Molson Coors Brewing Company – Miller Lite

I went on a hike this week with a few of my colleagues to appreciate the forested beauty of the natural world. We eventually lit a fire and toasted some marshmallows and frankfurters. One of my fellow heshers was German and carried around a package of expired hot dogs during his hike that he intended to eat at room temperature. I convinced him to put aside his barbaric hunger and save the sausages for the evening cookout.

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Judas Priest – Painkiller (1990)

Article contributed to Death Metal Underground by George Psalmanazar, continuing his series of Judas Priest reviews.

Painkiller is Judas Priest‘s most consistent studio album coming out right after the band spent the entire decade of the 80s pandering to mainstream arena and glam rock fans. Slayer were a tremendous influence this time around; Judas Priest toured toured with them in the late 80s and subsequently listened to most of Slayer’s studio catalog. Painkiller there is a heavy metal album heavily influenced by the heaviest speed metal bordering on early death metal. Early power metal took a similar approach but in much more limp-wristed way.

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Community Activism: Make Google Translate Recognize Our Motto

In the past, this site — the Dark Legions Archive and its new extension in the Death Metal Underground — was once part of a larger site which we shall not name (which itself arose out of distant nerddom) and together, the users of those communities would come together to make change in the world.

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Sadistic Metal Reviews: Flush ‘Em All

Blood must be shed to atone for the sins of these mostly horrific recordings. Every single person who thought releasing these was a great idea should attempt to give themselves a self-swirlie while under the influence. Banging their head on the porcelain toilet tank lid will knock some sense into them or crack their skulls open. Hopefully the latter.

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Google Endorses Diversity, Multiculturalism, and Antisemitism

Google posted the above image to their homepage as the winner of their annual Doodle 4 Google contest. The picture was drawn by a high-school student who wanted to show that diversity and multiculturalism will let everyone live in peace together. Google endorses such preposterous delusions by selecting such social realism as the winner of their annual contest. Google wants the lazy, the crazy, and the insolent are allowed to loot the first world as they hope, like other multinational corporations that sell cheap crap (text ads), that more potential customers will equal more potential profits.

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Encenathrakh – Encenathrakh (2015)

Extremity is a term that has lost its meaning in the metal scene long ago, to the point where the most “extreme” acts are now by way of popular opinion mostly consisting of the knuckledragging mutants that churn out indistinguishable slam records with interchangeable logos and covers.

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“Kim Kelly’s Hand” Rehosted

The creators of the hilarious “Kim Kelly’s hand” Facebook fan page saved and emailed Death Metal Underground the unused pictures submitted to the page and the comedic captions on those already there. The page was accused by the Parents Music Resource Center of Facebook of being bullying despite Kim Kelly being an infamous public figure as a serially lying fake journalist. Since it made the crustfund communist cry, Death Metal Underground has of course decided to host the captioned pictures too funny for Facebook’s socialist worker’s paradise:

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Infamous / Winter Blackness – Symbols of Scarlet Revenge (2017)

Infamous have delivered us yet another split with a weaker but by no means incompetent band. Winter Darkness provide the almost filler this time on Symbols of Scarlet Revenge, playing somewhat generic, riff salad black metal that doesn’t really go anywhere special on this split has promise if they could unite the various parts together in order to express something greater than merely “We actually play black metal, we wrote riffs, they’re not random, and our music is not that so bad that it will make the Death Metal Underground editor press a power drill into his skull.”1 In their defense, Winter Blackness use RAC-like drumming, and songs that conserve sneering tension that sometimes resolves on “Demons of Winter Blackness” and leaves you wishing the band would explode on “Frozen Nocturnal Blood”. A slow burning match that burns out into darkness rather than lighting a fire is not the best way to conclude a record. At least Winter Darkness are way more aggressive than Gratzug’s half of the Infamous / Gratzug split.

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