Sadistic Metal Reviews 10-20-2016


Death Metal Underground receives a constant stream of inferior promotional materials like a child is given unwanted Apples, granola bars, and candy corn on Halloween. We toss them in the trash too.


Autokrator – Obedience to Authority (2016)
War/industrial “metal” band Autokrator have a hard on for authoritarianism and songs impossible to tell apart through the music actually being played. The only distinguishable traits are the variety of samples used just like that turd band Conqueror. Listeners can watch videos on the internet and play with sample libraries themselves Autokrator. Why should anyone pay Autokrator to do so  for them? Autokrator back to watching World Star Hip Hop beatdown videos.


Construct of Lethe – The Grande Machination (2016)
Generic post-Alex Hernandez, nu-Immolation worship robbed of anything musically memorable and mixed with unhealthy doses of deathcore breakdowns and tekdeaf. Occasionally something resembling a riff Trey Azagthoth rejected as too retarded will appear. The real question is what the goal behind Construct of Lethe releasing The Grange Imagination is? To become a pay to play local opener for Hate Eternal to pet Erik Rutan’s Klingon forehead? Just to have a beer with Ross Dolan and Bob Vigna? Construct of Lethe are another example of death metal dumbed down into MTV2 Heagbangers Ball in 2006 nu-metal rock music for scenesters who if you swapped their cargo shorts and Dying Fetus shirts for pastel clothing, wouldn’t be out of place as Bud Light chugging future date rapist fraternity brothers at a themed sorority party.


Death Courier – Demise (1992)
Death Courier were a fairly competent speed metal band who occasionally used keyboards and a melotron. Think a Master’s Hammer that never managed to break from the Metallica mold. Demise has an incoherent atmosphere, few long-form narrative melodies, and disorganized speed metal songwriting making frequent use of speed metal gallop rhythm riffs varying tempi from verse to verse to move songs forward. While not awful and certainly more competent than most modern “metal” bands, Death Courier should’ve continued languishing in their deserved obscurity rather than be reissued over twenty years later to a collector audience. Demise gives the impression of only being semi-formed, a statue that is only half carved.

Demonomancy / Witchcraft – Archaic Remnants of the Numinous / At the Diabolus Hour (2016)
The first half of this split is generic metal riffs arranged into overlong boring, verse chorus verse songs; the second is noisy wannabe Beherit war metal bullshit. Nobody should touch this one.

Regler – Regel #8 (Metal) (2016)
Noise band failing ridiculously at metal. How are hipsters who can’t grasp what makes metal metal trying and failing to poorly play metal experimental? This is like a monkey not knowing how tortillas work using them to wipe it’s ass.

Rich Davis – Cancer (2016)
Industrial carnival grind with an Alexi Laiho from Children of Bodom imitator. Rich Davis deserves to get cancer,

Eufori – Humörsvängningar (2016)
Why is this depressive suicidal black metal so happy and bouncy? Oh these guys are completely incompetent musicians and sound like a pop punk band. Blink 180 Xasthur.

Urfaust – Empty Space Meditation (2016)
Musically empty atmospheric black metal for losers who love listening to sounds of water running from bathroom faucets.

Death Courier – EP and Demo (2016)
Who wants to listen to worse sounding versions of bad material?

Netherbird – The Grander Voyage (2016)
Atmospheric Gothernburg black ‘n’ roll. Yes someone had to make this. No there aren’t any NWOBHM gallops, just utter and extreme boredom.

Vola – Inmazes (2016)
Random carnival music djent metalcore for seventeen year old art fats who love Breaking Benjamin.

Peter Grusel und die Unheimlichen – Peter Grusel und die Unheimlichen (2016)
Random hardcore punk pretending to be death metal. This is further emblematic of the crusty social justice warriors attempting to appropriate metal culture.

Soliloquim – An Empty Frame (2016)
Indie whine rock melodies pretending to be oppressive doom metal that will drone you to death. No, just because you have unclean vocals, doesn’t mean your hipster whine rock band is a metal band. Soliloquim need to listen to the first two Iron Maiden albums with Paul DiAnno and Slayer‘s Hell Awaits until they grasp what heavy metal actually is.

Karg – Weltenasche (2016)
Hipster drone rock pretending to be black metal. Flowing Eastern European black metal this is not; this is black ‘n’ roll bullshit.

Skeleton Of God – Primordial Dominion (2016)
War metal with danceable Pantera grooves for industrial goths with wallet chains, id est nu-metal.

Door Into Emptiness – Wave (2016)
Black metal dumbed down into tv static and video game ambient music for loser background noise for Nintendo romz and Fallout 4. Some of these even sound like music that would be played at an orgy for fish-fetishists like Troy McClure.

