Molson Coors Brewing Company – Hamm’s

Hamm’s is one of those sorts of beers your dad used to drink back in the day especially if your dad was from Minnesota. My dad wasn’t; I just bought a thirty rack as it was cheap and fresher than the High LifeCoors, and Pabst Blue Ribbon as I am a dirty metalhead. If you are going to headbang, you might as well get a buzz. You’ll be caring more about the music, so what you are drinking needs to be cost-effective while tasting only decent. I banged out Obsessed by Cruelty and Persecution Mania while drinking Hamm’s for this review. The original CD version of sloppy, raw speed metal as drunk band for a beer review; Chris Witchhunter died of alcoholism. I drank six cans for this review to get full Hamm’s experience.

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Molson Coors Brewing Company – Miller Lite

I went on a hike this week with a few of my colleagues to appreciate the forested beauty of the natural world. We eventually lit a fire and toasted some marshmallows and frankfurters. One of my fellow heshers was German and carried around a package of expired hot dogs during his hike that he intended to eat at room temperature. I convinced him to put aside his barbaric hunger and save the sausages for the evening cookout.

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Coors Brewing Company – Coors “Banquet”

coors banquet can

The original Coors that is usually advertised with “Banquet” in the title is the least dumbed down for carbonated corn syrup soda chugging couch potatoes of the big three American adjunct lager brews. Budweiser and Miller High Life both taste strongly of green apple while Coors is still clean tasting. The beer smells of bready pale malts, adjunct grains, and somewhat fruity yeast esters. Gulping it down, carbonation slams the tongue, followed by a chewy combination of pale malt and adjunct sweetness that in combination with the yeast flavors, resembles liquefied banana bread. Coors probably slightly stresses the yeast of their flagship Banquet beer to obtain that banana fruit ester while most American brewers, including the so-called craft ones, have terrible control over yeast flavors and generally opt for a neutral yeast profile in comparison to the ancient British and continental breweries. Coors Banquet finishes with a bitter hop finish, noticeable but balanced to not overpower the other ingredients. At well under twenty dollars for a rack of twenty-four cans across the country, Coors Banquet puts hipster and yuppie swill to shame for a balance of flavor and price.

Quality: *****/*****
Purchase: *****/*****

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