You know your nation has reached peak sadism when kids are using the shooting deaths of their classmates to catapult themselves into celebrity stardom.  That means the time has come for frequent, merciless, rapid fire sadistic metal reviews.


Cradle of Filth – Cryptoriana The Seductiveness of Decay

An interesting concept on occultism in Victorian Britain that is sadly executed with pure stupidity. The songs are all variations on melodies that Maiden and Thin Lizzy have used sandwiched between generic modern metal riffs while pseudo-symphonic synths dominate the mix.  Worst of all are Dani Filth’s pseudo vocals that have degraded into puppy screeches and some form of spoken word. An appropriate punishment should be a televised live battle royale with equally useless Dimmu Borgir but each band is armed with copies of their albums and their makeup.  Replace with Old Man’s Child Born of The Flickering.

Dimmu Borgir – Interdimensional Summit(single)

So Nightwish have decided to take ICP’s style and add a croaky voice while stealing from Accept.  An annoying chorus comes up at every moment in this song with tasteless Hans Zimmerman synths.  The riffs are broken down into the simpler melodies from Metal Heart save for an end of song breakdown.  To make this style of music, first steal from a heavy metal band, second add keyboards, third have a vocalist who can’t sing or growl.  Replace with Bal-Sagoth’s A black moon broods over Lemuria.

The Black Dahlia Murder – Nightbringers

An overly average band that has been championed by the leftist media for being the perfectly castrated easy listening band that they want death metal to represent.  While TBDM had the ability to make fairly catchy commercial metal, all traces of that ability have vanished as the same string skipped riffs seem to repeat with very little variation.  The drums are pretty much clicks at this point.  The vocals have completely deteriorated once again which seems to be recurring with commercial singers.  Being fast, technical and melodic is still a good substitute for songcraft in the eyes of the mainstream.  Each one of the idiots should focus their efforts into promoting actual death metal since none of them are interested in making music anymore.  Replace with Sentenced – North From Here.

Between The Buried And Me – Condemned To The Gallows(single)

Shiny keyboards and various electronic effects stay constant as skank beats play alongside randomly changing djent riffs featuring weak harsh vocals and tonal singing without any actual emotion sounding like a cheap imitation of Jon Davis.  The arrangements are to blame more than anything as they don’t make any actual sense.  The individual riffs are drowned out by everything else making them the best part of the song since you barely hear them and either way they are completely inoffensive.  BTBAM need to focus on burying their albums away from the public to save ears everywhere from this total mess.  Replace with King Crimson’s Larks’ Tongue in Aspic.

Jinjer  King Of Everything

Nu metal mixes with Djent and Metalcore to create the ultimate epidemic in possibly the history of metal.  Imagine riffs that make Pantera sound nuanced, melodic parts that make Linkin Park sound virile, arrangements that make Cannibal Corpse seem like actual composers and music that just makes later Cynic sound like Death metal.  Jinjer are the Limp Bizkit kids that didn’t have the ability to play Meshuggah or Necrophagist.  Efforts must be made to silence this band forever as this is the continuation of the modern metal plague and is influencing the next generation.  Mock this band endlessly and convince your local promoters to not have them anywhere near your venues.  Replace with music.

Every toilet humor grind band

No! none of these were funny the first time and there is no reason for each person to have five one man projects in this vein. Ridiculous vocals don’t sound brutal nor do third rate groovy riffs. This is the epitome of loser music. None of these bands can be differentiated anyway as the genre is one big meme. Living in your basement and making this kind of music is punishment enough so just ignore, get a decent sound system and enjoy Fleshcrawl’s Descend into The Absurd.

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  1. Marc Defranco says:

    Between the butthole and me straight put me to sleep when I first tried them out years ago. Should have just ignored them due to the name

  2. Reduced Without Any Effort says:

    SMRs are even gayer than the albums featured in them.

    1. NWN War Metal Tranny Rapist says:

      That’s true and some of the replacements are also gay. Just because you can rape trannies to Bal-Sagoth doesn’t mean they’re any good.

      1. Bottle Ov Clorox says:

        Drink me, cringelord.

      2. mlotek says:

        Bal-Sagoth is cool, just one of those bands you have to be in the mood for or you won’t enjoy it, kind of like DIO, or any of those dungeons and dragons-type power metal /classic heavy metal bands.

