SAD HIPSTER WREST EVICTED FROM WAREHOUSE

Leviathan mainman and convicted domestic abuser Jeff Whitehead (a.k.a. Wrest) is being evicted from the Portland Oregon warehouse he maintained as a storefront for his Devout Rcrds label/record store and the “anarchist print shop” Eberhardt Printsop. Whitehead is the victim of allegedly evil capitalist landlords who want to commit the horrible act of leasing their hard earned property at market price, which happens to be double that of what Wrest can afford. Therefore, Wrest has tapped his neo-communist friend Neil Jameson (who is publicly living out a similar midlife crisis) to help beg for moneytarget=”_blank” rel=”nofollow external” from “the miserable collective workforce” a.k.a. you, the consumers.  Yes, you have read correctly- Wrest is so desperate to save a commercial “Anarchist clothing line” from having its free-market commerce shut down by other free market commerce that he has stooped to digital panhandling.target=”_blank” rel=”nofollow external”

Wrest is experiencing what has been happening in every hipster trust fund kid neighborhood across the nation ranging from Williamsburg Brooklyn to Philadelphia’s Fishtown to the entire city of San Francisco:  Hipsterism has become mainstreamed, landlords know they can rip off rich parents by doubling the rent paid on behalf of their hipster offspring and corporate America has steamrolled over “charming counter-cultural neighborhoods” with retailers and commercialization.  This is what causes the mournful lamentations of broke hipsters like Neil and Jeff who want to live out their angsty adolescence forever and do whatever they can to avoid assimilation into communities of people that don’t suffer from mental health issues.

What’s even more horrifying to midlife crisis metalheads is the uncomfortable truth that the old “counter culture” is now popular culture.  This is why you see metal musicians and bands constantly adopting the same political stances as mainstream media outlets and pop artists and why vinyl is being sold at Urban Outfitters to people who don’t have record players.  Conversely the new counter culture is right wing politics, nationalism, traditionalism, family, church, community, and happiness, the latter of which absolutely terrifies musicians like Neil and Jeff who have spent entire careers singing about suicide and depression.  It’s why sheepish metalheads are fantasizing about communism and anarchy despite the former leaving no option to preserve your business should the government reassign it and the latter leaving you defenseless against someone bigger and richer than you who might just want to move into your office space.

Metal culture, too will move in the direction of the new counter culture and leave musicians from the forsaken hipster era behind, as the genre itself is rooted in romantiscism and traditionalism and founded by Christian working class capitalists (Black Sabbath etc).  Enjoy the works of Krieg and Leviathan if you may as both bands have produced decent music but pay no attention to the anti-capitalist whining of their founders as they’re still charging you money for their albums and merchandise.  Any true communist would give all of their music and T shirts to their fans for free and any anarchist wouldn’t be selling music and merch on Bandcamp.com or Moribund Records.  Finally, don’t give your money away to domestic abusers like Wrest so they can live out their hipster counter-world fantasies but instead pad your savings accounts so you can make a better life for you and your (future?) families.

Neil, Jeff, grow the fuck up and make something of yourselves.  Enough trying to relieve the past, focus on the now, the tomorrow, find work that you enjoy and take pride in being a part of the society that’s allowed you to live out your rockstar fantasies for so many years.  Stop dumping this kind of bullshit onto your fans and stop begging them for gofundme money to pay for your failures.

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27 thoughts on “SAD HIPSTER WREST EVICTED FROM WAREHOUSE”

  1. Marc Defranco says:

    He’s in Portland. He should move.

    1. NWN War Metal Tranny Rapist says:

      Leviathan and Nachtmystium and all those other bands are shemales! They should stay in Portland!

      1. Marc Defranco says:

        TRUE

  2. Marc Defranco says:

    Also I am curious what some writers/viewers of this site think of the song embedded in this interview. I think it is pretty damn strong so far

    http://www.bardomethodology.com/articles/2018/03/20/altar-of-perversion-interview/

    1. raped by sehmales says:

      muh killahurtz

      Songs sucks ass, it’s “stoner” metal

      1. NWN War Metal Tranny Rapist says:

        I agree that the song is fucking gay but you’re supposed to be the one raping the shemales! Your hoodie has been demoted from Revenge to Diocletian!

