will not be female. I know this because all Thais are males, just some pretend to be females, like American college students!

    3. Warkvlt is High IQ Music says:

      ”Something like “Nespithe” or “To the Depths, In Degradation” represent more of a challenge to conscious understanding, whereas I can get the feel of an Iron Maiden song fairly quickly.”

      But Demilich and Infester you can listen to tomorrow, next week, next month, next year, etc… and it always feels like it’s the first time you’ve ever heard them.

      An Iron Maiden song? Their “best” – Hallowed be thy name – I can’t even listen to more than twice. Good song, but gets old fast. Like pop.

      Of course, there’s also the other end of the spectrum -> stuff that’s both intentionally “hard” to get into, and shit. I don’t want to diss anyone so I’m not going to name bands like Napalm Death and Pig Destroyer but lol.

      1. In my view (IMHO) the best Iron Maiden is listening to the whole Killers album. I do not really listen to The Number of the Beast at all, ever. The live albums they did were decent compilations of the 2-3 songs off every album that they can dust off, clean up, streamline, and add some technique to that they did not have time to do in the studio back when it was originally formed. There is lots of great creative material in their later 1980s through present day material.

        As far as Napalm Death, once you accept that it is merely hardcore punk at double time with a sense of grandiose art school drama, it makes for easy listening. Most music designed to be ugly just backfires by becoming a droning mess; Napalm Death hit their peak when they threw some death metal and comprehensible songs into the mix. Then Communism and alcoholism ate their brains.

        1. Chessmaster says:

          I think they fell off after utopia banished. I like the mentally murdered ep a lot and I’ll always come back to scum cuz it blew my mind when I had nothing better to do than ditch school to get high and skate all day

    4. maelstrrom says:

      I find it hard to stomach the Infester album after they disavowed the swastika (please buy our reissue!)

      1. To be fair, they probably had no chance of getting it published without doing that, or at least, of getting it distributed. No one wants to pick up the phone and find NAACP, SPLC, ADL, CAIR, etc. on the other end, and the ACLU will not defend them.

  12. power metal > extreme metal says:

    Was anyone actually pissed off at Metallica for Fade To Black? The more time goes on, the more I think Lars blew that out of proportion because he figured out fan autism was what got you popularity.

  13. International Council of Masters says:

    Fade to Black led to One and from that it was a quick tumble to the Black Album which was basically soft rock with some jump-up riffs for the normies. I think Hetfield viewed it as a songwriting project where he demonstrated musical ability on par with the big 60s and 70s bands since he always craved approval from his nutcase Christian parents who like most boomers were soul rapists disguised as teachable moment enlightenment figures but were basically highly inflexible self centered narcissists.

    1. John Edward Robinson says:

      One must realize that all music is a forgery. It merely sounds like something, but is not that thing. Therefore once you give in to it’s vision, one can see all of reality as a negotiation for what is true, and all truth as a matter of satisfaction or the buyer or deception of the victim.

      1. Nathaniel Bedford Forest says:

        Within your culture, it can represent things. Music is both universal and specific to a culture. Most of us hear pretty sounds that are mathematically in tune with each other, so we think great, pretty music. To a culture, the patterns and changes in tone bring up all sorts of baggage and inspirations.

        1. Is this “cultural relativism”?

      2. power metal > extreme metal says:

        shut up Lars

  14. Cynical says:

    “It merely sounds like something, but is not that thing.”

    Music isn’t representational. It doesn’t “sound like” something.

    1. We should probably discuss Respighi Pines of Rome here.

    2. Orifice of the Law says:

      There’s obviously music intended to be representational (programmatic music has been around for a while) and it’s obviously possible to interpret any music that way.

      1. Then theres all of doom metal, which is designed to sound like a sludgy T-bell and PBR dump at 4 in the morning.

  15. Albert Johnson says:

    Schopenhauer thinks it resembles activity in the nerves. But DeBussy afternoon of a fawn “evokes” sounds, shapes, colors, and feelings of a forest clearing.

    1. It can be argued that the music of Marilyn Manson represents the engram for anal child abuse.

      1. Thrusting into further extremities says:

        Many such cases

  16. Thrash is better than Black or Death says:

    Thrash was made by Generation Jones for Gen X teenagers. You know what Zoomers? This Thrasher hates your Infant Annihilators of the scene right back at ya. I’d much rather listen to Demolition Hammer, early Exhorder, Morbid Saint, Sodom, Vektor etc, than listen to you growl like Cookie Monster (ooo such tough guys) or incompressible shrieking about how cold it is outside and what the moon looks like. There would br NO Death or Black without Thrash, so sit the fuck down. You are the TRUE posers. That’s why normies think Black and Death are a cringe worthy joke. You people lack self awareness.

    1. Durian says:

      So, this is about who looks the coolest and sounds the toughest? Especially as seen by “normies”? I’m sure you win.

      1. This is how the frot warrior seeks partners.

  17. Søren Heller says:

    “Thrash metal” is just simpler music dude. Verse-chorus, lots of bouncing, still sounds a bit like the Allman Brothers and Fleetwood Max with more muted downstroke picking. We are fucking bored with that shit. Who cares about the cookie monster vocals? The guitar parts are better. We want to kick normie music to the curb forevermore.

    1. Thrash is better than Black or Death says:

      Tremolo picking and palm muting is extremely boring it’s damn self. Obviously you haven’t explored the depths of the Thrash genre if you think Thrash is just verse/chrous. Vektor destroys 99% of what passes for Death and Black metal these days. And quit acting like Death and Black Metal are some “new” genres of metal. They’re both over thirty years old at this point. Black Metal sounds like the Ventures when played without distortion. Truth be told, I never liked Death metal from the very beginning. Scream Bloody Gore was alright, but the novelty soon wore off. I liked the first Morbid Angel. I thought Obituary sucked and found Suffocation boring. I do like Nile, Immortal and Sigh, but I guess my metal credentials have been revoked. At the end of the day. it’s MY decision on what I want to listen to and some little anonymous neck beard edgelord isn’t going to change my mind. I also enjoy Duran Duran, The Reverend Horton Heat, Hawkwind and even early Scorpions so I guess that makes me a lame poser in your book. Heck, i bet you hate Black Sabbath don’t you?

      1. I liked the first Morbid Angel.


        Vektor destroys 99% of what passes for Death and Black metal these days.


        Vektor is Necronomicon crossed with Vader for Tool fans.

    2. Thrash: DRI, Suicidal Tendencies, COC, Cryptic Slaughter, MDC, Fearless Iranians From Hell, MOD, dead horse, SOD.

      Speed metal: Nuclear Assault, Testament, Metallica, Prong, Anthrax, Megadeth, Metal Church, Powermad.

      Proto-death/black: Slayer, Hellhammer/Celtic Frost, Bathory, Sodomy, Possessed.

      Grindcore: Repulsion, Terrorizer, Blood, Napalm Death.

      …”thrash metal” is just a marketing term.

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