Asguard – Hidden God (2016)
Video game nu-metal for losers who play Linkin Park over their Dragon Ball Z Xbox games.

Kozeljinik – Death Gives unto Life (2016)
MTV2 post Hoobastank alt rock pretending to be black metal for idiotic Eastern European hipsters.

Veld – Daemonic: The Art of Dantalian (2016)
Riffless chug tekdeafcore packed with filler tremolo riffs and vocal based rock songs. Deserves to never leave the shtetl cellar.

Akem Manah – Demons of the Sabbath (2016)
Boring funeral doom that wouldn’t be out of place in a lame 1997 PC adventure game as scary music for the graveyard. Kill yourself guys and go play Quest for Glory.

Pragnavit – Skarby Zmiainaha Karala (Treasures of the Serpent King) (2016)
Boring ambient music that is supposed to be evil and menacing. I feel no sense of the overwhelming dread of natural or supernatural forces or whatever magick you are doing with that used condom and dead mouse.

Gods Tower – Liar (2016)
Random carnival music pseudometal with emotional honky tonk bar rock solos and post grunge Creed vocals. Includes a Nokturnal Mortum cover but why not just listen to the actual Nokturnal Mortum?

Vietah – Czornaja Ćviĺ (2015)
Joyless, overextended boring blackened metalcore.

Khors – Night Falls Onto The Fronts Of Ours (2015)
Drawn out, verse chorus verse black ‘n’ roll pretending to be epic Eastern European flowing blackened heavy metal

Far Beyond – A Frozen Flame Of Ice (2016)
Gothenburg carnival rock music for fat dudes in cargo shorts and Kamelot t shirts.

Dimension Darkness – Divison Vansinne (2016)
“Blackened death metal” that’s really rock music worshiping Steve Tucker era Morbid Angel worship when not selling semen for beer money. Dimension Darkness are the type who masturbate in the plastic cup so regularly, that they once just drank it to see if their own semen tasted better than Keystone Ice.

Abigorum / Cryostasium – Unholy Ghost Liturgy (2016)
Lame pretentious atmospheric music. Go to Wal-Mart (or local sporting goods equivalent). Buy shotgun. Load shotgun. Fellate shotgun. Pull trigger. Masturbate

Dead End Finland – Slaves To The Greed (2016)
A Very Gothenburg Metalcore Christmas Carol.

Bloodrain – Bloodrain V: Adora Satanae (2016)
Not only is this shit Kreator ripoff named after videogames best known for spawning a series of Uwe Boll films, the frontman crushed enough energy drinks to pull his shirt over his head and become THE GREAT CORNHOLIO! Recommended for diehard Beavis and Butthead fans only.

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36 thoughts on “Sadistic Metal Reviews 10-20-2016”

  1. GGALLIN1776 says:

    You know a bit too much about them thar vidya games & radya rok.

  2. “using them to wipe it’s ass”

    Its ass*

    Furthermore, unwanted granola bars?
    You’re weird

  3. “Why is this depressive suicidal black metal so happy and bouncy?”

    Because Humörsvängningar means mood swings in Swedish. They are probably trying to express the shifts between mania and depression.

  4. Flashback: The Quest for Identity says:

    Why are companies investing time and resources into reissuing something like Death Courier?

    The Emperor box set is a fine example of selling idiots the same thing over and over while calling it “new and better”…

    Marketing in metal has become reminiscent of Apple’s preemptive product pipeline marketing and PR strategies. Consider how Century Media will always reissue a select group of albums where each new version is worse than the last. Carcass and At the Gates can phone in a “melodic death metal” version of Megadeth and Lamb of God respectively, and they will be bought without question because of inflated words on a screen and other social engineering. After everyone cashes in and nostalgia season comes to end, who will buy product from the new bands? The emo/indie/rap fan nu-kore install base have already largely abandoned their formerly popular “heroes” Necrophagist when they dropped off the map (this includes merch and interest).

    I want the final collapse. I want to see metalcore cold and dead, but that is unrealistic (too many vaccines, the sterilization agenda, Modern Family). So what would be good? What could happen? I want to see Blood Music, Relapse Records, Dark Descent, and other panderers buried in the dust. After seeing the horror of modern “metal”, this is the only event related to it that can bring anyone who values truth an iota of satisfaction. Save your money.

