In order to defend our authorship, we have to point out that the Draconis press release came with the following text:
9 CommentsTags: brutal records, draconis
Japan Invents Robot To Rob Automated Convenience Stores
Following the successful rollout of the first automated convenience store, Japan has broken yet another barrier by fleshing out what Nakatomi Corporation calls “the convenience store ecosystem.”
6 CommentsTags: automation, nakatomi corporation
GNAA Brings Libyan-Style Government To America
Having seized the city of Portland after 52 days of rioting, the CHAZ/CHOP collective adopted the Libyan model of leadership seen in the Government of National Accord (GNA) and launched an American equivalent, the Government of National Accord of America, or GNAA.
No CommentsMinneapolis Destroyed In Nuclear Explosion After “White Lives Matter” Banner Found
Defense Secretary Mark Esper invoked the Seventh Trumpet protocol by which United States government figures communicate directly with the population over radio, television, and internet channels simultaneously to announce that, after the discovery of a “White Lives Matter” banner in Minneapolis, the city was erased by a nuclear explosion.
2 CommentsTags: minneapolis, racism
Adramelech Releases Compilation Of Early Demos Recoveries of the Fallen
Finnish death metal wizardy guild Adramelech, together with Xtreem Records, published a compilation of all of its recorded material issued before the first album, compiled as a new release entitle Recoveries of the Fallen for those who like moody, oddball mid-paced death metal with a focus on atmosphere.
3 CommentsTags: adramelech, death metal
Absu Re-Launches As Proscriptor McGovern’s Apsû
After ending Absu earlier this year in response to an attempted political guilt related seizure by a transsexual guitarist, Proscriptor McGovern has relaunched the band with a similar logo, biography, and approach as “Proscriptor McGovern’s Apsû.”
11 CommentsTags: absu, agonia records, apsu, Heavy Metal
Hessian Throws Germany Into Chaos By Resisting Police
Rampant Hessian Yves Rauch baffled the mentally-addled citizens of democracy when he disarmed police sent to interfere with his entirely innocent lifestyle.
15 CommentsTags: ensiferum, yves rauch
Walmart Requires Customers Wear Masks And Bring Shotguns
As America has settled into a new normal of COVID-19 pandemic, race riots, and new civil war levels of violence, Walmart — as America’s most popular store — has reacted by first mandating masks and now, requiring shotguns as well.
3 CommentsChina says those who see China as hostile will be executed
Following previous condemnation of Western criticism of China, first secretary Xi Jinping outlined the new response by the Chinese government.
4 CommentsTags: china, genghis khan, world domination
Ancient Rites The Diabolic Serenades Re-Issued
Belgian death metal battering ram Ancient Rites, who combined heavy metal with mechanistic and Darwinian death metal, have re-issued their debut album The Diabolic Serenades on vinyl via Soul Seller Records. Expect to find this one in your mailbox on July 17, 2020 or thereabouts.
8 Comments
