Sadistic Metal Reviews: Why Don’t You Just Kill Yourself?

Thus spoke Matti Karki, one of the greatest voices in death metal, on the often boneheaded Indecent and Obscene.

Arizmenda – Beneath this Reality of Flesh (2016)
Beneath this Reality of Flesh is another crappy release from a member of The Black Twilight Circle: sludge rock idiot rhythm riffs and the vocalizations of a ten year old autistic child throwing a fit as his mother bought him the wrong version of Pokemon are set into indie rocks so some Mexican can noodle on guitar. When Arizmenda occassionally write a decent riff, it goes nowhere but into lamer riffs that make you want to hit forward on the CD player. Yet more crypto-indie black ‘n’ roll for a Vice Magazine audience.

Arizmenda – Despair Depths Descended (2016)
Arizmenda gave us another collection of riffs that drone on for far, far too long in black ‘n’ roll songs last year. Maybe if Arizmenda refined his material instead of vomiting in hipsters’ mouths like how a mother bird feeds her hatchlings, he could have written a decent hard rock album. The guitar noodling sounds like an opening act at a shitty blues bar. Build the Wall.

Azaxul – The Fleshly Tomb (2016)
Azaxul play lame verse chorus verse black ‘n’ roll with riffs united by vocals rather than glued into a melodic narrative. Riffs are rooted in Swedish black metal and generally go nowhere with only one riff developed into a final lead or solo as in heavy metal. That is if the songs end at all and don’t just drone on for an extra five minutes. The only riffs on The Fle shly Tomb that have any sort of energy sound like they were stolen from Norwegian greats such as Kvist or Emperor before being emulsified into baby food for delivery into a funderground audience via airplane spoon. Is The Fleshly Tomb black metal? More like Miller Lite metal. If Azaxul are supposed to be evil, then under their costumes the Teletubbies are Hitler, Himmler, Goebbels, and Bormann

Cultes des Ghoules – Coven, or Evil Ways Instead of Love (2016)
Cultes des Ghoules write twenty minute long static riff salads like Iron Maiden if every member of Iron Maiden had AIDs-related dementia. Cultes des Ghoules take riffs from Celtic Frost but never progress chords at all. Culte des Ghoules apparently were attempting to create a hipster black ‘n’ roll opera on Coven like Master’s HammerThe Jilemnice Occultist if created by idiot hipsters who play shows to hit on bucktoothed, cross-eyed women who only shower weekly. Coven is horrifically dull, vocally driven pap. Who took this seriously enough to release? Cold Lake and Swansong are at least so bad, they’re funny. Coven, or Evil Ways Instead of Love is the horrifically boring sort of bad that pretentious scenesters will praise as profound art, yet headbangers will know better.

Forteresse – Thèmes pour la rébellion (2016)

Forteresse are from Quebec yet play Gothenburg metal instead of kneeling before the altar of Sorcier des Glaces. All of their songs drone on for three minutes too long to advocate for Quebec’s independence from the rest of Canada. I don’t really give a fuck about your hippie protest melodeaf. Perhaps such limp-wristed whining is the reason you were conquered. Time to man up Forteresse.

Garroted – In the Court of Nyarlathotep (2016)

Garroted string stolen death metal riffs together and act like they have created riff mazes like Morbid Angel. In reality they created a pastiche that makes listeners want to turn off In the Court of Nyarlathotep and listen to the real thing: Morbid Angel. Garroted are merely tossing tech deaf salads in the men’s locker room. Garroted lick Morbid Angel’s ass nice and clean with greasy desire. The licking of buttery meat is their daily activity.

Gatecreeper – Sonoram Deprivation (2016)
Gatecreeper worship sell-out Swedish death ‘n’ roll records such as Clandestine, Wolverine Blue’s Clues, and Massive Shitting Capacity. Occasionally they rip off Left Hand Path or God Macabre‘s The Winterlong but why not listen to those albums instead of this turkey? Other songs slow down Swedish death metal chord progressions to make sludge rock idiocy. Gatecreeper’s purpose on earth is to take hot doses of fentanyl while wearing matching track suits and fresh kicks.