    1. Marc Defranco says:

      I understand where you are coming from but metal has been used as a money making system for a long time just like punk with pop punk and other trash. For example, before metalcore there was nu metal and before that hair metal. Now I would say mostly garbage like Deafheaven is being used to make money. It’s just how it goes, I’d say just listen to what you like and continue to support underground bands you find worthy. Also I think you’re far off with Dark Descent, I don’t think their intentions are exclusively for money. No big useless reissue box sets coming from them. Now for Blood Music you might be onto something but whatever, who cares if that guy gets to rake in the dough heh

      1. Everything gets used as a money-making system, especially egalitarianism.

  5. 1349 says:

    NWN Productions or Possession Productions or whoever sent you all the hipster / pseudoevil stuff from Belarus (Door Into Emptiness, Veld, Asguard…) probably never read an article on DMU and was thinking you would praise these “gems” of “intellectual” underground that local idiots adore.
    There are better – at least more metal – bands and albums in the republic.

  6. I am glad you’re all uncovering how degenerate this metal stuff really is

    1. Flashback: The Quest for Identity says:

      Absolutely. Thank you Dr.Szisz for your hard work.

  7. Hello I am Roger’s boyfriend and we frot and spoon.


    So, every shit band gets reviewed buy bands that realeased a solid Ep in the 90s does not?



    you fucken bitches

    1. Dark Funeral are disgusting Satanists, and Ungod – well… with a name like that, how can you expect anything good at all?

  8. canadaspaceman says:

    You’re a mean one, Mr. M̶a̶a̶r̶a̶t̶ Grinch !
    I like Death Courier. Never analyzed their music, so maybe you are correct in your assessment…
    but it doesn’t matter!
    “The frequencies in my head are not known to normals!”
    – The Ultimate Warrior

    I dig some old Khors and Kozeljinik. Your brief descriptions of their new releases, made me realize…
    I have not heard them yet…

    “If you’re looking for someone running around dancin’ to a bunch of sparklers and music, you bought the wrong damn video. ”
    – ‘Cause Stone Cold Says So’

  9. Can you survive the blitzkrieg says:

    From Behind – A Frozen Turd of Shit

  10. wldklwkdl says:

    Beavis & Butthead was a good show, bruh

  11. Marc Defranco says:

    I guess I love me some listenin to runnin water from bathroom faucets. In all honestly though Urfaust’s Geist ist Teufel really is a classic. Plus it’s got a great beer crushing song too heh

    1. C.M. says:

      Urfaust are to black metal what Pennywise are to punk: Both bands mimic the style (unconvincingly) but totally miss the point of the genre and are adored by fans who similarly miss the point.

      1. Marc Defranco says:

        I agree about your statement with Pennywise heh but not Urfaust. And what is the point of the genre for you then? Is it only a genre of music for you or something deeper? You made this statement without any real explanation of what you see as the point of the genre, even though it seems like for many different bands their is a different point to it. Also I do not think Urfaust ever claimed to play black metal, the label was given to them.

        1. Can you survive the blitzkrieg says:

          The only person I met who was raving about this band was one who would loudly exclaim how impressed with themselves that they “aren’t metal” and thought that liking dub step type shit made him unique and open minded/free/really really smart. I also agree with the Pennywise comparison, and I only really liked the tougher original street punk working class rock from Europe and early hardcore, otherwise punk is hipsters!

          1. Marc Defranco says:

            I see what you mean but a band does not really get to choose their fans. Whether they’re shitheads or not. For example, hipster fucks listening to Burzum which I have met many sadly.

            1. C.M. says:

              A band does not get to choose their fans – this is true.

              But the fans do reflect the appeal of the music.

              1. Marc Defranco says:

                I was just thinking that after my statement. I agree with you in some aspects but I’m not sure what the appeal of some people outside of metal is to say Burzum. Urfaust is definitely a band that has a diverse fan base. Many just passing by the genre but also old goats as well who have been into the music for many years.

        2. C.M. says:

          The point of black metal was an exposition of “evil”, revealing the falseness of moral duality and upholding the magnificence of aspects of nature that are considered “evil” due to their tendency to work against human design (for instance, think of all the songs about war and death, or anti-Christian zealots, or inhospitable weather and climates; all things that oppose the contemporary social order and it’s dualistic morality as well as the bare effort to survive as an individual).

          Urfaust appear to “get” that but the spirit isn’t there – they don’t really believe in what they are espousing. Same could be said about, say, Immortal, who probably don’t actually believe that there is a realm where actual winter demons dwell, but they convinced me. Urfaust aren’t convincing.

