Sadistic Metal Reviews: Grey Clouds of Boredom

Summoning – With Doom We Come (2018)
Summoning goes AOR on With Doom We Come in contract with their corporate masters. The overwhelming power of the riff as phrase in a melodic whole has been lost from Summoning’s music for over a decade. Nothing happens here. Summoning for the most part here cannot even match “Flammifer” and “Earthshine” off Old Mornings Dawn. The best track, the preview single “With Doom I Come”, takes off the choral structure of the latter but loses the world music percussion. No track or moment suggests the awesome might of the towers of the Númenórean kings of old which grew decrepit ages ago. Just a mist, With Doom We Come is just a fog covering their ruins. Summoning will never rebuild them; they’re just a fog machine now.

Desolate Shrine – Deliverance from the Godless Void (2017)
Deliverance from a Godless Void is riffless noise rock posing as death metal with random atmospherics and dumb hooks. Just more fog. Desolate Shrine is a mist of ambient masturbation, not death metal. This is why Desolate Shrine is so irritating. They constantly release albums year after year in a poor attempt to barrage headbanger’s senses into tolerating their posing. Only the ignorant and retards who don’t know what death metal sounds like could believe that Desolate Shrine play death metal. Desolate Shrine have failed once again in not being poseurs like Saturday morning cartoon villains. Desolate Shrine should asphyxiate themselves with a fog machine.

Abhoth – The Tide (1992, reissued 2012)
Abhoth’s death ‘n’ roll with Slayer solos wasn’t good enough to get a record deal in the early 90s and still isn’t worth buying today. Just a fog, Abhoth were just mist, not death metal. Anyone who thinks The Tide is a “lost classic” should asphyxiate themselves with a fog machine.

Aosoth – V: The Inside Scriptures (2017)
New boring ruckus with fancy names. Aosoth try to copy Deathspell Omega and somehow make it even more boringer. The Inside Scriptures sounds like a bible study class or something that would be released by Dark Descent Records. Aosoth are just mist, just a fog covering up their inner, hardcore scenester selfs. Aosoth should asphyxiate themselves with a fog machine.

Acid – Maniac (1983)
Maniac is Gwen Stefani presents “Eighties Metal”. Acid attempt to play speed metal at a lackadaisical pace. The riffs are monotonous and static seventies, Deep Purple like hard rock riffs. The leads sound like country music but couldn’t even accomplish Megadeth‘s honky tonk gone hardcore punk aesthetic. Shitty hard rock with gimmicky female vocals is not speed metal. Just fog, Acid is just mist, not metal. Acid should asphyxiate themselves with a fog machine.

Nyogthaeblisz – Apocryphal Progenitors Of Mankind’s Tribulation (2013)
What even the hell is this… SarcofagoI.N.R.I. meets Merzbow while making the latter seem like a genius in comparison. There are no slowly shifting riffs in fluid stuctures on Apocryphal Progenitors Of Mankind’s Tribulation; Nyogthaeblisz are all image and no substance. They are just another scenester noise core band pretending to play black metal and be controversial. Just a fog, Nyogthaeblisz are just mist, not black metal. Nyogthaeblisz should asphyxiate themselves with a fog machine.

Mindful of Pripyat / Stench of Profit – New Doomsday Orchestration (2017)
This split is failed Assuck worship. The gang vocals are annoying. The riffing is entirely chromatic and random. Verse and chorus riffs are not related at all. This is metalcore, not grindcore. Grind that never grinds is failure. Just a fog, this split is just mist. An ineffective veneer of grindcore over scenester hardcore. Mindful of Pripyat and Stench of Profit should asphyxiate themselves with a fog machine.

Insanity Cult – Of Despair And Self​-​Destruction (2017)
Insanity Cult are another one of those shitty emo bands pretending to play black metal by turning modern RAC into emotional hardcore, aka scremos. They fail miserably. Just a fog, Insanity Cult are just mist, not black metal. The metalcore vocalist needs to be shot. The rest of Insanity should asphyxiate themselves with a fog machine.

Cryptic Brood – Brain Eater (2017)
Autopsy imitation. There’s no need for any more mediocre Autopsy made by people other than Autopsy. Autopsy is keeping with that task themselves. Cryptic Brood are just as boring and throwaway as nu Autopsy. Just mist, Cryptic Brood are a fog. Brain Eater is no riff bible. Cryptic Brood should asphyxiate themselves with a fog machine.

Rites of Thy Degringolade – The Universe in Three Parts (2017)
Rites of Thy Degringolade play war metal black ‘n’ roll chant music for drunken serviceworkers to pretend to worship Satan to. Just mist, Rites of Thy Degringolade are just a fog, not black metal. Rites of Thy Degringolade should asphyxiate themselves with a fog machine.

