Sadistic Metal Reviews 9/24/2016

shit_burning

Some sorry schmuck has to shovel it into a hole and set it on fire.

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SIG:AR:TYR – Northern (2016)
SIG:AR:TYR : Bathory :: Exhumed : Carcass. SIG:AR:TYR shove in all eras, styles, and sub-genres play by an earlier, more popular group into an incohesive, boring whole. SIG:AR:TYR, like Exhumed, has absolutely zero raison d’être except for the musicians’ own enjoyment imitating their heroes. Northern has the same psychological motivation as children pretending to cook dinner with toy kitchenware. Unlike a child’s make believe spaghetti, SIGL:AR:TYR want us to pretend their album is the real thing and pay them money to physically eat the plastic food. Then we can squirt ketchup directly in our mouths as we eat peanut butter with a spoon!

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Shataan – Weigh of the Wolf (2016)
The bands comprising the Black Twilight Circle do not actually play black metal: they play black metal influenced, folksy rock music with little regard for riff development in long-form melodic narrative songwriting. Shataan on Weigh of the Wolf thus play black ‘n’ roll. The highlight is not generic metal riffing but the ethnic orchestration with stereotypical composition designed for appeal to the ignorant enamored with multiculturalism. What these naive leftist pussy modern black metal scenesters will never admit is that these rock songs are boring. To the leftists, the fact that short people with olive skin and epicanthal folds are playing mediocre modern rock music somehow actually makes that music worthwhile. The hipsters and scenesters praise it the same way they do a child’s poor drawings. The Black Twilight Circle collaborate in this infantilization of their romanticized pre-Columbian past and ethnic makeup in the same way that natives dress up in grass skirts for tourists in the South Pacific. Shataan – Weigh of the Wolf isn’t metal in the same way that adding green food coloring to Bud Light doesn’t make it into Guinness.

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Hellbringer – Awakened from the Abyss (2016)
It’s difficult to be outright bad as this brand of metal is written for you. Hellbringer adopt Slayer cadences with a Merciless style tortured aesthetic. The basic formula is Hell Awaits riffs given flavor by mildly increasing its technical ability. There are moments of uncomfortable plagiarism such as “Coven of Darkness” which shamelessly apes “At Dawn They Sleep“. There isn’t much more that can be said about this release or should be said. Unless one truly desires the lamentations of cynical and apathetic critics whose souls are hollowed out by mountains of this trash they are forced to endure.

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Rebaelliun – The Hell’s Decree (2016)
D-list death metal riffs made into sing along rock music rather than actual metal  isn’t particularly endearing to headbangers. These riffs aren’t particularly noteworthy or memorable at all; they reek of garage guitar wank mixed into an ersatz cargo cult Khyber pass copy of death metal with a computer. Just like a Khyber Pass Lee-Enfield, this will cause limbs to fly off when with real ammo. Zika death ‘n’ roll made by pinheads.

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Sol Sistere – Unfading Incorporeal Vacuum (2016)
Another mediocre attempt at mixing in the the more atmospheric black metal pioneered by Dawn and Sorcier des Glaces into hipster whine rock. While less offensive than Deafheaven, Sol Sistere are still horrifically annoying and boring. There are no clever progressions or long form melodic narratives, just droning tremolo picked chords and emo vocals in riff salad songs.

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Mare Cognitum – Luminiferous Aether (2016)
Generic atmospheric black metal that attempts to use multitrack recording to approximate classical orchestration. Unfortunately Blessed Are the Sick or The Red in the Sky is Ours this is not; Luiminiferous Aether is comically awful carnival music and I expect a little person to come out and dance around a styrofoam Stonehenge monument at any moment. Where’s the free-form jazz exploration in front of a festive crowd?

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Anal Blasphemy – Western Decadence (2016)
Tits and sodomy in the Church? Oh how scandalous! Generic black metal riffing and hardcore powerchords with lots of samples and lyrics to differentiate your vocally focused songs! Anal Blasphemy play black ‘n’ roll bullshit.