Imposition – Dark Mysticism (2016)
Imposition take riffs right out of Demoncy‘s Joined in Darkness and use them to construct repetitive keyboard music with vocals that sound like Dave Mustaine is in withdrawal and needs to find a hit of smack right away. Imposition’s riffs don’t lead anywhere particularly interesting; they just result in leads that resemble the parts of EDM tracks where all the glowsticks in the club get spun around in the air by half naked people on MDMA or meth. Dark Mysticism is a recording of Dave Mustaine trying to score smack in a backroom of a European discotheque.

Mithras – On Strange Loops (2016)
Technical deafcore composed of randomly recycled riffs from earlier in the band’s career and from Sarpanitum. The riffs only exist to get to the shred leads while the vocals are awfully hardcore and awfully out of place in such spacey guitar wank. Do not pass go on this. Insert the CD where it and all other tek deaf releases belong: hammered through the brain-case of its maker’s skull.

Obscure Evil – Midnight Forces (2016)
Remember when C-list speed metal bands like Testament tried to compete with glam rock in the late 80s? Obscure Evil sound like a first wave black metal styled one attempting to do that on this demo. All they need is clean vocal choruses. Who would have ever given them a record deal for this in 1990?

Obscure Evil – Void Fumes (2016)
Retro rehash label Unspeakable Axe Records that’s who. They’ve released nothing good but Ripper‘s Experiment of Existence. No improvement here, just more disposable speed metal. Toss it in the trash.

Panphage – Drengskapr (2016)
Renaissance faire basement rock for fat cosplayers of unidentifiable gender in matching corsets and leather skirts. Drengskapr is the Motley Crue version of Blood Fire Death, turning the speed metal riffs into Skid Row fair. Panphage play hilarious black ‘n’ roll safe enough for a tabletop gamer’s bar mitzvah complete with vocal driven butt rock singalong parts for the adults’ drunken after party. If Bathory is Odin soaring through the sky riding Sleipnir, Panphage unmasked is a drunk-driving Vince Neil wearing an Addidas track suit.

Vlk – Of Wolves’ Blood (2016)
Vlk want to integrate Bathory‘s later Manowar worshipping on Hammerheart and beyond with the riffing of Under the Sign of the Black Mark. The problem is Vlk riffs staticly like a rock band. Their riffs do not variate and do not relate to each other in the context of the song. Most of their riffs are inspired from past black metal and seemingly post-punk bands. All have been genericized down to heavy metal in verse chorus verse songs with too much focus on the not particularly interesting vocals. Most of the songs on Of Wolves Blood end in solos that are directly copied from Bathory too. Vlk are essentially the Starbucks version of Bathory for indie rock fans. Most copies of this black ‘n’ roll bullshit will find their way into used CD and LP bins when the intended audience graduates to Bathory if those hipsters have any taste whatsoever. I doubt it. They will probably just call Quorthon a Nazi, mutilate their own genitals, and kill themselves.

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84 thoughts on “Sadistic Metal Reviews: Why Don’t You Just Kill Yourself?”

  1. GGALLIN1776 says:

    What’s the main pic from, battle royale?

    Garroted – carrot top rip off of gorerotted.

    Vik – too lazy to spell vikernes.

    Panphage – counterfeit norway travel pamphlet.

    Imposition – shouldve named the album ” we’re very rude & will impose our suck unto thine ears”.

    Gate creeper – c’mon..really? Go creep somewhere else.

    The rest are too boring to comment on

    1. fart inhaler says:

      Takeshi Kitano has made some real stinkers but Zatoichi (2003) and Outrage are some of the most entertaining comeuppance movies ever.

