Bangladesh Deporting Krisiun

Bangadesh continued the worldwide governmental war on mediocre speed metal by arranging to deport mediocre Brazilian speed metal band Krisiun for supposedly blaspheming against monotheism and Islam in the lyrics to their music. Krisiun were in the overwhelmingly Muslim third world country to play a sold-out festival. Bangladeshi metal fans should man up and listen to better metal bands now. Krisiun then confirmed that they were special snowflakes who believe in equality for all people, creeds, things, places, trees, and toilet paper brands regardless of their quality, proficiency, or absorbency:

We are hereby to manifest our big appreciation and respect for the Metalheads in Bangladesh, We know it’s not their fault the show got cancelled here today.
We are not against any religion, political view, or have any prejudice against anyone, it’s not the matter here.
We don’t want to see our big metal family worldwide fighting​ against each other, The world suffer with so much problems nowadays and Metal set us free and make us strong!
We came to Bangladesh to make a concert and unfortunately the authorities decided to cancel, it’s not the promoter’s fault, it’s nobody’s fault, it’s local authorities decision to shut the show down, the Metalheads are great here in Bangladesh the concert was sold out, We deeply thank all you guys here for the enormous support, We will be back one day! Respect, together we are strong, Metal never dies!

Krisiun support equality for all as they play mediocre speed metal. Equality for all always works out to enforced mediocrity for all in the end. Krisiun therefor are advocating a communist political position like social justice warriors and antifa violently at pride rallies, college campuses, and Graveland and Marduk shows. If all metal bands were judged on their artistic and musical worth and fans were discerning elitists, Krisiun would never be popular for all they are is merely the image of a middling late 90s death metal band. Krisiun are incapable as human beings of competing with the best Brazilian bands from the eighties, most of whom released albums on Congumelo Records at various points in their career.

Death Metal Underground recommends that Krisiun quit playing heavy metal and enjoy Brazil’s natural environment before human greed fully destroys it in the name of “development” into favelas, strip mines, and strip malls. All of their not so dedicated fans (If Krisiun is anyone’s favorite metal band, then they should bash their head against a brick wall until said wall is painted with brains) are advised to listen to Sarcofago and Sepultura on repeat until they grasp why Krisiun are a mediocre pop metal band merely looking to rob them of ten to twenty bucks each every eighteen months like a bad comic book movie. Bangladeshi metal fans would be much better off headbanging to Beneath the Remains from a ghetto blaster than paying to mosh at a Krisiun show.

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

19 thoughts on “Bangladesh Deporting Krisiun”

  1. GGALLIN1776 says:

    If they want to prove their blood of lions & will to potency, they should assault safe space occupants with nail bats.

    Can no one have the balls of GG ALLIN these days & just say “Fuck you, I’ll rape you if you don’t like it”?

  2. GGALLIN1776 says:

    Also, why does pablo in the center have a wallet chain made from soda can lids?

    1. Favella Dwella says:

      Shit, that`s pretty fucking hilarious.

      1. GGALLIN1776 says:

        Sad Max made it for him. Like a friendship bracelet…. But he ran out of dreads so lids it is!

    2. parasite says:

      because hes thrifty Allin.

      Seriously promo pics need to end, they are NOT METAL…unless your Tom Warrior hanging out by the fence.

      1. GGALLIN1776 says:

        Think of all the money wasted on dr.rocket/natural ice when he could’ve just bought a nice dog chain at the dollar store.

        Maybe he does the “I save the lid from every beer I drink” like high school kids. The mystery continues.

        1. Favella Dwella says:

          But all he wanted was a Pepsi.

  3. HH says:

    love how all the hip and edgy church burning atheists in metal have to tip toe on eggshells around islam like an obedient neutered husband around a domineering wife.

    1. Except for Carnage/Dismember, Necropole, crazy Finnish black metallers.

    2. Rainer Weikusat says:

      You care too much about other people’s opinions about you.

  4. Sword of a thousand truths says:

    Krisiun don’t play speed metal.

    1. Reactionary Reasons says:

      Yes and No. What Krisiun does is that they play an abundant amount of sped up Thrash/Speed Metal riff strums over bombastic drum sections (more commonly found in Death Metal, just not as choppy) with some hoarse shouting-to-growling vocals on top of that.

      Therefore it’s easy to initially assume that they play Death Metal through-and-through, since that’s basically what’s being presented at the surface level. Underneath, however, the foundation tells a different story, as mentioned above, the essence is basically that of a Thrash/Speed Metal construction.

      One might add that since the genres overlap, it’s fairly understandable how it becomes a blurred line for some and an easy mistake to make for the casual listener.

      In a way their music’s almost proto-metalcore, the way they aim for the gimmicky start ‘n’ stop rhythm structure of riff strums.

      1. GGALLIN1776 says:

        Has everyone missed the obvious Pantera influence? Call me crazy but I hear some.

        1. Saul says:

          You’re crazy. I enjoy Krisiun upto Works of Carnage/Conquerors of Armageddon, but then they became far too dependent on that stop-start, staccato style that has ruined Immolation also. I know not what speed metal riffing the writer talks of. Krisiun riffs were almost exclusively tremolo picked and repetitive in the old days, almost like black metal in arrangement. A solid lower second-tier band that has its place in history.

  5. Rainer Weikusat says:

    they became far too dependent on that stop-start, staccato style

    Blood of Lions (the track) is pretty terrible in this respect but they’ve toned this down somewhat with the most-recent album. While I can’t nail this down in form of words, intuitively, I agree with the ‘speed metal’ (meanwhile).

  6. suckstobeyou says:

    Brett Stevens is a worthless poser fuck who got sodomized by her uncle when she was a toddler. Her uncle resembled Cronos. That’s why Brett’s used up pussy gets wet every time Venom comes up in a conversation but she keeps that a secret. She fantasizes with Cronos’ cock inside her bitch mouth.

    1. Are you confirming Jairo Tormentor’s assertions that Venom was gay?

Comments are closed.

Classic reviews: