BLASPHAMAGOATACHRIST – Tyrannic Empire (2017)

Review contributed to Death Metal Underground by Lucius Vorenus.

BLASPHAMAGOATACHRIST is the kind of music that’s so stupid that it has to have a cult following…

Tyrannic Empire is a fucking retard beer can smashing album for people whose sole political opinion is that it should be okay to say “faggot” in a genuinely derisive manner while using your Canadian tar sands money to buy every male sex toy on the Amazon wishlist of the tranny you fantasize about proposing to over Big Bites and a six pack of Mickey’s.

War metal is a scene such that a pudgy, middle-aged bald guy can prance onstage in the gas mask he gets flogged in on Fridays to try to score a Hepatitis C infection from a thirty something industrial goth fan with facial piercings. Him fucking up the two to three chord bouncy hardcore riffs as he took a hit right before the set won’t matter as long as he can make the noises female hippopotamuses utter during childbirth while shouting out how he is a “totally unfuckwithable” member of the master race between songs even though he’s goal for the night is to eat out a “woman” who would be considered a hideous health hazard even on a British Antarctic research station.

Here’s a hot take: almost all war metal sucks, and the scene is predominantly funded by disability checks and construction money. Even 3 Inches of Blood purvey the spirit of warfare better than all these bestiality-minded, pig-fucker bands.

Hey man check out my war metal album! I decided I wanted it to sound like how my Canadian girlfriend’s skin tastes after she gets done working on oil rigs. Maybe if we go big playing this totally boring style where we write three new thrash riffs in our whole careers, I can get with more fat dysfunctional metal chicks with cow tits melting over their fat fucking guts obscuring their groin acne and because we’re PRIMITIVE man. Shit yes I’ll fuck a tranny, I’ll fuck a dog, I’LL FUCK ANYTHING THAT MOOVES *SOUND OF BULL GETTING RAPED*

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35 thoughts on “BLASPHAMAGOATACHRIST – Tyrannic Empire (2017)”

  1. E T E R N A L says:

    The problem is the quiet voice, cannot be heard amid the racket of beer cans (as you say) and construction sounds. This leaves only the non-eradicated diseases such as typhoid (tho even this to soon enough) to enthrall. Wearing the mask will not do, we need more concentration of minds (and firepower!) to settle the issue. Soon we will all be enthralled by disease (or should that be dis-ease?) prospects, much like the summer rain which never comes, like tomorrow, or the promise of city and safety to the blind refugee. In sum, the more we harbor the contraptions of our own downfall in our hearts, the less the world can listen. War metal? More like BORE METAL!!

    1. intpaki says:

      To be fair, you have to have a very high IQ to understand Blasphemy. The humour is extremely subtle, and without a solid grasp of active nihilism most of the jokes will go over a typical viewer’s head. There’s also Caller’s nihilistic outlook, which is deftly woven into his characterisation- his personal philosophy draws heavily from Dr. Dre ft. Ice Cube – Natural Born Killaz (Dirty) (Official Video) HD, for instance. The fans understand this stuff; they have the unemployment benefits to truly appreciate the depths of these jokes, to realise that they’re not just funny- they say something deep about BEING A WHITE SUPREMACIST AND COLLECTING SOCIAL SECURITY. As a consequence people who dislike war metal truly ARE idiots- of course they wouldn’t appreciate, for instance, the humour in Caller’s existential catchphrase “That Motorbike Noise At The End of Ritual,” which itself is a cryptic reference to Guevara’s Cuban epic Diarios de Motocicleta. I’m smirking right now just imagining one of those addlepated simpletons scratching their heads in confusion as The Traditional Sodomizer’s genius wit unfolds itself on the Goddess of Perversity. What fools.. how I pity them.

      And yes, by the way, i DO have a Conqueror tattoo. And no, you cannot see it. It’s for the ladies’ eyes only- and even then they have to demonstrate that they’re within 2 inches of my own (preferably lower) beforehand. Nothin personnel kid

      1. Cloaked Warlock says:

        The may-mays

      2. technical brutal progressive briandance says:

        *teleports behind you*

        Is this another vigtory?

  2. The General says:

    Right. Let’s get one thing straight. War metal is among the highest possible sonic and aesthetic combinations to have arisen within Black Metal, it’s also the most virile. If you want developed melodic sections, thrashy guitar riffs, keyboards etc and you DON’T like brutal vocals, and you CAN’T handle whatever’s on tap and are AFRAID to take your dick out and FUCK in front of your buds, then I suggest you make your way down to the glam-rock scene, you fuckin FAGGOT!!! Alright now who else is psyched up for BLASPHAMAGOATACHRIST??? show me some love NWN 4 LIFE!!!

    1. WarTimeSodomite says:

      Damn straight! NJ chapter here represent

    2. Morbideathscream says:

      There’s some killer bestial war metal and there’s some shitty bestial war metal.

  3. Psychic Psych Toad says:

    “Blasphamagoatachrist” is what you should say after someone sneezes!

  4. Marc Defranco says:

    I’m just wondering is there anything besides Desecresy this year that the writers actually enjoy? Just haven’t seen any other reviews giving any real praise this year or is the list coming at the end, or is there even enough releases for a list?

    1. I listen to Burzum's new ambient music and watch Thulean Perspective says:

      hey man don’t even be that negative i mean there has been heaps and heaps of first rate dutch black metal promoted here in the last year.

  5. Jock says:

    War metal is so bad. It’s misogynist, it’s racist, it’s unprofessional. It’s just everything that metal shouldn’t aspire to be. Blasphemy has no skill at all and to be frank is quite offensive to my artistic sensibilities. I really hope this scene just dies away so that metal can continue where legends like Chuck and Dime left off. Come on guys, alowing this in our scene is a big disservice to them. You know they wouldn’t want this!

    1. Chuck contracted AIDS through his degenerate sexual behavior.

      1. Jock says:

        That’s a bit judgemental don’t you think guy? he is the father of death metal you know

        1. Rainer Weikusat says:

          Regardless of this, Death is an awful band (has aged well — was already an awful band 30 years ago).

      2. Psychic Psych Toad says:

        From Dimebag…

      3. I listen to Burzum's new ambient music and watch Thulean Perspective says:

        I love to tell all the bear-metal listening that Chuck died of AIDS and watch their faces sink. It hasn’t got old in even 15 years.

    2. WarTimeSodomite says:

      Lol at the faggot

  6. Heinke Godte says:

    Dear Daniel Maarat:

    Is this music speed metal or death metal and do you think is good at all ?

    Solstice – 1992

    Thank you and have a great day !

  7. Dr. Khan says:

    This isn’t a review, it’s just a mildly amusing rant making fun of a lame album in a genre that has a lot of crap. Overall, pretty pointless.

    1. Rainer Weikusat says:


    2. WarTimeSodomite says:

      Lol its a lot of DMU butthurt for a below average album wouldn’t ya say?? Seems to me like a part of them wants to wear the war metal crown anyway, of course it wouldn’t fit on their skinny faggot heads but you can tell there’s that attraction deep down

    3. intpaki says:

      where can i listen to the album

    4. Ross says:

      No way man, this song rips, that first riff is just pure awesomeness on the first second and so are all the others in this song! This is fukin overkill on all fronts – I don’t care about band name if music is excellent! Anyway the name fits this audio-annihilation! If the rest of the songs will be like this one – I mean so viciously catchy/with great evil hooks – than the album will just obliterate! Amazing songwriting!

      1. Morrigan says:

        Your review has been approved for the Metal Archives.

  8. Mutiilated Mongo says:

    Why are you guys talking so much about “war metal” these days? Are you bored, insecure or need to find another dead horse to kick? It’s not like “war metal” actually qualifies as music anyway. When I first heard Conqueror, I was like “Ok, this is just one-riff through the entire album”. I’ve heard better nu-metal than this.

    I could make better music or faux-metal on fruity loops when drunk. It’s too stupid to even talk about, so to avoid accidently putting this stuff on a pedestal, just stop talking about it all-together. The silent treatment is the most painful one.

    1. Trysh Stero says:

      It is Friday. Get drunk tonight and make better music. Please upload to YouTube tomorrow and post the link here.

  9. I listen to Burzum's new ambient music and watch Thulean Perspective says:

    Speaking of homosexuality, how can fucking men even be gay? It’s really quite tough to want a bloke to fuck you in the ass?! Compare that with some fag who likes soft skin and luscious curves. Now that’s gay.

  10. Nick Gurrs says:

    Is there are a special guide for “Masturbation for Hessians”?

    1. conqueror & trannies says:

      Editor’s note: No porn links or be banned along with Imposition.

      NWN shop for Blasphemy gym shorts to stroke off in.

      1. WarPepe says:

        I heard this new Titus guy is a real cunt but better than that fucking Maarat poofter. Let’s hope good trolling opportunities keep presenting themselves otherwise we’re back to our day jobs

        1. Surjje says:

          Lmao dude theyre the same dude

  11. varg bikernudes says:

    only about 0.1% of war metal fags are the real deal. they are so fucking insecure they wouldnt even go within 20 feet of a tranny, let alone sodomize the butt for fear of feeling gay! they dont actually have any room in their studio apartments in vancouver for army rations and gas masks because the girlfriend dont wanna ruin the feng shui of the living room with their rob zombie movie posters. war metal quarterback has to sacrifice to be allowed to watch the patriots games during football season and get rested up for his apprentice laborer gig sweeping floors in shell canada control rooms

  12. Siege says:

    This site is truly sad state of affairs…between the near constant crying over bestial black metal and tmz style hand wringing where someone from the staff virtue signals the latest scene gossip to be in arms over….ssdistic metal reviews come off as trying too hard to offend whoever the butt of the “joke” is and offer nothing of real substances other than a pointless excercise in being a grotesque wordsworth with a sprinkling of gay jokes.

    Entire site has outrun any kind of real usefulness and no one wants to admit they just all hang around and develop moronic inside jokes and take lazy jabs at one another until all agree war metal “is gay” (insert pseudo intellectual musing on phrasal composition)

    Would be much better for you to stop this madness and return to your day job..never too late to salvage what shred of dignity and credebility you cling to desperately

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