          1. Marc Defranco says:

            Thank you for your view point and for the most part this is how I see the genre as well. A longing for an old world and that longing is in opposition to what is considered modern. It was also a simple reaction to death metal becoming too “mainstream” as well though. For different bands it seemed they had different opinions about what constitutes a black metal band. Whether it’s a particular sound or having a satanic belief, etc. I guess we aren’t on the same boat with Urfaust though which is fine but I’d say give Geist.. a chance. I think it’s their best release and has a level of magic, and honesty to it if you really listen. The broken raw sound with a howling ghost from a void is how I’d describe it.

            1. C.M. says:

              Okay, I will give it a listen, with the benefit of doubting my notions.

      2. Rainer Weikusat says:

        Urfaust are to black metal what Pennywise are to punk: Both bands mimic the style (unconvincingly)

        Most of Urfaust is to black metal what Velvet Revolver is to Donovan[*]: There’s a guy with a guitar involved. Other similarities are accidental.

        [*] To avoid any misunderstanding here: The most original part of the Gunsenrosen guy is his hat.

        1. C.M. says:

          Slash is at once overrated and underrated as a guitarist. Truth is, he knows how to write a tasty lick and he has a intuitive sense of melody, but I think he also has a sense of restraint and purposefully avoids outrageous guitar antics. The slightly-above-average-intelligence listener will hear GnR and think that Slash’s leads are simplistic and assume that he’s trying hard but just can’t play anything complex or technical. However it seems that Slash knows exactly what he’s doing and is aware that outrageous shredders are only playing to a bar full of 40 or 50 people at best.

          You don’t maintain rockstardom for decades without percieving the limits of your audiences tolerance.

          1. Rainer Weikusat says:

            So-called shred is what happens when someone who went through the monkey drill required for becoming an ‘European style’ orchestra player has to play a guitar solo. The usual best outcome of that is ‘tolerable’. I wouldn’t criticize Mr Slash for not playing what he doesn’t play but I do criticize him for playing what he does. An earlier example of this kind of musician would be Steve Windwood, a ‘progressive bluesrock’ virtuoso who is technically oh-so-proficient but (apparently) can’t come up with a single, good idea wrt what to play. The outcome of this is guitar pullups which may be of interest to guitar players of fretboard porn enthusiasts but listening to this is about as thrilling as watching an old sock collect dust in a corner.

            Slash is the Steve Windwood of hard rock. Can play everything but can’t think of anything worthy of being played. What remains is a pointless collection of memorized antics served in the prescribed order. Even technically fairly crude players, eg Paul Rudolph with the Pink Fairies[1], outdistance him by lightyears, let alone someone who’s actually good.

            [1] (this is so-called ‘underground music’ of 44 years ago, IOW, it’s mostly a group jam)

            [2] (Ten Years After playing Good Morning Little School Girl in 1975)

            1. Rainer Weikusat says:

              The guy is obviously called Winnwood (Traffic).

  12. Rainer Weikusat says:

    Why is this depressive suicidal black metal so happy and bouncy?

    Because it’s neither depressive nor suicidal nor black nor metal. So-called black metal got commercialized to death as “distored guitar plus melodies” starting ca 1994 and most of what is called black metal today is really the current style of ‘dark’ independent: Tralala music for hollow idiots who enjoy a superficial feeling of sadness as the sensation is entirely alien to them and a shallow illusion of depth they can safely ignore.

    1. Jordan says:

      Orrrr people who love the melodies with the rawness that has a punchy percussive quality to both the drums and sometimes the guitar, along with the old world feeling provided by the melodies and lyrics. There’s a lot more to enjoy I mostly love banging my head to Darkthrone and Burzum but their songwriting is what keeps me engaged and vocal about my appreciation. Also the connection to other types of metal is still there and the best bands have a feeling of community to it at least in my opinion, so I feel a deep connection to the genuine metal culture when hearing it, rather than isolation and depression, depending on the band or song at least.

  13. Rainer Weikusat says:

    Has to go somewhere and the context seems reasonably safe: The new Asphyx (based on listening to it once sober) is at least not atrociously bad. Incoming Death is the only track with a traditional (verse/chorus) song structure. The melodic parts (mostly in the two longer tracks) are at least not terribly annoying as they usually end in something more interesting sounding than plain consonance. There’s a recyled ‘early Asphyx’ (Crush The Cenotaph/ Last One On Earth) riff at the end of the 3rd track. Some of the riffs follow the ‘traditional’ bay area convention of tremolo picked start ending in a few longer chords. The drum/ guitar interplay has some interesting parts. Unfortunately, (apparently unavoidable nowadays) there’s some use of chugs[*] (I’m possibly misusing the term as I still have no clear idea of it) but only in a few places. Overall, I’m (so far) not unhappy about having bought this.

