I have no way of knowing if anyone will read this letter. It joins the others which have been hidden in the knot-hole of the ancient tree on top of the mountain that locals simply call “the big one,” to which I make a daily pilgrimage. My life has become oriented around what I can only describe as a portal to the future.
2 CommentsThe Haarslev PB30/60 As Big As The Ritz
Dennis Emmental hated being late because it revealed to everyone how little he wanted to be there. Slipping past the creaky back door, he took his place in the line at OptiFood. Orders came from the digital kiosk at the drive-thru and Dennis had twenty-four seconds to assemble the ingredients for the OptiMeal:
- Chinese: steak|chicken|fish, Szechuan sauce, noodles, lettuce, pepper, peanuts, onion
- Mexican: beef|chicken, cheese 1, Picante sauce, lettuce, pepper, Guacamole sauce, sour cream
- Italian: beef|chicken, Diable sauce, noodles, pepper, lettuce, onion, cheese 2
- Thai: beef|chicken, cheese 1, noodles, Picante sauce, Szechuan sauce, pepper, onion
- Murican: beef|chicken, cheese 2, Diable sauce, bread 11, Gaucamole sauce, cheese 1, lettuce
- European: steak|chicken|fish, lettuce, pepper, sour cream, cheese 2, onion, bread 11
He and his cohorts were dumping ingredients in the short, stout, beaker-shaped commemorative plastic buckets used to serve the twenty-four ounce meals. The store was open twenty-four hours a day, and had a thirty-eight percent turnover rate at a six month interval. The owners were unconcerned; they had reached the point where it took a million bucks just to think about suing them, and everyone knew that most of their employees were retards and flakes and so just laughed off their complaints.
17 CommentsTags: cheese, evil, fiction, god, immortality, Satan, sodomy
Sadistic Metal Reviews: Chevy Chase Chainsaw Massacre
Twas the 5th day before Christmas, and all through the house, the creatures stared concerned and suddenly in need of psychiatric therapy. My wife said I have that crazy look in my eye, as my boss had jipped me on my Christmas bonus- the holiest thing of the American middle class baby boomer. The urge to kill left me trembling, barely able to stand, and I frantically raced to the garage and grabbed my chainsaw and son’s hockey mask. As the voices got louder, I found myself speaking in tongues- vocalizing a string of obscenities as if possessed by otherworldly entities. In an attempt to quiet the deafening commands to kill, I remembered that death metal was an outlet that had saved me years before. But it was 2017, and I did not know what the new death metal sounded like. But I had heard that Bandcamp were going to save the world with their social justice, so I thought I would listen to the top selling death metal bands on the first page of Bandcamp. Surely they had the most sales, and therefore were the most trustworthy, and true to the old death metal sound. I decided to download all 8 albums and burn to CD to listen to on my Walkman CD player. But when I heard…. when I heard… when I heard…
14 CommentsTags: 2017, bad music, blood duster, death metal, hipster bullshit, Krallice, metalcore, sadistic metal reviews
Thantifaxath – Void Masquerading as Matter (2017)
Squandered potential proves a crueler disappointment than an outright bad effort in many ways especially when so few modern bands even remotely approach the mantle of the greats of the past, and the most recent EP from unfairly described “black metal” act Thantifaxath is as glaring an example of this scenario as one could imagine.
23 CommentsTags: Black Metal, noisecore, post-metal, thantifaxath
Choose Your Own Black Dahlia Murder Adventure, Chapter 3
Brett Stevens and the Black Dahlia Murder were drinking in Brett’s white van. Brett’s book signing for Nihilism: A Philosophy Based In Nothingness And Eternity had gone well. However the hour grew late…
2 CommentsTags: Bolt Thrower, brett stevens, cheetos, deathcore, hamm's, homoeroticism, homosexuality, jolt cola, meta, Nihilism, pipe smoking, poseurs, the black dahlia murder
Destruction Record More Re-Recordings
German eighties speed metal legends Destruction have a new album of pointless re-recorded versions of more of their “greatest hits” coming out November 10th on Nuclear Blast Records. As usual, Hessians should stick to the originals. Varg Vikernes of Burzum even said that Infernal Overkill was one of his favorites.
9 CommentsTags: cash grab, destruction, German Speed Metal, germany, news, nuclear blast, nuclear blast records, rerecording, Speed Metal
Roots of Evil: The Origins of Metal
With the fiftieth anniversary of metal music around the corner, forthcoming years will witness an increase of publications dealing with the history, legacy and defining characteristics of the genre. This could finally resolve the lack of consensus that still exists regarding the definition and origins of heavy metal.
25 CommentsTags: Ambient, article, black sabbath, cream, electronic, Genesis, hard rock, Heavy Metal, heavy metal history, heavy rock, metal history, origins of heavy metal, progressive electronic music, progressive rock, proto-metal, psychedelic rock, punk, tangerine dream, the stooges
Music, Musick and “Ick”
Music serves many roles in our lives, but the one closest to our sense of well-being is a rediscovery of beauty and purpose in the world. While neither is universal, or experienced by all people, the former is closer to the objective, meaning that it concerns the world itself, and the latter is closer to subjective, in that we each find our own path and so our purpose — while a descendant of broader purpose like adaptation, excellence, or knowledge — reflects our discernment and choice of that path in the moment.
24 CommentsTags: art, article, artistry, crypto-indie, ick, lame metal, music, music quality, musick, o9a, occult, Occultism, order of nine angles, richard moult, Satanism, the mutilator, wallpaper music
Carcass 2017 Former USSR Tour
Carcass have been touring almost non-stop over the last few years, playing their “hits” and a few tracks from the awful Surgical Steel, including the ones that rip off “The Hellion” and “Holy Wars”.
No CommentsTags: carcass, Grindcore, hard rock, mainstream metal, news, tour, tour dates, upcoming tours
Accept – The Rise of Chaos Coming Out August 4th
Long running German heavy metal band Accept have a new album, The Rise of Chaos, coming out August 4th on Nuclear Blast Records.
4 CommentsTags: accept, germany, Heavy Metal, mainstream metal, nuclear blast, nuclear blast records, Speed Metal, upcoming album, upcoming release