Burn them all!
Inquisitor – Walpurgis – Sabbath of Lust (1996)
Inquisitor play death/speed metal songs each arranged around a central riff in verse-chorus-verse fashion on Walpurgis – Sabbath of Lust. Most of these riffs imitate their idols Morbid Angel but regression into typical speed metal breakdowns and song structures taken from Metallica with none of the profound inspirations that indicate that they were once brain cells in Cliff, Lars, and James‘ (and of course Dave‘s) brains instead of gaps of air and prions. Vocals sound like the Sadus guy if the Sadus guy smoked crack and behaved like your typical hyperactive Hollywood crackhead in stuff like New Jack City, Jungle Fever, Friday, and Chappelle’s Show. Occasionally Inquisitor do something clever but since the songs are all overlong speed metal affairs, listeners’ surprise quickly turns into boredom. Walpurgis – Sabbath of Lust is sort of almost an inferior, earlier version of Ripper played by worse guitarists. Like Ripper’s Experiment of Existence the band needs to move beyond speed metal songs in order to progress to a higher level of artistic and probably commercial success. Inquisitor is aggressive as shit and Walpurgis – Sabbath of Lust is by far the best album of these plops of poo; too bad Inquisitor will just lull you to to sleep eventually or make you take our their CD and put in Altars of Madness.
Memoriam – For the Fallen (2017)
Remember when Dave Ingram of Benediction replaced Karl Willets in Bolt Thrower after For Victory? Memoriam is what would happen if Benediction replaced everyone but Karl Willets in Bolt Thrower. The result is moshable deathcore singalongs, death ‘n’ roll, and the most generic death metal possible. Riffs with pinch harmonics that sound like something Bob Vigna would write while playing with Guitar Pro on his laptop while on the toilet with explosive diarrhea before closing it but first being sure to hit “Do not save” when it comes time to wipe himself. Karl Willets even recycles lyrics from classic Bolt Thrower songs on For the Fallen. I guess Memoriam is suitable for playing once in the car while stuck in traffic but you’ll definitely just take the CD out of the player and throw it out of the window like a baby polycarbonate frisbee at inattentive texting millennial drivers. The real question is why doesn’t Karl Willets just get a band of ringers to cover Bolt Thrower songs and tour as “Karl Willet’s Jolt Throwup” sponsored by Jolt Cola?
Streams of Blood – Allgegenwärtig (2017)
Actually kinda sort but not really death metal. Needs real riffs. Songs kinda suck and riffs are generic. A few good leads though but you could say the same of Guns ‘n’ Roses or Testament. No.
Ash and Coal – Legacy (2017)
Ash and Coal play a generic mishmash of 90s MTV rock, Amebix worship, and indie rock in an attempt to appeal to every hipster on earth. Legacy sucks. Listen to Amebix and then listen to Slayer. Otherwise fuck off and die Ash and Coal.
Curse of Denial – The 13th Sign (2017)
Vocal driven death ‘n’ roll bullshit trying to send subliminal messages to hipsters to turn gay. Fuck off and die with those buttrock solos. “Pawns in Chess”? Who wants to be a fucking peasant that the king gets to raped when it reaches the end of the board? Fuck off and die. Curse of Denial is not checkmating anyone.
Raise The Black – Portrait (2017)
Slowed-down Gothenburg metal pretending to be Skepticism. Nope.
Artificial Brain – Infared Horizon (2017)
Artificial Brain worship Gorguts and the second Nocturnus album that nobody likes as even casual metal fans can tell it totally sucks, Thresholds, while playing tek deathcore influenced post-hardcore with gang vocals and shit. Their songs aren’t really structured around riffs arranged as melodic phrases so Artificial Brain inherently cannot play metal. Die faggots.
Förgjord – Uhripuu (2017)
Förgjord sounds like Les Legions Noire if those knuckleheads were influenced by RAC rather than crust. Also they are boring and their songs go nowhere special sounding like pop-punk gypsy music. Why does this try to get atmopsheric on your ass? Why is this gay as shit? RAC isn’t gay; RAC wants to curbstomp faggots like Förgjord. Die faggots.
Sinastras – Drowned (2017)
Death ‘n’ roll bullshit meets Pantera. Fuck off and die faggots.
Vielikan – Everlasting Smile (2017)
Death metal influenced progressive modern rock but ultimately death ‘n’ roll bullshit. Die faggots.
Ululatum Tollunt – Quantum Noose of Usurpation (2017)
Quantum gaping asshole of dysentery. Noise rock war metal crossover thrash punk HIV infected blood of denial of bug spreading catamites execution for populating a pandemic amongst the people. Die faggots
Dreamslain – Tales of War (2017)
Gay ass metalcore with overlong songs. Die faggots.
