Exhorder Preview New Song “My Time” For Upcoming Album Mourn The Southern Skies

Truly vicious Speed metal band Exhorder have previewed new song “My Time” after signing to Nuclear Blast(a death sentence in terms of quality for most bands) last year. Those expecting a return to Slaughter in the Vatican level of composition will be sorely disappointed. The last twenty seven years haven’t revitalized the band at all and there is little reason to believe that this exists for any other than a quick cash grab.

The comparisons to Pantera have numbed this band to the point where the band have decided on creating a bizarre mixture of their later albums but with a healthy dose of latter day Exodus to create standard Nuclear Blast Retro-Thrash for people who need even more Shovel headed Kill Machine. The blasts of anger funneled by almost labyrinthine arrangements give way to standard groove metal inspired Speed metal. Now complete with nursery level rhymes for karaoke while you angrily contemplate on taking over area 51. These chugs will put you in the right mood to drink your third can of Monster energy drink before your huge fortnite session. At least glam rockers Pantera had something to prove and could make decent Lite Metallica when they didn’t dance to their breakdowns.

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Hardcore Heavyweight Exposes, Humiliates the Blastbeat Network

A storm is brewing against the BlastBeat Network and its founder, Ben Umanov of MetalSucks. While the tabloids of MetalSucks and Metal Injection have long lost journalistic credibility and have become known as little more than an obnoxious joke, they’ve in recent months made a reckless overreach that has sparked a number of vicious uprisings against them. In threatening Behemoth front man Nergal, they provoked a pre-emptive strike that saw legions of Behemoth fans come against them (in a rare move, they refrained from publishing the story). Their direct involvement de-platforming of Elegy Records and other labels has turned Elegy into a martyr and free speech icon, featured in Breitbart News and drawing the ire of many on the radical right. And now they find themselves again on the receiving end of a brutal savaging, this time from a very well known name in hard/grindcore – Todd Jones, who has performed in Nails, Terror, and the outstanding Boston-style hardcore band Knife Fight.

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/smr/ Sadistic Metal Reviews: Post Black Eulogy (Part 1)

[Join DMU editor Brock Dorsey on the first of a two part massacre of the soy metal sub genre that has bastaradized black metal beyond the belief!  Also, this image is an actual cover from an actual post black metal album- you can’t make this stuff up!]

Post black metal was an embarrassing sub genre of soy metal.  Built upon a foundation of either screamo, pop punk, metalcore, math rock, shoegaze, or avant-garde and fused with the most minimal touches of black metal, post black metal was a flavor of the week(/weak) trend that lasted from around 2009 to 2014.  The genre name is misleading, however, as most bands only claimed to be metal and incorporated only slight touches of metal characteristics before abandoning them completely in future releases.  As indicated by its core standard bearers being dropped by labels, performing terribly in sales and Facebook likes, and being forgotten by fans, post black metal has finally passed away.  As we lay it to rest with one final cremation in the SMR fashion, let us learn from its failings as the future looks to more traditional forms of heavy metal  to restore a once proud genre.

First, we must understand metal history to understand how such an abomination could happen, as Post-black metal followed a number of flavor of the week black metal trends and bands.  The first of these, symphonic black metal, sent many fans of the original (true) black metal genre into a frenzy with their incorporation of gothic influences.  What was to come would be much worse, however, as the soy metal bands marketed as black metal would prove to be far more embarrassing than the Victorian campiness of Cradle of Filth or the industrial meddling of …And Oceans.  The next flavor of the week black metal trend was cleverly concealed in a cloak of static, but the hipsterisms of “depressive black metal” would soon be known to the world.  Time was not kind to the legacy of Xasthur and Leviathan, both of whom are now widely panned against the metal community, as where the thousands of “bedroom black metal” clones who polluted Myspace.  With many short lived flavor of the week trends (such as “Norsecore” and “Cascadian black metal”) and bands (Kult ov Azazel, Inquisition) in between, the soy metal- black metal hybird that was post black metal was the next successful marketing scheme to deceive young and retarded metal fans alike.

Performed mostly by wealthy but useless trust fund kinds from liberal cities, post black metal was to metal as emo was to rock music: feminine, tame, and a complete and utter bastardazation.  Thus, post metal was eventually abandoned by its former fans, spat on by the metal community, dropped by metal/rock record labels, and remembered poorly by music lovers.  Much like how the rent some of its musicians was eventually cut off from their parent’s bank roll, post metal was eventually told to stop leaching off the metal community so that the genre may maintain a shred of dignity.

Brace yourselves for an infernal evisceration unlike aynthing you’ve ever seen before, because in this edition of SMR, we won’t just be sadistically reviewing albums…

 

 

we’ll be sadistically reviewing careers.

 

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Destruction Record More Re-Recordings

German eighties speed metal legends Destruction have a new album of pointless re-recorded versions of more of their “greatest hits” coming out November 10th on Nuclear Blast Records. As usual, Hessians should stick to the originals. Varg Vikernes of Burzum even said that Infernal Overkill was one of his favorites.

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Sabaton Shills For World of Tanks

Military history obsessed Swedish power metal and glam rock band Sabaton is now advertising for and having their music featured in the Belarussian massively multiplayer tank shoot-out game World of Tanks according to BlabbermouthWorld of Tanks is a Russian free-to-play, usually pay-to-win game that plays like a slightly more realistic, team based version of Battlezone. Players can choose to drive hundreds of tanks from the 20th century with the ones recently added to the game that players usually have to shell out to use being slightly more powerful before being nerfed into mediocrity. The game is most popular in Eastern Europe and East Asia among teenage boys.

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Tankard Belch “Syrian Nightmare”

Tankard vomited up a new track from their upcoming album of beer metal, One Foot in the Grave, that’s coming out on June 2nd on Nuclear Blast Records. “Syrian Nightmare” sounds like a lamer version of the already lame modern day Sodom to appeal to social justice warriors and Sally Struthers types. What happened to making dropping payloads of napalm on third world peasant children for crispy, cancerous death sound like trends mosh core fun for people in tight, patched up denim tuxedos and high top sneakers to mosh to? “Feed the Syrian Children” is incredibly boring. War is a natural form of entropy. Why don’t yuppies want to live a healthy, all-natural life style?

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