Weathering the Storm as a Republican Metalhead

November 8th, 2016.  Manhattan, NY.  Election night.  I was there.

Wading back and forth between a crowd of suits and red hats gathered outside the Fox News building on 6th ave and a similar group gathered a few blocks north outside the Hilton hotel where the soon-to-be President-Elect was present, I celebrated ecstatically as electoral college results came in showing my favorite politician on the cusp of capturing the presidency.  All of us were over the moon with excitement and bliss, particularly because New York City had seldom presented a place where support of the man the media branded as Hitler 2.0 could be expressed openly.

While walking home and passing virtually every media truck parked for a mile along the road where America’s next President prepared his victory speech, a young NPR reporter excitedly rushed over to me with her microphone and cameraman after seeing the ridiculous “Trump 2020” pins on my shirt.  I agreed to her request for interview and explained why I thought Trump’s non-interventionist foreign policy and realist economic objectives would benefit the country’s middle and working classes.  Admitting her surprise to learn that I was a compliance director working near Wall St. and not the basic redneck Trump voter the media had branded us as, she asked if I was excited about the likelihood of supporting Trump being more socially acceptable now that he was president.  “Yeah” I said “It finally won’t be taboo now!”

We could not have been more wrong.
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Indie Blog Laments as Maryland Deathfest is Mainstreamed

The hilarious leftist parody of metal will be celebrated in force this weekend as Maryland Deathfest completes its transformation into Coachilla-lite. While it’s been painfully obvious that all festival culture has gone fully mainstream as futureless millennials continue to spend money they don’t have on things they don’t need there are still many in the hipster sphere that can’t grasp the loss of counter culture to the mainstream. Maryland Deathfest continues this trend with praise from mainstream propaganda editorial Newsweek and lamentations from liberal snowflake blog Invisible Oranges occurring in the same week.

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Invisible Oranges Interviews Fred Estby

Fred Estby Hawking T-Shirts

Hipster metal blog Invisible Oranges, who put women bragging about how attractive they are over the music, have posted an interview with Fred Estby of Dismember. Fred reveals pertinent information about the drum recording conditions in Sunlight Studios and the small knobs amidst the fluff. Invisible Oranges also included a version of that one promotional picture of Fred that’s seemingly attached to every interview with him.

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#Metalgate: Invisible Oranges and MetalSucks Outraged Over Destroyer 666 NYC Show

metalsucks staff

Hipster metalcore websites Invisible Oranges and MetalSucks were outraged again over Destroyer 666‘s stage banter. Invisible Oranges was surprised that their hipster photographer was getting knocked around trying to take pictures from the middle of the mosh pit in a sold-out small club while Vince Neilstein MetalSucks whined about Destroyer 666 “fat shaming” Axl Rosenberg’s man tits. Cock rock and conservative politics represent a direct threat to their shtick selling social justice. Actual metal’s refusal to be deluded by their leftist revolutionary narrative as gullible minorities and unskilled workers unwilling to uplift themselves were threatens their raison d’etre of peddling corporate, lowest common denominator commodities. The underground‘s elitism is inherently conservative and leads to the eventual rejection of the bland and incompetent by the forgetful mainstream. Scapegoating to prop up metalcore and urban lumberjack atmospheric noise is another feeble attempt at a scenester Cultural Revolution.

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