SMR – Liberty Or Death: Feasting Upon The Vanquished

Liberty or Death is our main dilemma on this sadistic article: whoever is not willing to die for his freedom, is not worthy of it.

Freedom and apocryphal rites of bestial devastation are foundational imageries commonly associated with metal. On this article, we will try to face the Thing that Should not Be, understand why ‘to live is to die’, crush our enemies, see them driven before us and hear the lamentations of their women.

(more…)

17 Comments

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Dream Theater – Distance Over Time (2019)

If there is anything impressive about the music Dream Theater have been releasing for the past decade or so, it is the fact that just when one thinks they have reached a new nadir in pointless asinine cringe, they somehow manage to sink down to even further depths of banality with no apparent end in sight.

(more…)

32 Comments

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Desperate Earache records Signs Emo vocalist turned Street Rapper

As the money in modern metal continues to dry up despite various attempts to enter the mainstream through the hipster community. Useless label Earache records has resorted to signing Metalcore singer/guitarist and now Soundcloud rapper Alireza. This should come as no surprise since rap music has become the pop music of the 80s and the Earache fans at this point are pretty much the same people that download Iphone recorded rap. The reek of desperation and the constant barrage of race politics that have entered the commercial metal universe reaffirms the idea that Modern metal is heading towards its grave and it should be a fun ride as even more obvious cash-grabs will appear that will soon alienate the gullible hipster crowds.

(more…)

16 Comments

Tags: , , , , , ,

Atlantean Kodex Live Album is Bad

At first glance, this album boasts a cool cover and impressively long song lengths, making a strong first impression. Then I hit play. It didn’t take long to realize this is really, really bad live album. It is not tightly played at all. The two guitars are not in sync and neither are the drums. You have to suffer through really bad lyrics like: “Onward to the sun” and “Destiny is calling!”. Everything is really bad waltzy Sabbath imitation but really boring. I can fairly say that this album qualifies as epic German cheese. So of course it will be popular. The singer sounds like the guy who sang those Budweiser ads Real Men of Genius.
(more…)

16 Comments

Tags: , , , , , , ,

Watain – Trident Wolf Eclipse (2018)

Grammy-award wining artist Watain has shamelessly assumed the mantle of “most embarrassing band masquerading as black metal” previously shared by Dimmu Borgir and Cradle of Filth. Where the downfall of those two bands was an overdose of gothic and groove influences, Watain has managed to outdo both in both parody and bastardization of black metal with their previous album’s venture into country musical territory.  With a career built on celebrity guest spots from more capable underground metal musicians, necrophiliac 1st era Bathory Worship mixed with a second rate attempt to mimic Dissection’s concluding album, and a ridiculously cartoonist theatrical performance worthy of a Broadway musical, Watain’s legacy has been secured to forever be “the band that bent over farthest to inherit the phallus of commercialization the deepest” and has effectively decimated any hope of legitimacy the sub genre might have had in the post-90s.  With a brash new attestation in the form of Trident Wolf Apocalypse the truth could not possibly be more clear to any listener with knowledge of black and death metal: Watain are the biggest joke in all of black metal history.

(more…)

14 Comments

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Elegiac Black Clouds of War 2018

Elegiac is a one man band from California formed in 2014 by sole composer Zane Young, whom has released a large number of records under the name of Elegiac- far too much for any band yet alone a one man band.  Like many bands of this generation, Elegiac play a basic form of black metal that can be described as the bastard child of Bathory, Satanic Warmaster and generic modern rock.  This is not what one expects from USBM at all despite their promo toting this release as the return of the micro genre’s glory days.
(more…)

10 Comments

Tags: , , , , ,

Sadistic Metal Reviews: Chevy Chase Chainsaw Massacre

Twas the 5th day before Christmas, and all through the house, the creatures stared concerned and suddenly in need of psychiatric therapy.  My wife said I have that crazy look in my eye, as my boss had jipped me on my Christmas bonus- the holiest thing of the American middle class baby boomer.  The urge to kill left me trembling, barely able to stand, and I frantically raced to the garage and grabbed my chainsaw and son’s hockey mask.  As the voices got louder, I found myself speaking in tongues- vocalizing a string of obscenities as if possessed by otherworldly entities.  In an attempt to quiet the deafening commands to kill, I remembered that death metal was an outlet that had saved me years before.  But it was 2017, and I did not know what the new death metal sounded like.  But I had heard that Bandcamp were going to save the world with their social justice, so I thought I would listen to the top selling death metal bands on the first page of Bandcamp.  Surely they had the most sales, and therefore were the most trustworthy, and true to the old death metal sound.  I decided to download all 8 albums and burn to CD to listen to on my Walkman CD player.  But when I heard…. when I heard… when I heard…

(more…)

14 Comments

Tags: , , , , , , ,

Classic reviews:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z