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Aum – Om Ah Hum Vajra Guru Padma Siddhi Hum (2016)
Aum attempt to focus speed metal focused riffing into black death ritual. Unfortunately their musical content isn’t enough to cover the length of the black mass. I guess the naked chicks will never get to kiss the devil’s ass, never mind the orgy. I’m afraid the orgy will never happen. What about the guy with the mop to clean up all the sexual fluids and animal blood? What happens to that guy when everyone at the black mass is bored? Are you going to pay him for nothing or will he get to at least drink the cheap ritual wine and help desecrate the host? What you’re not going to include him as he doesn’t have a black druid robe? What guys? You’re not all inclusive? He hates Jesus too Aum. At least let the fluffer at your satanic ritual orgy jerk him off.

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Hoath Codex III: Crown of the Mind (2016)
Diocletian with speed metal triplet chugs amidst the generic “blackened death metal” that is actually just grindcore. Honestly Hoath fits the war metal template of grindcore + crossover thrash very well but alas their music just isn’t very good or memorable except for obvious tributes to past greats like Slayer and Bolt Thrower. This is only for those who cherish multiple copies of War Cult Supremacy and the entire Diocletian discography, id est NWN forum collectors hoping to sell their die hard Ross Bay Cult battleflag for weed money.

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Chine – Immanent (2016)
Crappy teknical deaf metalcore that’s not only random and bad but frequently slow and boring. These guys are about a decade too late to cash in on this crap so why did they even bother making it? Does anyone actually believe this is good? If metal is a milk product, this is a cowpie or a drain fly infestation in your bathtub. Black, maggot-filled sludge oozing up from drain isn’t particularly appetizing.

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Saboter – Mankind is Damned (2016)
Not totally incomeptent Judas PriestPainkiller worship. Saboter needs to develop their rhythm riffs and twin guitar harmonies more; half these tracks are boring rock songs relying on the vocals to power through. This is a band who back in 1987 would’ve been told that their demo was not horrible but they need to work on more material to record an album. Now they can just find some idiot on the internet to release their bedroom digital audio workstation created tribute. If you discharge your payload to Metal Church, you might appreciate this for twenty minutes and need to kill yourself before the other prisoners break into the sex offender solitary confinement ward and shank you with a sharpened piece of linoleum.

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Black Tomb – Black Tomb (2016)
Lame stoner doom in the style of Electric Wizard minus a slightly overweight blond women who becomes vaguely attractive if you’re black out drunk. Nothing stands out here and the cover looks like a still from a ZX Spectrum game. Go back to the garage!

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Rest – Rest (2016)
Rest attempt to shoegaze but fails hard by sounding more like Nirvana at their wussiest and whiniest rather than My Bloody Valentine. Occasionally certain songs pluck up with melodies that resemble New Order at times but they quickly recede back into more moping. Rest, you go to the bagel place to get bagels, not to listen to the generic adult contemporary soft rock that 44-year-old, otherwise unemployable skill-less cashier Janice is playing off of Spotify in the background.

Shorts

Gespenst – Forfald (2016)
The whiniest black metal meets the most boring doom metal imaginable for a flannel-shirted crowd with tattoo arm sleeves and waxed moustaches. This is what Thurston Moore meant when he called modern black metal “music made by pussies.”

Amphisbaena – Amphisbaena (2016)
Amphisbaena take déjà entendu Morbid Angel riffs and try to make them weirder. What results is deathcore. Post-hardcore songwriting + occassional death metal riffs + breakdown focused compositions = deathcore.

Celestial Grave – Burial Ground Trance (2016)
Gothenburg black ‘n’ roll ‘n’ Guns N’ Roses solos.

Summit – The Wind The Forestalls Thy Return (2016)
Ambient instrumental nineties rock with post-hardcore chord progressions. Lame.

Spire – Entropy (2016)
Atmospheric black ‘n’ roll drivel.

Warpvomit – Barbarian Triumph of Evil (2016)
Indiscernible grindcore with way too longs songs pretending to be bestial black metal.

Vlad in Tears – Unbroken
Candy bar pop crap masquerading as pop punk metalcore. This is autotuned garbage that sounds like Bruno Mars if he wanted to join Bullet for My Valentine or some other bullshit rather than actual heavy metal.

Faustian Dripfeed – Between This and Death (2016)
Typical Gothernburg and Heartwork influenced metalcore only with growls as the main vocals and the choruses as rasps. Overemotional masturbatory hard rock solos abound and make me hit the delete key.

