Stoner Rock Is Not “Doom Metal”

Earlier this year, independent music distribution platform Bandcamp claimed that many stoner rock bands are in fact doom metal. This is a common logical fallacy based around associating the pace and instrumental tone of the music with actual musical content. The stoner “doom” trend of bands that started in the late 90s and early 2000s and has continued non-stop right up until the present almost twenty years later was one of the earliest hipster attempts to assimilate heavy metal before the waves of speed, death, and now black metal aesthetics rehashed into pop rock for the safe space generation.

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Calgary Music Venue Takes Bait & Bans Black Pussy

black pussy

Trolling stoner rockers Black Pussy had their upcoming September 17th show in Calgary canceled by the Palomino Club after “feminist arts festival” Femme Wave canceled their upcoming events to be held there, believing the band’s troll name to be a “micro-aggression” toward The Vagina Monologues, riot girl punk, and sock monkeys made of used tampons. The venue decided that banning a band from performing would protect the “diversity” of the Calgary music scene in a typical display of “burning the village to save the village” logic no different from Robespierre’s “Committee of Public Safety”.

Sadistic Metal Reviews: Pushing It All Out

unicorn poop

The Sadistic Metal Reviews are were we squeeze all the empty calories out of our guts into easily digestible packages for readers’ amusement. The leftovers are distributed to starving third world children to hasten their Malthusian death through infection with the type of drug-resistant bacteria that can only thrive in a Honey Bun.

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#Metalgate: Vice Backed Indie Bands Drop Out of Pentagram Tour as Publicity Stunt

bobby liebling

Two indie female-fronted bands (Wax Idols and King Woman) have dropped off pseudo-metal, psychedelic rock band Pentagram’s ongoing tour, breaking their separate agreements with promoters. The women in both bands were surprised when ex-junkie Pentagram frontman Bobby Liebling hit on them. The news of this passive-aggressive move being broken by Vice, both indie bands being backed by Vice, and subsequently embarking on a Vice-funded tour reeks of self-aggrandizing unprofessionalism.

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