2017 was a shit waste of a year when it came to metal music. Yet with a whole generation of useless neckbeard millennials frantically trying to pursue a career in metal journalism via a desperate pursuit of vindication from that $40,000 of communications-degree student loan debt we have hundreds of “best metal albums” lists every year. Because there are thousands of metal releases each year hundreds of shitty musicians and journalists are somehow convinced that their opinion matters and that people care about their lists, we now have list after list with totally different picks because no one can possibly sit through a listen of thousand releases ever year. Where the commonality lies is that all of the number one picks are fecal matter on toilet tissue, usually not metal and certainly not even worth listening to.
Let’s cremate the foul miasma of 2017 with a funeral pyre of epic proportions: a sadistic metal review carbonization of #1 picks from the fakest of the fake metal news outlets…
Tags: Altarage, byzantine, Code Orange, Cvlt Nation, decibel, fake metal news, fake news, fake news awards, hipsters, incineration, metal hammer, MetalSucks, paradise lost, rape, rolling stone, sadistic metal reviews, The Contortionist, Trump