Shadecrown – Agonia (2016)
More Gothenburg metalcore with a keyboard girl and whine choruses for fat guys and white knights with low testosterone to stroke their micropenises too.

Soulwound – No Peace (2016)
Generic melodeaf that rips off several speed metal bands and sounds like it was plasticized in ProTools.

Shokran – Exodus (2016)
Christian djent metalcore for megachurch attendees. This is what the youth pastor will play for the kid in the MetallicaLoad shirt before raping him.

The Last Band – The Fall (2016)
Hoobastank + Whitesnake.

Altered Perceptions – From Rise to Ruins (2016)
Screamo metalcore for Five Finger Death Punch fans.

Light of the Morning Star – Cemetary Glow (2016)
More hipster black ‘n’ roll bullshit by some idiot who wants to be in Ghost but isn’t good enough even for that.

Wyruz – Judge and Jury (2016)
Heartwork loving deathcore. Stinking shit.

Seventh Xul – Qliphothic Rites of Death (2016)
Singalong, vocally focused punk pretending to be blackened death metal. This has little in common with actual death or actual black metal. This modern style is really death/black ‘n’ roll little different from post-Left Hand Path MTV Entombed.

Ill Omen / Slaughtbbath – Pestilential Hierophanies (2016)
Boring war metal + boring ambient black metal split. Sounds like shit. Is actually shit. Burn it.

Iron Front – Overkill (2016)
Superficial Motorhead worship meets war metal. Everybody but hipsters is bored. Wait Slayer. Why don’t I just listen to Slayer instead?

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32 thoughts on “Sadistic Metal Reviews 9/24/2016”

    1. Internatio reloaded says:

      In firts video, beside Diana and Khadafi everyone is just unpretentious regular people with not too much problems to get a job and keep it thanks to keynesian politics, all trying to have simple good fun before the nuclear holocaust starts.

      In vid number 2, the Cold war has been won, which meant “the end of history” : everything was going to be wonderful. Except that the economy had been gutted to pay for the arms race that finaly brough the USSR to its knees, and many new smaller hot wars had to be fought to use all those toys that did not see the action they were designed for in the 80s. -> this led to cognitive dissonance and most of the reaction to this from many artists was by overplaying the gloomy and street creds sides without actually trying to think through what had happened in the last decade.

  1. Interracial Porn and Arghoslent says:

    “This is what the youth pastor will play for the kid in the Metallica – Load shirt before raping him.”

    This killed me.

    1. darg says:

      hahahahahahaha
      Yeah, me too!

  2. Anthony says:

    I want to defend that black twilight band, but thinking back through the past few years of my life, I find that I don’t really listen to them that much any more, and there’s probably a good reason for that. Plus they’re a bunch of anti-white trendies despite being a bunch of rich faggots who live in white areas and benefit from the low crime rate.

    1. Marc Defranco says:

      Eh well if you have bands that are anti whatever race I assume it’s ok to have an anti white band. I don’t think black twilight are anti white though or at least all of them. Also I think they have gotten better recently. Wasn’t a fan before except for Arizmenda. As far as them living in a rich suburban area, I mean if they or their family made enough money to live their then I see no problem if they choose to.

  3. Marc Defranco says:

    Still dig that Shataan heh and some other black twilight bands. Basically doing what others have done in bm, create music inspired by their heritage. Also wouldn’t call them all leftist, seen Volahn wear a Branikald shirt, a Russian NSBM band. If he was so leftist he’d most likely be burning it instead unless he’s a leftist who is intelligent enough to separate personal views from music.

  4. WHAT ABOUT UNGOD AND DARK FUNERAL? WHERE ARE THOSE FUCKIN REVIEWS MAN???!!!

    1. Anthony says:

      They’re both fucking boring. There are your reviews.

    2. Rainer Weikusat says:

      Dark Funeral: Ungod.

  5. Rainer Weikusat says:

    Sorry to tell: soft wet stuff no burn.

    1. The drums are filled with diesel.

      1. Rainer Weikusat says:

        As I fear the joke went south: I don’t think any of this inert matter (ie, the music) would burn.

  6. Moonlit hipster butchery behind the shed says:

    Finally someone tells it like it is regarding the black dick Mandingo circle..they can fuck right back off to heroin bag stuffed infant carcass Mexican shantytown with their brown pride bullshit

  7. Anthony says:

    You guys are either Black Lives Matter activists or cucks if you don’t see the inherent faggotry in all the Black Twilight shit.