  2. Marc Defranco says:

    You lost my respect based on your Panphage opinion although I don’t think I had any respect for your thoughts in the first place. Easily one of the best bm acts going these days that doesn’t pander to the current bull shit trends, or ride on the backs of old bands like another recent album you praised.

    1. S.C. says:

      Wulkanaz/Tomhet is much better, although I’m sure that as soon as “Paralys” comes out it’ll get shit all over by this site. This newest Panphage release is pretty bad and predictable. But I liked some of his work prior to this release.

      1. Marc Defranco says:

        I prefer those bands to Panphage as well and yeah I hope this site just stayed far away from the bands, didn’t even want to mention them here. I don’t think it’s predictable but more straightforward. It’s not my favorite release by him but it has decent songs overall and two of the best he’s written to me.

        1. S.C. says:

          The predictability, for myself, came from the palpable effort he put into making it an epic sound, rather than focusing and relying upon the melodies and their interconnections themselves to cultivate that sense of epic. He didn’t really pull out any surprises or manifest unique melodies. It seemed like epic was the focus and songwriting was secondary to that.

          I honestly believe Wulkanaz, and practically everything Wagner has done under that moniker, stands shoulder to shoulder with the old masters, significantly moreso than any bands or albums that have been recommended by this site. Wulkanaz has carried his quality and originality through both albums, as well as constantly experimenting and refining through his EPs and demos, but always staying completely true to the sound that he started with. A true original that is incomparable to anything modern and could’ve easily been his own version of a black metal template for thousands to copy, had he been releasing in the 90’s.

          1. Marc Defranco says:

            I understand what you mean. For me the songs are quick bursts with something specific like a certain riff, or vocal pattern that sets it apart. Some songs from the demo felt more epic to me so I didn’t get that feeling but most of them more chaotic as well. I felt like other than the vocals the rest of the album is more focused than other releases with the songs relating to each other more. I still do not think it is the best by Panphage but worth owning. My favorite may be the most recent split.

            Well said. His creative visions are unmatchable, with great art that can have a similar feel to the old fairy tale artists.

            1. S.C. says:

              Yes! He really captures the energy of nature. Have you heard his dark ambient projects?

              1. Marc Defranco says:

                Yes I have especially enjoy the latest tapes! The one with the house so beautiful and the art has that John Bauer feel but he makes it his own.

              2. Marc Defranco says:

                As a side note this is probably the only interesting conversation I’ve had on here. It’s usually insults, people trying to prove they are more intelligent than others, or trying to explain why someone shouldn’t like a certain band even though the person just likes the band and their mind will clearly not change. It goes on and on in many articles. I usually come here for new bands but I’m finding now there are no new bands for me to discover from this site.

                1. Yes as you are a Nuclear War Now and Full Moon Productions type hipster with poor taste who comes here hoping to see his favorites praised and argues like an Irish woman when they are eviscerated for the random rock music they actually are. All of this while refusing to listen to artists we positively review to grasp why we do so as they’re not usually popular in the “funderground” even when we dig up excellent releases unnoticed as everyone in more mainstream channels is too busy fellating failed for good reason rockstar cock. Fuck off. Go masturbate to the horrible, pew pew pew, new Disneyfied Star Wars, Jurassic Park, and Metallica remakes with the other brainless idiots.

                  1. Marc Defranco says:

                    Haha damn I never said I didn’t listen to any bands praised on this site, I just usually find the new releases on my own now. I don’t even know what full moon productions is and I don’t give a shit what’s popular, I just listen to whatever I want. If that means I have bad taste in music then so be it. Shit on whatever music you want but like others that visit this site some will argue why bands shouldn’t be shat on.

