Sadistic #Metalgate Review: Bestial Evil – Infectious Cross (2016)

bestial evil infectious cross

This promotional contribution from the Social Justice Warrior-ridden Baltimore metal scene is terrible; it sounds like Pig Destroyer meets Christian metalcore. The anonymous local supplier bravely contributed a shocking report of a recent Bestial Evil show in Baltimore.

Shawn Wright knelt down of the floor of the Sidebar stage in Baltimore for Bestial Evil’s anti-fascist art performance. He wrestled the cassette tape of Mocking the Philanthropist roughly into his rectum in front of the glory hole drilled into the wall. Nick knelt at the other side and pushed a freshly frozen bowel movement through the drilled hole. Both licked it up and down with glee. Meanwhile on Shawn’s side of the divide, Evan and Kevin’s undersize penises convulsed and flailed with an almost seizure like intensity at the coprophilic site. They began to slap Shawn’s face. At times their pale members seemed to shift back and forth from one cheek to the other. A junkie crowd gathered almost immediately to watch Shawn suck and stroke these boys, interwining the shafts like a pair of pit-vipers. They were confused, or concerned, or shocked, or aroused, or all of the above. But no-one dared interfere with the performance. Shawn’s long, dyed with Just For Men hair hung down, concealing his face like a curtain around a hospital bed. No one had any idea that Kevin and Evan’s glans were revolving under his ruby tongue piercing. They soon burst and smeared their flaxen cream across Shawn’s double chin. Running his hand through his rentboy frosted tips, Nick with his hand stuffed crassly down the front of his pants exclaimed, “This is beautiful, this is art!”

Shawn lapped at the semen and said it tasted metallic like the crystal meth Bestial Evil had cooked up the prior day using the last of the CVS brand D cell batteries Kevin had looted in the riots last year. Evan and Kevin took drags off a cigarette butt picked up off the ground. Nick burst onstage, his face brown with melted feces and bleach blond hair milky with ejaculate. “Kevin is blackface okay when you use a black guy’s shit instead of shoe polish?”

“Of course as it humiliates the colonizing white slavers instead of the downtrodden and whipped African slaves.” lectured Kevin as he rolled the shit stick twice the size of his penis across Nick’s effeminate face. Jacob prepared Shawn’s asshole for the reparations using his drumsticks. He could only pry it a little wider before blood poured in from the wrecked rectal walls. The tape had to be pushed in deeper for the symbolic act to follow.

Evan stood in front of the gaping ravine. He was about to shoot up the last of his stash. Jamming the needle into the dorsal vein on the underside of his penis, his spent member instantly hardened. As he pressed down on the syringe, injecting the hot liquid heroin into his bloodstream, semen and blood surged forth from the tip of his engorged member. He aimed the mixture, red and white like a barbershop pole, deep into Shawn’s gaping pit covering the cassette and lubricating the quivering intestinal walls before collapsing onto the stage floor littered with fast food wrappers and rat droppings. Some of the sanguine ejaculate landed on Jacob’s hands which he licked off with glee before placing a rare, original No Colours Records CD of Facta Loquuntur gently atop Shawn’s intergluteal cleft for this ultimate anti-fascist demonstration.

Kevin held Shawn’s legs up in the air in a v-shape while Jacob continued prying open the rectum ever wider. Nick’s body was completely covered with thick, muddy shit. With his frosty plumage stiffened into a Roman legionary crest from his own dried semen, he looked like Wesley Snipes in Demolition Man but smelled like Jim Carrey in Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls. He was ready.

Evan emerged from backstage holding a huge almost two feet long, thick frozen turd of Kevin’s. Kevin’s measly three inch member could never hope to perform in a tense situation such as this in front of all of Bestial Evil’s four fans. Evan handed the sacred cultic bowel movement over to Nick to perform the symbolic act. This would be the black nails for Shawn’s human St. Peter’s Cross.

Nick grasped the bisexual black man’s turd with both hands and walked behind Shawn, now held upside down with his legs split into a V shape with ankles held at his sides by Kevin and Evan. Shawn’s asshole was now a giant, foot-wide red sore with the National Socialist black metal CD atop it. Nick held the stiff black shit up before the small crowd and thrust the ritual fecal phallus onto the CD like a pestle to a mortar. The Aryan polycarbonate was no match for the shit stiffened by the black power of left wing social righteousness. The CD shattered, sending shards of sharp plastic deep into Shawn’s intestinal walls, pouring blood over the edges of the sacred buttock chalice, into the plastic cups of the four fans who gulped down the hot, rapidly coagulating foul mixture. The blood lubricated the entry of the firm, frozen fecal dildo deep into Shawn’s shorn, pale body. Nick pushed it all the way in using the palms of both hands, perforating Shawn’s intestines as Longinus pierced the side of Christ.