    “Aq’ab’al is dedicated to all Nican Tlaca who fight colonialism and to all native warriors who have died defending our sacred continent.” – Aq’ab’al Liner Notes
    “‘Being brown in LA is hard, especially dealing with cops and immigration. Settlers on the land of my ancestors want to govern my life. Fuck white occupation of my sacred land! We are to be governed by our own people. I’m an indigenous revolutionary for my people and our struggle, and we’re the true representatives of our culture today.'[…] Not long ago, Volahn says, he attended a rally where neo-Nazis, protected by a police barrier, marched freely through downtown LA until chased back to their cars by young Nican Tlacas wielding rocks and bottles. ‘When one of their cars wouldn’t start, we pummeled them,’ he writes. ‘In these moments, intense violence and hatred are all I feel.'” – 2011 Interview with the Boston Phoenix

    Luckily one of the other former Ashdautas guys (the band these Black Twilight idiots were in back when they were sucking massive LLN dick… I’m sure their proud noble ancestors were thrilled about that) called them on their bullshit. “Ashdautas has nothing to do with that pathetic bullshit spouted from the mouth of Edward/Volahn. […] I am not Mexican and I started Ashdautas which is the first of all of the bands that have to do with what has been labeled ‘Black Twilight.’ Since that interview/statement was released I have ended Ashdautas as I and our other members can not be aligned with a person who is a lying, delusional, pseudo racist, wanna be brown power attention whore who grew up and still lives in the whitest part of the entirety of Orange County, CA.”

    It sucks because I do enjoy Ashdautas’ stuff, as well as the first Volahn album, Dolorvotre, most of the Arizmenda stuff, and even a lot of Aq’ab’al, but these scumbags leave a bad taste in my mouth. I’d love to see any of them try to “defend their sacred continent.*” Even listening to their good stuff, it’s still only good, not great. The second coming of Averse Sefira they are not.

    They’ve also got a massive oversaturation problem. The core stuff they recorded way back when was cool, but now there’s a million Black Twilight bands running around and they’re all shitty. Most of them have some stupid gimmick too, like oooohh it’s a woman playing guitar or ooooh this time it’s an Armenian guy (Also what is the deal with all of these left wing Armenian idiots farting up California? If you hate whitey so much, maybe try moving back to Turkey and see what happens) or ooooh there’s a thirteen minute recording of flutes taken from some new age Whole Foods meditation tape before the riffs start. Also they do the whole tape-only limited edition super sekret black metal klub shit but then run a bandcamp anyway. Reminds me a lot of the LLN (a horrible white racist organization that you can tell is racist because it was predominantly white am I right brothers and sisters), where you had Mütiilation and Vlad Tepes and then just a whole bunch of worthless shit that no one cares about any more.

    There’s a reason that Black Twilight and Rhinocervs were massive hipster darlings four years ago. It is of course a horrible horrible unthinkable crime when white people take up arms to defend their civilization (Remember the Crusades? It was like soooo horrible man even though they were actually a defensive war in response to Islamic slavers pillaging the coasts in numbers that would make those oh-so-horrible Vikings blush), but sucking the dick of every rich Orange County cunt with an axe to grind against those horrible honkies will still get you major social brownie points.

    WE WUZ KANGZ AND QUEENZ AND AZTECS AND SHEEIT

    *Average male height in Mexico: 5’4″ lol

    1. Marc Defranco says:

      I agree with too much of their stuff sounding the same and the point that most of what they have recorded is not actually great. I really only listen to Arizmenda and Kallathon as well as Shataan from time to time. I also am not saying I agree with the views they have but if they want to spout brown power or whatever, or if they even actually are I say who cares let em. It’s literally the equivalent of any other black metal band inspired by their heritage be it from Scandinavia or some other place. And as far as brown power shit goes who cares, if you don’t want nsbm bands who preach about white power to be censored and you are completely anti censorship then others should be free to spout their own race power thing. That’s the only point I’m trying to make and again like most metal bands it’s mostly show and no real action. Except a couple church burnings and some random murders in the scene the Norwegians didn’t really take up arms against anything. Also there’s something called separating the art from the artist, something many social justice fucks can’t handle when someone has a different view from theirs so they cause bands to get removed from fests. If you don’t like the dudes views but you like the music then stop giving a shit about their views and just enjoy the music. If you don’t want to support em with money just download the shit.

