SMR – Overestimated Failed Abortions from the Underground

Sometimes for no actual logical reason, terrible metal bands become adored despite not having a gimmick like satanic Abba songs or a mentally deranged topless DJ as a vocalist. These bands offer nothing of interest even on initial listens and should be actively mocked for their pretentious unsubstantiated claims.

Seigneur Voland – Seigneur Voland:
Take a riff from Graveland’s Thousand Swords, truncate the riff in two. Play it for a few minutes, introduce the second half, play it a few times, continue on rotating between the two riffs and then end the song at around three minutes or so. Repeat four times but add an extra idea for the second song. Make sure that the fifth song is just weird background sounds that run for over five minutes. Claim the lyrics are the most important aspect of the music but cover them with a screechy whisper that sounds like a mild summer’s day breeze. This is all the band can muster within these pathetic eighteen minutes. This is the musical equivalent of a Marine Le Pen speech while waiting in line for your social worker to explain why your monthly welfare check hasn’t arrived yet. Replace with Graveland.

Baest – Venenum:
When it comes to these revivalist bands, it is essential to identify who they are aping and to what extent they do it. Baest simplify this by covering a Bolt Thrower Mercenary song and showing their true intentions. The band follows the basic formula of mid paced riffs that are suitable for a Metalcore crowd with no development, palm muted acrobatics form riffs made for nothing else than moshing. On top there are Bolt Thrower melodies in a higher register that seem to have been taken note for note. Songs follow this pattern in a riff salad style that revolves around breakdowns. Bolt thrower didn”t include the Core crowd in their selling out but luckily Baest are here to remedy that.

Vitriol – To Bathe from the Throat Of cowardice:
All of that aside, Nile and Hate Eternal are two of my most cherished bands. To regard either band as anything less than a musical and cultural titan is to be on the wrong side of history. Kyle Rasmussen (mastermind behind Vitriol)

With such a quote, can anyone have optimistic hopes for this? While all signs point to this band mimicking the tactics of Nile and Hate Eternal, the band opt for an even easier approach. Throw everything into the kitchen sink in a chaotic Grindcore style and see what comes out. In this case nothing, nothing of value. Morbid Angel forms the basis of this style which then takes a dice roll approach to its other influences. Hipster Black metal, chugging Nu-Death, Metalcore,Mathcore etc. The only coherent face is the abrasive confrontational style that feels unidimensional from the starting point and from there only dissolves into angry background noise as it all attempts to do is to assault the listener but it is so confused that it instills boredom instead.

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7 thoughts on “SMR – Overestimated Failed Abortions from the Underground”

  1. Creed Braddock says:

    Can’t stand Vitriol. Busiest looking attempt at nothing-music ever.

    1. I AM DEATH, FUKK ME says:

      considering that quote about the wrong side of history, their haircuts, that ridiculous bass technique, the sammath tshirt, and the music generally, I’d bet they are trolling. it has worked well for other bands. see iwrestledabearonce and (cock)rings of saturn. there’s no way a band this generic would stand out otherwise. it’s all about press attention now.

      1. Creed Braddock says:

        I don’t think it’s trolling. If you glean the most superficial elements from Sammath you could theoretically paste together an aesthetic like Vitriol. I think they just hear dynamic-free music like the bands they mentioned and equate that with extremism. But they aren’t hearing the substance underneath, or lack thereof.
        It’s like in White Men Can’t Jump, when Wesley Snipes told Woody Harrelson that he can listen to Jimi, but he can’t HEAR Jimi.

        1. I AM DEATH, FUKK ME says:

          you’re overlooking all the aesthetic elements outside of the music per se. those elements reveal more than whatever can be gleaned by only listening.

          if the music isn’t honest and heartfelt, it’s trolling. prodding, feeling, seeking reaction. tapping your kneecap with a mallet. these guys don’t care about music. they are not putting anything on the line. they don’t even like music. the lack of effort makes it obvious.

          1. Creed Braddock says:

            We shouldn’t get caught up in the distractions that engage our biases. If we didn’t know how they looked the music would still draw the same conclusions, as it should be. They probably do like music, just the bad kind. Regardless, both of our possible conclusions are empty conjecture, and the only thing we can adequately critique on is the musical output.

            1. I AM DEATH, FUKK ME says:

              obviously. but ignoring all the aesthetic elements entails inadequate analysis because you remind blind to their trajectory. everybody would have known morbid angel was trending toward cock rock and emperor was about to move to gay gothic pseudo vaudeville histrionics because all those moves were indicated by those meta musical elements.

    2. MacCauley Crawford says:

      With boutique level custom shop instruments playing said nothing-music. All the money in the world will never by oneself the ability nor the gumption to write a song eternal.

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