Sadistic Metal Reviews: Just Shoot Them

Guns get the job done.

Norns – Pazuzu (2016)
“Windz of Blasphemy?” First off, pretty clever title. Sacramentum’s boringest parts, played in half-time. Brett Stevens is always castigating contemporary ‘black metal’ as whiny indie rock played with double kicks ‘n too much distortion. This sounds like that; flowing black metal; this is what I imagine EBBM [Eastern Bloc Black Metal] to sound like.

Sumerlands – Sumerlands (2016)
Do you masturbate to Metal Church? Does glam rock tickle your tingle? Sumerlands play the type of vocal driven hard rock with occasionally heavy metal riffs that filled arenas in the eighties and now fills strippers on VH1 reality shows.

Night Demon – Night Demon (2012)
NWOBHM revivalists. Think a more boring Motorhead or Venom; Venom if their bar rock sing-along songs weren’t stupidly funny and just incredibly boring. The best song on this pointless release is a cover of Diamond Head’s “Lighting to the Nations”.

Pentacle – Ancient Death (2001)
Pentacle is a death/speed metal band regarded as classic by the funderground simply as they were formed in the 80s but were actually mediocre and only fit to be an opening band which is why they never actually had an album out until the late 90s. They just weren’t good enough.

Perpetual Demise – Arctic (1996)
Z-list bounce metal with Gothenburg leads from the mid 90s. Perpetual Demise often sound more like a post-hardcore band than a death metal one. There is absolutely no reason for anyone to re-visit this death ‘n’ roll.

Sadokist – Thy Saviour’s Halo, Held by Horns (2016)
It’s a nice day for a black trash wedding. I didn’t know speed metal Satan was into cum swapping and snowballing.

Serpent – Trinity (1999)
Stoner doom attempting to be Black Sabbath but failing miserably. Rightfully languished in obscurity until the present when of course some money hungry label release it as a “lost gem”. This is more mediocrity.

Exoto – And Then You Die – The Fifth Season (2016)
Lame Sepultura ripoff. Never made it in the 80s as they were a lame Sepultura ripoff.

Cryfemal – D6s6nti6rro (2016)
Overemotional Latin black metal harkening back to Les Legions Noires meets Kvist. Less crusty and more wrist-slitting than LLN though. Kinda gay.

Liber Null – I, The Serpent (2016)
Bouncy, bestial black ‘n’ roll rock music for pounding piss water and pounding chubby 23 year goths.

Khaos-Dei – Opus II: Catechism (2016)
Fruity black ‘n’ roll. Khaos-Gay.

Trees of Eternity – Hour of the Nightingale (2016)
Nature finds a way to deal with Enya featuring occasional powerchords.

Sisyphean Rage – Sisphean Rage (2016)
Morbid Angel rehashed into rock music.

Shadowflag – The White Grave (2016)
Metalcore shadowfags who should be buried in unmarked graves.

Raspail – Dirge (2016)
Art fat black ‘n’ roll atmopsheric trash for losers.

Skullwinx – The Relic (2016)
Skull twinks.

Sound Storm – Vertigo (2016)
Shit storm of glam rock metalcore.

Gargoyle – Reborn in Blasphemy (2016)
Stoner doom rock. Not the worst, not really anything special or worth listening to. This is background music at best.

Undrask – Battle Through Time (2016)
Gothenburg style heavy metal with metalcore vocals. The riffs are nothing special and repeat on for far too long.

Nabaath – Common Graves (2015)
More not very well structured Eastern European black ‘n’ roll. Lacks compelling riffs and most of the tracks are driven solely by atmosphere, vocals, or rhythm. Move along.

Sectorial – We Are The Titan’s Rising Ashes (2015)
Another cyclical Eastern European black ‘n’ roll and alternative rock hybrid. Move along.

Resonance Cascade/Järnbörd – Hyperakusi (2016)
“Grindcore” with emphasis on the ‘core. Doesn’t actually have many grind riffs, just bouncy crust mosh jams with melodic hardcore fills and samples. Not kill yourself bad but not good in any way, shape or form.

Brine – Kill The Ill (2016)
Poppy post-punk for hipsters who don’t want to get drunk and hit people. The Smiths for hipsters with unironic Flock of Seagulls haircuts.