                  2. S.C. says:

                    The way you write portrays you exactly as you described Marc. Lots of colorful words, concepts and imagination all tossed together, but with little to no actual substance. When you say, “Go masturbate to the horrible, pew pew pew, new Disneyfied Star Wars, Jurassic Park, and Metallica remakes,” all that I am reminded of is your writing, at least when you are commenting in the forum. It is like the writing of a hyperactive adolescent with an adult’s vocabulary. Maybe take the time to formulate an argument based around what the other person said and substantiate it with evidence instead of focusing on popping off as many witty insults within a paragraph as you can afford. And I’m sure you’ll say, “I don’t do that because you’re not worth putting in such effort.” Yet you’d rather put effort into making yourself seem like a hyperactive adolescent? Your laziness betrays and you become what you’re spouting against. Why not be better than, not as low or lower than? Validate your perception that you are not one of the “brainless idiots” by not acting like one. Perhaps this is why it is hard for the readers here to take your articles or band recommendations seriously. Prove that your perspective and tastes are elevated by being someone of an elevated stature. Stop undermining your effort. It is palpable that you put in quite a bit.

                  3. S.C. says:

                    Also, what exactly is the issue with full moon productions other than that they were a modern metal label? I should ask, what made that label such exquisite shit that it was worth mentioning, having previously fond unmentioned (Marc didn’t even know what you were talking about. I was vaguely familiar with the moniker, and then did some research). They did some releases for your beloved Ildjarn as well as for Abruptum and Black Funeral.

                    1. this trip is turning into a bit letdown says:

                      I imagine he’s referring to the FMP forum which was rife with all manner of inbred scenesterisms like the NWN forum is now.

                2. S.C. says:

                  I find the conversations far more engaging as well when they are not constantly and compulsively steered towards what we hate. I like talking shit too, but such conversations don’t really lend themselves to actual substantive interaction; only when such a conversation leads to conversing on actual effective ideas of how to change those things we hate. Cheers!

    2. You’re a bullshit trend Marc with your praise of sing-along, hipster black ‘n’ roll Nuclear War Now! forum memes promulgated by scenesters. No fun, no core, no mosh, no trends.

      1. Marc Defranco says:


  3. Rainer Weikusat says:

    Something a bit nicer about Gatecreeper: My heart is with the guy who considers Carnage and Interment underrated but the music, while not as bad as pure Entombed clones, is a definition of ‘average’: Swedish-styled death metal from a collapsible tube (“aus der Tube”). There’s nothing particularly annyoing about it but it fails to ignite any sparks. There are much better bands playing in this style (I won’t name here as DMU would likely consider them seriously annoying).

    The comparison to Wolverine Blues is nevertheless misplaced: I bought that some time in November 2015 as I had read it was considered a classic, remembered the band, and didn’t know any better. I think I listened to that about 2.5 times, kicking the CD out of the CD player (so to say) upon the sudden realization that I could as well listen to Led Zeppelin instead (something I’m passionately un-fond of).

  4. That last Cultes des Ghoules is an embarrassment.
    Most of what they did was diluted spiritual-satanism pandering.
    However, you should check out their first demo Angel of Poison and Death.

    1. Morbideathscream says:

      Their debut album Haxan was pretty good too, not the greatest thing ever, but solid B grade material. Heard some of the shit they did after that album and was quite dissapointed. Surely, their latest album isn’t any better.

  5. OliveFox says:

    Woof. Imposition taking it on the chin. Hang in their pal.

    Finally someone takes down that shitty Mithras album, was baffled by all the “acclaim” it has been getting.

  6. Nobody says:

    Sonatine is a great movie.

    1. dick tip torn due to crusted semen says:

      Check out “Violent Cop”

  7. Reactionary Reasons says:

    Additionally it seems — at the very least — to be the third time that Doré’s “The Raven” have been used as cover art. From the godly Timeghoul in ’94, to the lacklustre Anaal Nathrakh in ’09, and finally this garbage in the past year. Way to drag Gustav’s grandeur in the dirt. Next up, in 2020, I guess it I’ll be used by a glamcore/trip-hop band fronted by a transsexual mystery meat midget who specialises in nose flute-solos…

  8. I blew my head off like Per Ohlin says:

    Can we get Rosales back?
    This chink’s writing sucks.

