Sadistic Metal Reviews: Against Maoist Picks for 2017

Reviews by Linus Douglas.

Maoist metalcore fan Vince Neilstein has defecated upon the Internet once more by displaying the gaping asshole of his mind in an attempt to make mid-year “metal” recommendations in 2017. Like most of that Communist website’s picks, Neilstein is catering to a communist agenda on the one hand, and being a bitch to the monetary interests of the Guevarean movement of good-for-nothings by picking big label turds.

His communist website also asked diva poseur maxima Michael Otterfelp for his favorite “metal” albums ever, to which he apparently responded positively in effeminate excitement. Otterfelp’s selections consisted half in non-metal albums and the other half in carefully-selected wide-area strategic picks that were clearly designed to make the most people of the funderground empathize with him, and to assimilate them to the mid-high class crowds of shit-eating amateurs who swallow whole logs Michael squeezes out of his stinky hole.

Now, the following is a comment on the fat communist’s picks:

Body Count – Bloodlust (2017)

Groove metal meets rap = nu metal, but blended ith a constant retard’s breakdown. Neilstein clearly reveals his inner urban redneck —a redneck of the soul.

Verdict: A monkey with a guitar and a mic
Replace with: SodomVictims of Death(1984)

Byzantine – The Cicada Tree (2017)

Random speed metal of the pop kind with vocal boners for the communist’s multicultural tastes to be appeased. The music itself is just boring Disturbed-meets-Symphony X with a randomness factor introduced that only, somehow, emphasizes the cyclic pop structure.

Verdict: Generic Diva Speed Metal for Teenage Sissies
Replace with: CentinexMalleus Maleficarum (1996)

Darkest Hour – Godless Prophets & The Migrant Flora (2017)

I seriously cannot stop laughing at the degree of stupidity that must be required to have the nerve to even publish this, not to mention to claim to like this. As expected, this is not metal, but fast heavy rock for numbskulls with metalcore vomit-styled vocals.

Verdict: Bouncy Fapping for Fat Virgins
Replace with: LepraLeprosos Satanicos (1995)

Dool – Here Now, There Then (2017)

Vince, Vince, Vince… random rock and distorted guitars does not equate to metal. When are youand the Commie junta you run going to understand. If this right here is not a prelude to weakening of your non-existing manhood, then I do not know what is. Homoerotic music does not make you more of a man, Vince!

Verdict: Homoerotic Wet Dreams
Replace with: Tau Cross – Tau Cross (2015)

He is Legend – Few (2017)

Unexpected alternative urban kind of rock with some effiminate prancing from vulgar man-boy homosexuals. Why or how would you even classify this as metal?

Verdict: Nineties-Inspired Beardo Gay Rock
Replace with: ABBA – Greatest Hits – The Best of ABBA GOLD

Mord’A’Stigmata – Hope (2017)

More homosexual closet breaking mistagged as “metal”, for some reason. It may just be Vince’s poserism that calls this “metal”, though. In any case, this soft urban rock with “bad boy” rhythms is simply background music for spoiled kids.

Verdict: Urban Go-Nowhere Generic Rock
Replace With: Rachel BartonStrigendo: Storming the Citadel (1997)

Mutoid Man – War Moans (2017)

Another mathcore-meets-old-rock band full of retards that think grooving a low open string and singing like a joke imitation of sexualized rock bands counts as metal or music.

Verdict: Rockcore for Retards
Replace with: Speckmann ProjectSpeckmann Project (1992)

The Night Flight Orchestra – Amber Galactic (2017)

No, Vince, don’t eat the yellow snow! This is not metal, Vince; in fact, it is probably not even real music. You might have travelled back in time and into a different dimension where only the worse of pop music survived in an endless loop of lobotomizing forceful watching system.

Verdict: Gereric Pop Music for Braindeads
Replace with: MayhemLive in Leipzig (1993)

Suicide Silence – Suicide Silence (2017)

Weren’t these posers like in jail or suicided? Are they back form the grave to force the world with their gimmicky angsty hard rock? No, Commissaire Neilstein, this is not remotely metal, though it might fit your deconstructive, mass-oriented music pandering for the stupid.

Verdict: Poppy Tattoo Artist Make-Believe Hard Rock
Replace with: PossessedDemo 1985

Völur- Breaker of Silence (2017)

God damn it, Vince! Quit this effeminate prancing or you won’t ever learn to go by without the Party’s propaganda subsidy! I know this kinda sounds like black metal but less dangerous and shiny, but it isn’t. It might be feathery and “cool” with all that imitation going on at a very superficial level, but it is intrinsically post rock fruitiness.

Verdict: Sodomized and Burned Alive
Replace with: Belathuzur – Melancholy of Evil Souls

Without Waves – Lunar (2017)

We seee a pattern here, between outright gay urban rock and gimicky epileptic metalcore of the worst kind. Neilstein can only bounce between these two safe spots, and this release false into the first of those two. As per low IQ dictates, this music cannot be allowed to go anywhere, it is only a sequence of feel-good moments. Sex on the beach with yourself and shit.

Verdict: Generic Flaming Homosexuals
Replace with: Obtained Enslavement – Witchcraft (1997)

Woe – Hope Attrition (2017)

While this is quite obviously trying to pander to black metal beginners and posers, this is also quite obviously post-rock with some hard rock cliches cluttered to pretend to be metal. The drums even incorporate some black metal styled d-beating, but it is all to clear these fruities are not hipstering their way through the cafes.

Verdict: Angsty Rich Kid Blackened Metalcore
Replace with: PekPreaching Evil (2008)

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6 thoughts on “Sadistic Metal Reviews: Against Maoist Picks for 2017”

  1. Marxist patsy says:

    This is worse than the obsequious term paper I’m writing. I’m not going to check it for grammar mistakes either

  2. Ben Umanov's foreskin says:

    Say NO to genre mixing.

  3. national geographic nipples says:

    The Bodycount “redneck” blurb misses the mark
    What that pick was is really an out-of-touch white guilt virtue signal–“this nu-metal album with a washed up 50 year old rapper is the only thing I listened to this year that mentions BLM somewhere in the lyrics, so I have to put it in my list because I am Socially Conscious”

    1. canadaspaceman says:

      Bodycount, Kid Rock, Rage Against The Machine, Limp Bizkit ,etc etc
      sounds like all the same garbage to me…
      Christopher Walken – You Say Potato, I say Potato

  4. canadaspaceman says:

    If this was the 1980s, everyone but artfags would ignore these albums as the cover art is not metal at all, except for Völur- Breaker of Silence (2017), and Woe – Hope Attrition (2017).

  5. Flying Kites says:

    If you squint your eyes, Ol’ Mao kinda looks like a fatheaded Englishman with chocolate milkdud nipples.

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