Sea of Shame – Cut To Pieces (2016)
Industrial noise ambient rock with some black metal, grind, and crust riffs. Not awful for a first demo but needs more riffs and less tedious parts that appeal to pretentious art fats.

Bloodrainbow – Upheaval (2016)
Deathcore with saxophones, smooth jazz, and butt rock solos.

Colosso – Obnoxious (2016)
Obnoxious dissonant hipster deathcore.

Tortorum – Rotten. Dead. Forgotten (2016)
Kvist made into blackened deathcore. Tortured rectum.

THOUGHT VOMiT – Punks Brutal Retaliation (2016)
Beatdown hardcore pretending to be metalcore to branch out to a new audience. They fail miserably and should stick to smoking meth in an alley.

Coma Cluster Void – Mind Cemeteries (2016)
Post-hardcore bullshit pretending to be death metal.

Anagnorisis​ – Peripeteia​ (2016)
Lame hipster rock attempting to be black metal for idiots. Anagnorisis felch frothy semen from their significant others’ vaginas.

Nahum – And the Chaos Has Begun (2016)
Death ‘n’ roll vocally-driven version of Vader. Fail.

Cumbeast – Straight Outta Sewer (2016)
Porno Pantera.

Goatblood – Veneration of Armageddon (2016)
Bore metal. Do war metal crossover thrashers eat goat meat on their pizza?

Soothsayer – At This Great Depth (2016)
At this great depth into your rectum, there is only shit. No enema can set this emo sludge shit free.

October 31 – Metal Massacre 31 (2016)
Cash grab cover album with King Fowley of Deceased on the mic. Waste of plastic.

Ruach Raah / Wømb – Perpetual Commitment to Death (2016)
Black ‘n’ roll bullshit split. There’s zero reason to listen to this over early Sodom.

Boreworm – Entomophobia (2016)
Boring techdeafcore.

Principality of Hell – Sulfur & Bane (2016)
Blackened beer metal band imitating Venom. More welcome to a garbage dump in New Jersey than Welcome to Hell.

Born to Burn – Welcome to Reality (2016)
Born to bag groceries.

Far Beyond – A Frozen Flame Of Ice (2016)
Symphonic metalcore Gaythenburg crap.

Endemise – Anathema (2016)
I am anathemic to metalcore Dick in a Box era Emperor worship.

NordWitch – Mørk Profeti (2016)
Melodic black ‘n’ roll blues wank poop. Sounds like Surgical Steel.

Unison Theory – Arctos (2016)
Metalcore bullshit.

Escatology – Blasphemous Godhead (2016)
Death ‘n’ roll bullshit.

Murder Spree – Time to Rise Up (2016)
Crossover thrash bullshit meant to appeal to Hot Topic tweens. Go back to the mall, crawl into the oven at California Pizza Kitchen, and then have your buddies turn it on. Toasty!

Tyrants Blood – Into the Kingdom of Graves (2016)
Lame Angelcorpse boreship.

Talrak – Symbolizing Artifacts (2016)
Death ‘n’ roll pretending to be Gothenburg melodeaf. How original.

Bloodphemy – Blood Will Tell (2016)
Steve Tucker Morbid Angel re-appropriated as rock music for biker bars.

Black Motel Theory – Everything In Its Place (2016)
Your place is in the ground.

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14 thoughts on “Sadistic Metal Reviews: Just Shoot Them”

  1. GGALLIN1776 says:

    Could you atleast try to find some shitty bands with better names? Try & make the read more interesting than their attempts at whatever it is they’re trying to accomplish.

    Liber null : the lazy version of danzig’s liber skull.

    Cumbeast makes me think that the band is a) all yeti’s that are composed entirely of jizz or b) they power slam pints of hot man chowder. Either way it’s far beyond faggotry.

    Serpent. Oh fuck that’s original….even more so than Gargoyle.

    I’m going to start a band called stinky black cunt swastika for the sole purpose of it ending up in s.m.r.

    1. These bands contact us. Most of them are not worth spending more than a minute dwelling upon. If you would like to do Sadistic Metal Reviews, email me.

  2. Necronomeconomist says:

    Did BRINE contact you?
    “Poppy post-punk for hipsters who don’t want to get drunk and hit people. The Smiths for hipsters with unironic Flock of Seagulls haircuts.”

