Hate Mail (#6)

frozen nazi head in the ground

Arktogäa took issue with our review of their feeble attempt to glue nongermane hardcore to black metal using Nazi samples:

A Review to your review…

A review ,yours, written with the ass by intent monkeys to smoke weed, who probably have not even heard our demo ,able to judge only with blinkers and earmuffs. More grotesque than superficial but more than anything else an insignificant. You claim to be active from ‘89, we thought you were a little professional reviewers and that you were able to “LISTEN TO MUSIC” but no, the ignorance and PC-subordination were the dominant factors that has marked you. We are also pleased not to have shipped the Demo so we saved money and time. Anyway thanks for putting us in the most unpopular section of your reviews ,for us it was an Honor! And for the free advertising you did to us!

PS: We know how to play and what to play. Your sterile disquisitions, on how or what we should play ; take them one at a time … and shove them up your ass!

Over and out.

The Death Metal Underground’s staff do not judge music by its creators’ ideology; we judge music as music and speculate sometimes on what may have fueled the musicians’ wills to create. Arktogäa were clearly looking for reaffirmation of their poorly-chosen political dogma or sexual fetish when they sent us a promotional copy of their  demo for review. Their music was given an honest assessment (boring National Socialist Beer Metalcore) and methods to improve their songwriting (unite the disparate punk and black metal parts and arrange them so the rhythm or lead riffs form a continuous, connected melodic narrative). Arktogäa sticking their fingers in their ears and calling us political correct monkeys from their mother’s führerbunker will not improve the music they play nor make us any more want to listen to it. If Arktogäa wanted four out of five sieg hiels for their mediocre metal/punk hybrid, then they should have submitted their promo to the shills at news@metalsucks.net along with the requisite timely PayPal payment to info@blastbeatnetwork.com.

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21 thoughts on “Hate Mail (#6)”

  1. Jon Brioni says:

    P.S. Arktogäa should avoid talking shit in a language foreign to them; it reads like a sputteringly enraged robot.

  2. Deport All Hipsters says:

    > Blastbeat Network

    Holy shit, this is like the worst collection of “metal” sites.

    And now, here’s a review of the review of the review:

    There is a space after a comma, not before. Thus, you get 0/10.

  3. Kermit the Fucking Fuckface Frog says:

    These guys are the REAL Vanquishers!


    Also what the fuck happened to the guy in the pic? Did he fall out of a plane? Did his buddies hold him upside-down until he froze like that because he wouldn’t stop singing Arktogäa songs?

    1. He’s a Russian who invaded Finland, left as a warning to others.

      1. matters says:

        Was he dead before being positioned this way? Pretty damn interesting.

        1. “Germans, frozen to death, line the roads. Practical jokers put them in fanciful poses.” – Vasily Grossman at the Battle of Moscow.

  4. Ludvig B.B. (vOddy) says:

    Usually, around here, the accusation is that one likes music because it’s politically incorrect.
    It’s refreshing to see the same accusation in the other direction.

    1. I think we have a pretty good record of rejecting material for being bad art, and upholding good art, whether or not it is from a perspective that agrees with our personal outlook(s).

  5. OliveFox says:

    Wow, haven’t seen or heard the word “disquisition” in a while.

  6. This site needs more pictures of large veiny cocks.

    Also, what ever happened to Devamitra, Obscura Hessian, Xavier, Conservationist and Kontinual that used to write for this site’s earlier versions?

    Funny how at least a couple of those editors/writers wrote favorably of Manilla Road on a power metal article and now even Brett Stevens dismisses this band as irrelevant, not to mention the current staff would be at odds with their predesessors.

    Shouldn’t there be at least some consistency or consensus between editors and writers here at DMU?

    This site should definietely have a section for sexy twinks and dominant bears. Also I don’t know if you have noticed but the Ungod review section is missing their 2016 release.

    1. Different writers have varying tolerances for rocking metal autists who sound like they’re on beta-blockers.

      1. I blew my head off like Per Ohlin says:

        Actually an alpha blocker like Tamsulosin would be better.

    2. Shouldn’t there be at least some consistency or consensus between editors and writers here at DMU?

      This has been a source of much tension in the past.

      Our writers are individuals and have their own opinions; editors, as is the case in every publication on Earth, enforce consistency of approach.

      That is not always possible when editor, writer and proofchecker are one and the same.

      The solution is for more people to volunteer :)

      1. LostInTheANUS says:

        I volunteer to fuck your ass on the regular, Brett-kun.

        1. Last time I replied flippantly to one of these, my mailbox was full of nothing but dicks for a solid three months.

          1. LostInTheANUS says:

            I don’t just send send dick pics, I deliver on my promises 100%.
            Pic related: http://i.imgur.com/O0p2ba6.png

    3. Some of our members have died young from tragic autoimmune diseases.

  7. HH says:

    “Metal died in 1994 and there are only about 50 good metal albums total, but we aren’t biased reviewers” – DMU staff.

    1. C.M. says:

      Who claims no bias?

    2. Metal died in 1994 and there are only about 50 good metal albums total

      This statement is not indicative of bias.

      1. Ludvig B.B. (vOddy) says:

        What’s wrong with being biased?

        I’m biased in favour of good music over bad music, for example.

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