The Ossuary – Post Mortem Blues (2017)
The Ossuary play statically riffed 1970s hard rock with the riffs repeated long enough for stoners to comprehend. There are some nice Thin Lizzy style harmonies here but the songs are boring and random for the most part. Just a fog, The Ossuary are just mist. The Ossuary should asphyxiate themselves with a fog machine.

Atreides – Neopangea(2017)
Atreides worship Iron Maiden but stick their Maiden licks in inspiration stadium rock songs. Constantly shifting into major scales is ridiculous. Neopangea sounds like Journey with power chord chugging and glam solos. Just a fog, Atreides are just mist, not metal. Atreides should asphyxiate themselves with a fog machine.

Carnal Decay – You Owe You Pay (2017)
Carnal Decay play deathcore, i.e. hardcore songs with superficial death metal aesthetics. The gang vocals and breakdowns are especially annoying. Just a fog, Carnal Decay are just mist, not death metal. Carnal Decay should asphyxiate themselves with a fog machine.

The Charm The Fury – The Sick, Dumb & Happy (2017)
Metalcore that openly steals many riffs from CarcassHeartwork. Just a fog, The Charm The Fury are just mist, not metal. The Charm The Fury should asphyxiate themselves with a fog machine.

Anvil Strykez – Anvil Strykez (2017)
John Carpenter is now releasing his own albums and touring. Metal labels are trying to cash in with knockoff synthwave that sound more like the Sonic the Hedgehog soundtrack than Escape From New York. Just fog, Anvil Strykez is just mist, music for autistic video game nerds. Anvil Strykez should asphyxiate themselves with a fog machine.

Aima / Supremative – Blood Chalices From the Impure (2017)
Blood Chalices from the Impure are two crustfund crossdressers trying to make war metal together. Tranny fucking is not black metal. Just a fog, Blood Chalices from the Impure is just mist. Nobody will remember this split within a week. Aima and Supremative should asphyxiate themselves with a fog machine.

Mortifica – Atrocious Autopsy (2017)
Mortifica toss brutal death metal riff salads. The riffs sound like Steve Tucker era Morbid Angel and Hate Eternal. The tracks go nowhere. Just a fog, Mortifica are just mist. Mortifica should asphyxiate themselves with a smoke machine.

Burial Ritual – “New Order Rising” (2017)
Burial Ritual play repetitive, rock structured deathcore. There are bouncy hardcore riffs for hitting people and gang vocals. Just a fog, Burial Ritual are just mist, not death metal. Burial Ritual should asphyxiate themselves with a fog machine.

Illimitable Dolor – Illimitable Dolor (2017)
Stoner doom with orchestral samples. Just a fog, Illimitable Dolor are just mist, not metal. Illimitable Dolor should should asphyxiate themselves with a fog machine.

Heavy Baby Sea Slugs – Teenage Graveyard Party (2017)
Sludge for retards who huff air fresheners. Just a fog, Heavy Baby Sea Slugs are just mist, not metal. Heavy Baby Sea Slugs should should asphyxiate themselves with a fog machine.

Czar – Life is No Way to Treat an Animal (2017)
Screamo mathcore. Just a fog, Czar are just mist, not metal. Czar should asphyxiate themselves with a fog machine.

Drought – Rudra Bhakti (2017)
Drought play random post hardcore influenced war metal and think they are ubermenschen. Ubermenschen fuck women and not trannies you losers. Just a fog, Drought are just mist. Drought should asphyxiate themselves with a fog machine.

Solitary – The Diseased Heart of Society (2017)
Metallica rethrash metalcore with 90s hard rock vocals and breakdowns. The lead guitarist can play though but his leads do not spring forth from the haphazard rip off riffs. Just a fog, Solitary are just a mist, not speed metal. Solitary should asphyxiate themselves with a fog machine.

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36 thoughts on “Sadistic Metal Reviews: Grey Clouds of Boredom”

  1. Weegal says:

    Lmao. The Summoning album is basically no different than their previous few which all ended up on the DMU yearly best-of lists. So basically the writer doesn’t like Summoning which shouldn’t surprise anyone. Not enough chug chug Van Halen shit in it for him I suppose

    1. akchually says:

      Summoning was always gay though. DMU’s historical revision is correct for once.

    2. Black wizard n°535 says:

      If you had functioning ears you would have understood how while sonically similar the construction and the spirit of the compositions are immensely different and inferior.

    3. Lance Viggianno says:

      The last three have been lethargic not hesh. Le epic tambourine + arpeggiated guitar noodle on repeat + faux climax (if an attempt at one is even made) via cleanly chanted diddlies which all conspicuously bare the same melody across tracks and albums.

    4. national geographic nipples says:

      in what universe does Van Halen have “chugs”?

      1. canadaspaceman says:

        Van Halen’s song “Unchained” is one example I can think of.

