Political Fenriz

fenriz-cat

Fenriz has been in the mainstream news lately for winning an election to his local town council by circulating a photo of him holding his stray cat Nugatti. He won election for a four year term as the second back up councilor who steps in when the first replacement is unavailable.

On the Darkthrone Funbook page, Fenriz claims that he will attempt to perform his duties as much as time permits. Fenriz famously works almost full-time in the Norwegian post office, where he listens to the promotional material he receives to create his Radio Fenriz online radio show posted on Soundcloud. Radio Fenriz mostly consists of disposable, c-list rehash metal that makes Manilla Road sound like Morbid Visions; the type of label ponzi scheme crap that if you were actually naive enough to buy it on CD, would get played thrice in the car before you lose it under the seat and return to ploughing through traffic in your Volvo solid steel battle tank station wagon (or white rapist van if you’re in a band) while blasting A Blaze in the Northern Sky and Onward to Golgotha.

The quality of Darkthrone’s output appears to be directly correlated with the quality of music Darkthrone are actually listening to. Fenriz could easily spend five minutes each instead of an hour with the vast majority of these releases, pick out the two tracks out of fifteen that have decent riffs in unrefined riff rock songs, and stick them into a playlist with quality but relatively unheard metal of the past or stick the “greatest hits” of rehash metal together to show how little musical worth and content these releases actually have. Instead Fenriz willingly allows third rate Agent Steel and Autopsy clones to pollute his grey matter.

Since Transilvanian Hunger over two decades ago, Darkthrone have left their material unrefined and organized. 1995’s Panzerfaust started a trend of open worship of pasts greats (Celtic FrostMorbid Tales / Emperor’s Return) and self-plagiaristic punk rock. How could Fenriz and Nocturno Culto have gone from making elitist “Norsk Arisk Black Metal” to being mainstream media punk darlings gazed upon like a set of Scandinavian Henry Rollins? Given Fenriz’s felinophelia, there is one obvious answer: Toxoplasmosis. Yes, the disease the causes those cysts that pathologists find in the brains of neurotic, crazy cat ladies and Frenchmen at the morgue. Continual reinfection with toxoplasma gondii from cleaning out little Nugatti’s litter box is the sole logical explanation for Fenriz’s odd shifts in taste and behavior.

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38 thoughts on “Political Fenriz”

  1. May he rule with honour and may his reign be prosperous under the northern sky.
    Hail Fenriz, the ruler of Kolbotn.

    1. hessian hex says:

      Hex the Usurper to the Throne!

      1. Next album: Kolbotnian Hunger

        1. hessian hex says:

          No thanks, I heard there’s too much trans fat in dried brain matter. Better go with the fresh pizza crust punk. Killer.

          1. Etude says:

            ‘Arctic Thunder’ is sounding a lot more like their older material.

        2. Rainer Weikusat says:

          “Southern Kolbotn not ablaze”?

  2. Ggallin1776 says:

    Looks like he’s been cleaning the litterbox with his beard,time to wash it fenriz.

    1. hessian hex says:

      I know there’s a rusty pooper scooper in there somewhere..

  3. hessian hex says:

    This from the guy who bitched about Burzum being a political band and not musical enough. They both got neurotic and lost sight of their projects impetus.

    1. get a brian says:

      Varg grew up and probably doesn’t care about music that much anymore. But his Myfarog game won’t put food on the table like the odd Burzum release will.

    2. Falsehammer says:

      Yeah people tend to not care as much about shit they liked when they were kids when they grow up.

      1. hessian hex says:

        I was in jail. Now I’m back.

      2. Rainer Weikusat says:

        I don’t understand most of the Transilvanian Hunger lyrics but you have to realize that this is indeed a triology, just maybe not planned as one: A Blaze In The Northern Sky is the “promising start” (metaphoricaly spoken), “We are a blaze in the northern sky/ The next 1000 years are OURS”, Under A Funeral Moon is creeping decline, the creature walking alone in the night, still plotting and hoping for the dark, and the last sees it cast out into woods, the future lost, and condemmned to eternal hunger.


        I Please My Hunger, On Living Humans
        Night Of Hunger Follow It’s Call
        Follow The Freezing Moon

        What would you continue how after that?

  4. Metal Competence says:

    “second back up councilor”
    “works almost full-time”

    You forgot that he kinda still makes albums.

    1. The albums only take them a few weekends to bash out.

  5. Rainer Weikusat says:

    Considering recent discussions, this has to go somewhere (warning: seriously gay)

    Fictional yellow press headline:

    Extra! Extra! Read all about it![*]

    Murder of this week: Ex-politician bludgeons his ex-rent boy to death upon losing his seat,

    http://www.spiegel.de/politik/deutschland/gerwald-claus-brunner-pirat-gestand-mord-an-jan-markus-l-schriftlich-a-1113363.html

    Will people still try to kick up a fuss about that 20 years from now? Stay tuned!

    [*] That’s a Bill Haley track,

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ei5h6K9_M-8

  6. get a brian says:

    >makes Manilla Road sound like Morbid Visions

    so worse than Manilla Road?

  7. Sam Hyde says:

    His cat would probably make better albums than the crap he’s been releasing the last 20 ears.

    1. hessian hex says:

      I’m listening to The Best of CrapThrone: The Cat Ears. The Meow Mixes are the shit.

  8. Tastee freezes says:

    Stoners and posers act like new Darkthrone is “the real shit” and do that stupid devil horns while holding their tongue between their teeth and grinning going “yeeeaaaaah”. I’ve seen it in real life, if you’re ever around people who hate shitty metal you will hate people and shitty metal even more than you previously did.

    1. AK-47 says:

      “Sounds straight 1985 man. This is REAL metal, kids”-

      1. hessian hex says:

        Riggs, I’m too old, too cold, for this shit.

            1. Etude says:

              Wanna find out?

    2. Tastee freezes says:

      Damn I meant if you’re ever around people who LIKE shitty metal, oooops! But really, there are fuckers who take delight in being posers and not digging further, not that they’d appreciate it anymore.

    3. Spectral Nutritionist says:

      You see people who like metal, in real life?
      Shit, man… I don’t know any Hessians around here.
      From this standpoint, it would be a luxury to disagree with someone, who hath heard Darkthrone!!!

      1. Can you survive the blitzkrieg says:

        I’ve met a lot of the Texas metal guys and they’re fucking good guys and gals, I’m however swamped in the pits of vague metal awareness and posery

        1. C.M. says:

          Me too, buddy. Around here, Slipknot is metal, Marilyn Manson is industrial, Moby is obscure electronica…

          1. I’m better off. Around here, it’s Manowar and some other heavy metal, and a lot of power metal like Sabaton.

          2. Spectral Nutritionist says:

            C.M., that place you live is called ‘2001’. LoL

  9. Memoncy - Joined in Dankness says:

    Anyone remember the antihumanism.com guy who made a fake darkthrone song and posted it to youtube as “a track from the new album”? This piece of shit song that he made in an hour was met with adoration from idiot nu-Darkthrone fans. Says a lot about Darkthrone and modern metal fandom at large.

    1. Spectral Nutritionist says:

      “An’ Pwned is the Night”

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