      1. Anthony says:

        Except the Norwegians weren’t talking about white power in gangsta rap songs. They wrote music inspired by multiple generations of European music with lyrics about Odhinnic and Satanic archetypes. Nice false equivalence.

        What’s wrong with being pro- my own race and anti- people who are anti-me? More and more white people are waking up to this way of thinking and are getting tired of Ye Olde Angry Black/Brown Men buffaloing them in popular media.

        1. Marc Defranco says:

          Yes and black twilight are writing about their heritage just like the Norwegians. My point was that most bm bands do not actually live the life they sing about like when you were talking about the guys in black twilight “defending their sacred continent” and living in suburbs. I’m saying most of the Norwegians didn’t do much to defend their heritage and didn’t live in the forest because like most metal it’s fantasy. I never said the Norwegians sang about white power. Nice job missing my point.

          I agree there’s nothing wrong with that, but if black twilight does actually hold the opinion of brown power or whatever then they should be free to shit on whites if they want to and you’re free to complain but It’s literally the same thing as some nsbm band shitting on some other race so I don’t see what the big deal is. If you’re white and it gives you so much stress to listen to a band that might hate you then don’t listen to em or go ahead and continue to complain. It’s like when pussies complain about Burzum because of Varg’s personal views. “I like the music but I just wish he didn’t have these views on race mixing” “I like Volahn but I can’t believe he wants his own race to have power”. I’m with you on popular media though, it’s all bullshit and it is fairly leftist at this point.

    2. NIGGERS! says:

      I really don’t give a fuck what these guys think. What’s important is that their music fucking sucks. If I want to listen to Mexican black metal it will be Avzhia or Xibalba because they write quality music that doesn’t sound like every other garbage hipster band out there trying to ape the greats while having absolutely nothing to say.

  8. Moonlit hipster butchery behind the shed says:

    Stop being such a mewling tolerant faggot,the ONLY reason “brown pride” is even remotely accepted openly is the popular narrative supported by the mainstream media is that all brown skinned people are inherently repressed violently by systemic and interpersonal racism…which is why Volahn can print dumb shirt designs with brown pride emblazoned on the back..which any person can wear with no basically little to no repercussions..perhaps one would be even patted on the back for being a “brave freedom fighter”…now on the other hand if my bald white ass wore a shirt with white pride in huge bold letters I would run into a lot of shit,not that is something I wish to or would consider doing,the point still stands.

    1. DSOfan98 says:

      Next time you write a comment stop and proceed to click the publish icon stop and ask yourself “is what I wrote really gay?”

      Worst Regards,
      Concerned Parents for Quality Thinking in Youthful Rage Filled Noise Masquerading as Romantic Music

      1. Writing Comments While Alcohol says:

        Wow

  9. Pseudo intellectual contrarian says:

    Yes,because recognizing obvious patterns and manipulation via government propaganda and mass media denotes lack of intelligence and critical thinking ability.Fuck yourself.

  10. Moonlit hipster butchery behind the whole foods says:

    Blaming the evil white man,or blaming the brown man for larger issues brings no one closer to the truth…it leads only to tunnel vision and opens you up to manipulation by smarter individuals,and solidifies a position as another useful idiot,cog in the machine…I’m not speaking of the music at this point.only the absurdity of perpetuating more plebian ideals.

  11. Morbid goat thruster says:

    Deathspell omega is nothing else but nursery rhymes for pencil necked,wax moustache beardos.Perhaps your fetal alcohol syndrome has clouded your sound judgement,ability to critique with ruthless candor,and most importantly,good taste

    1. Perhaps it has clouded your ability to discuss Deathspell Omega where it is at all relevant

      1. Anthony says:

        Pretty sure he was responding to DSOfan98.

    2. veeo says:

      7% of what they’ve created is actually brilliant

    3. C.M. says:

      His name referred to Deutsches Symphonie-Orchester, you spastics.

  12. veeo says:

    Shame these got sadistified (the difference between me probably never listening and definitely never listening) as some of them have damn nice cover designs :-)

  13. Goyo says:

    Fuck off
    Tu review rs una mierda

Comments are closed.