Metalucifer Release “We Are Still Metal Kids” Video

Metalucifer, the heavy metal loving parody side project of Gezol from Sabbat (Japan), released a new video to Youtube from their upcoming split 7″ with Sabbat. “We Are Still Metal Kids” is a  disposable, haphazard parody of NWOBHM bands such as Iron Maiden and Judas Priest just like all other Metalucifer songs . It will also eventually appear on an upcoming album to be released on Iron Pegasus / R.I.P Records. Metalucifer’s previous albums (Heavy Metal Drill, Heavy Metal Chainsaw, and Heavy Metal Bulldozer) and all of their other cash grab releases are all pretty much disposable kitsch but still better than most of the war metal, metalcore, and crypto-indie rock the Funderground attempts to force down our throats.

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Relapse Announce Probably Excremental New Supergroup Expulsion

Sell-out sludge label Relapse Records announced that they have signed a new “supergroup” named Expulsion, who of course have a new record, Nightmare Future, coming out on July 14th. Expulsion features members of grind originators Repulsion, Phobia, party metallers Exhumed, , and the excrement pushers known as Gruesome. Hopefully Repulsion guitarist Matt Olivo brings some actual riffs to Nightmare Future and doesn’t just ape his past success to play double the festivals with double the beer, double the moshes, double the core, double the trends, and double the fun.

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Bangladesh Deporting Krisiun

Bangadesh continued the worldwide governmental war on mediocre speed metal by arranging to deport mediocre Brazilian speed metal band Krisiun for supposedly blaspheming against monotheism and Islam in the lyrics to their music. Krisiun were in the overwhelmingly Muslim third world country to play a sold-out festival. Bangladeshi metal fans should man up and listen to better metal bands now. Krisiun then confirmed that they were special snowflakes who believe in equality for all people, creeds, things, places, trees, and toilet paper brands regardless of their quality, proficiency, or absorbency:

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USA Deports Evil Invaders

Funderground Belgian speed metal band Evil Invaders were deported from the United States according to their Funbook page for not having the appropriate work visas to play a metal festival in Milwaukee. Evil Invaders were not being paid to play the festival. The festival organizers were only covering Evil Invaders plane tickets and transportation cost for the band and their equipment. Since the festival organizers were still charging for tickets and making money, Evil Invaders needed an appropriate work visa, which they did not have, thus they were deported.

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Condor – Unstoppable Power (2017)

Readers can probably infer from the title, logo, and cover of Unstoppable Power that this Condor are not the Colombian heavy metal / progressive rock act. Norwegian Condor plays rocking speed metal similar to the Canadians Exciter and Razor. Riffing is primarily in the Motorhead influenced style of those two mixed with the chromatic, tremolo-picked styles of early Slayer. Leads are Slayerian noise bursts or imitations of Kirk Hammet. Norwegian Condor’s drumming is mostly crusty, background d-beating which lends the music some extreme percussive aggression not found in many 80s speeding oldies.

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Midnight – Shox of Violence (2017)

Midnight are the definition of beer metal. Midnight sound like Motorhead if Motorhead accidentally took tranquilizers and forgot to write chord progressions and progressive minor-key heavy metal leads in their songs. Midnight are Motorhead if when Lemmy got arrested for drug possession in Canada in the early seventies while touring with Hawkwind, Lemmy did not merely get kicked out of Hawkwind and deported back to the United Kingdom; Midnight are Motorhead if the Canadians were really the Soviets who institutionalized and lobotomized Lemmy while forcing him at gunpoint to cart around a potent IV drip of anti-psychotics and sedatives for the rest of his life.

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Sadistic Metal Reviews: Flush ‘Em All

Blood must be shed to atone for the sins of these mostly horrific recordings. Every single person who thought releasing these was a great idea should attempt to give themselves a self-swirlie while under the influence. Banging their head on the porcelain toilet tank lid will knock some sense into them or crack their skulls open. Hopefully the latter.

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ZOM – Flesh Assimilation (2014)


Article by Lance Viggiano.

ZOM is essentially a crust band who starched by a discordant boondock black metal sensibility resulting in parlor tunes to cap off a hard day picking potatoes. Neither being soaked in rye nor smoked out on Dublin can make this release stand out in the fields of barley. The riffs aren’t worth paying attention to and as background music it is simply too assertive so it tends to pinch you if your mood isn’t wearing the right color.

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Sadistic Metal Reviews: 3-21-2017

Some bands have promise; these have veered off the road and are currently charring in a gasoline fire. Will they crawl out? Let’s find out!

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Lucky Charms Metal

Death Metal Underground has received criticism for our review of limp-wristed, warmed-over Swedish heavy metal act In Flames. Our staff called them the Swedish version of Christian glam rock band Stryper. However despite being hard rock, Stryper were actually heavier, more sincere in purpose, and more aggressive than the Comic Sans In Flames. Stryper and the speed metal influenced glam rock of Skid Row were at least far more musical than Fredrik Nordstrom produced melodeaf such as post-Alf Svensson At the Gates, Arch Enemy, Dark Tranquility, In Flames, and Soilwork. Stryper and Skid Row were at least well-versed in 60s and 70s riff rock while directly influenced by Metallica and Slayer:

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