“Kim Kelly’s Hand” Rehosted

The creators of the hilarious “Kim Kelly’s hand” Facebook fan page saved and emailed Death Metal Underground the unused pictures submitted to the page and the comedic captions on those already there. The page was accused by the Parents Music Resource Center of Facebook of being bullying despite Kim Kelly being an infamous public figure as a serially lying fake journalist. Since it made the crustfund communist cry, Death Metal Underground has of course decided to host the captioned pictures too funny for Facebook’s socialist worker’s paradise:

So freaky! Arnold Schwarzenegger, please battle this Total Recall mutant and make Planet Mars safe!

Look at this thing dangling under the table… we must vanquish this Lovecraftian horror back to R’lyeh where it belongs!

Master Splinter hoped that one day the fifth ninja turtle would return for much needed guidance, but he knew deep down the day would never come :(

It appears our appreciation has been misinterpreted as nerd virgin rage bellowing from beneath our mothers basements. Let it be known that the claw has touched each and everyone of us in a special way. While we all can’t collect a disability pension AND glumly interview Kerry King like we’re the illegitimate offspring of Chris Farley, for those about to claw, WE SALUTE YOU!!!

DISGUSTENG You look like Helen Hunt if she ate as much pussy as the Chinese.

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27 thoughts on ““Kim Kelly’s Hand” Rehosted”

  1. FUCK YOU! says:

    I don’t give a fuck you moron

  2. I overdosed on Prozak says:

    Jim Ross: BAH GAWD KING, IT’S THE CRABCLAW!

    1. canadaspaceman says:

      I laugh every time I read this. You rule!

  3. DEPORT KIM KELLY TO BRAZIL says:

    We are the sons of the Sun. Wait, don’t run. I’ve just begun! I’m not here to make a pun. Listen here because metal ain’t supposed to be “fun”:

    These are the days of the S.J.W.. Their days aren’t for me and you. “Quality music would sound good even on the kazoo.” Said our maniacal guru; Prozak with the high IQ. But now metal is a wandering Jew. It can’t seem to find its power and break back through. It’s weak because of the screeching UUUGGGHHHHHs of Grim Kim in full hullabaloo… we must fight back so metal can renew anew. And keep metal unsafe and taboo. Prozak is a Hindu. Maarat, please continue.

    1. The Humanoid says:

      *awkward clap of crabby palms*

    2. canadaspaceman says:

      ya forgot to add in a “Goo goo ga joob”

  4. gg says:

    i don’t like her one bit, but this entire post is fucking stupid.

    1. Horst Fuchs says:

      I do like you a bit although you’re fucking stupid. Now bent over.

  5. GGALLIN1776 says:

    Fuck that crab claw, I hope she gets raped with a sickle & hammer. It would be appropriate.

    My namesake recorded a song about her mouth :

    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=rvdasybi9Mo

    I’m sure her twat is much worse considering she masterbates with the claw. Ever smell dead crabs out in the sun covered in AIDS blood & oral abcess pus? Neither have I, but I imagine it smells like that.

  6. Pe4ce 'lovin guy says:

    Don’t worry guys, we can all rape her together. That’s only after we chop off her crabby claw.

    1. Raping animals is not kosher.

      1. Pe4ce 'lovin guy says:

        You admit to being Jewish? Wow, nice shilling for the Alt-white! We were goy-ed all along…

        1. canadaspaceman says:

          I ain’t jewish, but I try to abide by the same dietary laws that were later called “kosher”.
          You like eating pig? You will smell like it when you sweat. Plus get cancer.
          You like shellfish and catfish? great.
          We all want to hang with people that consume other garbage-eating bottom-feeders, LOL.

  7. theripplesofreflection says:

    Hopefully Kim Jelly is exposed for what she is: a farce. Picking on her deformities is juvenile, but she’s so cringe-worthy so I don’t mind any

  8. Spectral Exhibitionist says:

    This witchhunt, all the DMU rrrrrRAGE directed towards Kim Kelly… What is your guys’ deal? It was one thing when you merely said she was a liar, fake, destroying all of metal or whatever, but it’s merely ad hominem to go after her deformity. It’s pretty weaksauce and dishonorable. And Hessians should be about the noble aristocratic comportment, right? Not acting like a 9 year old bully and going after somebody about their hand.

    Y’all are like a circle jerk of gang rapists. LOL

    1. canadaspaceman says:

      Is this campaign “juvenile” ? maybe the approach by some, but don’t you worry…
      it’s just a start perhaps.

      When agitators posing as “writers” or “protestors” make old fashioned metal heads wonder if their show will be cancelled after spending their money on tickets and travel, or if they get jumped by a gang of cowards wearing masks for wearing the “wrong” band patch / shirt, well, things have gone too far. Examples from history show that idiotic mobs can only be dealt with in only one manner –
      Cruelly.

      1. LostInTheANUS says:

        “Examples from history show that idiotic mobs can only be dealt with in only one manner –
        Cruelly.”
        And with lots of anal penetration.

        1. Pe4ce 'lovin guy says:

          You guys are ass people? Wow!

          1. Only teh Ghey is Real says:

            Forever marked by the unknown semen cocktail, absorbed through the rectum.
            Warped mongrel mind, never freed from its disgusting addiction.

      2. Spectral Exhibitionist says:

        Hmm… Related to that — do we know if Kim Kelly was affiliated with the Graveland or Marduk shutdowns?

        1. Morbideathscream says:

          Perhaps, she wasn’t directly involved, but she has the same shithead sjw mentality as antifa fags and I’m sure she supports those shutdowns. So, fuck her and all other far left commie scum.

          1. Necronomeconomist says:

            You’ve seemed like a highly emotional nigga over the last several months.
            Paranoid.

            1. Morbideathscream says:

              Goddamn you say nigga more than a well…a [redacted]. You need to change your username to Negronomeconomist haha.

              1. canadaspaceman says:

                First, to use “Negronomeconomissy”, ( or any similar spelling ) , consultations and fees paid to bald negroes like Montel Williams, and James Avery from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air , because black celebs’ opinions matter!
                and Ric Flair says on a totally unrelated matter –
                “whooooo ! I got my ding dong polished again at Wrestlemania! Whooo !”

                1. Pe4ce 'lovin guy says:

                  Don’t be impolite to blackkks by calling them negroes, you’re starting an exclusivity based club you racist.

                  Call ’em niggers and be done with it, you Nazi fag. It has nice ring to it too!

  9. canadaspaceman says:

    Black Northern Reign / Svendorrian, the moving crab
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4yWqGR6LQ8s

  10. Rainer Weikusat says:

    Attacking a Mancubus with a BFG9000 is seriously pathetic, especially considering that the warm-up delay may be sufficient for the attacker to be burnt to a crisp. Considering that it’s quite clumsy, the super shotgun is effective at close quarters (3 hits are usually sufficient). Rockets (if available in sufficient quantities) are good for long range attacks or alternatively, keep it under fire with the chaingun. As its pain tolerance is low, this will usually keep it from counterattacking. An even better way is to entice a mancubus to an attack when it’s behind a few other, stronger opponents. Then, get some popcorn and watch the show.

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