Sadistic Metal Reviews: Poles and Proles 2017

Reviews by Lucius Vorenus.


Mord’A’Stigmata – Hope
One of the least interesting albums in history. It has more tracks than novel ideas. The only intriguing thing about this album is how something that lets so many notes ring doesn’t sound significantly worse. This album isn’t a talky like some off the other “introspective” post-black/avantgarde efforts, but only because Poland is still so economically depressed that only big bands like Mgla and Behemoth can afford to translate their potato slam poetry into a language people comprehensible to people whose natural prosperity precludes them from having intrusive thoughts of epigenetic origin to steal and eat companion animals. Tell me, why are almost all Polish black metal albums of any prominence of the last five years just buttrock with double kicks and lyrics that wouldn’t be out of place in Jaden Smith’s diary when he realizes he’s part of the 40%? This is why you have to burn the food.


The Ruins of Beverast – Exuvia
Imagine Silencer if you replaced all the bits on Death – Pierce Me that weren’t gay (yeah all three of them) with riffs that Portal threw out for sounding too much like deathcore. Exuvia is mostly the same shit you’ve been hearing for five years, just with someone tremolo picking djent riffs under gratuitous choir bits that sound like the San Francisco Gay Men’s Chorus, except more noticeably affected by the AIDS pandemic. These guys play boring variations for half an eternity then degenerate into more arpeggio flogging than the Goatcraft debut, except where The Blasphemer was impressive in a twelve step program recovering alcoholic kind of way, Exuvia is drunk on its own boring internal narrative, slurring, slow and ultimately unpleasant to have in your company, let alone your company ink. This reminds me of the time I hung out with Brett Stevens. Taco Bell would not do for Brett, he needed something more aristocratic, so we went to Applebee’s. I ordered Fiesta Lime Chicken. They burned the food.


Sun of the Sleepless – To The Elements
One man black metal project with really really uninspired riffs that sounds like Devin Townsend overdosing on seroquel after a particularly nasty fight with his ugly controlling wife who made him quit good drugs and continue taking bad ones. The only real difference is that Devin Townsend had some idea what to do when he started going bald, whereas this guy looks like Onision and Ihsahn had a baby, which really isn’t that farfetched when you think about it. This is just keyboard-heavy depression metal with fadeouts, because this is fundamentally music for black metal thots to cry to because they’ve just dumped boyfriend #3. If you’re stupid enough to listen to this, I want you to remember that this guy is 39. Your head looks awful, and every band you’ve ever been in sucks. Grow up, dummy. This is why you have to burn the food.


Blaze of Perdition – Conscious Darkness
Blaze of Perdition, more like gays who transition. Dissoshit post-black RuPaul riffs rise and fall under screamo vocals and ding dong ride cymbal Gamelan music, except if you saw a traditional Gamelan in a sewer in Yogyakarta the word shit would come less readily to mind than listening to this album. This reminds me of Burzum insofar as you’re meant to go to sleep listening to Burzum, though I don’t think it was intentional in this case, and frankly the similarity ends there. If it’s any consolation, the band had a bus crash in 2013 and one of the band members died, while the others merely acquired additional disabilities. This is why you have to burn the food.


Cytotoxin – Gammageddon
Thematic Deathcore with sweeps and pig squeals. The most metal part about this is phrases that sound like The Black Dahlia Murder but with even less narrative function. Only Germans could be this into cosplay. Niemcy! Ptuh. Dlatego musimy to jedzenie spalić.


Der Weg einer Freiheit – Finisterre
Phrases that sound like Watain at 1.25x speed that go absolutely nowhere. I remember once we took some hipster douchebag called Nathan who was heaps into the Doors to see Drowning the Light play and he commented that they were the only original black metal band because they play high notes. I think that’s the target demographic. That, and people who thought the themes and aesthetics of Cradle of Filth were actually deeply heterosexual. Finisterre is just the same incidental riffs under screamo singsong crap before it goes into rock parts, then it relies on the drummer of all people to progress the song underneath enduringly novel innovations like tremolo picked half step bends. This is why you have to burn the food.