    1. Robert says:

      Can we get Brett Stevens back instead?

  9. The Sleeping Tyrant says:

    “Retro rehash label Unspeakable Axe Records that’s who. They’ve released nothing good but Ripper‘s Experiment of Existence.”

    No love for Birth AD’s “I Blame You,” eh? It was the first release on UA (although I will grant that I don’t know or care about the rest of their roster).

    1. Haven’t listened. Unspeakable Axe have a niche and that niche is beer metal for headbanging. Their releases are usually disposable but more competent than caverncore, melodeaf, and war “metal”.

    2. Vigilance says:

      Who can forget birth AD’s classics like “Bring back the draught this bottled beer is crap” and “this scene sucks but someone else should make the good tunes.”

      Or everyone’s favorite lament “I am the reason why averse sefira languished and died but I blame it on the other guy, parasites cry!”

      No Jobs (start a band)

  10. I really like the style of the old SMRs. The writing was more descriptive about the music, and there was less you’re a fag level of insults–while still getting off funny lines about the audience or culture that might prop up the music: “Like the other shoegaze black metal infiltrators, this band’s extreme riffs sound as heavy as a Type O Negative single and they will stop at nothing into forcing you to give up on life and retire to a frivolous existence of buying Deepak Chopra books and talking about the latest Walking Dead episode while in line at a Starbucks.” I think this is one of the better recent SMRs (for instance that is a pithy encapsulation of that Mithras album), approaching the old style–though I could go for even more writing in the entries. I hope that doesn’t sound too ungrateful since I do get this for free (except for the cost of my time and attention).

    1. The length of the Sadistic Metal Review is determined by the quality of the release or how much the writer enjoys skewering it. The failures of the one line records do not merit excessive contemplation.

      1. A turd with tasty corn in it requires more explanation that a garden variety, bog ordinary turd.

  11. Imposition says:

    A second? Formidable! Daniel, you already wrote a *relatively* trollolo ‘review’ of my album in the last metal reviews. If I remember accurately, I requested some criticism that wasn’t quite as subjective as attempted review 1. In response, you seemed to have stepped on the autism pedal and have gone more trollish (understandable, but not what might be considered becoming of a Platonic website like which looks-beyond-appearances). Or did you run out of SSRIs recently?

    1. this trip is turning into a bit letdown says:

      Too bad your music didn’t get any better since the first review was posted.

      1. Imposition says:

        It didn’t change at all, miraculously. From this smr and your comment it seems autism makes people think that objects morf without being worked on.

        1. this trip is turning into a bit letdown says:

          Apparently you didn’t get what I meant, which had nothing to do with autism:

          your music didn’t get any better, thus didn’t warrant a more in-depth review.

          Get it now?

        2. Rainer Weikusat says:

          By now, you’ve presumably also managend to clear out all »benefit of doubt« reservations thoroughly …

    2. Rainer Weikusat says:

      Opinions are necessarily subjective.

      1. Nihilists reject the objective/subjective division. This puts an interesting wrinkle on things.

        1. Vigilance says:

          It doesn’t because all we ever experience directly is mental epiphenomena but the nihilist rejects all that so you end up with absolutely nothing, but no human really lives like that, so the only thing for a nihilist to do is start taking things on faith.

          1. Not quite correct. The nihilist rejects mental epiphenomena as things in themselves, and instead opts for a pattern recognition approach to accuracy/reality (the adult version of “true”).

            1. Vigilance says:

              That’s not nihilism for one. As an approach to knowledge it’s closest to epistemological idealism.

              1. Its basis is in nihilism, or a radical skepticism — but directed toward humanity as well as external objects.

                1. Vigilance says:

                  I hardly see how radical skepticism could terminate at any point to give ground for this to be true. Certainly the next question in line for the skeptic is this “if mental epiphenomena are not things in themselves, then how can we know they themselves or patterns within them, reflect things in themselves if we cannot experience otherwise?” A committed nihilist is force to put that on the chopping block as well.

