2018 Predictions

2017 was a year of total war and, culturally, a year of victory.  What it lacked in quality metal it made up for in illuminating many of the harsh truths about metal’s business side, the narcissism of metal musicians, disloyalty of metal fans, and the desperation of metal journalists to fit in with flavor-of-the-weak liberal hysteria.  Outside of metal, conservatism has won almost every battle and leftism continues to be on the defensive.  With the death of Antifa in America, the complete meltdown of liberal journalists in and outside of metal, and endless infighting and cannibalization within the left, 2017 has been perhaps the most amusing and fulfilling year in recent memory.

Yet as great as this last year was, we must keep our eyes on the future with maximum alertness as the war continues.  Therefore let’s leave the crystal ball reading to the crazy cat lady witches running Cvlt Nation and instead make some logical predictions on where the world of metal may be headed in the next year:

  •  A wave of sexual assault accusations will hit metal musicians, journalists, and label owners.  All of them have lived in a liberal world while clinging to the dream of fulfilling the “rock and roll lifestyle” fantasy.  In reality, they are mentally unstable people who have done questionable things to and with other mentally unstable people.  It’s a ticking time bomb waiting to explode and the metal culture of the past few decades has not exactly promoted the most chivalrous of values.
  • Liberal metal journalists will prioritize covering trans-gender musicians over covering good music.  Continuing their quest to out virtue signal each other, any metal musician that dismembers his member will be considered a hero of the metal scene and will receive praise from a metal media desperate to grasp at the last dollars of “career journalism” before such a thing ceases to exist (especially for a music genre that makes up 7% of today’s record sales).  Similarly, the bloodsucking corporate record labels will try to exploit trans musicians the same way they exploited male rape victims who were co-incidentally the singers of every popular nu metal band.
  • We will see a sudden and sharp decline of interest in post metal.  It will happen abruptly and nosedive massively.  People will see the word “post” in the genre description and immediately flee.  Post-hardcore in metal will especially become taboo and hated by even the mainstream of metalheads- far too long after it should have been.
  • Today’s popular metal sites will continue obliterating their credibility.  This has happened so bad to MetalSucks that they actually published an insanely triggered defense full of fright, hurt, and desperation in an obvious response to our articles exposing their fradulence over the last year.  Speaking of MetalSucks
  • Metalsucks will have to answer to their praising of pedophilia.  At some point, it’s going to come to light that Matt Goldberg (“Alex Rosenberg”) is an admitted pedophile. At that moment the knives will be out, and the virtue signaling liberal site that burns them will be elevated significantly.  Speaking of corporate fake news metal sites:
  • “Career journalists” in metal will resort to desperate TMZ style journalism to chase $$$.  If you’re writing for a metal site, and don’t have a real job, you’ll be finding yourself in a dark, dark place next year.  The money in journalism is being squeezed out with both hands.  If you’re doing this to make a living, get ready to start increasing your room mate totals.  The other alternative will be for sites to merge with rock music, the coverage of which will far overshadow the coverage of actual metal.  Either way- look for less reviews and actual musical coverage and more tabloid journalism.
  • Satanic Lyrics will Die Out Completely.  Already, bands not formed in the 90’s have shifted to occult themes in their place.  Satanism in metal has been outted as fake and embarrassing and remains to be perceived as a circus act fit for carnival bands like Watain.
  • Grindcore will Return in a Boring Incarnation.  You’ll see grind bands skyrocketing- filled with hipster metal aesthetics, progressive liberal content, but the qualitity will be even more horrid than what we saw in the 90’s.  Songs will be even shorter (probably the 20 second range) and yet people will by the music in droves to virtue signal to the other neckbeards on their Bandcamp friends list.  Great way to make a quick buck if you’re a musician and have no self standards or regard for your legacy.
  • Toilet of Hell will continue making DMU/Cullen Toner themed podcasts, memes, and YouTube videos.  The Toilet Wars brought them the most traffic the site has ever seen, and thus they will seek to re-ignite them.  I’m flattered guys, really, but as much as I’d like to see this feud climax at Wrestlemania 34 I will instead advise you to instead use that energy to out MetalSucks as pedophiles and misogynists.  It will give you a very real chance of taking their place as the top socialist hipster metal website and I’m sure the readers will cool it on the anti-semetic remarks that drove you away from them.
  • A Death Metal Underground fan site will emerge, complete with non-cannon DMU Articles.  There are are rumors that this has already begun.