Azarath – In Extremis
Behemoth side project that sound like Anaal Nathrakh with less ingenuity right down to the insincere European shouting vocals, featuring really prominent and annoying snare rolls like a cross between The Faceless and Kataklysm in 2001. The most interesting thing about this release is that Inferno’s first name is Zbigniew, like the supremely anti-semitic father of that broad on Morning Joe who pulls all the faces. Honestly, Morning Joe is probably more hessian than most of the albums released on 2017 because at least MSNBC gets people killed. This is why you have to burn the food.


Svart Crown – Abreaction
Svart Crown, more like shart crown. You will wear the crown of poo poo like your ideological forebear, Jesus Christ. I don’t know what the hell is up with the French. This is basically Gojira if they played technical nu metal with black metal influences instead of technical nu metal with death metal influences, and by death metal influences, I mean they heard the first Decapitated album and weren’t exposed to the level of bullying that is necessary to explicate the difference between Winds of Creation and albums that are actually good, so I guess what I’m saying is that Svart Crown is just Gojira for people who listen to Watain. This sounds like music written by degenerate hedonists, which is allegedly what the lyrical themes are about, but I honestly think that if the Marquis de Sade saw these guys in real life he’d roll down his pantaloons and piss on these guys for being a bunch of tasteless reprobates. When I think about the French and decadence all I can really think of is snooty cunts eating Escargot, except unlike Svart Crown eating snails is actually convincingly transgressive. This is why you have to burn the food.


Hate – Tremendum
More “blackened” “death” “metal” with Behemoth vocals and more dissoshit riffs than Averse Sefira‘s back catalogue, except even Averse Sefira know how to play something that resembles metal. Tremendum resembles a Queens of the Stone Age album if Josh Homme got the Phineas Gage treatment from an exploding Hitachi Magic Wand. It sounds like Swans if they swapped Gira for something that crawled out of Nergal‘s ass at the OTO lodge. Swans is more hessian than these guys insofar as they know when to shut fucking up. Why be fundamentally uninventive when you can just be quiet? This is why you have to burn the food.


Biesy – Noc lekkich obyczajów
“Biesy – translates to “fiends” from Polish – were born out of everyday working, urban and monotonous realities. The project explores how urban concrete life can separate you from reality, but at the same time enables you to cross its borders. This is not the place for faith – there is no time nor will. During the night people go astray and willingly drown among the masses on the streets. In the morning they fall down to create a passage for everything that is wonderfully common and hideously sincere. However, it is not certain if they even left the room.”

– my fifteen year old pansexual son after he’s shot up with fentanyl after he was hospitalized for prolapsing. He lost consciousness shortly after, so he was not able to enjoy the salisbury steak the hospital provided for him. Neither was I, as they had burned the food.

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73 thoughts on “Sadistic Metal Reviews: Poles and Proles 2017”

  1. DMU is the right wing version of Metal Cucks says:

    The buzzword/phrase for today is “we burned the food”.

    1. I think I’ve said the DMU as rightwing MetalSucks thing before. Good observation. You ever thought about writing?

      1. national geographic nipples says:

        muh le everybody who isn’t le centrist is exactly equivalent to the other side le le

        1. No, I meant insofar as both are run by Jews and feature contributors with disabilities.

  2. Jon 'Wild' Wild says:

    Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before.
    Quoth the autist, “I’ll write one more”

    1. Socialize and be less gay.

  3. Svmmoned says:

    The reasone why modern Polish bands sucks have nothing to do with economy or general well being. Quite the opposite, although there never was a rule for that. It seems that these people choose to play their shit simply because they think that this is how metal is supposed to be, philosophically.

    Brzeziński was an antisemite? And “supremely” at that? Tell me more, maybe he wasn’t entirely worthless after all.