              2. Rainer Weikusat says:

                That’s terminology hijackism used as cover for talkative nonsensicalism, the usual mode of operation of “university philosphers”: As soon as people pose question which cannot possibly be answered, eg, “Does God exist?”, “Do we have a free will?” or “Assuming Helen Keller is alone in the woods and gets hit by a tree, does this make a sound?”, they’re in “If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit” territory: You have to do what you consider »acting« based on the assumption that you’re sense convey an accurate representation of real reality because anything else would be a definition of madness.

                As far as I know, »nihilism«, as originally intended, referred to rejecting the traditional, hierarchical order of society and its associated value system(s) on the grounds that »the bearded guy with big stick« won’t punish you either in this life or in some other life. As Nietzsche discovered, a lot of what people do is about exercising power in one form or another as this makes them feel good. Rejection is an extremly cheap form of exercising power as it demands nothing but a negative attitude from the person excercising it. Nihilism aka “ultimate rejection” is thus a very sexy term and whoever wants to discuss some kind of “How many needles can dance on the tip of an angel” question will seek to use it.

                1. Rainer Weikusat says:

                  As someone’s bound to misinterpret this: This is not a comment on the book as I haven’t read it.

                2. Vigilance says:

                  I’ve never seen philosophy professionals treat terms so flippant as nihilism is treated around here but hey I’m just some guy. Nihilism has an obvious romantic appeal to certain personalities and the temptation to hoist it’s flag in service of some other positions is very real.

        2. Rainer Weikusat says:

          Nihilists reject the objective/subjective division.

          I’ve read that a couple of times. But this doesn’t make much sense. Eg, there’s no way an IPsec phase1 SA negotiaton with an iOS initiator can recover from a lost XAuth reply cleanly as there’s no way to get the initiator to send the lost information again. That’s a fact. In my opinion, this is a serious deficiency: I’m dealing with the server side of this (strictly speaking, that’s a misnomer as IPsec is symmetric in this respect), people whose VPN “doesn’t work” complain to me and not to Apple (simplified) but I can’t help them. The Apple guys working on the iOS/ OS X IKE code obviously don’t think it’s serious as the problem wouldn’t exist otherwise.

          There’s an objective aspect here, namely, the behaviour of the code. And at least two different opinions about that.

          1. Eg, there’s no way an IPsec phase1 SA negotiaton with an iOS initiator can recover from a lost XAuth reply cleanly as there’s no way to get the initiator to send the lost information again. That’s a fact.

            Facts do not come without conditionals. First, they must be recognized; second, there is the time scale; second, there is that someone sufficiently talented can work around it (the hacker ethos, versus the Silicon Valley ethos). The first is where the difference between subjective and objective is dissolved.

            Your thinking is alarmingly robotic though. Do you think technology did this to you?

            The Apple guys working on the iOS/ OS X IKE code obviously don’t think it’s serious as the problem wouldn’t exist otherwise.

            Use Apple, lose everytime.

            1. Rainer Weikusat says:

              Facts […] must be recognized;

              People must recognize facts in order to deal sensibly with them. Someone in a house of mirrors who doesn’t recognize a physical obstacle in front of him will end up running into it. The obstacle doesn’t care.

              1. People must recognize facts in order to deal sensibly with them.

                Not entirely, and in fact, that is not how most people work, especially those in the sciences.

                1. Rainer Weikusat says:

                  If »most people« could see what they didn’t expect to see beforehand, they’d presumably rather think they were going mad rather than adjust their expectations [SCNR].

                2. Rainer Weikusat says:

                  ‘Classic’ example: The notion that the earth must be flat. That’s easily disprovable by observation as the top of something sufficiently distant becomes visible before its base. Which didn’t stop generation of ‘intelligent people’ from assuming otherwise (and burning the odd heretic who dared to trust his senses more than the established authority).