  3. canadaspaceman says:

    weird you review The Black Dahlia Murder, because I was thinking yet again of checking them out as their name keeps popping up for years.
    Used to see them in crap metal magazines, so guessed they were gaylords and probably sucked shit, yet still see the band’s name to this day in a few spots that gave them creedence.
    Did NOT know the leftists liked them, but majkes sense, cuz since when does a proud, and straight, band ever get a media push these days ?

    Now, are there any oldschool, 1980s-type death metal bands still around these days ?
    You know, NO snarecore/relying on double bass drums to pretend to to make riffs or songs heavier. and not any of the bands regurgitating 80/early 90s sepultura, as Sep were ok, but were just a rehash combination of everything good atthe time. I also like ANIALATOR and other Slayer influenced bands, but don’t want to hear 4th tier bands, you know bands influenced by Slayer clone bands. How good could that be?
    I know a lot of you here think death metal means mainly the early 1990s.
    For me it is the 1980s with Mantas, Death (demos-1990), Massacre/Kam Lee, Sindrome, DECEASED Evil Side of religion demo, all basement+garage metal reh/demo bands from back then that wanted to sound like Hellhammer or Sodom, etc

    1. Brock Dorsey says:

      Slaughter of the Soul era ATG ripoff with bad haircuts and metalcore influences. Better than metalcore and latter ATG, have had good riffs & solos at times, but ultimately a one trick pony.

      1. dead butt dreaming says:

        No, late atg is way better than bdm, though I did buy some cds from the bdm guitarist and he has good taste outside of metal

    2. Tigerland says:

      Maybe Obliteration from Norway… For some thus may be no way man…!!!

      1. canadaspaceman says:

        Excellent recommendation! I am checking Obliteration out now and THIS is exactly the kind of metal I don’t find much of anymore.
        When I read elsewhere they were compared to 1980s bands like Autopsy, Bolt Thrower, etc, then definitely had to know if it was true.
        yep, this is the good, fast, brutal ’80s stuff like early DEATH, Massacre, Autopsy … and no cheating with blast beats!

  4. Coolest Monkey In The Jungle says:

    “Every toilet humor grind band

    No! none of these were funny the first time”

    Except for O.L.D.’s first album..

    Also i’m prettttty sure that shaved headed “girl” in the first photo is a crisis actor, hence the smiles. Another acting job done, on the way to relieving Americans of their vital freedoms (sorry i mean, crushing the old white racists who bitterly cling to religion and guns…). The west gets the metal it deserves.

    1. Necronomeconomist says:

      Pretty sure she’s a crisis actor, hence the smiles?

      C’mon, guy; have you never grieved, or been shook about something? People can feel those AND have moments of levity. Let us not disallow the kids from having any good time whatsoever just because you don’t like their message.

      But I guess you believe the whole things is a false flag/conspiracy to take all your guns.

      1. Brock Dorsey says:

        No, I believe in not using your classmate’s deaths to make yourself a celebrity. That’s why theyre at that talk show (in that tweet)

  5. Coolest Monkey In The Jungle says:

    Can I also propose this quick quiz to DMU readers:

    1. Name a good metal album that has a title in this format: ” _____ : The ____ of ____”

    2. Name a good metal band whose name is comprised of 4 or more words

    3. Name a good metal album that has completely CGI cover artwork

    I’m genuinely curious

    1. Black wizard n° 911 says:

      1/ Prometheus : The Discipline Of Fire And Demise is not terrible but still the worst Emperor album. Ulver metal albums are both under the form “Title : Subtitle” though, not great but good. I also liked the first Memoria Vetusta which is kinda close.
      2/ I can find 3 words but not 4
      3/ No idea either

    2. Nuclear Whore says:

      >2. Name a good metal band whose name is comprised of 4 or more words

      This one was really smart. I haven’t found one in the collection of my computer

    3. Rectums Disdained says:

      1: Chasm: The Farseeing of the Paranormal Abyss

      2: Judy ‘n the Backporch Band

  6. Timothyhot says:

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  7. Jermaine says:

    Thug these fools out

  8. Crisis Cast says:

    Pretty sure that baldy here has a profile on IMDB with acting credits to it’s name. Funny how often that happens but being a good blind goy I’ll trust my guberment & the impartial Joo media. Crisis simulation/dramatisation is the ‘safe’ term for this retarded circus.

  9. LOL JINJER. What kind of dumb KORN with backwards Toys R Us R style crap is that?

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