COVID-19 — the bizarre virus from Wuhan, China that is part HIV, part bat flu, and part pure demonic evil — only attacks when we are having a good time, scientists have revealed. This necessitates the closing of all bars, pubs, restaurants, concert venues, and record stores, but not tax offices, tire shops, or proctologists.
Tags: alcoholism, covid-19, death metal, proctology, satire
As COVID-19 passes from terror into absurdity, Hammerheart Records is offering a free mask with any online order. It may work for viruses, but it certainly works well for armed robbery! You can also pick up low-cost versions of classic metal albums, many of which are pre-COVID-19 and so feature band photos without masks.
Tags: covid-19, hammerheart
As the sun goes down over this Los Angeles neighborhood, shouts rise up from the young men gathered behind a local import-export business. “Chupa mi cabra, pendejo! ¿Adónde vas, pinche cabrón?” Laughter and the clink of bottles follows. This is the nightly meeting of the local chapter of the “Mara Salvatrucha” gang, commonly known as MS-13.
Tags: branding, covid-19, ms-13
Moments after denying that the United States has gone into full panic over COVID-19, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) Director Robert Redfield announced a new protocol to permanently eradicate the coronavirus from America. “We must protect the uninfected, and the best way to do that is for the infected to commit violent suicide,” he said.
Tags: anthony fauci, covid-19, robert redfield, self-immolation
After the recent social media kerfuffle where Paul Ledney called out weaklings for their fear of the media hype over the COVID-19 pandemic, I reached out to the man to see where he stood on these comments and what he meant.
Tags: covid-19, paul ledney, profanatica
Every now and then, someone says (or writes) something so inane that the only proper response seems to be to quote the archly disturbing rant sampled in Necrophobic “Unholy Prophecies” from their 1993 melodic Swedish death metal album The Nocturnal Silence which goes something like this:
Tags: covid-19, dean koontz, death metal, i believe in the dark lord, necrophobic, Satanism, the nocturnal silence
Paul Ledney of Profanatica/Havohej presents one of those personalities who navigate the world by gut instinct but generally uncover more than they know at the time. Much as in his black metal career, in his role as cultural critic of the black metal scene, Ledney put his finger on the rot at the heart of the community with recent comments on the COVID-19 panic or pandemic.
Tags: covid-19, profanatica
While most of the world drools in panic at the fear that nature has finally engineered an appropriate comeuppance for humanity (namely, drowning in mucus) heavy metal and underground metal record labels have offered to keep our economy minimally functional through a series of sales on evil and antisocial metal music.
Tags: covid-19, sales
Metal exists in part to explain an insane world in a way that will not drive us insane, with starts by acknowledging that everything that groups of humans think is order is chaos, the “chaos” of nature is in fact an intense order, and that we are not insane for noticing that humanity is insane and needs a 2×4 to the head to wake up.
Tags: coronavirus, covid-19, sodomize the weak, spike protein
Krzysztof “Derph” Drabikowski from post-black metal band Batushka is the first infected person in his region, supposedly due to touring in the Western Europe.
Tags: Batushka, coronavirus, covid-19, krzysztof drabikowski, post-black metal