      2. Imposition says:

        By definition. Atoms don’t have opinions.

    3. ass ass ass ass says:

      The album really is horrible. Butt’n’roll understanding of progression, parody lyrics, intentionally horrible singing. My “constructive tip” would be to get some Hurriganes albums and switch to three chord rock. I mean, you already have a steady chug and a juicy, bassy sound to get the butts moving, and your singer can’t growl anyway. This is how good your “Lindisfarne” could sound if you dropped the dark mystical metal pretense:

  12. Anthony says:

    This album is like [insert gay sex act here]. Bla bla bla flowing black metal bla bla bla Gothenburg bla bla bla mimetic whispers bla bla bla [insert other gay sex act here but this time involving poop] bla bla bla [insert fellating of boring Sammath and/or Desecresy side project here].

  13. better dead than funderground says:

    Instead of constant SMR’s, what do you think about a “trash can” list of disposable music released this month? It’s not worth listening to any of these bands and analyzing the details that make it shit. Music has become so redundant now you could just list off the crap to the audience and have a link to an archive band that does the job better for anyone who likes music more poses.

    1. Tell the labels to stop releasing everything and return to actually encouraging bands to develop their material. Most installments of Sadistic Metal Reviews are the combined fruit of multiple listening sessions.

      1. return to actually encouraging bands to develop their material

        Indeed. Bring back the demo tape and two-year wait before even thinking of having it hit vinyl…

      2. better dead than funderground says:

        That’s true. After all, someone is making money on this. The labels should be held more accountable for the streams of sonic diarrhea which plague the air.

        1. …or the fans should

          1. Pro Eugenics says:

            The problem IS the fans. Metal is not being propelled because the fans are making the music. They weren’t content just being fans and wanted to be apart of the music. But because they really are just fans, all they can do is distill all of their favorite aspects of their favorite artists, ditch any remnants of personality and innovation, and opt for total metal worship instead of actually making metal music. That or the artists are now designing their music for the fans (being forced to or otherwise…). The genre is no longer in the hands of the innovators, but is now held by the fans. This leaves metal sort of up for grabs (because it’s gone public) so most of the people who claim to be innovating within the genre don’t actually like metal music, they just ran out of ideas on how to make their own music interesting upon its own merits so they appropriate fetishized metal elements to freshen their stale material, without understanding or caring about the genre really is, but pretending to have one foot in the door when really they can only see through a foggy window.

            1. The genre is no longer in the hands of the innovators, but is now held by the fans.

              This is a process called entropy, and happens over time to anything that the herd discovers.

              When metal was suppressed, it thrived because the entry requirements for fans and bands were higher. And even then, they were not that high.

              1. S.C. says:

                Yes what you say is logical. Interesting that you would term it “entropy”. Not to say I think you’re wrong for saying so, but this idea enforces (like your saying that the line between objectivity and subjectivity isn’t really there) that chaos and order aren’t really different. Just two phases of the same wave.

            2. Rainer Weikusat says:

              These “two kinds of people” approach, a group of so-called ‘fans’, entirely passive consumer animals supposed to shut the fuck up and eat whatever is put onto the plate for them, and a group of professional know-it-all-betters who ‘innovate’ sellable products, is a typical trait of the mainstream music industry. Metal has never been like this or was never supposed to be like this, it was always about people creating music inspired by music they like, IOW, fans with bands. This also meant that something relatively crude but honest used to be preferred over something slick, professional and vacuous, only intended for consumption (side note to Mr “I am the black 1990s!”: While I have no first-hand experience for the period 1991 – 2015, I do have it for some earlier years and this is also amply documented).

              Considering this, I propose an alternative explanation to your “Metal fans are uncreative dumbasses making bad music based on the delusion of being artists” idea: There’s too much professionalisation, that is, rationalized production of lowest common denominator stuff which sells, already, and too little involvement by people whose heart is really behind what they’re doing.