      2. Rainer Weikusat says:

        In the universe of people who confuse Van Halen’s infantilized hard rock with NWBOHM because there’s a lead guitar playing solos in both cass.

        1. Richard Roma says:


  2. Seth says:

    Really been shooting fish in a barrel with the SMR’s the last few years. At this point it would be more pragmatic to make an anti-DLA catalog of all of the awful bands not worth anyone’s time, as they’re come across. At least, if doing SMR’s in a journalistic fashion, the releases described should at least have on them one or two good ideas, despite which, didn’t add up to being more than the sum of its parts.

  3. Death Metal Gear Solid says:

    Darn, we finally get some Herbert worship after decades of bands drooling over Tolkien’s shriveled testes, and it sucks ass… natch

    You guys should review some of Carpenter’s solo albums

    Autistic video game nerd music is the new metal (as if metal hasn’t always been the realm of autists)

    1. Flying Kites says:

      Nyogthaeblisz, who guys did end up at Seattle after news they were ousted, get at least one good point for being promoters of the holocaust. They would happily toss hipsters, Christians, muslims and Jews into the gas chamber.

      1. Death Metal Gear Solid says:

        That’s so badass, to say how cool you think it is that at one time someone killed some people that you never met. So hard. Fuck I just came

        1. Population control 101 says:

          Everyone needs a good genociding once in a while.

  4. Haystack says:

    Yeah, the current DMU editor regularly recommends such unmitigated crap that I can’t take his opinion seriously anymore.

  5. Gorgowocoa says:

    Dan you fucking runt. I know you’re in there. Why do you keep avoiding me and that Incantation release??

    1. Dork says:

      Review for Profane Nexus: it sucks ass and Incantation is dead. Listen to Ignivomous instead. The end.

      1. Gorgowocoa says:

        No, the live album. Hypocrite Dan keeps avoiding it

        1. Dork says:

          Ahhhh. Yes. Yes. Good release. Just buy from Evan and not Roytard. Fox Force Five sucks at life and eats his own hot snakes. Runtrat can’t review shows recorded before he was born.

          1. Gorgowocoa says:

            dude were you there that time Evan injected Ross with Baba, thinking it was Choko and just flips out wildly throwing haymakers and we all had to leave without emptying inside trannies or anything, shit sucks

  6. I sodomised Maarat so hard that his sphincter was torn says:

    You’re a fucking faggot with your little “fog” buzzword.

  7. Negro Jew says:


    You know what’s boring? and also not funny? Sadistic Metal Review posts on

    No one gives a shit about any of these bands (except Summoning). Good job telling us that sucky bands suck with stupid ‘reviews’ that are mostly copy-paste.

    Just a fog, the editors of are just a mist, not metal. The editors of should asphyxiate themselves with a fog machine.

    1. Trysh Stero says:

      This complaint is fog. It’s just mist. That is why reading comments here is so frustrating. The writers say one thing, the commentators say another, try and pin each other down it doesn’t work. It just becomes a constant barrage of attempts to pin down. The point is lost. Animosity reigns.

      1. Reduced Without Any Effort says:


      2. Negro Jew says:

        Shut up BIKE CUCK.

      3. Dork says:

        This is FMP v 2.5, duh. Go be Jewish elsewhere.

        1. Negro Jew says:

          Us Negro Jews are the ultimate ethno-cultural group. Grovel before your true master, BITCH.

  8. pack my stanley says:

    typical of such uninitiates to unfairely criticise the empirically grandoise vision of SUMMONING, enjoy yore sad lacklustre life.

  9. Negroron says:

    I have a massive constipation, but I don’t want any tranny cocks inside me, so I’m good ‘n blocked.

  10. foggy says:

    Everyone should asphyxiate themselves with a fog machine.

  11. Hurry up and review the new Blood so I can buy it lol

    1. Dork says:

      Inferno is the best thing since O Agios Pethane. Now stop being a fag and buy it.

  12. canadaspaceman says:

    The Fog (1980)
    Directed by John Carpenter. With Adrienne Barbeau
    the buxom Barbeau. the short Barbeau. the Barbeau that is impossible to find more than a couple nudie pics of!

  13. Rainer Weikusat says:

    About the only thing on this list which isn’t totally terrible is Insanity Cult. They have some interesting melodic developments every now and then, buried below a lot of generic depressively-styled tremolo-picking and mostly slow rhythms. This is all intentionally wimpy, so, whatever it is, it’s certainly not metal of any shape or colour. The almost universally screamed vocals make this impression even worse — babies scream because there’s little else they could do. There’s nothing dark, evil or inhuman in that, just Loud™ Linkin Park style (powerless) pseudo-aggression.

  14. Hector Pilar (Extreme Chilean Metal) says:

    I agree that band Acid sucks

  15. Nuclear Whore says:

    Abhoth were great and original. I can’t remember that Death and roll stuff you mention.

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