    1. You’re actually entirely correct about polish metal, it seems to be something (sub)cultural. Can you speculate on what exactly lead to this predicament?

      1. Svmmoned says:

        Wrong people took wrong part of the message, saturated the scene with their projects and shaped the set of values for newcomers. Now that’s simply what people are expecting when they think metal. Arkona, Mgła, Furia, Massemord, Kriegsmachine, Odraza, Morowe, Cultes Des Ghoules, fucking Batushka. Any problems they may have with the reality are actually in themselves. Any potential alternative for these bands didn’t managed to produce anything of quality or also degenerated. It’s overall doom metal mentality and further absorption of such influences from bands from all over the world.

        Of course there are also the same mysterius and universal factors that makes all current metal ill.

  4. I know who you are says:

    Mate terrible bands that no one carzs about

  5. Death metal as philosophy says:

    Why block my comments?

  6. Death metal as philosophy says:

    nigga?

  7. Death metal as philosophy says:

    the problem with these is that you tend to address bands that no one knows and ignore the actual popular bands that are capable of deviating musically illeterate minds, your focus should be on those bands that have a certain following whether it is is mainstream or funderground, I would happily do an SMR for you

    1. Svmmoned says:

      Actually most of these are relatively known or are connected to more well known bands/musicians. I think they are pretty representative for the current state of Polish metal.

    1. Daniel Maarat says:

      It’s whiney people like you who are the problem. Have you ever thought about actually contributing by not being a troll?

  8. Psychic Psych Toad says:

    OMG someone please edit this drivel! Soooooo many typos and misprints lately.

    1. JohnnyReb says:

      According to Titus, this is done intentionally. I know, I don’t get it either.

      1. S.C. says:

        It’s cause Titus actually works for metalsucks and wants sabotage this site by alienating its readers through shitty reporting and shitty writing.

        1. Uhh, no? We’re in direct competition with Metal Sucks and we take it very seriously.

          1. C'est la vie says:

            Statements like these compromise DMU more than anything.

            1. S.C. says:

              Statements like what?

              1. C.ialiS. says:

                here’s a statement. You are such an annoying retard that cooking your brain with LSD so that you blurt out unprovoked nonsensical acid causality bohemian perrenialism would actually be an improvement.

                1. S.C. says:

                  And you just like to have fun and diddle yourself to this websi6tes shitty articles because you’re so beta and plebian that this poorly written propaganda has actually altered your thought patterns and your internal paradigm of good and bad has flipped to the point where I’m certain you don’t where the penis goes into a woman, but that doesn’t matter because you’re likely a shit eating homosexual. You’re poison to the gene pool. You should publicly humiliated and culled faggot.

                  1. CialiS says:

                    The problem with the website is that it does not keep it street level. True hessians just want to drink a beer not read some academic flim flam. That’s for people who don’t work all day with their bosses on their ass so they can save up barely enough money to purchase a parcel of their ancestral home lands on which they’ll build a mud hut to raise 120 meter Norse babies.

                    > your internal paradigm of good and bad has flipped to the point where I’m certain you don’t where the penis goes into a woman

                    This does not follow. If you want to hold up DMU’s past then you should probably exemplify intelligence in your own life. A rich sense of humor would also be a boon.

                    1. S.C. says:

                      Sure it follows. If you have a proper understanding of what’s good and natural you’ll know how to fuck a woman right. If your internal understanding of good and bad is perverted well then natural tendencies will likely be more difficult. Look at serial killers. Most couldn’t get it hard until their victims were dead and then they’d fuck the decapitated head or some shit.

                      I know how to laugh, but at what’s funny. I also don’t read to laugh. I read to think. If you’re genuinely intelligent then reading and participating in intelligent discourse should be enjoyable. One can grind away all the day and still want to stimulate their mind. If being an intellectually constipated wage slave is your definition of a Hessian then I want no part. But I believe the aggressive and primeval attitude of metal and the philosophical pursuit of what is good and true can be one. That is the Nietzschean ideal that so often mentioned here.

