Uada – Cult of A Dying Sun

Hipster Black metal arrived at the stage where copying from Indie and Post Rock bands was no longer going to work and to distinguish themselves from the rest of the crowd, Uada had to resort to stealing Batushka’s hooded look and the music from the funderground favorite Storm of the Light’s Bane while in arranged in the droning style of Mgla and the like. All of this is sprinkled with every hipster trope possible and the new publicity stunt of “being supposed Nazis” which is a smart way of bringing in Hipster metal to the anti-SJW crowds while playing music that caters to their tastes. The band being formed in Portland which is known as being the hipster mecca should already cast doubts for those who haven’t experienced the pain of listening to such a record.

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Analysis – Mayhem “Life Eternal”

Let us momentarily forget the ridiculous circus act that surrounds the legacy of Mayhem at this time and focus on what earned the band all the praise they deserve. “Life Eternal” provides a particularly interesting example composition because it consists of a collaboration between multiple musicians during the long creative process that led to the release of the album. Featuring the final lyrics Dead ever wrote as a parting gift and some incredible ideas from Varg Vikernes and a large number of ideas from so many other musicians, it encapsulates the original vision that the Norwegian Black metal originally possessed in its purest form.

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New Zine “No Help Came” To Release First Issue

A new underground fanzine called “No Help Came” will feature interviews with the likes of Sammath,Condemner,Into Oblivion,Necronomicon and local Romanian bands should interest Hessians interested in what is going on beneath the funderground. The zine can be followed on Funbook by clicking on this link.

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Lords Of Chaos (2019)

As the Vice Media tag came on, there was no doubt that this movie was going to be terrible. There should be no doubt that this is just a take on the rock star trope while attempting to vulgarize the events that occurred during the Black metal movement in Norway. The movie fails at simplifying the story or even narrating the legendary acts that took place in such a short time. The sets and the music are the only reliable elements in a film that features idiotic directing, non-existent acting and fabrications so far fetched that no sane human would believe them. (more…)

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Desperate Earache records Signs Emo vocalist turned Street Rapper

As the money in modern metal continues to dry up despite various attempts to enter the mainstream through the hipster community. Useless label Earache records has resorted to signing Metalcore singer/guitarist and now Soundcloud rapper Alireza. This should come as no surprise since rap music has become the pop music of the 80s and the Earache fans at this point are pretty much the same people that download Iphone recorded rap. The reek of desperation and the constant barrage of race politics that have entered the commercial metal universe reaffirms the idea that Modern metal is heading towards its grave and it should be a fun ride as even more obvious cash-grabs will appear that will soon alienate the gullible hipster crowds.

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Zloslut – Sahar

Zloslut is a Serbian Black metal that initially consisted of sole founding member Agnarion who had produced all the records by himself but here on Sahar, Agnarion is joined by a full band that changes the dynamic of this album compared to previous works. All the previous rough edges have been rounded out from the production all the way to the riffs themselves. While this does create a certain amount of sterility, it also allows the band the freedom to explore and to develop their own style.

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SMR – Battle upon the Summit of the Mental Hospital

When all the bands that were terrible fifteen years ago still release music, there is no way that the desperation and attention whoring won’t come out in the music. Here are some of the worst songs to curse metal not only in these times but since the birth of the genre itself.

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Retrospective : Artillery – By Inheritance

Artillery are a Danish Speed metal band that have continued to sully their legacy with endless mediocrity that was so boring that even Metal Blade had to drop them in recent years. Despite all their recent shortcomings, Artillery were once an underground Speed metal that released two excellent albums before abandoning the underground in the pursuit of their magnum opus. Inspired in part by their journey to Tashkent in the former USSR which is now the capital of Uzbekistan, the band incorporated oriental sounds, a multitude of different riffs, haunting arpeggios and fist raising Heavy metal to create one of the finest releases in a genre which had already died at this stage.

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Malevolent Creation – The 13th Beast


Malevolent Creation return with an Immolation like attempt to gain new fans by playing simplified versions of their most famous works while simplifying their ideas as much as possible in order to attract as many newcomers as possible. Legendary vocalist Brett Hoffmann recently died after a long battle with colon cancer and though he had left more than 2 years ago, this is the band’s first record with new singer Lee Wollenschlaeger. Mediocrity is combined with constant blasting to make a purely forgettable record.

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Life Failure Fired from Third Rate Website

Communist, anarchist and champion of some of the worst metal to have ever been released, has finally been fired from idiotic “alternative” news outlet Vice. Kelly’s hilarious history has been well documented enough and now even her allies realize that she is a pathetic, neurotic excuse for a human being. “Grim Kim” is still delusional and believes that this is not due to her nonsensical pieces or her writing style that ressembles that of a foreigner coming to grips with the English language. Either way, this marks the end of the mainstream metal Antifa movement that has begun to attack its own heroes Behemoth in a desperate bid to keep itself going. This should be the last any of us hear of the demented crab claw lady. Good Riddance!!!

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