    [*] Dear boys and girls. This is a playing technique targeted at idiots who need a ‘hard’ start/stop transition in order to note that there’s a rhythm. And that’s exactly how it sounds once one got used to it. It’s something designed for jumping up and down while waving one’s hands throught the air and some day, an airplane will land on you if you don’t stop doing that.

    1. harsh critiquer of vest patcheses says:

      I’ve also picked up the new Asphyx, along with Incantation – Diabolical Conquest, Miasma – Changes, and Brutality – When The Sky Turns Black, and woo boy is it not stacking up against the competition of the recently purchased. I had no real problems with Death The Brutal Way and Deathhammer other than the blatant sameness in too many spots, both albums strengths were as usual in the longer doom like tracks. The excitement of “hey Asphyx is back!” wears a bit thin on this one, so I shall see in upcoming listens but we kind of all know they’re just doing it to have something to do.

      1. Rainer Weikusat says:

        I had no real problems with Death The Brutal Way and Deathhammer other than the blatant sameness in too many spots,both albums strengths were as usual in the longer doom like tracks. The excitement of “hey Asphyx is back!” wears a bit thin on this one

        I don’t really know much of Asphyx. I borrowed one of the demos from someone more than 20 years ago but don’t remember which. Less than 10 years ago (but probably not much), I aimlessly strolled passed the metal shelf in a record store, contemplating, as usual, that I should really spend some time getting familiar with this again, considering that I used to like it in the past. I then saw a Last One On Earth reissue I happily bought because I recognized this name and knew I’d like it. Apart from that, I’ve now also bought Incoming Death. Insofar Asphyx ends up copying Asphyx, I’d probably not notice this.

        That said, »sameness in too many places« is not a term I’d use to describe this. There’s ample variation both in riffs and riff sequencing/ composition (OTOH, this is not music for people who mistakenly consider Grave to be repetitive). I generally like both the guitar sound and what is actually played. What I don’t like is the staccato/ chugs/ breakdown parts — this reminds of a small boy smashing something to bits with a large hammer and feeling like superman because of that. Childish pseudo-heaviness. The overall impression of »a kinder, gentler Asphyx« is also not to my tastes. The melody playing on The Grand Denial comes very close to sentimental atrocity (I’m not referring to the acoustic outro — that’s ok). There’s also some inter-Asphyx copying I do recognize. The parallells between

        Seventeen torpedoes couldn’t sink the battleship
        The Bismark became rudderless
        By one lucky shot

        [Last One On Earth, MS Bismarck]


        Canaris Brandenburg Division
        Simply disappeared after the war

        [Incoming Death, Division Brandenburg]

        are striking.

        OTOH, this will certainly be good for a week of listening pleasure, possibly more, and at £9.99, about the price of 2.5 pints, that’s a bargain. Favorite tracks so far: 3, 8 and 10.

        we kind of all know they’re just doing it to have something to do.

        Envy is one of these weird, human emotions I really don’t understand. »Musicians making money with music!« is not something I’d consider out of the ordinary and/ or secretly shameful. We all have to work to make a living. I wouldn’t want to be a touring musician as I’m more a sedentary person. But I’m happy whenever they come to town (figuratively spoken).

  14. pat redux says:

    Went to see Schammasch – Mystfier – Rotting Christ – Inquisition last night. All of which are labelled as “black metal” of one sub genre or another, all of which appeal to a very different demographic. Schammasch is post-rock texture-crescendo “pieces”, Mystifier is (live) rowdy theatrically evil poseur fun (at their bes tin a tiny, crowded club, not playing in a mid-size venue), Rotting Christ play chick metal of the Type O breed, only a little groovier and faster, and Inquisition, many of whose records I very much enjoy, basically play Heavy Metal (The Riff Rules) with stylistic borrowings from the early 90s black metal.

    My point is this: Black metal was a genre defined in time, not just by inspiration/aesthetic/sound. It’s over. It’s finished. What we now hear is basic “metal” with Lego-brick accoutrements. Go back and listen to old Ancient recordings. As the years pass and the bitterness ripples outwards, old Ancient never disappoints.

    1. Rainer Weikusat says:

      […] Inquisition, many of whose records I very much enjoy, basically play Heavy Metal (The Riff Rules) with stylistic borrowings from the early 90s black metal.

      The Inquisition guy can rightfully be accused of all kinds of things (eg, Wings of Any being sub-par, ‘Diocletian-style’ war metal, I sort-of get the comparison as the vocals are very similar but I certainly wouldn’t ever listen to Diocletian) but he certainly doesn’t play Heavy Metal: I’m naturally allergic to that and should have noticed this by now.

  15. squishy crackers that got rained on says:

    i like granola bars

    also had to chuckle a bit at “art fats”

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