                    2. CialiS says:

                      I can’t read what you wrote because of this sites horrible comment formatting so I’m just going to assume you followed up with something retarded to which I’d like to say, HAHAHAHAHAHHAHA

                    3. Decent, Well Meaning Reply says:

                      You can both go fuck yourselves.

                2. S.C. says:

                  This is what I said

                  Sure it follows. If you have a proper understanding of what’s good and natural you’ll know how to fuck a woman right. If your internal understanding of good and bad is perverted well then natural tendencies will likely be more difficult. Look at serial killers. Most couldn’t get it hard until their victims were dead and then they’d fuck the decapitated head or some shit.

                  I know how to laugh, but at what’s funny. I also don’t read to laugh. I read to think. If you’re genuinely intelligent then reading and participating in intelligent discourse should be enjoyable. One can grind away all the day and still want to stimulate their mind. If being an intellectually constipated wage slave is your definition of a Hessian then I want no part. But I believe the aggressive and primeval attitude of metal and the philosophical pursuit of what is good and true can be one. That is the Nietzschean ideal that so often mentioned here.

                  1. CialiS says:

                    If the website is not producing content that aligns with your preferences then why are you here, faggot? Jokes on you dude they have your page views no matter how much you whine.

                    1. S.C. says:

                      This site gets my views because I support it. petitioning for change is not whining. If it’s whining then this whole site’s shtick is based whining.

                      Oh and FAGGOT FAGGOT FAGGOT FAGGOT FAGGOT.

                      FAGGOT

            2. If you don’t take the DMU/Metal Sucks beef seriously you’re not allowed to be a site contributor.

              1. Syphilis says:

                Comparing DMU to M$ means that the expectations for this site aren`t high to begin with.

          2. S.C. says:

            What’s the competition? Who can write the most incompetent articles??

        2. JohnnyReb says:

          He and Daniel do seem like plants.

          1. S.C. says:

            What’s the competition? Who can write the most incompetent articles?

          2. S.C. says:

            Meant for luciua.

            1. JohnnyReb says:

              Right. The fact that they believe they’re in competition with metal sucks is the problem. I really didn’t even consider that. I figured readers made their way here because metalsucks and metalinjection are asenine. DMU was the logical progression. Not anymore.

              1. S.C. says:

                My feelings exactly. I would pay no mind to those sites if DMU didn’t talk about them. I’m an optimist though. I still think DMU can realize its potential once again, the readers just need to not tolerate tree bull shit.

  9. Lance Viggianno says:

    Best smr in a while tbh familia

  10. I'm black says:

    Fuck you this is good

    1. S.C. says:

      What informs your perspective on good?

      1. cornrose says:

        It makes me laugh you fuckin twat

        1. S.C. says:

          Retards laugh, play with and eat their own shit. You should give that a try you fucking monkey.

      2. I'm black says:

        What’s even better is what a load of swine semen u r for making stupid comments!! Habalabadoo

        1. S.C. says:

          And you are stupid for liking stupid writing.

  11. RIP DMU says:

    You were supposed to kill the shitblogs, not become one

    1. S.C. says:

      If things continue to regress the way they have the only way to incite reform is to boycott DMU until it gets the picture. This garbage should not be tolerated the same as shit metal shouldn’t be tolerated.

      1. Your presence will be greatly missed. ;'{(

        1. S.C. says:

          And when you die you surely won’t be. No one remembers or honors mediocrity.

          1. That people honor mediocrity is why DMU must exist. That people remember mediocrity is why I made a point of responding to you.

            1. S.C. says:

              You seem to think I am anti-DMU. I am the opposite. I agree that it must exist but in its optimum form and not compromised the way that it is. It is disheartening to have something with such promise as DMU undermine itself. Be less than it is capable of being and has been in the past.

              And please elaborate on your incite into my own mediocrity?

  12. Congratulations says:

    Message for prozak: You might wanna put this Lorenzo cunt on the books to help Titus/Maarat look less ridiculous

  13. RIP DMU says:

    RIP DMU

  14. SMR format (D.E.R.P) says:

    1) Set mood for writing: be intoxicated, overtired, slovenly and uncaring in approach to the album you’re reviewing (this will come in handy for later when you need to be indifferent to criticism while everyone tries to tell you you’re retarded) 2) choose albums that no one will ever give a toss about, and somehow couldn’t be recognised as being good even if they were 3) name-check something better that sounds like it but that still doesn’t make the cut and not just because you’re in denial of having highly autistic tastes 4) take personal shots at the musicians involved (who are in reality not much different than yourself most likely (and every bit as broken)) 5) Utilize big flow-on sentences which contain enough different points to dilute your overall focus 6) base yourself on prozakian philosophy, get most of what prozak was alluding to completely wrong in the process, pretend to reject him when people call you out as being derivative 7) end with some witty catch-cry that’s meant to sound empowering and ruthless but that ironicly fails to capture the reality of RIP DMU 2017

    1. Titus Pullo says:

      They should’ve burned the food. Everyone always forgets to burn the food.

      1. uncool says:

        I laughed so goddamn hard I slipped a disc!

        Cease and desist or I WILL see you in court!!

        1. What you said was significantly funnier. Good show.

    2. Also, I just spoke to Prozak and he says that DMU officially endorses all acts mentioned in this SMR except Burzum.

  15. polack says:

    yeah well maybe the land of my forebears wouldnt be the mexico of europe if it wasnt gangraped by the fatfaced pugnosed powertripping wannabe ubertrannies on the left and mongoloid alcoholic equality-crazed perennial failures of history on the right. combined they basically forced a french revolution by killing off anyone unretarded enough to be considered intelligentsia or nobility.

    1. As long as you don’t live there now you don’t have to play shitty black metal.

    2. Tearer of Assholes says:

      Cheer up kurwanigger, you can always say that at least one major prophet of modern times hailed from your desolate lands.

      The so called “intelligentsia” were largely part of the problem. Educated monkeys that promoted leftism to the masses.

    3. 1349 says:

      Ah, yeah, of course it’s not your fault!
      Of course it wasn’t in Poland that imbecile alcoholic “szlachta” (equality-obsessed liberal democratic pseudo-nobility) drank their country away in XVII-XVIII.
      Instead of creating the “first constitution ever in Europe”, you should have sobered up and developed industry and tech instead of just trading raw materials and grain for booze and luxury.
      You had no other way but down the drain.

  16. Seth says:

    I’m getting the impression more and more now that DMU is in a state of hibernation. Due to lack of quality material to review, it seems to be retracting to a liminal area of repulsing all subcultural demographics while waiting for a rebirth. Stevens is anything but an idiot, Maarat and Pollo aren’t accidents, but means to an end to achieving that purpose.

    1. Titus Pullo says:

      Maarat reached out to us to raze the funderground. Active nihilism in action!

      1. S.C. says:

        So intelligent discourse and writing is now considered funderground? Because those are the only things you and Maraat have razed

    2. Rainer Weikusat says:

      Due to lack of quality material to review, it seems to be retracting to a liminal area of repulsing all subcultural demographics while waiting for a rebirth.

      The DMU promo-queue is surely a singluarly focussed dump of shit music but this may partially be a self-inflicted wound: If you blindly trash everything via superimposing American (and English, although to a lesser degree) social ills onto the world based on the assumption that these must be universal, you’ll sooner or later end up in a situation where you get only the trash. And “Seems we are in a hole! Dig harder!” simply doesn’t work too well.