    Why would that appear on this METAL site?

  3. Rainer Weikusat says:

    Sacramentum is this stuff which circles constantly around itself in musically pointless arabesques. This makes it a rather painful listening experience. I’ve so far refrained from writing about this because criticizing a band just because it addresses an audience of people who need everything overdone thrice in order to notice it at all is sort-of nonsensical. However, if the same people manage to overlook the horrible solo, the synthetized seagulls, the “oh the lost glory of the fens!” kitsch and even the rock drumming in

    mentioning it seems called for.

    1. Rainer Weikusat says:

      JFTR: Inquisition, at least the guitar parts, is an independent/ black metal hybrid. I didn’t hate their most recent album but I haven’t listened to it for a while, either. MGLA is independent. Drudkh is just crap, even for “atmospheric black metal” (as this usually calls itself) standards. A better example would be Terra (UK). I’ve seen them live once and that was quite cool — something like “19 minutes of guitar noise with drums”. But I still wouldn’t want to have this at home.

      The linked-to article considered “flowing black metal” a generally positive development, citing Ancients and Graveland as example, and was just opposed to that degenerating into something which restricts itself to creating “athmosphere” with ‘cheap’ surface effects like ‘wallpaper’ (de-dynamicalized) chord progressions following the same harmonical pattern (made up).

    2. lost wizdom says:

      Drudkh over Sacramentum? Clean out your ears with hot lead.

      1. Rainer Weikusat says:

        Clean your eyes with hot lead. This will stop you from misunderstanding texts in this way.

        I don’t particularly like Sacramentum because this has a tinge of Schlagermusik to me: The beautiful melancholia this is supposed to generate is too beautifully melancholic, the vivid guitar lines are too vivid and the consonant melodies too consonant. The worst parts are sugar-coated ginger bread, the best pretty sterile and conventional art rock utilizing a style which was popular at this time. But that’s how this feels to me and my reception of such things is substantially different from yours, so, that’s not a balanced judgement.

        The How Flowing Black Metal Took Over uses Drudkh as »despicable example« for the degeneration of the style on its march to more popularity, in particular, as example of the complete replacement of content by pleasant form. And that’s very much justified. Worse than that, actually, as the quoted track adds all kinds of cliche abominations on top of the tinfoil scaffolding which is already ghastly enough on its own. That’s “keep calm and run away screaming” stuff. I resent the idea that anything I’d voluntarily expose myself to can validly be compared to that.

        1. the complete replacement of content by pleasant form

          Exactly what has happened to metal. Which band is better at the content level, Drudkh or Sacramentum?

          1. Rainer Weikusat says:

            Which band is better at the content level, Drudkh or Sacramentum?

            This seems like a trick question. But I’ll try to answer it as good as I can.

            I really like the Norns EP – that’s a seriously underground Finnish band, BTW, and it’s fairly complicated music, requiring keeping track of four more voices (vocals, dum high, drum low and bass) than the tremolo-picked “long form riffs” making this sound like composition for a single violin (stolen from FAQ) and it conjures up images of vast tundra landscapes and the lust of charging into a believed-to-be hopeless confrontation as the melodical phrases become more vivid and marching drum beat picks up – and if that’s “Winds of Blasphemy — Infernal Farts — hahaha!”, I abstain on the grounds of cultural incompatibility.

            1. This seems like a trick question.

              Most definitely not. In fact, it is a question to lead us out of the implicit sleight-of-hand that has been imposed on your thinking by this modern context.

              So, Norns… these guys?


              Not that far from Sacramentum or Sentenced, but a bit more predictable, wouldn’t you say?

              images of vast tundra landscapes and the lust of charging into a believed-to-be hopeless confrontation

              I love this imagery; must be another part of the EP.

  4. Degtyarov says:

    Save for Sumerlands, I have not heard of any of these bands. What am I doing right?

  5. Can you survive the blitzkrieg says:

    Pentacle Rides The Moonstorm is a good album. It’s been a very long time since I’ve been turned onto anything worthwhile from this place, it’s a bunch of rehashed statements reduced to gibberish at this point.

    1. Enjoy the funderground.

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