Winner of Pantera slashfic contest announced


A week ago, this site opened a contest for erotic fiction writing involving the groove-metal band Pantera, essentially a challenge to create pejorative “slashfic” about the band and its assorted milieu. Many users answered the call, and we received some truly great erotic writing involving Phil Anselmo, Vinnie Paul, Darrell Abbott, and Rex Brown.

Now it is time to announce a winner.

First, let us revisit the contenders for winning entry of this contest. A number of creative and insightful contributions were made, so let’s look at the group:

These offer true creative writing and some venture further into musical criticism of Pantera or even analysis of metal as a subculture. That makes for some stiff competition, with no one that rises erect above the rest because so many of these are so well-executed. However, choose a winner we must, and so it’s time to go through the candidates.

Grails_Mysteries offers one of the first qualifying entries and a short story that explores the pathology of sexual identity denial among heavy metal musicians. In addition, it gives us some insight into the type of personality that might power a band like Pantera. Compelling. steven foster offers a short piece with a Kerouac/Bukowski vibe with a strong conclusion. SEIG pops up next with a more violent offering that explores the visceral and organic side of Pantera eroticism. It reminds me of the Marquis de Sade outraged that the marketplace/polling-place for heavy metal had been taken over by mediocrity! LostInTheANUS offers an almost Huxleyian analysis of how the seductions of money, power and fame can lead to a different kind of seduction… disturbing, and I mean that in a good way. Then thisoneheredude satirizes every Didion-inspired experiential piece of rock journalism ever, creating a lingering sense of unease and distaste. Good work. Vnholy Loa gives us a lengthier look into the effects of timid poseurdom combined with aggro-brocore in a piece delightfully riddled with puns. Following up on that, Eli Murray shows us an unsettling view of psychological manipulation for sex in the context of rock fandom. That’s New Yorker territory but we’ll take it. As the contest gained momentum, Iconoclast wrote a Jungian exploration of the subconscious in attitudes toward existential crisis and how it manifests in the hollow carelessness of pop music like Pantera. This one is really worth reading. Next Dave reveals the paradox of sexual surrender paired with a tough guy exterior, in a story that may portray either rape or someone finally achieving satisfaction, or both… White Powder Activist typed up a whole bunch of stuff so disturbing I can’t comment on it here. Captain Penis Cheese presents a short poetic piece on the parallels between pop music and awkward sex. Turning the contest to a more introspective level, Marcus Antony Frattura explores the psychology of Pantera and their critics and finds some similarities. And if you made it through all of those, you will need professional help.

The competition is tough but some clearly came out ahead. Our winners are:

Marcus Antony Frattura



Gentlemen/ladies, please claim your prizes by emailing editor at deathmetal dot org with the IP address you used to post your piece. Include a mailing address, US only please. I appreciate the contributions of all who participated and the many, many creative entries we received.

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14 thoughts on “Winner of Pantera slashfic contest announced”

  1. LostInTheANUS says:

    Congratulations to my dear colleagues who’ve won the contest and everyone else who has participated! Let’s hope that we will have more of these in the future.

  2. Richard Head says:

    I don’t know if this is the best or worst thing I’ve ever seen on DMU. At once I like the idea of creative writing competitions but that whole thing was unbearably gay. The winners deserve their places, though. Too bad no Pantera fan ever will read their entries.

  3. Ara says:

    I like Pantera, and I thought everything I read was hilarious.

    1. Iconoclast says:

      I’ve honestly never listened to a lot of Pantera — I saw what demographic they played towards and thus ignored them for a long time. I think the first time I ever listened to them was a year ago and I was laughing my ass off at the lyrics. YOU TALKIN TO ME? NO WAY PUNK!

      I don’t think they’re the worst band in metal by far, but by no means are they worth being played on repeat. At least — and the very least — they do correctly advertise themselves as a metal band, unlike nu-metal and aggro-rock. I consider them the harbingers of nu-metal and they helped attract that crowd, but AT LEAST they weren’t on the absolute shit tier that Korn, Mushroomhead, Slipknot, etc, was. Butt they were losers, nonetheless (intentional typo).

      Walk in particular is a funny song. There are many ways to write about that phenomena, but Phil chose to make it personal as if he were a unique individual seeing something others don’t.

      1. Ara says:

        I was like 12 when I heard them, and they were a good gateway metal band. They’re silly and all, but seemed to really care about metal, and did some good things like hand picking Morbid Angel to tour with.

  4. My eyes bled reading them but I want more writing contests. Come the fuck on, can’t we do Black Witchery scat satire or Blasphemy trying to do interior decorating?

  5. Concerned Citizen says:

    Cool foreword on the Demilich compilation.

    Nespithe -> The Penis

  6. Dean Head says:

    Talk about one for the ages! The sysops must’ve been pleasantly slurprised. A++

  7. I blew my head off like Per Ohlin says:

    The 8 bit version is some catchy shiz.

  8. Rupert Pupkin says:

    This is my favourite site besides efukt.

    1. Doug Killjoy says:

      I saw that guy today weaving through rush hour traffic in a dually – swear to god! He wasn’t using his blinker for lane changes which was understandable since he was talking on the phone and didn’t have a free hand. Every time he tailgated somebody they immediately moved over to let him pass so whoever he is he must be pretty darn important!

  9. click says:

    I see you had your mind all made up
    you group of pitiful liars.
    Before I woke to face the day,
    your master plan transpired.
    {Some – thing – told – me}
    this job had more to meet the eye.
    My song is not believed?
    My words somewhat deceiving?
    Now I’m unwhole.

    You’ve waged a war of nerves
    But you can’t crush the kingdom
    Can’t be what your idols are.
    Can’t leave the scar.
    You cry for compensation.
    I ask you please just give us…

    5 minutes alone

    I read your eyes, your mind was made up.
    You took me for a fool.
    You used complexion of my skin
    for a counter racist tool.
    You can’t burn me
    I’ve spilled my guts out in the past.
    Taken advantage of
    because you know where I’ve come.
    My past.

    I ask you please just give us

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