Hour of Penance – Cast The First Stone (2017)
Deathcore idiocy with occassional flourishes of bouncy technical speed metal. Fuck off and die faggots.
Hate Unbound – Plague (2017)
Crypto-indie rock is so soft that now even Metallica worshipping metalcore bands are pretending to be death metal. Fuck off and die.
Naddred – Sluagh (2017)
Boring hipster drone rock pretending to be black metal. Fuck off and die. We need a hipster holocaust to the lords of the raven realm.
Black Habit – Black Habit (2017)
Stoner rock pretending to be metal. Fuck off and die. Stick your heads in the oven. Mix ammonia and bleach in those plague doctor masks faggots.
Sauron – Wara! (2017)
Singalong black ‘n’ roll. Fuck off and die. Is this the best you can do Slavs? What happened to Graveland? Why did you take off the track suits and put on the 1980s album oriented rock spandex? I hope you get cancer from the nuclear fallout of Chernobyl.
Skeletal – Dreadful Life (2017)
Wow Skeletal actually play death metal riffs! Too bad they’re not very good and now just imitate their influences. They could become good if they wanted to and stopped imitating their influences in basic rock-structured songs. Hopefully they will and if not, fuck off and die.
Keitzer – Ascension (2017)
Bouncy vocal-driven deathcore. Die faggots.
Grave Plague – The Infected Crypts (2017)
Deathcore. Die faggots.
Axis of Despair – Mankind Crawls (2017)
Generic grindcore played by scenester idiots with stock riffs. Die faggots.
Hummingbird of Death / Beartrap – Hummingbird of Death / Beartrap (2017)
Boring powerviolence with no raison d’etre other than drink tickets. Die faggots.
The Brood – The Truth Beyond (2017)
Politically-correct grindcore faggotry. I hope you get gang-raped by Muslim untermenschen who use your dreads as oily, but still easy to grip fuck ropes to tie you up as they rape you like they rape their cousins and ten year old boys. As always, die faggots.
Technickill – Promo 2017 (2017)
Techno deathcore. Die faggots.
Diktatur – L’Agonie d’Un Monde (2017)
Black ‘n’ roll bullshit. Die faggots.
Cowards – Still (2017)
Sludgy metalcore. Die faggots.
Faces of the Bog – Ego Death (2017)
Faces of the Bog, you guys do not play heavy metal, you play Queens of the Stone Age type stoner MTV rock. More like Faces of the Bug. AIDS was God’s punishment for faggots’ licentiousness. Die faggots.
Foetal Juice – Masters of Absurdity (2017)
Nu-Carcass worshipping deathcore. Die faggots.
Acranius – Reign of Terror (2017)
Slamming deathcore. Die faggots.
Mortanius – A Voice From Beyond (2017)
Gay ass speed metal influenced power metal. This sounds like Megadeth if Dave Mustaine contracted HIV from Tiamat. Die faggots.
A Cunning Man – Practical Applications Of Theurgy (2017)
Power metal plus deathcore is one of the most offensive things I have ever heard. More like A Man Cumming HIV am I right? Die faggots.
The Parasite Paradise – Lucifer Luminous; Demo MMXVI (2016)
Nu-Stooges meets Tom Waits influenced hipser rock pretending to be black metal. Die faggots.
Underdark – Mourning Cloak (2017)
Riffless screamo. Die faggots.
Pillorian – Obsidian Arc (2017)
Singalong black ‘n’ roll bullshit carnival music. Die faggots.
Daycare For Jedi – This Is What You Get (2017)
Pop-punk bullshit. Die faggots.
Hypocras – Implosive (2016)
Implosive deathcore diarrhea. Die faggots.
Persefone – Aathma (2017)
Techno metalcore. Die faggots.
Obsolete Incarnation – Eradication Of Society (2017)
Obsolete Incanation are a deathcore band who want to slam your ass full of HIV. Die faggots.
Tags: a cunning man, acranius, AIDS, artificial brain, ash and coal, axis of despair, beartrap, black 'n roll, black habit, cowards, curse of denial, daycare for jedi, death 'n' roll, desert kingdom, diktatur, dreamslain, faces of the bog, faggots, fags, foetal juice, förgjord, grave plague, hate unbound, HIV+, hour of penance, hummingbird of death, hypocras, Inquisitor, karl willets, keitzer, memoriam, metalcore, mortanius, naddred, obsolete incarnation, persefone, pillorian, raise the black, sadistic metal reviews, Sauron, sinastras, skeletal, Speed Metal, technickill, the brood, the parasite paradise, ululatum tollunt, underdark, vielikan