      2. Marc Defranco says:

        What makes this stoner metal? Just curious I’ve never looked into the sound much and only listened to a few bands that I didn’t care for

    2. canadaspaceman says:

      That Altar Of Perversion song, “She Weaves Abyssal Riddles and Eorthean Gates”, is pretty good.
      Does it sound more like stoner metal/stoner rock, with a deathy/black metal singer, than just black metal?
      Black metal bands in past with this same type of repetitive, drone, sludge should also be re-examined ?
      For now, I can’t give any band names for comparison.

      1. Nespithe & Burzum says:

        The Dance of Eternal Shadows by Darkthrone. The Altar of Perversion song was weepy and predictable in an emo or Shining way. No awesome aura, just crap.

      2. cornrose says:

        Its not “stoner metal”, this fopp can’t tell you what that shit sounds like. He meant to say its post rock larping euronymous
        in a REM t-shirt repping el duce in a cold lake style guitar tone. Totally not fucking stoner metal. WTFTI

  3. Rainer Weikusat says:

    Hippieness – the quest for counter-culture happiness – ought to be treated as personality disorder.

    1. dead butt dreaming says:

      My favorite neologism is “over-the-counter culture”

      1. S.C. says:

        That’s a good one. I need to lock that away.

  4. dead butt dreaming says:

    Bitch about corporatism killing independent metal distributors

    Say it’s justified when corporatism kills an independent metal distributor

    There’s probably some advice animal template that would fit this but i’m too out of touch with memes to know

    Still

  5. Ryan says:

    Conversely the new counter culture is right wing politics, nationalism, traditionalism, family, church, community, and happiness

    Jesus what a fucking square

  6. Jerry Hauppa says:

    His guitar is pretty sick, I must admit.

    1. Brock Dorsey says:

      Yeah Monson guitars are pretty badass

      1. Jerry Hauppa says:

        I’ve checked their site from time to time, and they only have the lamest shapes in stock usually. That one is just over the top enough while still looking somewhat tasteful.

  7. T. Desecration says:

    “Enjoy the works of Krieg and Leviathan if you may as both bands have produced decent music”

    lol what

    1. NWN War Metal Tranny Rapist says:

      Both of these bands are gayer than shemale music! Decent my balls and ass!

  8. bloody dead whateverpulp says:

    ffs

  9. Charles Stuart says:

    Nothing says ‘badass’ and ‘hardcore’ quite like carpel tunnel wrist braces and hand tattoos.

    It is interesting how the ‘Decible’ article tries to blame this on President Trump. Every small business owner I know loves his policies, although they may hate him otherwise.

    The neighborhood that record/printing shop is in has been ‘gentifying’ for years, but is still fairly run down and seedy… it is not unusual to find that a homeless person has shit in your front yard. There are metal/punk record shops in much more expensive parts of town that don’t need to beg for money. I think commie faggits are just bad businessmen.

    1. Rainer Weikusat says:

      If you look at the actual story, the building the shops etc are residing in has a new owner. The lease was up for renewal on April 1st and originally, a rent raise was planned, but the owner then chose to terminate instead on the grounds of him being able to earn “more than twice of the raised rent” otherwise. So, the issue at hand is that three ‘small businesses’ (who are probably just about profitable) need to leave the premises and relocate elsewhere until April 1st. I don’t think having trouble to cope with such a bolt from the blue is necessarily a sign of “commie faggits being bad businessmen”.

      OTOH, why not support an artist instead?

      http://www.kaltfront.net/mainE

      Some nice, doom-influenced black metal, weakest point are the programmed drums but they don’t do much damage.

      1. Charles Stuart says:

        If you knew the neighborhood, you’d know that it is fully of commie faggits who are terrible businessmen.

        1. Rainer Weikusat says:

          Maybe (whatever this is supposed to mean).

          But you could still get a lot of location-bound small businesses in trouble by asking them “to pack up their things and go” within the next two weeks, especially if this includes machinery which isn’t easily moved, ie, the guy may or may not be “a terrible businessman” but he’s not responsible for literally being thrown out by the new owner of the building on short notice.

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