Has Speed Metal Finally Become Assimilated?

From the flood of nonsense going through the news feeds, a sign that speed metal has gone mainstream:

A woman in New Zealand, refusing to bring another Mackenzie or Jack into the world, has named her three kids “Metallica,” “Pantera,” and “Slayer.”

Farrier reached out to New Zealand’s Registrar-General to inquire as to whether “there are any restrictions naming babies after band names, or albums.” He was told that there aren’t, “as long as the word used is not generally considered to be offensive or does not resemble an official rank or title.” This may rule out naming a baby after one of your favorite grindcore acts, but it did allow Farrier to verify the fact that Baby Metallica’s middle name is also—we’re not kidding—“And Justice For All.”

These kids will either have the best or absolute worst time in school, depending primarily on whether ‘80s thrash is currently cool with the youth—and whether lil’ Metallica has to deal with terrible classmates like “Napster” and “Decent Snare Drum Mixing.”

After nu-metal introduced chunky monkey riffs and gargled horse semen vocals to mainstream audiences, the percussive fast strumming riffs of Metallica, Overkill, Testament, Megadeth, Exodus, Anthrax, and their derivates (Pantera) probably seem tame, as do the later Slayer albums built around bouncy riffs and plaintively angry vocals.

When even Alex Jones uses Metallica songs for his interstitial music, and nostalgia for the 1980s and 1990s has overwhelmed a Western Civilization looking at the post-Clinton neo-Communist NWO disaster at the same time that people are seeking music from a mentally less muddled time, speed metal has become the archetype of all heavy metal, and therefore, has been easily assimilated by industry and mass culture.

Perhaps this explains why so many of the original death metal and black metal bands chose proudly to be underground, figuring that a few years of musical and artistic honesty would beat out becoming a careerist in a corrupt industry only to morph into Dad Rock as their fans aged into complacent suburban wage-serfdom.

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Exhorder Preview New Song “My Time” For Upcoming Album Mourn The Southern Skies

Truly vicious Speed metal band Exhorder have previewed new song “My Time” after signing to Nuclear Blast(a death sentence in terms of quality for most bands) last year. Those expecting a return to Slaughter in the Vatican level of composition will be sorely disappointed. The last twenty seven years haven’t revitalized the band at all and there is little reason to believe that this exists for any other than a quick cash grab.

The comparisons to Pantera have numbed this band to the point where the band have decided on creating a bizarre mixture of their later albums but with a healthy dose of latter day Exodus to create standard Nuclear Blast Retro-Thrash for people who need even more Shovel headed Kill Machine. The blasts of anger funneled by almost labyrinthine arrangements give way to standard groove metal inspired Speed metal. Now complete with nursery level rhymes for karaoke while you angrily contemplate on taking over area 51. These chugs will put you in the right mood to drink your third can of Monster energy drink before your huge fortnite session. At least glam rockers Pantera had something to prove and could make decent Lite Metallica when they didn’t dance to their breakdowns.

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Internal Bleeding – Corrupting Influence (2018)

If we had to concoct a subgenre that would be a form of Spinoza Ray Prozak Vijay Prozak Brett Stevens sonic Hell, it could well be slam: a death metal influenced continuation of what Pantera and Meshuggah did to speed metal, giving it a bit of groove and lots of chromatic fills based on rhythmic expectation. Internal Bleeding pretty much pioneered this subgenre.

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/smr/ Sadistic Metal Reviews: Terrible Traxx Edition

In our search for great metal in the internet age, we are constantly being swarmed by legions of mediocre bands releasing countless albums ranging from terrible to passable. Most bands aim to replicate their idols without understanding what actually makes them great and others rely on gimmicks or illogical hybrids of styles in their attempts to distinguish themselves from the herd.

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KILLJOY IS DEAD

One of death metal’s pioneering vocalists has passed away today.  Frank “Killjoy” Pucci of Necrophagia died this morning as revealed on the band’s Facebook page. One of the original tape traders of death metal, Killjoy’s legendary vocals on the phenomenal  Season of the Dead album (which predated Death’s Scream Bloody Gore by several months) paved the wave for the death/black metal technique and inspired some of the greatest artists in metal.
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Phil Anselmo’s Newest Solo Endevour Bombs

On a recent episode of “The Classic Metal Show” burnt out Pantera vocalist and famed roman-saluter Phil Anselmo admitted that his newest album Choosing Mental Illness as a Virtue was “only going to appeal to X amount of people, and that’s going to be a small amount of people.”  By X amount, Phil was likely referring to the roman numeral for the number 10 as that is about the number of fans his band of soon-to-be deported illegal immigrants has.  The album currently has a 46% score on Metal-Archives (already a low medium of standards) and virtually no one has professed a fondness for the album outside of the journalists who were paid to.

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