Lastly, and by far the most important prediction:

  • Generation Z will begin their Rise, with their impact being felt.  Generation Z has the power to right the course of metal’s future, or doom it for years to come.  Right now every website in metal is pandering to millennials and gen X.  But gen-Z will soon make their presence felt in the form of sales, buzz, and ultimately in influence.  They are more conservative than any other generation their age, and will not find a home with the liberal hysteric sites that are currently dominating the metal niche.  We can expect from them as musicians and music fans a metal that is very different from what we currently know, and my expectation is that they will be much better.  We should indeed look forward to this unfolding….

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35 thoughts on “2018 Predictions”

  1. BaneKult says:

    cool. now read the prophecies in bold with Bane’s voice.

  2. Thewaters says:

    This site has gotten so much better in the last few weeks.

    1. Rainer Weikusat says:

      Indeed.

    2. Attention Defecate Disorder says:

      It’s almost exactly the same as it has been for a long time.

      1. taller more autistic looking man says:

        I am interested and I’d like to subscribe to your newsletter.

  3. NWN Trannyversary Jizz Splatter Vinyl Sale says:

    This website and NWN are the most inclusive to war metal tranny rapists!

  4. Rainer Weikusat's gay boyfriend says:

    When and how did Antifa died?

    Any sources to support your claim?

    1. Rainer Weikusat says:

      Try to let this sink:

      The reason why “male-male intercourse” keeps obtruding itself onto your mind is because you are gay. Not because anybody you happen to (try) to use as springboard for your worthless outbursts of “Hey! LOOK at me! I have nothing to say/ But HERE I be” would be anything.

      1. LostInTheANUS says:

        What the fuck are you even talking about? Have you started your New Year’s Eve celebration a bit too early?

        1. Rainer Weikusat says:

          Some Christmas eve a few years ago, I ended up going home fairly early because the overabundant drunk coupling suddenly looked much less exciting than a cauliflower I still had in my fridge. Several days later, some woman apparently became curious as to what I was doing, ostentibly not spending time with anyone, and thus, sent one of her male satellites to establish a first contact in form of the hallowed question “Do you like men or women?” I then sternly replied “I like cauliflower.”

          This is a bit of a recurring topic. And it sucks. Older men confusing me with one of their rent boys can be a serious nuisance. And the same goes for homophobe jerks from the countryside in the mood for beating someone up. If I had a voice here, instead of just serving as silver screen everybody projects his phantasies onto (and having to deal with the fallout), I’d suggest that the members of both groups could perhaps sort out their uninteresting differences directly with each other and leave me alone.

          1. LostInTheANUS says:

            Holy shit dude, you really need help. If you lived in my area I could help you out by making you do something productive so you can stop taking whatever it is you’re taking.

            1. Rainer Weikusat says:

              Right now, I’m busy working towards upgrading a bunch of software packages from OpenSSL 0.9.8 to OpenSSL 1.0.1t because a certain (Perl) program I’m responsible for loads both versions of the library at runtime because some modules it relies on have been compiled/ linked against the older version and some against the newer. This is a recipe for eventual disaster as OpenSSL doesn’t use symbol versioning, hence, whether some (compiled) xs routine linked against version a will accidentally end up calling version b with some incompatible datastructure as argument is pretty much a matter of chance (and I’ve spent the last three workdays with debugging a failure caused by this which happened inside from Pl/Perl routine used by a PostgreSQL trigger …).

              That’s presumably also pretty Chinese to someone unfamiliar with it but (subject to copyrights owned by my employer) I could bombard anyone with increasing amounts of technical details until he voluntarily gives in.

              My somewhat creative use of language is due to the fact that I am very likely an autist and I still have a lot to learn in this area. But (as opposed to “Rainer Weikusat enjoys cocks”), anything told is factually accurate. Shouldn’t really matter in the context of “metal” but that’s not always possible in the presence of hardcore personalizers.

              1. LostInTheANUS says:

                So you’re not doing anything productive, huh? That’s a shame, Germany (that’s where you’re from, right?) is pretty far away from where I am, otherwise we could meet up and we could have a symbiotic relationship, I could teach you a lot of recipes for homemade products like Astolite, ANFO, NLX, RDX-derived products, PETN etc., then you’d just make those products for me (I’d provide materials and everything) since producing that kind of stuff by yourself can take away too much of a person’s time.

              2. Rainer's first gay boyfriend says:

                We should meet and talk about Emperor being superior to Enslaved and Burzum being superior to every other black metal band save for Gorgoroth.

                The mighty Gorgoroth is the best black metal band of all time.

      2. taller more autistic looking man says:

        SOMEONE’s certainly thinking about male-male intercourse.