              Nice quote I found somewhere: I like the idea of writing a song as if it were a story, with as little repetition as possible. Start with a opening statement, and then keep creating until you come to a conclusion. I’m not going to provide a source for this as I didn’t listen to the music yet (and as I’m also not keen on learning more thatcore labels) but “we shall see”.

              1. S.C. says:

                Okay so first I will begin by defining some terms as I would define them.
                Fans: those who worship a genre or scene, putting their money and time and energy into loving the music and bands, but are incapable of actually furthering the music itself. They see the triumphs of others as perfection. They see their favorite artists as infallible and they themselves are effectively below the artists.
                Innovators: those whose creativity is brimming and although they of course love, support and are influenced by the music of other’s, they cannot help but forge their own path and sound. They do not take the triumphs of others as ceilings, but rather foundations and they do not see others as above them.

                As all underground art movements begin, underground metal was originally being made and played for other metal musicians. It was music for musicians. Art for artists. So there was no need for pandering nor any regard. But now underground metal has become popular, (and within the minds of fans… defined) so the controlling interest has shifted from the artists to the fans. Now it’s up to the fans to keep this genre afloat (not necessarily moving, but just not sinking) and so they do the best they can, but their best is replication. And of course the bigger labels are getting paid, but they wouldn’t have anything if the fans weren’t in control.

                1. Rainer Weikusat says:

                  That’s just the same false dichotomy restated. Speaking only for myself, I’m not a »fan« of anything, just unfraid of admitting when I like things.

                  1. S.C. says:

                    Well all dichotomys are false, but have truth in them. Black and white are real, but there is an infinity of color in between. Anyways, however you want to slice it, the genre in its general sense is no longer possessed by the musicians but by everyone else. Or the musicians have become happy to cater to everyone else, instead of to their own creative instincts.

  14. Necrotic Phlebotomism says:

    This edition of the SMRs was informative and useful. I like how say “This is a shite derivative of [band X & Y]” ‘Cos then I can check out the real shit!

    1. I concur. We need a “clone band” redirect.

      1. S.C. says:

        This would definitely be useful…

  15. 2Pacalyptic Raids says:

    How does something like that Cultes des Ghoules album even get made? A 100 minute concept album by a band that can’t write any riffs, let alone craft them into logical, powerful songs. It’s like Mortuary Drape and Master’s Hammer as interpreted by a bunch of dude’s with Down Syndrome.

    It’s a spectacular piece of shit.

    1. Morbideathscream says:

      Cultes des Ghoules showed promise on Haxan, but quickly declined into sub mediocrity afterwards. Same with Negative Plane, they had a great first album, but then they moved to Brooklyn and started hanging out with hipster fags and have released garbage ever since.

      1. S.C. says:

        “And have released garbage ever since”. Haha cause Negative Plane has had such a steady stream of releases since their first album.

        I liked their second album better. They expanded their sound and created a more deathly atmosphere. What makes them hipster post debut?

  16. Siege says:

    Will you shut your useless cock holster for one second Danny could not be possibly be more full of shit if I stabbed you in your trachea with a frozen turd arrowhead and allowed sepsis to proliferate..maybe try hitting the weights instead of type, type, typing away more useless garbage no one gives a fuck about with your cheeto dust encrusted fingers.

  17. Anthony says:

    Also that “boneheaded” Dismember album was better than anything on that Best of ’16 list except for maybe that Sorcier

    1. better dead than funderground says:

      You’re right. Dreaming in Red is a well written song, and the music video is “interesting”.

    2. Morbideathscream says:

      They just don’t make them like they used to. There’s still some good metal out there, but it will never be like it was in the 80’s and early 90’s.

  18. Rainer Weikusat says:

    Why did the Garroted SMRviews become so much better in the meantime? This is an unpleasant deathcore band and while my ability to recognize that (despite all your non-help) became better, they didn’t.

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