Vice Magazine’s Embarrassing French Black Metal Film

As part of their quest to ruin everything interesting and appealing about both metal and life, the gullible cronies of media pyramid scheme Vice Magazine have journeyed to the grim countrysides of the French black metal underground to film what is undoubtedly the most boring film in the history of music. While Vice markets this abomination as a “documentary” calling it such is actually a misleading statement as the film is little more than a collection of autistic ramblings without a single question or narrative statement. In any case, the eyesore is a bastardization of the region’s legacy as any shred of decency still possessed by the founding members of Mutiilation and Drakkar Productions have been urinated directly into the toilet as they hammed it up for the same forces that they claim to be rebelling against. Fortunately, the film’s lack of credible sources and unbelievably poor post-production prevents it from succeeding in the demystification of what was once one of the more intriguing regional black metal scenes.

Unlike depressive suicidal whine core and the current war metal cash cow, the trend of liking France’s obscure and crusty Legions Les Noire bands was short lived as the young fundergrounders of the early 2000’s- heavily medicated by antidepressants and Adderrall- quickly found a more miserable sonic downer in the clown music of Xasthur and Thy Light. This is fortunate as buried deep beneath the extravagant (and now debunked) rumors of the LLN posse’s alleged suicide lies some fantastically dark neoclassical exercises of torturous isolation. But somehow in Vice’s visual folly there is no mention of the music’s signature qualities or the LLN or anything that was actually unique or interesting about the French black metal movement. While it’s possible that some of the musicians really are dead it is far more likely that they preferred to retain their dignity. In any case, what we do get is the useless opinion of a D-grade American rock guitarist and 40+ minutes of verbal special Olympics in which every piece of dialogue is a throwaway line that can be applied to any counter cultural music movement

Fans of Les Legions Noir outside of Mutiilation, you can breathe a side of relief as there is little to no mention of Belkètre, Aäkon Këëtrëh, Moévöt, Black Murder, or the other bands that actually believed in their anti-human stance enough to practice it.

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11 thoughts on “Vice Magazine’s Embarrassing French Black Metal Film”

  1. kek says:

    > Legions Les Noire
    > Les Legions Noir

    Les Légions Noires

    > Mutiilation


  2. con-job metal says:

    LLN crap like Mutiilation might as well be over-distorted Marilyn Manson: same attitude and “substance”.

  3. M says:

    Cmon – if Norsecore wasn’t already the original hipster-metal BS, then LLN “bands” certainly were.

    1. Brock Dorsey says:

      Both were short lived flavor of the week trends. It was the American “depressive” wave of Weakling/Xasthur/Leviathan that served as the prototype for hipster black metal. You are however correct to assume the LLN introduced many of the themes behind their failures.

      1. Necronomeconomist says:

        Indeed. Don’t forget these are the niggas who recorded an album from a rat’s ass crack.(Moevot? Belketre? Gimmicky niggas like the Silencer guy who claimed to have replaced his hands with pigfeet.)

  4. Marc Defranco says:

    Vice needs to go back to making free to view docs about cannibal warlords in Africa and shit. Not their pseudo knowledge about black metal. Skipped over many integral bands. Bunch of stoner metal indie chumps

  5. Skull Powder says:

    They’re only interested in the social aspect of the scene. What they want is musicians trashing each other (“beefs”), talking about their feelings, and who murdered who–soap opera stuff. This plus signalling (either using an extreme metal image to project an appearance of “toughness” and power, or using relatively obscure knowledge to project an appearance of deep knowledge) probably explains most mainstream interest in underground metal.

  6. canadaspaceman says:

    VICE and everybody else suck, if they didn’t acknowledge Belkètre and Vlad Tepes . Some of the greatest metal EVER made!
    never heard Mütiilation back then, but now that I did in the last few years, it is decent metal.

  7. GGALLIN1776 says:

    The French & their kin in foreign lands are faggots. I can’t figure out what sounds more stomach turning as a spoken language, French or Spanish. Arabic/Hebrew definitely have them beat though, years ago I was in the ER & some ragheads were on the other side of the curtain. I had to keep telling them to shut up because I was already feeling pukey.

    Every other word sounds like they’re hacking up phlegm or some gut obstruction & that was making the situation that much worse. I asked the nurse to move me (or them), bitch wouldn’t do it. Hope she has AIDS now.

    1. Let’s face it, every group outside of WASPs are untermenschen. Just kidding, I’m being ironic, and maybe about being just kidding. WHITE POWER 1788!

  8. J says:

    “Possessed and Immortal” is one of the best black metal songs ever written/farted out in one take. Vice is a bunch of fags.

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