      3. Rainer Weikusat enjoys cock says:

        Yeah really, c’mon Happy New Gay Year for you Rainer!

  5. Deathevokation says:

    Thanks for the fake news link to Newsweek. Idiots, Reagan started deregulating the FCC and Bill CLinton finished it with the Telecommunications Act in 1996. Since then the news has grown corporate, biased for war and big business profits, and it does no investigation reporting, but it was always run by the CIA going back to the 1950’s: https://www.zerohedge.com/news/2017-08-27/internal-cia-memos-expose-media-agencys-principal-villains-urges-intervention-journa

    http://www.voltairenet.org/article30039.html

    Anyone dumb enough to think a difference exists between the Democrats and Republicans, especially since 1980, is an uniformed contendly ignorant fool. The division of parties and people is a creation of the kakistocracy to keep the morons fighting amongst one another over identity politics, and varied divisions within the social classes from metal to fag rights in order to keep people distracted from their crimes. Shit, if American’s truly knew how fucked the declining US Empire is, how fucked is the economy backed by nothing except a printing press run through the Federal (not a government agency) Reserve, that our entire foreign policy is run though AIPAC for the Oded Yinon Plan and war profiteering for shareholders, and that they’re generally neo-feudal debt slaves with no rights they’d revolt then start lopping off heads with a guillotine. So yeah, fight amongst one another while ranting lame about survival of the fittest. Meanwhile the kakistocracy uses social Darwinism to literally kill you.

    As for the article, pure speculation to stay relevant, but it contains enough relevance due to current events. Enjoy another bullshit year. Fucking obsequious masses get what they deserve.

    1. Jon "sucking cocks in hell" Nodveidt says:

      “neo-feudal”–the whine of blue haired commies whose parents never prepared them for the fact that you don’t get everything you want handed to you in the real world

      1. Deathevokation says:

        I am 46, successful, own all my property, a home, and vehicles debt free except for the unconstitutional taxes I gotta pay. Fuck you and fuck off with your bullshit talking points sanctioned by the mainstream media you fucking worthless sample of carbon based waste without an original thought. Fucking drone moron.

        1. Deathevokation says:

          Furthermore, I am not affiliated with any moronic political group. I been eligible to vote for 28 years and never did it cause I don’t vote for vile pigs, murders, thieves, and violators of the US Constitution and international law, and scumbags in bed with AIPAC. Shit, do you actually think your vote counts cause history says otherwise. Glad to know you’re another yokel that talks when the string is pulled. Go read some MSM to fill your head with programmed rubbish. I got corn in my turds with more brains than you. Dumb young pretentious mainstream punk.

          1. NH says:

            Clearly a liberal degenerate pretending otherwise. And now old and whiny “I complained the 90s away and now I want respect because I’m 46 and have done nothing but Hey I have cranky opinions” “everyone is vile but me”

            1. Bottle of Clorox says:

              Drink me.

  6. Jon "sucking cocks in hell" Nodveidt says:

    I don’t think grindcore’s ‘coming back’ in a big way any time soon. It already came back in a faddish way 10 years ago thanks to Relapse. It’s drained of all urgency to normies.

    Maybe the next fad is metal+RAC crossovers. (RAC is still deep underground and ripe for rediscovery, and only gets more and more relevant lyrically.)
    Peste Noire and Absurd pretty much already made a career out of it, black metal kids just don’t know enough about punk to realize it.

    1. Rainer Weikusat says:

      Peste Noire and Absurd have just about nothing in common musically.

  7. Marc Defranco says:

    I predict noise fans will get even more into black metal causing a greater influx of shitty left wing “progressive” politics along with dumb ass commies, and anarchy lames

    1. Marc Defranco says:

      Popular sites may also shovel these bands down peoples’ throats

  8. Liah Natas says:

    I don’t think that satanic lyrics are problem in metal culture. They are written in highly intelligent and metaphorical style, not literal. Bands like Deicide or Blaspherian comes to mind. Can you list some silly “satanic” or solid occult bands for example and range that captures the style you describe?

  9. Here’s some autistic shit that’s been begging to be asked for quite some time now. Why do people consider the chunky “breakdown” riffs from Suffocation (and all the way up to the new Blood album apparently)to be hip-hop inspired? I’ve been subjugated to a lot of the retarded congoid beat poetry since I was a child, and I could never find the relation.

  10. Bottle of Clorox says:

    Who wants a drink?

  11. Trashchunk says:

    Anyone else just able to notice stuff, take it in, and not really get all that bent out of shape about it?

Comments are closed.