Intermingled screams of pain and pleasure filled the Sidebar dungeon. Shawn shouted “I AM THE WHITE AMERICAN CHRIST! I ATONE FOR THE SINS OF THE PRIVILEGED! BLACKS, MY CRUCIFIXION IS YOUR REPARATION!”

Infectious Cross is the gospel of your liberation from oppression! Bestial Evil are Baltimorean apostles!”

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42 thoughts on “Sadistic #Metalgate Review: Bestial Evil – Infectious Cross (2016)”

  1. Altarboys of Madness says:

    tl;dr : a Baltimore band fuck around with poop, penises, blood, semen. They have White guilt.

  2. Matt Risnes says:

    This site went from thoughtful counterpoint to mainstream metal reporting to angry, dementia-riddled grandfather who needs to be forcibly placed in a home so fast it made my head spin. Good god. One day you’re posting detailed think pieces and fact based journalism, the next it’s all pictures of excrement and calling everybody gay. Woof.

    1. ay lmao says:

      This is fact based journalism. Bestial Evil are really, really gay and shitty. The thing about them actually touching a metal album is probably not true, but every news article has little mistakes like that.

    2. Poser Patrol says:

      Part of the reason I love this site is that articles like this exist alongside formal musical analyses and metal philosophy articles.

      Homoerotic metal fiction has been a part of ANUS/DMU since the beginning. You must be new.

      1. Matt Risnes says:

        Yes, I suppose I am new. This stuff reminds me of Knowles Blade 2 review. I’m not offended by it or anything, just embarrassed for the author.

        1. Misanthrope says:

          I know what you mean. Reviews like this reveal more about the author than they do about the material under review. It’s quite sad to see this site go downhill from such a promising start. But I guess metalheads, sorry “hessians”, of all stripes are still drama queens at heart.

          1. Wolfgang says:

            It has already been pointed out that articles like this one are older than the internet itself. It’s ok if you don’t like it, or don’t get it, and maybe you missed the years, but it’s not a reason to say that “the site is going downhill”.

            Still, this article is much less disturbing than the mainstream/SJW metal websites’ praise of a certain J-Pop band.

            1. I blew my head off like Per Ohlin says:

              It’s not just mainstream metal sites, but even youtubers like Coverkillernation are on the Babymetal bandwagon.
              In his recent video, he’s told everyone to just accept the band even if you dislike them.

    3. Vigilance says:

      You realize prozak wrote three essays on Black Witchery’s gay/scat fetishism right?

  3. Ludvig Boysen says:

    This article is terrible.
    0 / 5.

  4. Dawn of Poosession says:

    I’m not gay or anything but this gave me a chub

  5. Roger says:

    10/10. Don’t listen to Ludvig IlikeBoysen.

  6. OliveFox says:

    They had a blurb about the shit dildo in the Sun. I think they mentioned Adam Jones being in attendance.

  7. horrible dick and ball torture says:

    They did stuff like this 10~15 yrs ago dawg; anyone remember the Black Witchery scat orgy article?

    1. The Cult of Brown is an all time classic.

    2. Vigilance says:

      Ha,i didn’t realize you commented daw(n)g with the same thing.

    3. Poser Patrol says:

      let’s not forget the Metallica anal article:

      1. C.M. says:

        Ninja star broach, hahahahaha…

  8. Altarboys of Madness says:

    Bestial Evil — but don’t worry, it’s evil but in a safe-space kind of way where all people from all walks of life can safely share in the evil. It’s a non-oppressive evil.

    1. Bestial Evil doesn’t slaughter the innocent and massacre the weak; they hand out food stamp vouchers and free needles.

      1. bung butter says:

        When you get down to the Bestial part of it, Evil is actually pretty nice and socially conscious.

        Also there was the Pantera Story Contest.

    2. Rob says:

      The only bestial band that matters is Bestial Warlust. Anything else requires a gender unspecified safe space.

  9. Shawn Right says:

    we are not core you nazis, we are “LASHING DEATH METAL” our genre is our prerogative

    1. Rum, sodomy, and the lash.

    2. McDonald's AIDS says:

      Your band sucks and sounds like Chimaira or some other MTV 2 band playing Kreator Extreme Aggression songs with phoned in extreme vocals. What is the pentagram in your logo even for?

      Dislike here:

      1. McDonald's AIDS says:

        And also wasn’t there already a Bestial Evil band? I’m sure they sucked but at least they don’t pride themselves on promoting censorship.

        Generic band names. What’s next? Sinister Corpse and Morbid Throne?

        1. C.M. says:

          Goatblood Necrosodomy

  10. Can you survive the blitzkrieg says:

    I saw Black Witchery at the ill fated Rites of Darkness 3 and the lead gobbler was ranting and screaming about people not liking his band and that they should leave in a defensive whiny voice that no growl talking could hide the hurt, someone said they were bitching about Brett and that he was actually at the show, for a bunch of bestial tuff Satan nuns they sure handled the situation like a bitchy hardcore band, in fact a hardcore band might actually beat someone’s ass, this was handled in emo fashion

  11. the real shawn wright plz stand up says:

    look mother fuckers,the time of the great cleansing is almost at hand,all your fascist dicks are going to be forcibily sucked and snowballed up a nazi skinheads asshole to prove we are the most evil fucking band on the face of the earth,any of you fagot bashers got a problem with me cum meet up at the sidebar,i’ll be getting fucked in the ass by Travis Hunt while is fat gut plops up and down on my lower back.,… i’m ready to suck the soul out of the dick of any nazi mother fucker who wants sum shit,bring it on cupcake

  12. Actual Kevin Rucker says:

    “Guest Contributor?” It’s weird how people complain about ‘censorship’ but are too afraid to associate themselves to their opinions when they actually have a platform to speak their mind. Coward is as coward does, lol. This was a decent read, though. Like a Goosebumps book or something. Not sure if it was intended to be written at a middle school reading level, or that’s just the pinnacle of the artistic skillset of the author.

    -Kevin “Undersized Penis” Rucker

  13. Actual Kevin Rucker says:

    The comments on this site need to be approved, but you complain about censorship? The irony is so delicious

    1. All comments are usually approved except for spam.

      1. Actual Kevin Rucker says:

        A very likely story.

  14. TheSlime says:

    You are scum and a coward..posting bigotry like this but too afraid to even reveal your identity!! Yellow belly!!! Own up to your bigotry if you’re going to flaunt it you mongo dick!!!!

  15. chris says:

    Where’s your pride author? Are you not proud of your work? Why are you hiding your name? Weak shit. I think whats most humorous of this style of music in general is how fucking weak “metalheads” are. Dweeby weaklings that love to romance the ideas of violence themed by their music but probably couldn’t even knock a jaw off of a man tied to a chair. Brings back the teen age years when tripp pants wearing obnoxious assholes always try and “intimidate” people with their greasy long hair and black clothing, brandishing knives and mean mugging the world, only to have their fucking asses handed to them by just about anyone willing. You will always be a bitch dog in heat until you own this shit. And how I see it, you and your metal friends need to learn to be confrontational in your daily lives. I don’t know this band or even am from Baltimore, maybe they are some weak mother fuckers too. but as far as this bucket of shit you are trying to stir, you made yourself look like a demented pussy by staying anonymous. Just keeping it real on your dumb ass. Fuck outta here.

    1. C.M. says:

      LOL, wtf does this even mean dude?

      “Dweeby weaklings that love to romance the ideas of violence themed by their music but probably couldn’t even knock a jaw off of a man tied to a chair.”

      The projection in this comment is so real it actually popped out of my screen and poked me in the eye.

  16. Tim Snodgrass says:

    After hours seated in front of his computer screen, eyes-closed, licking his lips, “Guest Contributor” released a sigh of relief as he clicked the post button. “Finally, I can be freed from these impure thoughts!”, rolling up his sleeves to reveal a detailed tattoo of the members of Bestial Evil surrounded by a heart. “Guest” kisses his tattoo and smiles smugly to himself hoping that this final gesture would get the attention of the targets of his misplaced affection

  17. Zack Ohler says:

    Wow, almost cut myself on this EDGY ass post. Smh it’s bullshit like this that makes the metal scene seem so corny. This post is almost as damaging to the scene as pay-to-play shows for Extremely Retarded. Gr8 b8 m8. I r8 8/8. Would’ve been nice to read an actual album review though

  18. Joe says:

    Where can I see this live?

    1. Matt says:

      Sidebar. Duh.

  19. Nick says:

    Shawn uh, you’re nothing but a pawn. You think you have gold when you really have bronze. Your screams suck, your technique is gone, mine are better, your hair looks like it got struck by nasty weather…What!? Kevin, you’re a slut you probably love it in the butt, you’re a bitch, stop relying on pedals to make your guitar stay in pitch. Jacob……Fuck you, babes and no shoes are what you do but, you’re a poser who listens to the grateful dead too?! Evan don’t think I forgot about you, your blast beats could be compared to a loud messy poo while your bass kicks sound like 20 dirty dicks slopping around on a floppy fat bitch. In all seriousness though, I love these guys as people and as band mates and know that each one of them brings a certain spice to this band. That’s just undeniable. Trust that we put on a damn good show for whoever is into honest, heavy, beautiful extreme metal. Just listen to the album for fuck sake and make the connection as to why someone would go so far out of their way to trash a band they don’t know. I mean they left a link to bestial evil’s music at the bottom of the page, So at that point, I’d just call them a fan :)

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