Sadistic Metal Reviews: 3-21-2017

Some bands have promise; these have veered off the road and are currently charring in a gasoline fire. Will they crawl out? Let’s find out!

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Lucky Charms Metal

Death Metal Underground has received criticism for our review of limp-wristed, warmed-over Swedish heavy metal act In Flames. Our staff called them the Swedish version of Christian glam rock band Stryper. However despite being hard rock, Stryper were actually heavier, more sincere in purpose, and more aggressive than the Comic Sans In Flames. Stryper and the speed metal influenced glam rock of Skid Row were at least far more musical than Fredrik Nordstrom produced melodeaf such as post-Alf Svensson At the Gates, Arch Enemy, Dark Tranquility, In Flames, and Soilwork. Stryper and Skid Row were at least well-versed in 60s and 70s riff rock while directly influenced by Metallica and Slayer:

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Forteresse Announce Récits Patriotiques

French Canadian Gothenburg style metal band Forteresse announced a rehearsal album, Récits Patriotiques, today for all those who care about their boring Gothenburg material that sounds like early Amon Amarth with no tempo changes or variations for beer metallers who do not critically listen to music and prefer to just leave metal on in the background like a heavier version of smooth jazz they can ignore and check in on once every two minutes to see if the band did anything new or are back to scratching their asses. Récits Patriotiques will be released on March 18th, 2017 by Sepulchral Productions on 750 CDs for 750 fundergrounders or hipsters who want to crank frogified Davy Crockett metal to feel special about themselves like kale-flavored ice cream sandwiches. Preorder Récits Patriotiques here if you hate money and wear coonskin caps during sex.

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Darkthrone – Arctic Thunder (2016)


Article by Lance Viggiano

Darkthrone have spent the records FOAD through The Underground Resistance regressing into their pre-Celtic Frost influences. Sensing their customers’ growing unpopularity with this black ‘n’ roll approach, Fenriz and Nocturno Culto try to save face on Artic Thunder by regressing into their own work. The upshot is that nobody but Miller Lite Throne can sell mediocre riffs in cyclical songs as well as these two. The downshift is that they cannot muster enough enthusiasm or energy to play their own ideas with the dedication of a devoted bar-tier cover band.

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Immolation Announce More Death Pop

Immolation announced a new album in their recent style of taking their own material and simplifying or parodying it down into pop rock for a beer swilling speed metal audience who eat up every new Metallica and Sodom record of randomly rehashed tunes. Atonement is the story of Cecilia (Keira Knightley) and Robbie’s (James McAvoy) life turning to hell when Briony, Cecilia’s bratty little sister, falsely accuses James McAvoy of rape. Cecilia and Robbie die horribly but Briony becomes a successful novelist. Ross Dolan insists that Keira Knightley did a great job wearing that green dress in Immolation’s best sounding release to date despite the fact that Dawn of Possession still exists and was recently reissued:

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Ossuary Insane – Possession Of The Flesh (2016)

ossuary-insane-possession-of-the-flesh
Article by Lance Viggiano.

A few years ago a mallcore band named Waking the Harbinger posted demo tracks on Metal Archives. The music was assailed by regulars whose corrective actions coerced the young upstarts into adopting a formulaic approach to Malevolent Creation and Cannibal Corpse tier artistry. Ossuary Insane play relentlessly empty upgraded pizza parlor speed metal with all the bells and whistles of intensity innovated by that movement within the metal tradition.

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Sodom In Context

sodom-1985-moe-ax
Article by Anton Rudrick.

To be fair, one must approach judgement of a legendary and veteran band such as Sodom, with care, so that their present actions are seen in light of the road they have tread. In this spirit, it is appropriate that we go over the band’s career, taking a brief look at each step of their evolution so as to get a picture of how the band came to be as we see it and hear them today on Decision Day. If we are to start from the very beginning, we have to look back to their very first demo released in 1984, Victims of Death, which stands in an area between MetallicaKill ‘Em All and Bathory’s self-titled debut album. Sodom’s first step is closer to contemporary hardcore punk than speed metal, which affords them a certain street credibility.

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Insane – Wait and Pray (2005)

insane-wait-and-pray
Article by Lance Viggiano.

It’s ten thirty, you’ve just park your primer printed Ford Escort next to a mail box. As you approach the house party, you hear the faint but present rolling of open e rumbling which causes your fist to clench; unconsciously clamping the thirty rack of PBR you are carrying with heightened anticipation. As you approach the house, the scent of tobacco and descending drum fills leaks through the cracked garage door while brief phrases of frantic power chords begin alighting a fire deep inside… Insane fun awaits.

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Asphyx debut “Incoming Death”

asphyx album release shows

Asphyx debuted the title track of their incoming Incoming Death on Youtube today and it at least its better than the awful Obituary “song” that came out yesterday. The album comes out on September 30th on Century Media Records which even though they put out a lot of Hot Topic crap, take less of a hacksaw to reissues and classic bands than the toilet scrubbers at Relapse or the “commodify everything retro with EZdrummer” philosophy of Nuclear Blast.

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Metal Curmudgeon: Bolt Thrower’s Blitzkrieg Halts

bolt thrower - realm of chaos cover

Starting in the mid to late Eighties, many of the originators of death and black metal started to commercialize their music into straight speed metal for mass appeal to a bar show, beer metal audience; social concert goers in the uniforms of leather jackets, band tees, and high tops who treated shows as a time to socialize and shoot the shit with their friends while listening to typical bands that never challenged their musical preconceptions or startled them away from their ritualized moshing. Just a few years prior, many of these types would’ve been the same idiots seen in Heavy Metal Parking Lot. While most of their peers moved on from Judas Priest to Motley Crue and Guns ‘n’ Roses, many listened to what was considered an “acceptable” fusion of heavy metal and radio rock played by groups like post-Ride the Lightning Metallica, Anthrax, and Testament.

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