      I dispute the ‘lack of quality material’, although my idea of ‘quality’ is somewhat different from the DMU-one. I consider Sepultura a better incarnation of Pantera-metal, that is, loudmouth music for middle class would-be football hooligans (real football hooligans would beat to a pulp) who don’t have (and wouldn’t want to have) any understanding of the metaphysical aspects of ‘metal’ beyond “REAL BADASS STUFF !!1” and something like the Serpent Ascending entirely soulless studio bricolage would never feature here: Sophisticatedly assembled is not a positive quality in itself. Friends of traditional, European orchestra music (most of which I consider unlistenable) would probably disagree.

      Nice album from an US band I’ve spent quite some time with recently:

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hbOYA90-xgo

      This bills itself as black metal because it’s based on tremolo-picked riffs and blasts but there’s nothing dark about it: The riffing is consonant with chord progressions touching me as vaguely medieval and the mood is that of an enthusiastic hymn to warrior cultures of the pre-machine age. The Conan-stories would fit in nicely with it. One can presumably find a power metal lineage in this. The vocals use too much echo and are generally the weak spot but they’re not intolerable.

      At this point, the output of a program using SMR-terms in some randomly generated combination ought to appear to demonstrate that “It won’t ever be 1990 again and we aren’t getting younger! And we’re extremely pissed off with that!”. As Nietzsche once said, a property of the decadent is to translate the fact “I’m going under!” into the imperative “Everything must go under!”. That’s where this eternal lament of how the times are always so much worse than they were in the past comes from: The world must be proven to be unworthy of the individual realizing that the time until his death only ever becomes shorter.

      That’s weak.

      1. I dispute the ‘lack of quality material’, although my idea of ‘quality’ is somewhat different from the DMU-one.

        We remain committed to quality, not adjusting quality to fit the times.

        As Nietzsche once said, a property of the decadent is to translate the fact “I’m going under!” into the imperative “Everything must go under!”.

        Accepting mediocrity is making everyone go under. Keeping demands for quality high is the opposite. Notice how many recent bands have been praised here.

        1. Rainer Weikusat says:

          We remain committed to quality, not adjusting quality to fit the times.

          There’s a false dichotomoy in here. Eg, I remember Beneath the Remains as New! And! Exciting! phenomenon back when it was actually new. I was underwhelmed at that time, “yeah, sort-of nice, don’t really care”, and I’m still underwhelmed. At best – borrowing from the MA review – this is a well-executed piece of workmanship. My opinion on the first Massacra-album also hasn’t changed since I bought the original CD (now again available to me): There’s a notable drop in quality in the middle-part of it: Following the riff development can still be an interesting, intellectual exercise on these tracks but that’s something I have to force myself to do. I couldn’t express this in this way when I was seventeen but I remember how this felt. Or Nocturnus. Like Sepultura, The Key was massively hyped when it was new. This always struck as something whose only point of interest was that it was odd in some badly done way. More recently, I had a look at Brownings current version of that, “Yeah, that sounds like Nocturnus. Didn’t miss them”.

          Accepting mediocrity is making everyone go under.

          I understand the logic behind that (at least I think so): The idea is that this leads to successively lowering the bar until it’s on the floor. But this also works in the other direction: Using an example from (German) literature, Goethe was certainly a language-usage genius of the kind we won’t see again for hundreds of years to come, if ever. Raising the bar to the degree of making the demand that every new piece of German literature must be at least as good as Goethe is the same asking the culture to commit suicide now. But a lot of lesser authors also wrote good books, just not that outstanding.

          »What precisely is mediocrity?« would also be an interesting question. The idea that the ‘value’ of music can be quantified such that compositions can be linearly ordered seems an oversimplification to me: Eg,

          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OcjKIHz49NQ

          expresses something (probably unintelligible to anyone who was never a teenager in the ex-BRD) uniquely lots of tracks of much better bands than Kreator don’t.

      2. Syphilis says:

        This comment of a higher quality than all recent DMU articles. I especially enjoyed the anti-Anglo sentiments.

  17. neutronhammer says:

    SMRs, i love them!, don’t ever stop

  18. LD says:

    *Insert negative criticism here*

Comments are closed.